Need advice
-
I can say that I am those quiet and shy type.
During gatherings with friends, I am the one who is either sitting at a corner alone (sometimes with close friends)or who will go off earlier.
I would say that I am having some problems interacting socially. Cos I can't hold a conversation for long, the most is 3 sentences and dun really know how to start off a conversation with friends.
People tend to have an impression that I am bored cos I did not talk to them and always keep to myself. Some even say that I am snobbish. (so sad to hear that
)
I wish to have more friends and to be able to hold a longer conversation with them.
I need some advice. Pls help me. -
Harrowz Dear Xinyi
I'm really sorryz to hear about your case. It's does probably sound like me when I was much younger... Don't worry, we all go through that kind of stage before we are more open to this society...
First thing to do is to say out loud, 'you want to be out-going'.
Second, when talking to people, bring in subjects or similiar experiences that you have encountered...
Third, listen (not hear) to what people are talking... Be curious in new things people are saying to you, and be interest in things that sparkle your mind...
Fourth, when you feel that the person is thinking you are bored or snobbish, tell them the truth that you are actually shy and quiet... this will not only break the barrier, it will also let them know you better...
Fifth most importantly, Join our outings.. you will learn to speak up... hehehe~
------------------
()""() ************************
( 'o' ) Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear
(,) (,) =======================
(.)_(.) Beary Bear *Huggiez*...
~.~.~. For you, I care and love. -
Xinyi,
did u realise something? u express yrself very well in yr post, maybe u can start to express yrself and use it in life, as a start.
u may argue that its diff in writing/typing as compared to speak up, but i can tell u that its the same in some way, that is voice out yr views.....
since you know of yr problem, then try starting slowly..... good that u share yr view here, maybe, let this forum be a small step towards open up....... like giving others yr views, advise etc......
i know what it felt like when pple call u names or saying that u r snobbish when u r not one....... but its their thinking lor, u can't do anything abt it so dun take them to heart......
as the chinese says : "hua bu tou ji ban ju duo" , which means that when theres no common topics, its hard to have more than 3 sentences of conversation. So, maybe u can start with some1 who shares the same interest as u........ i am sure it helps a lot.......
Hope to hear from u again, and voice out will ya ;p
------------------
nOthiNg iS ImpOsSibLE In tHiS wOrLd
EvEn tHe wOrD ImPoSsiBLe SaYs "i'M pOsSiBLe" -
Oh yah, sorry, just to add on some other things Xinyi if u wish to have more friends, maybe u can take Bear's advise, join some gathering in the forums for a start, but be more careful in the groups u choose of cos, as not all are sincere to be friends only, if u know what i mean.
And think Bear have organised a few outings already, and he's a nice person to start with, so maybe u can ask him to organise one small outings b4 he flew off to overseas for further studies Just a little suggestion.
------------------
nOthiNg iS ImpOsSibLE In tHiS wOrLd
EvEn tHe wOrD ImPoSsiBLe SaYs "i'M pOsSiBLe" -
har????(snicker)...sympathies to u.......but atti n bear r such idiots...i...cant (snicker) help but,,,,hahahahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...wat a bunch a morons....hahahahahahahaha....want advice? read a book......
-
Wah Lao! If go outing see you sure PengZ** XinYi don't listen to BlackHair too much he kind of stress after eating the bowl of FalunGong with black soya sauce.Originally posted by blackhair:har????(snicker)...sympathies to u.......but atti n bear r such idiots...i...cant (snicker) help but,,,,hahahahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...wat a bunch a morons....hahahahahahahaha....want advice? read a book......
Just be happy with yourself. And slowly learn to open out. Talk to people about things but listen too. A lot of loudmouths just love to have someone hear them talk. When you want to get out just tell them you have to use the restroom.
-
another one!!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.....seriously if u need help call a counsellor not post ur problems at forums.......but it is still funny!!!hahahahahahaahahhahahaklactovac....moron......(snicker)Originally posted by Klactovak:Wah Lao! If go outing see you sure PengZ** XinYi don't listen to BlackHair too much he kind of stress after eating the bowl of FalunGong with black soya sauce.
