got a tanky problem
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i recently broke up with my ex, because i wanted to change him, but failed. now i'm thinking about my ex. i decided to tell my ex what i feel for him, and he told me that he prefer singlehood now. i was disappointed, but nevertheless, i dun have much of a say, because i was in the wrong in the first place to break up with him.
i really wanna go back to him, but i also know that he is very firm about his decision, so he is not likely to change his mind yet. how can i tell him that, what i did in the past was wrong? how can i tell him that i won't tie him down so much, i know that i'm suffocating him then, and now i wanna have another go again, and change whatever that is wrong in the past?
currently, there's another guy who is going after me. from what i can tell, he is quite serious about me. i can't say that i dun have anything for him, because i do feel a little for him. but yet, i dun wish to give up on my ex, if there is anything i can salvage about our relationship.
i dun wanna be sitting there waiting for my ex to change his mind, while i keep rejecting all other guys in my life, if that day is not going to happen.
i just wanna know what is the chance that my ex will reconsider his decision. we have been together for 3 years already.
post script:
comparing the 2 guys (my ex and the current guy going after me),
i love my ex more than the other guy, but the other guy loves me more than i love him. -
Hi fren... give up your ex... he rejected you cos he dun love you anymore... 3 yrs relationship..you gave it up first..he can too!! I know that you love him more than the other guy...but sometimes..he will be the one who will help you forget your ex... if your ex really wanna give you a chance..he will give a hint.. but he rejected you..no point cliging on to him... dun waste your youth...
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Yr case I've seen b4... happen to many of my frens... 1 even got up to 5 yrs! So based on wat I NOE... I see whether can help U or not...Originally posted by winky:i recently broke up with my ex, because i wanted to change him, but failed. now i'm thinking about my ex. i decided to tell my ex what i feel for him, and he told me that he prefer singlehood now. i was disappointed, but nevertheless, i dun have much of a say, because i was in the wrong in the first place to break up with him.
i really wanna go back to him, but i also know that he is very firm about his decision, so he is not likely to change his mind yet. how can i tell him that, what i did in the past was wrong? how can i tell him that i won't tie him down so much, i know that i'm suffocating him then, and now i wanna have another go again, and change whatever that is wrong in the past?
currently, there's another guy who is going after me. from what i can tell, he is quite serious about me. i can't say that i dun have anything for him, because i do feel a little for him. but yet, i dun wish to give up on my ex, if there is anything i can salvage about our relationship.
i dun wanna be sitting there waiting for my ex to change his mind, while i keep rejecting all other guys in my life, if that day is not going to happen.
i just wanna know what is the chance that my ex will reconsider his decision. we have been together for 3 years already.
post script:
comparing the 2 guys (my ex and the current guy going after me),
i love my ex more than the other guy, but the other guy loves me more than i love him.
3 yrs R/S not easy... especially when U 2 got used to each other liao... then when single again SURE will feel "smth" missing... U felt it, I SURE he felt it too... but he adamant in maintaining single... got a few possibilities... either he had oredi intentions of ending dis... or hes 1 type who stands to his decision regardless of da result... (such character & point is hard to come by...) & other reasons...
From wat I noe, wat my frens did... got a few... 1: either be frens wif him (more freedom & can sae anything... no restrictions liao) 2: totally forget him (I tink its harder for gals to do so... gals more emotional...) 3: Give U 2 some time alone to cool down & reflect on dis... (U tink worth it to carry on? or go to da next chapter of yr life?)
My comments here only give U some options... I m SURE there r other options... but in da END its YOU who decide wat to do... so choose wisely...
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Sista... youre only young once...you live only once... y let your life be wasted by a guy?? come on it's time to move on... enjoy your life while you can... do not let a guy pull you down... think bout it... if he'll reallie come back to you den wait... if not dun risk it.... it'll take time but time is the best medicine.... u shldnt be unfair to the other guy who luvs you more den u do... dont ever treat him as a substitute... enjoy your life and youth... you only live once
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dun give up the whole forest for a single tree...
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b single lor
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it is better to be loved more than to love more...
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The question on whether your ex would reconsider the decision, only he knows better than anyone of us here. You should be asking him this. I believe, he is not those wishy-washy type, since he can voice out that he enjoy singlehood now. This also clearly says that he is not afraid of hurting you by saying that. If you want to most true answer to your question, you should ask him directly. Never drag.
In the matter of break-up, if you feel the world has collapsed and you are no longer you because you have lost your beloved half, then it's a sign that you very much still want this relationship, perhaps it's not a too right in breaking up. On the other hand, if you feel a sense of real relief and can immediate feel that you are enjoying so much of the freedom and space, then a break-up is perhaps the right choice.
