I feel so abnormal...
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Like u said... if there is a will there is a way.
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Originally posted by Zweiz:
most girls i've seen are delusional / confusing like that
So most girls would ask you how they looked today in their ah lian outfit? -
no, they talk/think/act like a specific stereotype while insisting they're anything but
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i like sex
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Don't think of it as a phobia to marriage..
Instead think of it this way instead, I just learn more than 5 ways how a marriage will fail. So in future if you do find the other half who's good, just don't repeat the same mistakes, love yourself first before you love others.
Think simple, and protect yourself.
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Apologies if you feel offended by what i mentioned.
Well you didn't mentioned that, so i take back what i have said. then i just move on with your studies. register for o level then. since you can excel in your ITE days, then perhaps you should gearing up slowly for 'o' level.
just to share smth. Recently, a junior of mine whom was once in normal tech, is currently sitting for 'o' level. she done it with her own effort - self study. i find this rather 'pei fu'. cause from NT to O levels within 2 years by her effort, it is rather amazing. so hopefully u can emulate her. ;)
lol. so young phobia of marriage. no wonder decreasing birth rate these years. jokes. aiya jus don't get involve with that kind of guy can alr wad. no need to be phobia of one. lols.
jus my thoughts ;)
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Huh if your ite results good why dint apply for poly ? Anyway this already shows you can study, so dont worry. Just sit down and plan your next step and do it properly. Like i said, persuade your sis for counselling. Walking a wrong step doesnt mean whole path will be wrong, its time to correct it.
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I think you should concentrate on one problem at a time.
If I were you, I've solve your sis's problems first. Her problems are the most serious and should be addressed immediately. Don't wait anymore, report that bastard to the police, get him arrested and get a protection order. Your sis would be better off emotionally, mentally, physically and financially without him.
Besides, from what you've described, she seems to be suffering from some form of OCD (a psychological disorder), people suffering from this tend to wash and clean themselves obsessively, to the point of hurting themselves. And she sounds like she's suffering from depression too. You'll need to get her to see a psychologist/psychiatrist.
In addition, her kids are still young, and may already be traumatized by what is happening. This would greatly affect them in future, so you need to minimize the damage and even try to reverse it as much as possible.
In short, your own problems (lack of gal frens) are really insignificant as compared to these. Act now, or you might regret it in future.
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To parn : Well , u did not sexpose me. It's because I'm really a girl . I don't need to prove to you do i ? To TTFU : I used to be a grade A student in ITE. After that many problems occur , den my results keep slipping. That's why i don't know whether I can make it to poly anot. . I now dress normally , don't make up anymore . Just some simple girl on the street. To little miss bonkers : Yeah . Its my sis husband suffering from OCD. Not my sister. He's super duper clean freak. Scarily clean. Yup , I definitely don't wanna wait till tragedy happen. Anyway to all peeps , Do let me know if there's any job offer yeah ? I'm looking for job. Gonna be jobless soon cos currently I'm working as a part timer. Thanks for giving me advise and solutions. Deeply appreciated !! (:
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To evolutiondiva: Are you on medication?
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To angel7030 : I'm not sick in the 1st place , why do i need medication ? Oh yeah , is it true that if a person is working in community centre cannot get into trouble even though u are the victim ? Chatted with my sis on the phone yesterday. She forbids me to call the police. WTH. She told me she's working in community centre and that If i blow the matter up she will get fired. Is it true ? I mean to me , her life is definitely much more important than her job !
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Originally posted by evolutiondiva:
1 more thing to add on , my sis husband is a clean freak ! 1 day alone my sister can wash both her hands and legs for more than 10 times.FYI, my sis show me her leg before it can be really dry to the extend that it cracks and bleed. There was once my sister was sleeping it was like wee hours and he wakes my sis up because my sis forgot to clean the stove. He don’t allow my sis to sleep unless she cleans up the whole kitchen ! His husband abuse maid before. Sentence to jail last year and was release this year June on tag because of good character and officially free from jail in August. I can really feel that he is torturing my sister . Be it physically or mentally. My sis even told me something like , ” One day when i gone mad , i might just take a knife and stab him to death and i will jump to death myself. “
I really wanted to help my sister ! ): Please provide me solutions. thanks.
