my best fren fell for a married man who toyed her..
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my fren who is onli 18 this yr is facing a big problem.she fell for this 27 yr old guy who is such a bastard..engaged already but still filrting around wif gers..the 2 of them had a v complicated story that i am not too sure abt too.. they are more than frens, behaving like a couple, yet not a couple.. recently, the wife of that man found out n was really furious.. of cos as expected, the man returned back to the arms of the wife, leaving my fren alone..n started to ignore her.my fren is really really upset n she really love this bastard so much that she even attempted suicide..v v silly of her.. i tried all my best as a fren to help her..i mean from the start i alrady warned her abt it but she is just too sturborn to listen to any of us.. so now, she's suffering.. refusing to do anything..n dunwan to eat.. at this moment, i cannot be blaming her for wat she did already, n really wanna help her, but wat should i do? she just refuse to let that man go.. argh!!!~
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Well, give her time to realise the truth but keep a close watch over her in case she does something stupid.
If she is unwilling to listen, try reaching her in another media. Send email, write letter, icq, sms or something.
If really can't knock any sense into her, just let her know you will always be here for her.
Knowing that you care so much for her is the biggest consolation to her.
Sorry I can't help much but don't worry, hopefully it will be temporary and she can get over it soon.
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**I want u to be with me.....
be with me in the morning...be with me in the nite...with me when its dark out...with me when its light...
I want u to be with me...no matter what we do...just keep this reminder...of how much I love u...** -
What can u do? As a gd frd, there's also a limit to what u can do for her. If she also regard u as a gd frd of hers' she will stop and listen to u. Juz calm her down and talk to her nicely. I knw love may b blind, but strong frdship is built up thru a lot of hardships so she shd understand ur concern for her. Anyway, she's also an adult, I guess, shd be able to distinguish right form wrong, don't worry so much, juz give her some time to wake up...Originally posted by joanne:my fren who is onli 18 this yr is facing a big problem.she fell for this 27 yr old guy who is such a bastard..engaged already but still filrting around wif gers..the 2 of them had a v complicated story that i am not too sure abt too.. they are more than frens, behaving like a couple, yet not a couple.. recently, the wife of that man found out n was really furious.. of cos as expected, the man returned back to the arms of the wife, leaving my fren alone..n started to ignore her.my fren is really really upset n she really love this bastard so much that she even attempted suicide..v v silly of her.. i tried all my best as a fren to help her..i mean from the start i alrady warned her abt it but she is just too sturborn to listen to any of us.. so now, she's suffering.. refusing to do anything..n dunwan to eat.. at this moment, i cannot be blaming her for wat she did already, n really wanna help her, but wat should i do? she just refuse to let that man go.. argh!!!~
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Hope to b your frd forever, Mike signing off -
It takes time to heal the wound of ur friend.Nobody could help her if she herself dun want to help herself.Gif her time & own space to learn from her mistake.It is part of growing up,she has to learn to take it & learn from the mistake.She may not realise ta t there is still friends like u who are very concern about her.When time goes by she will know who are her True friends ard her.
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It's difficult to get over a failed relationship especially in this complicated situation.Juz let her be alone for a while and hopefully she will get over it.When she needs someone to talk to,juz be there for her.Most important is not that guy come back into her life again.Some jerk do that.
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yah, me n my frens gave her time..when she was feeling just a little better..that jerk came back n "hook" her! now she is all confused agaiN! argH!!! that bastard!!! i alrady tok to her nicely, i mean sat down n really try to talk her thru wif another best fren..but she is just too naive.. n sturborn..haiz..we tried all ways!!!
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Partially TRUE... It takes TIME to HEAL her...Originally posted by ZiZi:It takes time to heal the wound of ur friend.Nobody could help her if she herself dun want to help herself.Gif her time & own space to learn from her mistake.It is part of growing up,she has to learn to take it & learn from the mistake.She may not realise ta t there is still friends like u who are very concern about her.When time goes by she will know who are her True friends ard her.
But there's just another thing TIME is capable of..... DESTROYING her.... Yes, no doubt she may learn that there're FRIENDS who care for her eventually.... Hmm... Might be out of the point here....? Hmm..... No offence... Just a few thoughts...