From here, it seems like your ex and you have a different feel on this after the break-up.
As to the other guy in your life, give you and him more time to realise each other. Don't commit the same mistake again, that's the most important.
God bless you.
lavender_scent -
the root of the issue is that he's not comfortable about you trying to change him..
so if you persist in changing his mind on the breakup, then he'd still think you are putting pressure on him..
let nature takes it's course.. allow him some space to breathe.. if he decided that he want to give the relationship another chance, he'll be back..
meantime, take time to heal yourself and move on from the hurts.. -
me in similar situation except i'm the third party....used to wanna posses her so much....want her to be my gf but after some thinking,,,,if she's happy with him,it will hurt but i will wish them the best.truth is love is not all about possesion,it's about the other person being happy n if she's happy,than it's good enuff for me,serious!!!
n we guys tend to say things we will regret in a relatioship but for pride's sake,we can't take ack our words or say sorry....which is real dumb..... it takes some time before all parties cool down ......make ur decision than not now....rushing is not a good idea....thrust me.... i have learnt my lesson. -
there's a second part to the story, after i told him what i felt (that i missed him, and stuff). he starts to sms me more often and we started to flirt with each other too (flirt as in casual tease in our sms).
i ask my friend about the situation, what could he (my ex) be thinking about. he said that got chance, i need to take it slow with him.
what i did not tell my friend was that my ex sorted of hinted to me that he wanted to have sex with me. i know that sex cannot be used to tie any guy down and there might be a chance that sex is all he's after. but if it can give me another chance, i will. but then again, i dun wish to let the other guy down, if i am going to give him a chance.
if my ex haven't change his character, then i do agree with my friend that he is after more than just sex alone. given his standards, he dun need to go back to his ex just for some ONS. my friend says that i have shocked him too much by suddenly telling him i wanna get back together. so he needs time to think about it. and he is a little egoistic, so, he won't readily agree to get back, after all i was the one who let him down.
how can i know whether my ex is serious in our relationship or just out to get laid for old time sake?
ps: personally, if i dun have anybody who is seriously after me, i'll give it to him. because i do love him and miss him badly, even if he dun love me as before already. -
Don't ever try to change a guy. It will not work.
Read from Her World magazine one. -
Agreed... My mother TRIED to change me... I got MORE rebellious. As U said, wink. TAKE IT SLOW... understand his intention b4 goin further... dun make a move U regret.Originally posted by Honeybunz:Don't ever try to change a guy. It will not work.
Read from Her World magazine one. -
there's this old saying..
women always wondered why men wun change
men wondered why women can change so fast -
I agree wif U TOO!!!Originally posted by Syusaku:there's this old saying..
women always wondered why men wun change
men wondered why women can change so fast
Its such a sad world... dats y dictionary got dis word, "Happy"... -
if he's serious, sex shouldn't come into the situationOriginally posted by winky:there's a second part to the story, after i told him what i felt (that i missed him, and stuff). he starts to sms me more often and we started to flirt with each other too (flirt as in casual tease in our sms).
i ask my friend about the situation, what could he (my ex) be thinking about. he said that got chance, i need to take it slow with him.
what i did not tell my friend was that my ex sorted of hinted to me that he wanted to have sex with me. i know that sex cannot be used to tie any guy down and there might be a chance that sex is all he's after. but if it can give me another chance, i will. but then again, i dun wish to let the other guy down, if i am going to give him a chance.
if my ex haven't change his character, then i do agree with my friend that he is after more than just sex alone. given his standards, he dun need to go back to his ex just for some ONS. my friend says that i have shocked him too much by suddenly telling him i wanna get back together. so he needs time to think about it. and he is a little egoistic, so, he won't readily agree to get back, after all i was the one who let him down.
how can i know whether my ex is serious in our relationship or just out to get laid for old time sake?
ps: personally, if i dun have anybody who is seriously after me, i'll give it to him. because i do love him and miss him badly, even if he dun love me as before already. -
Dear winky,Originally posted by winky:there's a second part to the story, after i told him what i felt (that i missed him, and stuff). he starts to sms me more often and we started to flirt with each other too (flirt as in casual tease in our sms).
i ask my friend about the situation, what could he (my ex) be thinking about. he said that got chance, i need to take it slow with him.
what i did not tell my friend was that my ex sorted of hinted to me that he wanted to have sex with me. i know that sex cannot be used to tie any guy down and there might be a chance that sex is all he's after. but if it can give me another chance, i will. but then again, i dun wish to let the other guy down, if i am going to give him a chance.
if my ex haven't change his character, then i do agree with my friend that he is after more than just sex alone. given his standards, he dun need to go back to his ex just for some ONS. my friend says that i have shocked him too much by suddenly telling him i wanna get back together. so he needs time to think about it. and he is a little egoistic, so, he won't readily agree to get back, after all i was the one who let him down.
how can i know whether my ex is serious in our relationship or just out to get laid for old time sake?
ps: personally, if i dun have anybody who is seriously after me, i'll give it to him. because i do love him and miss him badly, even if he dun love me as before already.