You seem to be able to identify problems quite well. I feel you'll grow up well to be able to help others in future because of what you have seen/experienced yourself, provided you make good choices in your life. Everyone is responsible for their own lives. The people in your family have their inner issues to resolve, but they must want to resolve them. No one can be helped if they themselves don't feel they have a problem, or they don't want to be helped.
As a former poly lecturer, I've come across many youngsters with various backgrounds (not well-off to the very rich) with very messy lives. You are at a very vulnerable age, and you're faced with many problems in your family. But you have to take very good care of yourself, and not mess up your own life, by getting involved with insincere "friends".
For you as a girl, having a bf who brings you trouble rather than truly caring for you, because you feel lonely is a huge risk you have to watch out for. Being lonely for a period of time is better than having a bf and "friends" who are not genuinely caring towards you. When you can present your true inner good self, genuine friends will naturally be drawn to you. But be patient. :)
Be kind to yourself, don't burden yourself with others' problems for the time being, as you are not in the position to help now. Get your essential educational qualifications first. If finances are a problem for your education, there are bursaries that you can apply for. Go out there and see the happier and more positive side of Life, outside of your family.
If you view Life with dark-tinted glasses all the time, you won't be able to see the colourful and bright side of Life, and you won't feel good about yourself or feel happy, and you'll only attract more negative people who can worsen your situation. You have to feel happy first, before happy and positive things can happen in your Life, and then positive people will be attracted to you. ;)
Take care ya! Self-love is what you need now.
Rainbow Jigsaw of Life
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Originally posted by evolutiondiva:
To angel7030 : I’m not sick in the 1st place , why do i need medication ?
Oh yeah , is it true that if a person is working in community centre cannot get into trouble even though u are the victim ?
Chatted with my sis on the phone yesterday. She forbids me to call the police. WTH. She told me she’s working in community centre and that If i blow the matter up she will get fired. Is it true ? I mean to me , her life is definitely much more important than her job !
not only community centre, any other place can also get her fired, leave yr sister alone and take care of your own business and self. -
To angel7030: Leave my sis alone ? What if its your sis ? Do you like to see your own family members being abuse ? Life or money is much more important ? Think again. Different people have different perspective. I know , but in general no one likes to see their own family member get hurt. What if the next time round tragedy really do happen ? I am gonna regret for life. Do you understand ? You can talk so easily , because talk is cheap. It don't happen on you. When u are in other people's shoe or situation , you will then understand how they feel.
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to evolutiondiva, i got no sister, i am an Angel, i may not understand how you feel, but your sister choose the man she loves, that is her problem, dun go and kaypoh kaypoh her family problem, even if you wanted to kaypoh, make sure that you are ok first, if you are abnormal, cannot care for yourself, how on earth are you going to care about other. In life, there are bound to have tragedy, if not ambalance and all those police foreces can close shop liao, even if it happen to me, which is very unlikely, I will look at my ownself first before go and kaypoh about other. U take plane before, didn't the steward taught you that in case of tragedy emergency, take care of yourself first, safety belt on, oxygen mask on before you go take care of other.
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Sometimes, you have to help others first before you can help yourself. In this case, it's TS's family who is in need of help. When a family member suffers, ALL suffer.
So, the saying that "help yourself before you help others", should only be applied to people whose lives do not directly affect you. In fact, it'll be completely impractical not to help her sister, because if her sister becomes unable to care for her kids (due to abuse or insanity or death *touch wood*), then the responsibilty will fall onto TS and her parents. How will they be able to cope? TS will have to struggle with work and babysitting, dun even need to think about furthering her studies.
So TS, good luck, it'll be a tough journey, but if you perservere and put in all your efforts, I'm sure one day you'll find life improving for you and your family.
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You know whats the difference between Kaypoh and helping right ?
