am i wrong in any way.....?
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i am full of regret, guilt & remorse...am pondering...did i do anything wrongly?
quarrelled with my bro over his contributions to the family as a son few days back...... i burst out when months in a row he failed to contribute & time and again i had to remind him...
also.......he showed me clearly how tightly he held on to money..when he rejected me after i requested him to help our parents pay the hp bill of merely $10/mth which i am intending to apply for them...saying that 10/mth is a lot...one yr is 120 already...
hear already so sad & disappointed...
I was so boiled up that brought it up vaguely to my mumÂ…
Actually, they more or less know abt it…abt his unwillingness to contribute to them… just that now, I have so-called ‘made known’ the fact to them already..
but I did not mention anything abt the hp thingyÂ…
They are very upset with my broÂ…they have decided to decline his contributions in future anymore & seeing my mum crying bitterly, I blamed myself for stirring so much troubleÂ…
Did I do anything wrongly? -
extra~
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are u the sister?
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Does it make any differenceOriginally posted by Master -_-:are u the sister?
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Is your brother facing any form of financial difficulties?
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are u thumbup?Originally posted by Seshiro:Does it make any difference 
u are interfering human-to-human conversation -
Oh sorry I thought this conversation was open...Originally posted by Master -_-:are u thumbup?
u are interfering human-to-human conversation
/exits -
Is your bro financially v stable? Did he give any reasons why he's refusing to contribute?
Dun be upset about what u have done. I think you do have the right to request your bro to pay for your parents hp subscription and also have the right to remind him that he should contribute to the household. I believe it is our responsibilities to provide for our parents who have provided for us since birth. -
/pulls seshiro backOriginally posted by Seshiro:Oh sorry I thought this conversation was open...
/exits
dun run away...
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Originally posted by tHUmbUP:/pulls seshiro back
dun run away... -
nopez...he is not facing any financial difficulties...no commitmentsOriginally posted by shandower:Is your brother facing any form of financial difficulties?
but he told me he want to save up as much money as possible for his future marriage...
but he is far away from the stage of marriage cos he does not has a gf yet..
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Huh?Originally posted by tHUmbUP:/pulls seshiro back
dun run away... -
yeah.........me thumbup............Originally posted by Master -_-:are u thumbup?
u are interfering human-to-human conversation 
/give u a thumbup -
My sis did that to me before. But of cos not about a 10/mth contribution. But for certain comments i've made to my mom which my sis was unhappy about.Originally posted by tHUmbUP:
i am full of regret, guilt & remorse...am pondering...did i do anything wrongly?
quarrelled with my bro over his contributions to the family as a son few days back...... i burst out when months in a row he failed to contribute & time and again i had to remind him...
also.......he showed me clearly how tightly he held on to money..when he rejected me after i requested him to help our parents pay the hp bill of merely $10/mth which i am intending to apply for them...saying that 10/mth is a lot...one yr is 120 already...
hear already so sad & disappointed...
I was so boiled up that brought it up vaguely to my mumÂ…
Actually, they more or less know abt it…abt his unwillingness to contribute to them… just that now, I have so-called ‘made known’ the fact to them already..
but I did not mention anything abt the hp thingyÂ…
They are very upset with my broÂ…they have decided to decline his contributions in future anymore & seeing my mum crying bitterly, I blamed myself for stirring so much troubleÂ…
Did I do anything wrongly?
Well...she wrote me a letter reasoning the attitude in my comments was utterly disappointing. I didn't talk to her about anything and i understood what she had written. From then i was always reminded of the content in her letter.
My point is....i appreciate her discreet approach.
My second point is, I believe you have done nothing wrong at the moment of time. When you have sit down and think about it now...you might have done it more discreetly. -
Dear Thumbup,Originally posted by tHUmbUP:
i am full of regret, guilt & remorse...am pondering...did i do anything wrongly?
quarrelled with my bro over his contributions to the family as a son few days back...... i burst out when months in a row he failed to contribute & time and again i had to remind him...
also.......he showed me clearly how tightly he held on to money..when he rejected me after i requested him to help our parents pay the hp bill of merely $10/mth which i am intending to apply for them...saying that 10/mth is a lot...one yr is 120 already...
hear already so sad & disappointed...