Lady, I apologise for replying this late - however I hope you spare me a minute or two just by listening to what I have to say. I am going to so frank and direct that you will be thinking that I am so fierce, etc - because I don't want you regret and give yourself excuses like nobody did say anything to dissuade you.
There are two guys in the picture - classified as someone you love and someone that loves you. This issue has little to do with the guy who wanted to chase but you have little feelings for - because you have little feelings for him and that the fact is that he won't stand a chance - don't lead him on. Someone that likes you ain't a problem UNLESS you think its a problem or you are the one leading the problem - sort and clarify yourself about this guy first before you move on to any decision (take one problem issue one at the time).
Then it comes to the real picture - this ex of yours. SERIOUSLY, DON'T BE A FOOL! Look! He started to SMS you more and flirt with you with words JUST because he knew you like him - at advantage ground. If he still have feelings, etc - he would have long ago did something - doesn't have to wait until now, which obviously, he has zero feelings for you.
He hinted he wanted sex? He has shown his sly true colour - the lust that he was craving, you as his potential sex object. Why will he sweet talk? Because he wants to enter into you. If you truely love someone - do you think that first thing is sex? HELL NO!
And you would agree to it? Don't be a fool! Come on, give it to him because you love him, etc? Let me put in this in way - my few years of counselling has told me that - YOU WILL NEVER ABLE TO RETAIN HIM. Mark my words and this is not a challenge to prove me wrong, because the risk is far too great.
You want to know why you are so willing to give it to him? Because you feel that you did wrong in the relationship, this gulit in you subconscious influence to think that its worth letting him lust over you even though he don't love you.
This guy you loved years back is already 'dead' - years passed and he has changed. He is no longer the same person although he may look the same, etc. He knows your weakness for him - he knows that you have hurt him and he will make use of this to gain what he wants.
You have made a mistake last time - by accepting his potential offer - YOU WILL BE MAKING THE SECOND MISTAKE. You don't want to move on with your life - he has moved long ago. You want prove? Check out the girls after you, tried jioing, etc - truely you are just a memory of the past.
P.S: There is no such thing as too much free sex. So, 'what given his standard, he won't go back to his ex for sex' is all rubbish. You don't understand guys and is extremely naive too - I am speaking on the basis of an direct stranger, words from directly from your womanly instinct that you have long abandon. If experience is what you need to learn and understand my post: Good luck.
Cheers -
Deleted
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
hey, thanks for the advise. i think you are right.
Dear winky,
Lady, I apologise for replying this late - however I hope you spare me a minute or two just by listening to what I have to say. I am [b]going to so frank and direct that you will be thinking that I am so fierce, etc - because I don't want you regret and give yourself excuses like nobody did say anything to dissuade you.
There are two guys in the picture - classified as someone you love and someone that loves you. This issue has little to do with the guy who wanted to chase but you have little feelings for - because you have little feelings for him and that the fact is that he won't stand a chance - don't lead him on. Someone that likes you ain't a problem UNLESS you think its a problem or you are the one leading the problem - sort and clarify yourself about this guy first before you move on to any decision (take one problem issue one at the time).
Then it comes to the real picture - this ex of yours. SERIOUSLY, DON'T BE A FOOL! Look! He started to SMS you more and flirt with you with words JUST because he knew you like him - at advantage ground. If he still have feelings, etc - he would have long ago did something - doesn't have to wait until now, which obviously, he has zero feelings for you.
He hinted he wanted sex? He has shown his sly true colour - the lust that he was craving, you as his potential sex object. Why will he sweet talk? Because he wants to enter into you. If you truely love someone - do you think that first thing is sex? HELL NO!
And you would agree to it? Don't be a fool! Come on, give it to him because you love him, etc? Let me put in this in way - my few years of counselling has told me that - YOU WILL NEVER ABLE TO RETAIN HIM. Mark my words and this is not a challenge to prove me wrong, because the risk is far too great.
