What Does he wants??!!!!
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been thinking lots lately ..
i have a friend whom i know for almost 9 years. A pal whom i guess thru these years carry a touch for me, but we were both attached during our school days.
ONly till last year when we get to see each other more often.. guess he was dumped by his girlfriend (tat's wat he claims)
and i was not really in good shape with my boyfriend (we broke up in the end).
He went for his service after graduation and study part time as well in the evening, he is lucky that he doesnt need to stay in ..
Then, the efforts of spending time with me was noticed. But i did not accept him as i do not want to have any love on a rebound kind of thing.
He understands, but soon we see each other less often. this is the time when i start to grow fonder of him .. he kinda MIA for a few months, then claiming that he is really busy with his work and studies..
I didn't call or msg him either ..
try not to get into his way ...
But this is not for long, i told him what has been bugging me - asked him why the sudden change?
He said he is going away and not want to pull me into the picture. He is afraid that things will not work out since its a long distance relationship. He doesn't have the confidence in it..
i accepted that .. and i drew a line ...
i din take the initiative to contact him after that .
He calls occasionally and we will go out .. sometimes .. getting me so confused with his actions and what he says ..
ONly till recently that i got to know from some reliable source that he has a girlfriend for almost 6 years .. devastated
issit true?
We have no common friends, and there is not one i can ask as to what he is doing .. this is bad ...really bad ..
He often appears when he feels like it and MIA for all he wants after that ... well, that's how i feel.
I do like this person .. but seems like i should give him up .. even as a friend ...
Sigh!!!
VEXED ~
[This message has been edited by Pink Polka Dot (edited 12 February 2001).] -
Actually Dotty, I've been in a situation similar to yours... very similar in fact.
I just hope that my friend doesn't have this same feeling as you, because if she does..
then I'm terribly late in making amends.
I've had this female friend of mine.. since primary school. On and off.. we still bump into each other... I'll be the first to admit that I have a major soft spot for her...
but then, in my case... I'll never do anything about how I feel because, it probably won't work out as a relationship... and if it doesn't work out.. then I'd lose a very dear friend.
I don't know why your friend seems to have lied to you... or how he pops in and out of your life.. it's terribly irresponsible.. and I ashamedly must admit that I tend to do that too... my reason? because I can't juggle the schedules between having a gf and keeping up with all my other friends.
I do miss my friend and I'd do anything for her... in fact, I flew up to Melbourne for a week because I heard that she'd be alone in Oz for her birthday.
But then, some friendships just work this way... and you have to make your feelings clear to the other party, so that you'll know just what both of you are thinking and facing... don't just stop contacting him...
or something like that...
What you have between you and him is special.
Perhaps it has evolved into the most basic kind of love between two people. A feeling that doesn't demand anything from either party.. nor does it expect anything..
Don't just give it up.
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Don't like what I'm saying? Bite me....
but not too hard please. -
for all you know, he could be one of those two-timing jerks. probably is, the way he keeps disappearing, and appearing when he just wants someone to be with.
i`m guessing you should just ignore him, next time he calls. girls are usually way too soft-hearted, after he begs a coupla times, you`re going to go out with him again. Don`t.
let him be the one to do the chasing. if he`s serious, he`ll be persistent enough. make him work for it. make sure he`s serious about you before you waste your time on him. otherwise forget about it and do something else. you can`t waste your life waiting for someone who isn`t going to like you. -
Dimsum..
thanks ... but for all you know, there might be another one out there whom i do not know.
i get jumpy when i see mushy msgs from him .. but then again .. i have to keep telling myself to draw the bold line .. since he was the one who wants it that way.
Can't help it .. sometimes i think he is indirectly the cause of - i broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years .. guess at that point i din know what i want ... decided to take a break from the both of them.. i din start a relationship with this guy after my break up..
My ex boyfriend is still around .. he had another girl after we split - to forget me .. but din work out .. he is alone now ..and so am i ..
gettin back together is almost impossible - after thinking about all the circumstances ..
my parents, relatives etc..
i am kinda tired and afraid to accept others in my life.. though i have been like that for the past year or so .. i have been surviving rather well being alone .. its a good thing i am independent .. thou i do get lonely and upset once in awhile, but i can get by it..