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ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
Don't BET too early on that... It's as good as seeing someone in the water and asking him/her to 'kick or DROWN'.... YES... MOST people kicks... BUT STILL... Some people just DROWN.....Originally posted by mikegk_76:What can u do? As a gd frd, there's also a limit to what u can do for her. If she also regard u as a gd frd of hers' she will stop and listen to u. Juz calm her down and talk to her nicely. I knw love may b blind, but strong frdship is built up thru a lot of hardships so she shd understand ur concern for her. Anyway, she's also an adult, I guess, shd be able to distinguish right form wrong, don't worry so much, juz give her some time to wake up...
"When DEATH is in your face,
you DON'T BREATHE... You just SWALLOW...."
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ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
Can I meet you...? Can I see her...? Can you arrange so that I'll have a chance to get to talk to her please? I think I have at least an 80% chance to convince her....Originally posted by joanne:yah, me n my frens gave her time..when she was feeling just a little better..that jerk came back n "hook" her! now she is all confused agaiN! argH!!! that bastard!!! i alrady tok to her nicely, i mean sat down n really try to talk her thru wif another best fren..but she is just too naive.. n sturborn..haiz..we tried all ways!!! But still, it's up to you (as a friend to decide)...? Just introduce me as a 'friend' (of yours) will do..... Thanks....
If you decided NOT to contact me for now but change your mind later but STILL feel free to do so..... Here's my e-mail [email protected]....
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ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
Oic, the man came back, what does he actually wanna get out of this relationship? He's really a jerk, mayb ask your frd to go overseas with u, together with some frds so that he had no chance to find her for the time being and hope that your frd can straighten things out a/f that, how abt that? Vacation time approaching mah..Originally posted by joanne:yah, me n my frens gave her time..when she was feeling just a little better..that jerk came back n "hook" her! now she is all confused agaiN! argH!!! that bastard!!! i alrady tok to her nicely, i mean sat down n really try to talk her thru wif another best fren..but she is just too naive.. n sturborn..haiz..we tried all ways!!!
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Hope to b your frd forever, Mike signing off -
*sigh*....why jerks exist in this world??And why girls always fall for jerks when there are many gd guys out there???It's like typical drama where the jerk will come back and sweet talk his way thru.hmm...maybe can arrange a session where all the guys here can give that jerk a good "blanket party". juz kidding.... i can only suggest u try arrange to meet that jerk and tell him to leave ur friend alone.
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hmm..i dun think i can get her to see u devil1976..sorrie... going overseas wif her is a gd suggestion but i am schooling.. got exams coming on after the vacation so it's like n vacation for me! argh. then not too long ago, she went overseas twice n it doesnt seems to help much too.. hmm.. yah, i am really thinking of meeting the guy n gif him a thrashing but then i think that my fren wouldnt be too happy abt it.. n i may afraid the guy might be pissed off n do more harm to her!
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Making her go on overseas trip DON'T always work all the time.... ALOT would depends on what's on her mind... If she just can't get the 'load' off her mind, arranging trips for her would ONLY create more additional time to DWELL on her problems...Originally posted by joanne:hmm..i dun think i can get her to see u devil1976..sorrie... going overseas wif her is a gd suggestion but i am schooling.. got exams coming on after the vacation so it's like n vacation for me! argh. then not too long ago, she went overseas twice n it doesnt seems to help much too.. hmm.. yah, i am really thinking of meeting the guy n gif him a thrashing but then i think that my fren wouldnt be too happy abt it.. n i may afraid the guy might be pissed off n do more harm to her!
BASIC 2 APPROACHES:
1. Swift her CONCENTRATION:
Let her concentrate on some other stuffs so that time could wash things off more efficiently... It's like taking a 'drug' on a medication period...
WOULD WORK: Only if she's those more optimestic type. OR something during that period of time really catch her attention and KEEP HER OCCUPIED.
NOTE: Might turn out to be a 'superficial' solution or temporary solution as IDEA might RESURFACE later.
KEY: Learn to 'let go'.
2. Make her FACE IT:
Make her confront the reality and problem. Usually a PAINFUL process but she should tends to grow STRONGER thereafter.
WOULD WORK: Only if she's MATURE enough to think or deal with the situation.