I was so boiled up that brought it up vaguely to my mumÂ…
Actually, they more or less know abt it…abt his unwillingness to contribute to them… just that now, I have so-called ‘made known’ the fact to them already..
but I did not mention anything abt the hp thingyÂ…
They are very upset with my broÂ…they have decided to decline his contributions in future anymore & seeing my mum crying bitterly, I blamed myself for stirring so much troubleÂ…
Did I do anything wrongly?
First of all, u never mentioned how old your brother is and his status. Is he married or working? Maybe your brother is in dire straits financially and he needs the money. Did this happen before or occured only regarding the hp issue? Besides, why would u parents need a hp unless they still work?
One important point is : Have ur brother been contributing to ur parents from the beginning? Anyway, i think ur the sister and as a sister, i think this dispute should be settled between u and ur brother. Only the females are capable of such temperament
So, as a sister, its ur family and moral duty to prevent any arguments from blowing up and thus, creating a rift between ur mum and ur brother. If you have moments when you do get along then you should take one of those moments as an opportunity to tell him how you feel. Let him know that you don't want to argue with him anymore and let him know how it makes you feel when he is unwillling to contribute financially to the house after pains of bringing him up.
A possible reason is that he may be young and he may not be willing to hear you out. So you will have to use your judgement in deciding when it will be a good time to confront him. Also when you do speak to him don't argue but tell him how you feel. Also, is there anyone else in the family that you both trust who might be able to act as a mediator between the two of you? It might be helpful if you did.
If all else fails and there is nothing else can do. This may be the last resort. Warning This is to be done when they are no other ways other than mediation. Give him the cold shoulder. Ignore him in any other way. Sooner or later, he will realise how less important he is in this family and how much he needs u all. By now, he would be feeling calm and sassy about the whole situation. Then, u can squeeze any amount of money from him
Cheers[/b] -
Originally posted by Seshiro:Huh?
err...scratch scratch head...
did i say anything wrongly? -
Hmm....very fishy.Originally posted by tHUmbUP:nopez...he is not facing any financial difficulties...no commitments
but he told me he want to save up as much money as possible for his future marriage...
but he is far away from the stage of marriage cos he does not has a gf yet.. -
Well....from my point of view, have you ever discuss with your brother about how both of you are going about to help with the family contributions. Say maybe an agreement of who forks out how muh according to the person's income. Since you know thaty yor bto is saving up for marriage, maybe you can try to negotiate with him to still fork out but a bit lesser lah...
On the other hand, your bro is really to much to stinge on something so little as $10 per month for your parents. It's no point kicking up a scene, he will get annoyed and feel challenged which makes thing worse. Try to talk to him nicely and get his understanding. Your intentions are well but the appraoch mat be a little harsh. -
I believe she has 'discuss and reminded' him many times. Somehow some people just couldn't get it in their brains. Hmmm....fishy fishy.Originally posted by Seshiro:Well....from my point of view, have you ever discuss with your brother about how both of you are going about to help with the family contributions. Say maybe an agreement of who forks out how muh according to the person's income. Since you know thaty yor bto is saving up for marriage, maybe you can try to negotiate with him to still fork out but a bit lesser lah...
On the other hand, your bro is really to much to stinge on something so little as $10 per month for your parents. It's no point kicking up a scene, he will get annoyed and feel challenged which makes thing worse. Try to talk to him nicely and get his understanding. Your intentions are well but the appraoch mat be a little harsh. -
Originally posted by Master -_-:
really appreciated ur reply..
Dear Thumbup,
First of all, u never mentioned how old your brother is and his status. Is he married or working? Maybe your brother is in dire straits financially and he needs the money. Did this happen before or occured only regarding the hp issue? Besides, why would u parents need a hp unless they still work?
One important point is : Have ur brother been contributing to ur parents from the beginning? Anyway, i think ur the sister and as a sister, i think this dispute should be settled between u and ur brother. Only the females are capable of such temperament So, as a sister, its ur family and moral duty to prevent any arguments from blowing up and thus, creating a rift between ur mum and ur brother. If you have moments when you do get along then you should take one of those moments as an opportunity to tell him how you feel. Let him know that you don't want to argue with him anymore and let him know how it makes you feel when he is unwillling to contribute financially to the house after pains of bringing him up.