This guy who is appearing and disappearing in my life "X" - many a times i want to give up .. but when the "feeling" is about to fade ... he will re-appear again ...
if i can ever have the courage to tell him off .. but i am not confident enough to do that ...
well... guess its a time and mind game for us .. -
Dreamlord..
as i have said .. if i ever have the courage and the HEART to leave and disappear as well .. that will be the best ..
But all i want is a proper answer ..
i din want to ruin this friendship.. its hard to come by... it started really as friends, only till recently ..
sigh .. really dunno what to do,
he kept emphasising that he doesnt want to start any thing as he is going to study abroad.. believe him? driving me nutz.. haha if i have the money .. i get private investigators to check out on him ... really .. if i can see it with my own eyes, that is if he is attached ... i will LEAVE! -
Well, for a start, why don't u do out and enjoy the fresh air out there?? Why bother to get yourself involved in these type of problems??
Look here. If a guy is not honest, that is to say that if u asl him whether he has a girlfriend and he lies about it, then I believe u know what u can derive here.
There are better guys outthere and trust me, he might not be worth your attention. -
Frankly, from what you're saying.. it seems that you're already ready to make the next move... that would be to get him out of your life. It's a tad sad when things like this happen... you know, when friendships go sour, especially when one party doesn't treat the other right.Originally posted by Pink Polka Dot:Dimsum..
thanks ... but for all you know, there might be another one out there whom i do not know.
i get jumpy when i see mushy msgs from him .. but then again .. i have to keep telling myself to draw the bold line .. since he was the one who wants it that way.
Can't help it .. sometimes i think he is indirectly the cause of - i broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years .. guess at that point i din know what i want ... decided to take a break from the both of them.. i din start a relationship with this guy after my break up..
My ex boyfriend is still around .. he had another girl after we split - to forget me .. but din work out .. he is alone now ..and so am i ..
gettin back together is almost impossible - after thinking about all the circumstances ..
my parents, relatives etc..
i am kinda tired and afraid to accept others in my life.. though i have been like that for the past year or so .. i have been surviving rather well being alone .. its a good thing i am independent .. thou i do get lonely and upset once in awhile, but i can get by it..
This guy who is appearing and disappearing in my life "X" - many a times i want to give up .. but when the "feeling" is about to fade ... he will re-appear again ...
if i can ever have the courage to tell him off .. but i am not confident enough to do that ...
well... guess its a time and mind game for us ..
I guess the most important thing when you're in a situation like yours, is to make sure that you're constantly aware of what's going on in your mind and the body language that the other person is conveying. If he's outrightly flirting, for the sole purpose of messing with your mind then drop him. If he isn't doing it on purpose, but there's actually an attraction there... then painful though it might be, I know I'd bear with it.
I believe that we are moving like orbiting stars in our lives, once in a while, our paths will cross and for that period of time, we'll be close again... then it fades off after a while. You never know when the time comes for him/her to pop into your life again, but you tend to recognise the signs after a while (I believe in signs too..
)
I'm actually meeting this friend of mine again tonight. By some chance, I saw her when the MRT whizzed past today... so I ran to the carriage. It really was her! We're going out tonight. So life does move in mysterious ways, of all the trains and all the timings.. I had to meet her today.
Take a look and see.. and don't be surprised by what you might find.
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Don't like what I'm saying? Bite me....
but not too hard please. -
har har.. private investigators are expensive .. and even if he isn`t attached, he`s probably just playing with your feelings. if he was serious, he should have made a move a long time ago.Originally posted by Pink Polka Dot:Dreamlord..
as i have said .. if i ever have the courage and the HEART to leave and disappear as well .. that will be the best ..
But all i want is a proper answer ..
i din want to ruin this friendship.. its hard to come by... it started really as friends, only till recently ..
sigh .. really dunno what to do,
he kept emphasising that he doesnt want to start any thing as he is going to study abroad.. believe him? driving me nutz.. haha if i have the money .. i get private investigators to check out on him ... really .. if i can see it with my own eyes, that is if he is attached ... i will LEAVE!
as a guy, i can tell you that waiting for a guy like that is really not the way to get him to go after you. he`s feeling that you`re a backup .. he`ll only go after you if he can`t get the girl of his dreams .. and i`m sure that`s not what you want, cos he`ll never really love you for who you are.
really, just walk away from it. it`ll be painful, it`ll take time, but you should forget him. if anything ever happens in the future, it is better that it not start from this kind of footing.
meanwhile, just wish you luck in finding someone who can really appreciate you for who you are. -
dreamlord,
the complicating part is .. he knew that i broke off with my boyfriend.. at that time, i see him almost every week.. sometimes he can even drive from his home to mine and wave wave from downstairs (like romeo and juliet) hahahah
He picks me from office and bring me out for supper and send me home?? i mean .. if i dun mean anything .. will he do all that?