Of course you can heck care and pretend nothing happen. But not everyone has the heart to do it. And shes not even abnormal. -
Thanks little miss bonkers. Angel won't understand because she said that she have no sister. I guess she's living in her own world. And angel , TRAGEDY COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED IF THERE'S SOMETHING DONE. TTFU , she's weird lah basically. She's those type can " bu guan jia ren de si huo " as long as she's alive and happy can already. So Selfish. Anyway to all peeps except angel , Thanks for giving me solutions and advise. Greatly appreciated ! (:
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, the one who really help get bashed...nevermind, that is an Angel job.Without me being a devil advocate, you may not truly appreciate what you have and what nice peoples you have around you. I hope all end well for your family and apologise for my teasing part with you, my last advice is that whenever something happens, stay cool and look at all angles, especially from outside the box, do not just look it at face value ya, in this way, you will think better and solve your problem in a better way.
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Originally posted by evolutiondiva:
Thanks little miss bonkers. Angel won’t understand because she said that she have no sister. I guess she’s living in her own world. And angel , TRAGEDY COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED IF THERE’S SOMETHING DONE. TTFU , she’s weird lah basically. She’s those type can ” bu guan jia ren de si huo ” as long as she’s alive and happy can already. So Selfish.
Anyway to all peeps except angel , Thanks for giving me solutions and advise. Greatly appreciated ! (:
Lol
No prob.
And er...I dun think angel means any harm la...most people here just wan you to get past your probs first ma...
And ya, since you've already thought about how you'd wanna resolve this, then go full steam ahead ba.
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Originally posted by littlemissbonkers:
Lol
No prob.
And er...I dun think angel means any harm la...most people here just wan you to get past your probs first ma...
And ya, since you've already thought about how you'd wanna resolve this, then go full steam ahead ba.
so lovely of you...chicken rice on me ya -
Originally posted by angel7030:
so lovely of you...chicken rice on me ya -
And I thought my problems were bad enough but they're nothing compared to what you're facing. It's understandable that with these background problems, you'll find studying quite difficult to focus on although you can also use them to empower your discipline and focus.
Is your father the passive leader of the family or is there someone "in-charge" to make a stand? I think it is important for someone to step up and deliver solid advices to your fellow family members, from your brother and his GF [Living with you and your family members? WTF charity isit!], your sister and her husband [His obsessiveness for cleanliness does not condone the violence] and whichever other relatives that are up to no good.
If not, all you can do is endure and do what you're currently doing, helping in any ways you can and focus on improving your current life. Some people rather be abused/taken advantage of than face a much more drastic change to their life, and by separating husband and wife, you might just cause more damage in the long run.
Other than that, I can't offer any advice which doesn't include slapping all your family members and telling them them to wake up their ideas.
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Originally posted by evolutiondiva:
I’m not gorgeous >.< My dressing although a bit ah lian at times , yet I’m not ah lian. I don’t speak vulgar I don’t swear or curse. My make ups are normal. I don’t really put on heavy make up. I thought if working too much will get drift away from studying ? Than u won’t really have the mood to study any more ? That’s what is happening to my cousins.They took up mass com in MDIS than after that they went to work. So , they subsequently didn’t go for classes and wasted their money. -.-x
Can someone please explain to me what "Ah lian " means or what an ah lian is ? Thanks in advance. My chinese isn't very good -
Originally posted by Gary oak77:
Can someone please explain to me what "Ah lian " means or what an ah lian is ? Thanks in advance. My chinese isn't very good
Oh, let me try,Long ago, in Singapore, when peoples were very poor, there were no jobs other than those hard labour for men and farming for women, even that also hard to find. So, as daughters of that time, unlike today gals like me everything also bo chap, they are mostly very filial piety to parents, they wanted to help their parents in coping up with the family foods and daily expenses, so they went out to work, most work as flower sellers, papaya sellers, match stick sellers, cigarette sellers, sweet sour prune sellers etc etc...and also durian sellers.
They will roam the streets selling their stuffs, so for those selling flowers, peoples will just call, Ah Hua(flower) come here! then those selling durian, peoples will just call, Ah Lian!! come here! selling sour prune was called as Ah Mei, and so on. That was how these nick names arrived. However, pedalling along the street, these gals learned to be streetsmart, they need to be more rough and strong in character in order to survive, so in a long run, people look at them as not ladylike, very rough and talk loud.
That bring us to today, whenever any lady act rough or do not have a ladylike in them, most people label them as Ah Lian, Ah Hua, Ah Mei etc etc...Hope u understand now.
Angel
Historian
former ah Mei