anger
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[quote]Originally posted by Devil1976:
[b]Originally posted by skinnybeanie:
I believe the emotional support part can be something quite lacking in him? I'm not sure to what extent can this be built up into him but I suggest you don't pin high on that? Still afterall, nobody's perfect?
yup, currently trying to accept that he may not be able to provide for me emotionally, esp since he must be having at tough time getting over her...
I sense that he might not be exactly 'man' like you might be expecting from your partner, but your part for him is IMPORTANT... It would SHAPE very much of WHO he would become....
Regarding your need for emotional support... Here're 2 things you can do....
1. Get a FRIEND you can rely on to relate your feelings to...
have a couple of good frens to turn to, hence not so bad. I must also add that i've got quite a few good advices from here too - from you, iceangel & lavender scent. Thanks!
2. SLOWLY show your hubby the 'weaker' and more 'femine' side of you... This can slowly build up this 'ability' of his... But remember not to overwhelm him with your loss over emotions, he probably couldn't take that...? This method is just for you to shape him so that he can be there when ya need just a little extra emotional support... Also, it'll make him a better man to confine in which is also quite important in a relationship...
oh, he do knows i am weaker. I am a crybaby. Thinks i cry too much. Must really learn how to control my emotion.
I'm not exactly sure why he's not replying to your mails. Perhaps it's your content? Or perhaps he just don't like this style of communication? If I am to state, he's definitely someone who prefers a VERBAL communication OVER written ones...? I can sense that both your styles might not be exactly the same, but such are just minor issues of give and take.... The IMPORTANT thing is to get that COMMUNICATION ESTABLISHED?
he prefers to talk, but he tends to get agitated. He used to write me very lovely emails but not now.. I really miss the good ol times. -
thanks, will take heed of your advice.Originally posted by Iceangel:Actually perhaps both of you need to spend quality time together but at the same time spend quality time to have your own space for your own interests. Am sorry to hear that at this moment he needs u to show him more love to get over that woman. He has to be clear that he whatever happened to that woman is not emotionally-binding. He HAS to be sure. Objectively, it could be because he's know uncertain and insecure about both of your future. Qns such as "Would she do the same to hurt me?" "Why is she still willing to be with me?" etc. may run through his mind and hence, he wants to see more concern from u so that he knows he's "safe", really "safe".
Do find a real confidante like Devil said. It's impt at a point like this to have a good friend to rely upon especially since it's mentally very taxing. Sharing with someone will ease your burden and u will not feel so stress when u're facing him at home. When u dun feel so tense, chances of crossing swords with him are slimmer and perhaps you can think more calmly.
When you have to be stronger and you feel frustrated, keep repeating "I will be alright. I am gonna be fine." Take long deep breaths, clinch and let go of your fists. That may help you calm down. Even when you do break down, it will just be gentle tears. That may hit him harder that you need his strength too. Tell him that he is the head of the household and as a woman, you need his strong shoulders to lean on to.
I hope that things will get better for you and am keeping you in prayer. May God watch over you. Smilz
And thanks also for the prayer. Am praying for him and myself too. -
Originally posted by skinnybeanie:
Well... Perhaps he's currently quite occupied with handling his own emotions and work...? You can always remind him of such...? Just say what you would like him to do for you... Or 'It would be nice if you can...." Got the idea?
he prefers to talk, but he tends to get agitated. He used to write me very lovely emails but not now.. I really miss the good ol times.
Hope things are going on fine for you now...?
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i did remind him and also dropped very big hints, but he have not responded.Originally posted by Devil1976:Well... Perhaps he's currently quite occupied with handling his own emotions and work...? You can always remind him of such...? Just say what you would like him to do for you... Or 'It would be nice if you can...." Got the idea?
Hope things are going on fine for you now...?>
I am now on a roller-coaster of emotions, sometimes ok, sometimes v angry but mostly m sad. Just dunno how to get over e betrayal... -
Have you been expressing your 'roller coaster' in front of him...? It could be one of the possible reasons that he's still keeping his 'silence'...?Originally posted by skinnybeanie:i did remind him and also dropped very big hints, but he have not responded.
I am now on a roller-coaster of emotions, sometimes ok, sometimes v angry but mostly m sad. Just dunno how to get over e betrayal...
REMEMBER, what ya do have a GREAT EFFECT on him.....
Regards... -
Temper is something that you can't get rid of by losing it.
quoted from the movie Anger Management -
my anger slowly fizzling out liao. But the bad news is, i fear my love for him also fizzling out.
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Love for someone oftens go on a roller-coaster ride too, especially if the duration is long enough... Don't be too upset about it and somehow be drawn too deeply into this belief of delusion...Originally posted by skinnybeanie:my anger slowly fizzling out liao. But the bad news is, i fear my love for him also fizzling out.
You certainly can work things out on this one probably..?
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i'll give it my best shot!Originally posted by Devil1976:Love for someone oftens go on a roller-coaster ride too, especially if the duration is long enough... Don't be too upside about it and somehow be drawn too deeply into this belief of delusion...
You certainly can work things out on this one probably..? -
i felt the same resentment, anger, frustration and pain in me. Similar thing happened to me. Trying to get rid of scars, but don't think have improved. Willing to give her and us 2nd chance... but sometimes it's just too much to bear...Originally posted by skinnybeanie:my anger slowly fizzling out liao. But the bad news is, i fear my love for him also fizzling out.
Have been restraining myself from blowing up in her face, knowing that by doing so, things are going to get worse.
If you suceed in overcoming this, let me know how u did it. Maybe it might not help in my case, but as least I will feel better reading it. -
sorry to hear that u r facing the same situation.Originally posted by apostate:i felt the same resentment, anger, frustration and pain in me. Similar thing happened to me. Trying to get rid of scars, but don't think have improved. Willing to give her and us 2nd chance... but sometimes it's just too much to bear...
Have been restraining myself from blowing up in her face, knowing that by doing so, things are going to get worse.
If you suceed in overcoming this, let me know how u did it. Maybe it might not help in my case, but as least I will feel better reading it.
Well, i m slowly moving on, may not be progressing v fast, but well, at least thr r some improvement.
What i did is that i try my best to focus on the present and the future. I kept reminding myself again and again that he's left her and that i am the person he eventually married and wanna spend the rest of his life with. And I also told myself that people do makes mistake, big or small. And since i have agreed to forgive him and still love him, we should all move on and not dwell on the past.
Of course, the past still comes back and haunts me but i believe the freqency is gettin lower and lower and there'll come a day which i would no longer feel the pain and anger.
And I suggest u talk to your gf about it. She needs to know how you really feels about the whole issue and that she will have to give u emotional support to get thru this difficult time. She too will have to work hard to gain your trust again and provide u with the security tat a relationship should have. And on your part, you will have to learn to let go. And you too, will have to give her a certain extent of emotional support (dun forget she's human and hav feelings too). The road is long, but if love prevails, it is well worth the journey.
All the best to you. -
cannot be lah...most probbly numb onli....after a while....doing something to savage the situation,ok?take initiiative.....make him guilty about it.Originally posted by skinnybeanie:my anger slowly fizzling out liao. But the bad news is, i fear my love for him also fizzling out. -
thanks, mayb i am just at the low end of the rollercoaster ride... but dun worry, i will work on it. This marriage is v impt to me.Originally posted by harryryan:cannot be lah...most probbly numb onli....after a while....doing something to savage the situation,ok?take initiiative.....make him guilty about it.