(sometimes.. i do think that he just want company)yah? - well, even till now ..he does all these once in awhile
anyway.. he was showing me sincerity and all in the beginning .. hoping that i will accept him.. but i din. guess he grew tired after almost half a year..
tomolo is V day... not expecting anything ..and i told myself not too...
curb to tell myslf not even to msg him at all ...
i still want to be level headed as to what to do .. it aint easy giving up when you do have feelings for this someone ..but i guess its fate ;D -
Larry,
thanks... i have tried .. but guess after a 5 year relationship .. i have grown more inwardly .. i have lost most trust in relationships .. guess i will need sometime to pick it up again .. hope i will not be toooo old by then..
i hope my ex boyfriend is fine too .. life still need to go on rite? -
Dimsum..
thanks again..
i believe alot in signs... crazy over them actually ... i know its difficult ..but it has to start somewhere.. and i think it gota start from me.. since he is too confused .. i will be the one who draw the line..
i will continue to stand firm till he reappears .. i will see what he gota say.
Platonic friends..
Mmm.. whats your star sign?
* you must be pretty elated to see the girl huh? well.. best of luck .. this is fate Happy V day -
I'm a Capricorn.Originally posted by Pink Polka Dot:Dimsum..
thanks again..
i believe alot in signs... crazy over them actually ... i know its difficult ..but it has to start somewhere.. and i think it gota start from me.. since he is too confused .. i will be the one who draw the line..
i will continue to stand firm till he reappears .. i will see what he gota say.
Platonic friends..
Mmm.. whats your star sign?
* you must be pretty elated to see the girl huh? well.. best of luck .. this is fate Happy V day
Actually, in referral to your previous post regarding picking you up for supper, and then sending you home.. it's funny, but then, I do that with this female friend of mine all the time too. In fact, she doesn't like me to send her back... so we have lotsa fun arguing about it (I have fun, at least!)
I don't see what's wrong with sending a girl back home at night. I mean, I'd rather take the long trip home than to regret if anything were to happen to her.. or fret about "what if" something were to happen to her. Guys just worry sometimes about girls...
Sounds like the guy is a whole bunch like me.. *chuckles* That's not a very good thing... you give me an insight on what I'm doing wrong.
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Don't like what I'm saying? Bite me....
but not too hard please. -
what`s gone is gone .. its difficult to move on, but .. Move On .. i mean .. i oso bring my frens out for dinner, supper, but it dun mean anything. they know dat to .. its just to talk .. keep updated .. part of being a regular fren .. not that its anything special.Originally posted by Pink Polka Dot:dreamlord,
the complicating part is .. he knew that i broke off with my boyfriend.. at that time, i see him almost every week.. sometimes he can even drive from his home to mine and wave wave from downstairs (like romeo and juliet) hahahah
He picks me from office and bring me out for supper and send me home?? i mean .. if i dun mean anything .. will he do all that?
(sometimes.. i do think that he just want company)yah? - well, even till now ..he does all these once in awhile
anyway.. he was showing me sincerity and all in the beginning .. hoping that i will accept him.. but i din. guess he grew tired after almost half a year..
tomolo is V day... not expecting anything ..and i told myself not too...
curb to tell myslf not even to msg him at all ...
i still want to be level headed as to what to do .. it aint easy giving up when you do have feelings for this someone ..but i guess its fate ;D
its v-day today already .. see if you can jio some female frens out for a movie and a drink .. its a lot easier to forget him if you have something to do .. instead of sitting down and having nothing to do. go party or something. nowhere to go let me know .. recommend you a few nice places. heh. -
kofguy:
i know it appears simple for you ..
the point is if he did express his feelings .. and said that its hard for him to draw the line sometimes ...
how can i tell its for 100% solely FRIENDSHIP? -
Dreamlord:
i treat it as a gone case for me ..
anyway ... i am coping ok as long as he doesnt appear in my life and do or things which i think he has other intentions... i work and work .. and i have plenty to keep myself occupied ..
life is never that beautiful.. but i am making the best out of it .. thanks=)
mmm.. how old are you? -
[QUOTE]Originally posted by DimSum:
i have the same sign as you too ..