A possible reason is that he may be young and he may not be willing to hear you out. So you will have to use your judgement in deciding when it will be a good time to confront him. Also when you do speak to him don't argue but tell him how you feel. Also, is there anyone else in the family that you both trust who might be able to act as a mediator between the two of you? It might be helpful if you did.
If all else fails and there is nothing else can do. This may be the last resort. [b]Warning This is to be done when they are no other ways other than mediation. Give him the cold shoulder. Ignore him in any other way. Sooner or later, he will realise how less important he is in this family and how much he needs u all. By now, he would be feeling calm and sassy about the whole situation. Then, u can squeeze any amount of money from him
Cheers[/b][/b]
my bro started work a yr b4 me..
the yr b4 i started work, he did not contribute at all...he has a good job and is earning more than me...plus he has cleared all his commitments already..no more...he is still single without a gf..no commitments..
eversince i started work, i feel that as children of my parents, i should at least contribute to the family..altho i am earning much lesser than my bro & have lot of commitments to meet...i am trying to make ends meet...managed to squeeze a little for them...
i suggested to my bro that he can try contributing more but he refused and decided to contribute to any amount that i am going to contribute..
but sad to say, he failed to even contribute to that minimal amount..
master, this issue has occurred b4...has discreetly made clear to him, his 'role' as the son...i have talked to him nicely before...laid out my feelings to him...tried to let him see the 'light'...
but it seems that no matter what i do..how i try...all methods backfired...nothing juz seems to hit into his head...
no matter what i say, he feels that he is right...and there is always a knot in his heart..he feels that my parents owe him something...that they did not meet up to his expectations in their upbringing for him...
i know i should have done it discreetly...but i have tried all that i could...
i was so sad & boiled over the whole issue that somehow, i feel that my parents shld discipline him...
anyway, i am the younger one...so no matter what i say to him, i guess there is no weight in it...
i know i have made my parents sad...somehow i have already laid out the fact to them...
i kept blaming myself...really dunno what i shld do... -
Originally posted by Haven:I believe she has 'discuss and reminded' him many times. Somehow some people just couldn't get it in their brains. Hmmm....fishy fishy.
fishy -
Are you financially very tight? You can talk to your parents about this 1st.... If they're agreeable to things, you can actually file for a MAINTENANCE ORDER for both your parents when the neccessity arises....Originally posted by tHUmbUP:really appreciated ur reply..
my bro started work a yr b4 me..
the yr b4 i started work, he did not contribute at all...he has a good job and is earning more than me...plus he has cleared all his commitments already..no more...he is still single without a gf..no commitments..
eversince i started work, i feel that as children of my parents, i should at least contribute to the family..altho i am earning much lesser than my bro & have lot of commitments to meet...i am trying to make ends meet...managed to squeeze a little for them...
i suggested to my bro that he can try contributing more but he refused and decided to contribute to any amount that i am going to contribute..
but sad to say, he failed to even contribute to that minimal amount..
master, this issue has occurred b4...has discreetly made clear to him, his 'role' as the son...i have talked to him nicely before...laid out my feelings to him...tried to let him see the 'light'...
but it seems that no matter what i do..how i try...all methods backfired...nothing juz seems to hit into his head...
no matter what i say, he feels that he is right...and there is always a knot in his heart..he feels that my parents owe him something...that they did not meet up to his expectations in their upbringing for him...
i know i should have done it discreetly...but i have tried all that i could...
i was so sad & boiled over the whole issue that somehow, i feel that my parents shld discipline him...
anyway, i am the younger one...so no matter what i say to him, i guess there is no weight in it...
i know i have made my parents sad...somehow i have already laid out the fact to them...
i kept blaming myself...really dunno what i shld do...
Regards. -
ignore him....Originally posted by tHUmbUP: fishy -
Geez.
/me gives miss thumbup a hug
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Originally posted by MooKu:Geez.
/me gives miss thumbup a hug
/dodge