NOTE: DO NOT force her TOO DEEP into FACING the problem if it really don't deem fit. As EFFECTIVE this method can be, it can ALSO proves to be as LETHAL.
KEY: TAKE IT as a lesson in life. Life is a BIG BOOK, it usually don't ends at a CHAPTER unless you've come to the end of the book. (You don't PRESUME it's the end of the book. Only the 'author' can determine so.)
"Learn to live?
LIVE 2 LEARN..."
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ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
Better don't go and find if not u might b a victim then, stay clear of that guy, juz make your frd understand and wake up from her predicament. This type of guy ain't any "gd guy" therefore u will encounter a lot of problems once u go and find him, who knws? He may then target at u after meeting u. Be careful loh. Anyway, don't b too troubled cos u shd hav already done what u shd do as a frd loh, juz depends whether your frd listens or not.Originally posted by joanne:going overseas wif her is a gd suggestion but i am schooling.. got exams coming on after the vacation so it's like n vacation for me! argh. then not too long ago, she went overseas twice n it doesnt seems to help much too.. hmm.. yah, i am really thinking of meeting the guy n gif him a thrashing but then i think that my fren wouldnt be too happy abt it.. n i may afraid the guy might be pissed off n do more harm to her!
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Hope to b your frd forever, Mike signing off -
Yoz... I dunno if anyone tried this before and I think it's the best solution to the root of the prob... of coz being by her side is a must and consoling her.. on the other hand, maybe can try telling that guy's wife.. but it will haf to be done very tactfully and of coz has to be let the wife in total trust wif ur fren and u... maybe the other pple in the forum can gif suggestion to this??
I really think this sort of thing the guy shud not even have a place set his foot on... better let him sink...
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( 'o' ) Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear
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hmmm...getting that's jerk's wife involve might be a gd try but i still believe everything will be useless if her friend continues to act like an idiot(pls forgive me for using such a strong word).No doubt love will cause one to lost his/her sense of logic but there's a limit.How can she not realise that jerk is fooling around with her after so much things have happened??
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Don't mind if I have to put a word into this reply of yours. No offence to you but just directing this to your reply.Originally posted by Bear:Yoz... I dunno if anyone tried this before and I think it's the best solution to the root of the prob... of coz being by her side is a must and consoling her.. on the other hand, maybe can try telling that guy's wife.. but it will haf to be done very tactfully and of coz has to be let the wife in total trust wif ur fren and u... maybe the other pple in the forum can gif suggestion to this??
I really think this sort of thing the guy shud not even have a place set his foot on... better let him sink...
1st of all, I think Joanne is really just looking for a solution for her friend. No doubt what you've offered MAYBE a possible solution but it also MAY NOT be.
Misleading point here. We don't really know what is going on between Joanne's friend and her friend's married bf (or EX so to call.) Nobody should harshly make comments on either of them. The SIDE is CLEAR as the OBJECTIVE is also rather CLEAR. But don't PRESUME.
And all along we have been hearing 'one sided story' of this lady. No offence. Not that I mean to say that she's lying. But her friend might not be telling the complete truth? As far as I'm concerned, the whole story won't be as simple as ABC.
The solution you offered MIGHT WORK. I'm NOT saying it won't. But have you also considered? The wife might have know about this whole affair already? What if the married guy has children and a family? What would happen to the innocent children then? What if the wife don't know? What would happen to her?
I say there's really no need to set the fleets on fire unless it's really the last straw. I can see the possibility of MORE PROBLEMS arising from there. Just like I believe that there're ALOT of warm-hearted people like you in here trying to help out the others, harsh moves could only indirectly create more problems. Who would solve them then? A SOLUTION should be one which can resolve the situation with MINIMAL EXTERNAL EFFECTS done.
If the guy's family is DESTROYED (Even IF he really deserves it?), he would be at ZERO TERM. A guy at ZERO TERM is DANGEROUS. You won't know what he can do to you.
A piece of advice... Look at my signature...