Just be happy with yourself. And slowly learn to open out. Talk to people about things but listen too. A lot of loudmouths just love to have someone hear them talk. When you want to get out just tell them you have to use the restroom. -
Heyz.. not to worry, he/she just trying to seek some attention here in AA that's all.. Need not be bothered about him/her....Originally posted by Klactovak:Wah Lao! If go outing see you sure PengZ** XinYi don't listen to BlackHair too much he kind of stress after eating the bowl of FalunGong with black soya sauce.
Just be happy with yourself. And slowly learn to open out. Talk to people about things but listen too. A lot of loudmouths just love to have someone hear them talk. When you want to get out just tell them you have to use the restroom.
I'm sure XinYi and the rest here in AA are matured enough to understand... So need not get yourself so excited over it...
------------------
()""() ************************
( 'o' ) Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear
(,) (,) =======================
(.)_(.) Beary Bear *Huggiez*...
~.~.~. For you, I care and love. -
wahz rouz.. you are putting me under stress lehz... it sounded like if I don't organise one I can't leave like that.. ahahah~Originally posted by Atti:Oh yah, sorry, just to add on some other things Xinyi if u wish to have more friends, maybe u can take Bear's advise, join some gathering in the forums for a start, but be more careful in the groups u choose of cos, as not all are sincere to be friends only, if u know what i mean.
And think Bear have organised a few outings already, and he's a nice person to start with, so maybe u can ask him to organise one small outings b4 he flew off to overseas for further studies Just a little suggestion.
------------------
()""() ************************
( 'o' ) Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear
(,) (,) =======================
(.)_(.) Beary Bear *Huggiez*...
~.~.~. For you, I care and love. -
nuting wrong... i oso like tt... but its not a good thing lor..so juz try to mingle lor :p best of luck
-
Hmm... HEY!! Just like yourself, I was also a QUIET and SHY person in the past... Just like Bear had said, we all have different stages in life... Perhaps you'll grow out of it one day..? And even if you don't, don't be sad about it ok...? I mean... Afterall, it's STILL YOU....? Nothing is wrong with a person being shy and quiet... It's just that majority of the people are not like that and they just don't get used to it.... And not to worry about being called snobbish or whatsoever names they give to you..... They just don't understand you.... That's all...? Don't be bothered by some 'shallow' people ok..?
It's not like everybody is born with an urge to bring out themselves to the world and the people around them...? Some do, some don't.... 1st of all, think of yourself...? Do you usually talk to yourself...? Or do you often do alot of thinking on your own...? If you do, then there's really not much of a problem at all...? Just ask yourself why are you keeping these things to yourself...? No confidence...? Don't know how to express yourself...? How do you even know that you don't know how to express yourself if you never even try in the 1st place...? Don't be afraid of how people would see you and don't be bother for a starter...? Cause in life if you never start, you never would....
People can't simply read through your mind (at least not many people can do that...? :p) Give them some clues... Drop them some hints.... As long as you're speaking in whichever way... <- You're being yourself.... And.... Think about not only the world in store for you.... Won't you be interested to find out how issit like in the 'worlds' of others...? And there they are showing you their 'world'.... Won't you be interested to be one of their 'visitors'..?
So just simply 'open up your doors' in whichever way you can.... And may your 'visitors' enjoy their trips with you....
------------------
I have no 'friends' nor 'family'.
I hold no past and see not future...
These are just samples of illusions....
I don't exist, but I shall live ETERNITY..... DEVIL PHRASE II
ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
U just need someone to lead u in a conversation, nothing more. Give yourself more space to breathe and some simple confidence. That's all.
blackhair:
If u can't give a constructive comment, no point showing others u are attention-seeking. Boring. -
It' nothing wrong being shy . But if u do want to be those who tok n tok alot ( juz like me ) hehehhee Simply open up urself. Watever opinions u have , juz speak up.
Personally i am rather quiet with friends whom i am not very close with.But i am a siao ding dong to my close friends. Maybe u would like to mix with friends whom u think u are comfortable with? That should help alot!