yes i agree with platonic friends as in they send you home ... bring you out for supper etc etc .. but if all the above is tagged with words that need to be explained .. actions that need to be analysed .. its a whole different story ..
you see.. that's my fear .. i dun like him to su ka su ka come and fetch me ..then behave wierdly .. sigh ...
see what i mean?
mm... someone who has the same sign as me .. gota know you better... =)
thanks again . . -
Just to tell u a little bedtime story.Originally posted by Pink Polka Dot:Larry,
thanks... i have tried .. but guess after a 5 year relationship .. i have grown more inwardly .. i have lost most trust in relationships .. guess i will need sometime to pick it up again .. hope i will not be toooo old by then..
i hope my ex boyfriend is fine too .. life still need to go on rite?
I got to know my ex-gf in my college days and we went steady when I was in National Service. When I start to embark my service days as a combat personnel, duties and responsibilites became heavier and heavier. I failed to book out during weekends and the frequency of going out with her became less and less.
Nevertheless, I tried to call her during weekends whenever I could from my campus. Too bad she doesn't hold a hp or a pager. I could only call her hostel now and then. As her hostel was just near my campus, I could cycle there now and then during my free time just to see her, but she's seldom around.
She broke up with me eventually on my birthday, when I was in Pulau Tekong for training by paging me(finally). She claimed that my vocation was very free according to a friend of mine. Well, I have to accept the fact that since she's gone, she's gone. I took the "offer".
Should I trust women from there on?? I was with her for only a year, but trust me, the affection is there. What I could do is to forget her and move on. I hated her for a while, but after 3 days, I got over with it.
It can be done, trust me. -
Pink polka dot:
I was just wondering, is it becoz u initially have feelings for him some time before, (maybe he's ur first love or something) that's y u feel so troubled... I mean if he's just a normal friend to u, he will be like any other friend who will send u home. I doubt u will be so confused if he has been just a normal friend liking u. Am I right???
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Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear -
Ahh.. a fellow goat. ;DOriginally posted by Pink Polka Dot:[QUOTE]Originally posted by DimSum:
i have the same sign as you too ..
yes i agree with platonic friends as in they send you home ... bring you out for supper etc etc .. but if all the above is tagged with words that need to be explained .. actions that need to be analysed .. its a whole different story ..
you see.. that's my fear .. i dun like him to su ka su ka come and fetch me ..then behave wierdly .. sigh ...
see what i mean?
mm... someone who has the same sign as me .. gota know you better... =)
thanks again . .
Alright, here's the thing... you're affected by all these situations and encounters because of one major failing, I've done it before too... it's called "reading too deeply between the lines"
When you try to decipher every thing he says or does, you get tensed up.. and sometimes, it might not be him who is acting strangely.. but rather it is a reaction derived from your behaviour towards him.
If you're planning to not let him mess up your emotions, then do it once and for all.
Take a firm stand, and treat him like a friend. He might be doing the same to you, because some friendships are able to pick up from where they leave off...
Think about it. If you were right, and he is interested in you. Would the two of you really be compatiable in a romantic relationship? Maybe compatiable isn't the word I'm looking for.. how about this...
"will the relationship work out into something that's worth exchanging 6 years of friendship for?"
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Don't like what I'm saying? Bite me....
but not too hard please. -
yep .. i think you got my point there .. concept of throwing out the junk and excess baggage so you can keep your place simple, tidy and spacious .. work can help to a certain extent, but really, do go out with your friends, esp weekends or something.Originally posted by Pink Polka Dot:Dreamlord:
i treat it as a gone case for me ..
anyway ... i am coping ok as long as he doesnt appear in my life and do or things which i think he has other intentions... i work and work .. and i have plenty to keep myself occupied ..
life is never that beautiful.. but i am making the best out of it .. thanks=)
mmm.. how old are you?
as for life being beautiful .. well .. standard day of wake up at 6, off to office .. finish at 6 or 7 , dinner and home again .. it does get boring after a while .. i guess the beautiful parts are the memorable parts .. for me, probably times with my good frens, with the people i have loved, times spent travelling, on beautiful mountains counting shooting stars, shopping down champs d`elysee and sixth avenue .. its memories more than anything .. and the fact that you know that there are people out there thinking of you.
as for how old i am .. well .. pretty old, i guess .. old enough to get into most pubs ard .. singaporean, already finishing fourth year uni and have my own dotcom .. go figure.
yep .. promised to intro u some nice places to go .. u like restaurants or clubs ? what kind of food / music / ambience you like ? i guess my latest spot is that place opposite fullerton hotel, beside collyer quay, with pierside, black angus and gloria jean`s. its breezy and a real beautiful place to watch the sunset from .. right now still relatively undiscovered .. it`ll only be a matter of time before it becomes crowded.
hope you`re better already, though.