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ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
hmm..actually the bastard's wife already noe abt the whole matter thats y that bastard wanna break up wif my fren in order to salvage his marriage. from wat i heard from my fren, this is not the first time that bastard go out n filrt!! haiz.. actually i am not too sure abt wat really happened b/w them.i just noe that it hurts alot to see my fren suffering like hell now.. n as a fren i cannot help much! thanks for all the advices.. well, my fren doesnt dare to face the wife cos she noes that she is in the wrong. but then she still persist on.. so actually i also dunno wat to do wif her.. i mean i tried all methods! argH!!!! wat a bastRD!!~
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As an outsider, we cannot comment too much. All we can do now is to get your friend out of the picture ASAP. The decision lies with her. Sometimes, a splash in the face is better than all those coaxing and sweet-talking.
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I believe at this point you people (her friends) have already done ALOT for her... Don't try to do EVERYTHING for her as it's really NOT POSSIBLE. Got to understand that ALOT MORE depends on her rather than you people.... Don't let her be too reliance on you.... From my personal point of view, from this point on, just 'monitoring' her would be just sufficient.... Let her learn to stand up on her own or she'll just continue to sink.....Originally posted by joanne:hmm..actually the bastard's wife already noe abt the whole matter thats y that bastard wanna break up wif my fren in order to salvage his marriage. from wat i heard from my fren, this is not the first time that bastard go out n filrt!! haiz.. actually i am not too sure abt wat really happened b/w them.i just noe that it hurts alot to see my fren suffering like hell now.. n as a fren i cannot help much! thanks for all the advices.. well, my fren doesnt dare to face the wife cos she noes that she is in the wrong. but then she still persist on.. so actually i also dunno wat to do wif her.. i mean i tried all methods! argH!!!! wat a bastRD!!~
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ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
A friend of mine got involved with a married man as well. When his wife found out, he turned around and said she was the one who "seduced" him. He went back to his country, she stayed in UK. A year later he came back to look for her, had a one night stand together, and disappeared again. Your friend should face it - bastards don't change.
She's probably having a hard time accepting the fact that all she's given will never be reciprocated. She should cut her losses and move on. 18 is too young. -
Joanne,
Just want to ask how's the situation now?? Are things flowing for the better or worse???
I hope somehow or some way ur friend will wake up from her little dream soon...
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( 'o' ) Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear
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Hmm.... Finally 'wake up'...?Originally posted by Bear:Joanne,
Just want to ask how's the situation now?? Are things flowing for the better or worse???
I hope somehow or some way ur friend will wake up from her little dream soon...
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ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
Joanne,Originally posted by joanne:my fren who is onli 18 this yr is facing a big problem.she fell for this 27 yr old guy who is such a bastard..engaged already but still filrting around wif gers..the 2 of them had a v complicated story that i am not too sure abt too.. they are more than frens, behaving like a couple, yet not a couple.. recently, the wife of that man found out n was really furious.. of cos as expected, the man returned back to the arms of the wife, leaving my fren alone..n started to ignore her.my fren is really really upset n she really love this bastard so much that she even attempted suicide..v v silly of her.. i tried all my best as a fren to help her..i mean from the start i alrady warned her abt it but she is just too sturborn to listen to any of us.. so now, she's suffering.. refusing to do anything..n dunwan to eat.. at this moment, i cannot be blaming her for wat she did already, n really wanna help her, but wat should i do? she just refuse to let that man go.. argh!!!~
At this moment, I think ur fren wld need ur support n encouragement. Try to get her to see tt, 1 day she'll find someone who loves her truly... this married man has demonstrated tt he was using her, n she has foolishly allowed herself to be used. It wasn't really love @ all.
If need be, get her to see a counsellor, or if there's someone of authority in her life, it'd be beneficial to get her to seek advice. Is there someone she trusts alot? Perhaps tt person cld tok some sense into her?
Rite now she's probably going thru the process of denial, followed by anger. It'll take some time for her to heal. In the meantime, as a fren, give her as much support n understanding as u can. I hope she'll get better...
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ohz..thanks bear for ur concern.. my fren ah, i seen her recently. she's trying hard to be happy i can see..she dunwan us to be worried..but i can sense that she gets jealous when she sees couples ard.. hmm.. n she will try to "get" guys..probably she feels lonely..haiz..dunno lahz... i think the case b/w she n that bastard should be closed as i dun receive anymore news liaoz..