You want to know why you are so willing to give it to him? Because you feel that he did wrong in the relationship, this gulit in you subconscious influence to think that its worth letting him lust over you even though he don't love you.
This guy you loved years back is already 'dead' - years passed and he has changed. He is no longer the same person although he may look the same, etc. He knows your weakness for him - he knows that you have hurt him and he will make use of this to gain what he wants.
You have made a mistake last time - by accepting his potential offer - YOU WILL BE MAKING THE SECOND MISTAKE. You don't want to move on with your life - he has moved long ago. You want prove? Check out the girls after you, tried jioing, etc - truely you are just a memory of the past.
P.S: There is no such thing as too much free sex. So, 'what given his standard, he won't go back to his ex for sex' is all rubbish. You don't understand guys and is extremely naive too - I am speaking on the basis of an direct stranger, words from directly from your womanly instinct that you have long abandon. If experience is what you need to learn and understand my post: Good luck.
Cheers [/b]
he really dun have anything for me except lust. because i just recieve the info from him that he wants nothing more then just a sexual relationship from me. pure lust and sex. no more.
i felt very disappointed with him. the man i know dun exist anymore. guess its time to move on. easier said than done. sigh. total disappointment. -
A dissapointment to learn about someone's true colour - that's a cheaper price to pay than to lose your body.Originally posted by winky:hey, thanks for the advise. i think you are right.
he really dun have anything for me except lust. because i just recieve the info from him that he wants nothing more then just a sexual relationship from me. pure lust and sex. no more.
i felt very disappointed with him. the man i know dun exist anymore. guess its time to move on. easier said than done. sigh. total disappointment.
Phew... was so worried that love may blind you until you think that Yunnie's words are crap. Well, since he have come true about his desire - it should shatter the dream and fantasy you are habouring.
P.S: If you have the strength to retain yourself from moving forward, you have the strength to move forward - afterall, to remain stagnant requires more effort and energy to do so in the long run when the waves come rushing pass.
Cheers -
Sometimes, it's man who gave themselves up and chose to leave the girl this way.Originally posted by Yunhaier:A dissapointment to learn about someone's true colour - that's a cheaper price to pay than to lose your body.
Phew... was so worried that love may blind you until you think that Yunnie's words are crap. Well, since he have come true about his desire - it should shatter the dream and fantasy you are habouring.
P.S: If you have the strength to retain yourself from moving forward, you have the strength to move forward - afterall, to remain stagnant requires more effort and energy to do so in the long run when the waves come rushing pass.
Cheers
(not implying to this case, but there are cases in which guys gave up and lose a r/s) -
really no chance trying to win him over is it?Originally posted by Yunhaier:A dissapointment to learn about someone's true colour - that's a cheaper price to pay than to lose your body.
Phew... was so worried that love may blind you until you think that Yunnie's words are crap. Well, since he have come true about his desire - it should shatter the dream and fantasy you are habouring.
P.S: If you have the strength to retain yourself from moving forward, you have the strength to move forward - afterall, to remain stagnant requires more effort and energy to do so in the long run when the waves come rushing pass.
Cheers
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You wished him to love you, without the lust thing getting in the picture. It works only if the lust thing doesn't get into the picture. The both of you were together once - you made a mistake. There is no more turning back because the fact is that this mistake did happen.Originally posted by winky:really no chance trying to win him over is it?
Grow and learn from this: So that future relationship will be better than to linger with this meaningless guy.
Most of the time, regret can't be replaced by future actions - it just remain there like a cracked vase. Well, if regret can be undone - it wouldn't be called regrets isn't it?
Cheers -
i think tis is going to be the last update. my ex came over to my place just now. we had sex. finish already he went off. okie, i know exactly what you gonna say, that i made a big mistake. but then i agree to have it with him then he told me that its going to be a purely sexual relationship. so, i finish off the deal with him and that is the end.Originally posted by Yunhaier:You wished him to love you, without the lust thing getting in the picture. It works only if the lust thing doesn't get into the picture. The both of you were together once - you made a mistake. There is no more turning back because the fact is that this mistake did happen.
Grow and learn from this: So that future relationship will be better than to linger with this meaningless guy.
Most of the time, regret can't be replaced by future actions - it just remain there like a cracked vase. Well, if regret can be undone - it wouldn't be called regrets isn't it?
Cheers
anymore pursue from him to have another more rounds will be ignored by me.
i am truely heart broke. 3 years of relationship now turn into a free sex session. i am going to muster as much courage and strength to move on. -
pat pat..
truly time to move on...
but are u sure the guy who's chasing after u wun mind all this?