[This message has been edited by Dreamlord (edited 15 February 2001).] -
Larry:
It will be completely easy if he gets out of my life too.. i.e if he doesnt calls me anymore .. cus i am not taking the initiative..
as i have mentioned - if he doesnt appear suddenly and treat me like one of his steady girlfriend ..i will be grateful..
i got pissed becus he actually asked if he could kiss me.. get it? he was the one who say to draw the line ...and he has the cheek for such a request .. i was pissed ..and just walked away.. see what i mean?
i abide the rules of the game.. but he is not .. thats what i am angry about ..
i rather not be his friend anymore ..
there isnt trust anymore .. -
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Dreamlord:
thanks... i am indeed better ... when i dun get to see him
anyway .. i am rather homely ..furthermore ..i am stuck with load of work in the office ..so i am quite tied up ... never like to visit pubs.. stinks ..
prefer cafes better...
4th year uni ... ok ... guess you are still below 30.. nah .. not that much older that me...
thanks for the encouragement .. i will look towards other committement ..
till then you take care too ... cheers.. -
[Bear:
Nah! i do hope things are that simple .. well you see .. we gota know each other on the street ... when i was much much younger ..
we only contacted thru cards for the past 6 years or so .. sometimes we go out in a group .. but usually with MY friends...
sing song!
I was with my boyfriend and he was with his when we entered the teritiary level ...
we still keep in contact ..
only till recently when i was off with my boyfriend did he confess and told me how he feels about me .. but i was not ready for another relationship.. i kinda pushed it aside.. he didnt push any further .. but somehow ... certain things he does .. make me start to think, slowly ... i did have a bit of liking after all these months .. but he changed .. he told me about his feelings, how confused he is ...but i guess he just do not want committement ... its complicating .. trust me! -
DimSum:
Guess so ... anyway ... i am not trying not to let him affect my life .. though i would really love to know if he has a girlfriend when he is trying to court me ... anyway ..
guess its the thing of the past ..
i hope i can erase all this ... and get on ..
but to like a person .. its easy .. but to forget a person .. its almost a lifetime ..
especially when i am a very very down to earth person ..i am too much of a thinker ..
wish me luck ;D
Ahh.. a fellow goat. ;D
Alright, here's the thing... you're affected by all these situations and encounters because of one major failing, I've done it before too... it's called "reading too deeply between the lines"
When you try to decipher every thing he says or does, you get tensed up.. and sometimes, it might not be him who is acting strangely.. but rather it is a reaction derived from your behaviour towards him.
If you're planning to not let him mess up your emotions, then do it once and for all.
Take a firm stand, and treat him like a friend. He might be doing the same to you, because some friendships are able to pick up from where they leave off...
Think about it. If you were right, and he is interested in you. Would the two of you really be compatiable in a romantic relationship? Maybe compatiable isn't the word I'm looking for.. how about this...
"will the relationship work out into something that's worth exchanging 6 years of friendship for?"
[/QUOTE] -
yep .. i`m perfectly happy the way i am .. hope you`ll be fine too though .. got any other thoughts / problems just post a thread n i`ll try to help. and cafes .. try one fullerton. nice cafe there.Originally posted by Pink Polka Dot:[QUOTE]Originally posted by Dreamlord:
thanks... i am indeed better ... when i dun get to see him
anyway .. i am rather homely ..furthermore ..i am stuck with load of work in the office ..so i am quite tied up ... never like to visit pubs.. stinks ..
prefer cafes better...
4th year uni ... ok ... guess you are still below 30.. nah .. not that much older that me...
thanks for the encouragement .. i will look towards other committement ..
till then you take care too ... cheers..
btw, my company is having a party at zouk/phuture/velvet next sat .. hope you can drop by .. open invitation to all at AA .. zouk next saturday night .. only thing is gotta be above 18.
[This message has been edited by Dreamlord (edited 17 February 2001).]