WOnder if u know the Ah liang from super Sunday? He was once a MU TOU REN ( blockhead)
but look at him know! I agree with the few of them that u are going thru some stages in ur life, so who knows, one day u might be another siao ding dong like me . hehehhehe good luck! -
blackhair if i were u...i will watch my back...coz right now i dun feel happi seeing ur messages. got the hint?
-
bite me........Originally posted by yolanda_tan:blackhair if i were u...i will watch my back...coz right now i dun feel happi seeing ur messages. got the hint? -
this "attention" i m seeking??? thx for giving it to me........
-
Always remember that what you are facing is not a "problem" as some have said. Perhaps you are a bit different due to your upbringing. Going out for gatherings is ok but take small steps at a time. But you have to keep in mind that if you're not ready, these gatherings can be cruel at times. I would suggest you start of with a small group max 3 pple incl yourself. Too many and you risk being left out and that can be awkward. In any case, unless you really feel necessary, don't change just because you want to fit in. You know, a lot of pple looks happy and fun on the outside but actual fact it isn't so. These are just suggestions, it may not work and you have to do some soul searching to find the inner happiness and peace.
As for what others can do to help, you could show some compassion when you come across such cases. Rather than ignoring the poor chap and continue with the flow, you could slowly coax the person to open up. It takes time, patience and tolerance. The rewards will come much later. -
Thank guys/gals for your kind advice.
It seems that I really need more time to open up to people... I may feel tongue tied when I talk to pple.
But by sharing my views with people or by voicing out, will pple get offended just becos they disagree of wat I say? I am afraid of offending people around me.
BTW who is that blackhair? This person is so insensitive. -
Xinyi,
well different pple see things in different ways, just becos u r afraid of offending pple then u choose to keep quiet, then u will never improve.
haha of cos i am not trying to tell u to offended others, but do you know that communication is an art. learn slowly lor, then u will be more tactful next time and wun offended any1 liao, even if pple agrees with what u say........
oh that Blackhair, he's just another attention seeker, you can dun let him 'ru yuan yi chang' by ignoring him
all the best!
------------------
nOthiNg iS ImpOsSibLE In tHiS wOrLd
EvEn tHe wOrD ImPoSsiBLe SaYs "i'M pOsSiBLe" -
when u have a problem solicit advice from strangers........
-
Hmm.... Interesting point of view...?Originally posted by blackhair:when u have a problem solicit advice from strangers........
------------------
I have no 'friends' nor 'family'.
I hold no past and see not future...
These are just samples of illusions....
I don't exist, but I shall live ETERNITY..... DEVIL PHRASE II
ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
Dear Xinyi,Originally posted by XinYi:Thank guys/gals for your kind advice.
It seems that I really need more time to open up to people... I may feel tongue tied when I talk to pple.
But by sharing my views with people or by voicing out, will pple get offended just becos they disagree of wat I say? I am afraid of offending people around me.
BTW who is that blackhair? This person is so insensitive.
Not everyone is as sociable as u think, don't hav this feeling that u cannot socialize well with others. We are not born to b gd communicators, some people r strong in it and others aren't. In order to overcome your problem, juz open up and talk to others, don't hav this feeling that others won't like what u said, juz speak what comes to your mind, trust me, I've been thru your stage and thought that I may nt b speaking what others like to hear, but in actual fact, this is a learning process and we can actually learn mre as time goes by, trust me...
------------------
Hope to b your frd forever, Mike signing off -
I feel there is nothing wrong with being quiet. And there is nothing wrong with sitting in a corner. I am new to my module classes, I sit in the corner and i keep quiet. I do that simply cos there is no need to talk, but when people talk, reply and try to keep the conversation going.
Sometimes, i feel the key is finding the right people to talk to. I would think as these people as the "laoda." Once u can communicate well with them, u basically unlock the door to talking to the whole group. -
I noe that it is not wrong to be quiet or not sociable.
But I do wish to make more frens and also to join any activities organise by them. And also to be a part of the group and not being left out just becos I am "anti-social" kind.
Mikegk_76, how long did you take to really open up? -
man man open up.... time is on ur side