Very confused n insecure
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everything happens ard 11months ago.when he confessed, n wanted a further relationship more than a friend. We got together after some time as i m touch by his doings n accepting to see if we really can get along..maybe its becoz hes my first bf n i always think tt "he wans to be with me , u goto meet my standards"
i m always dissttisfied with what hes doing, his lifestyle, literally everything abt him.sad to say i dun feel very proud of him.i know someting is wrong some where. Although i m disstaisfied with his doings , i m still concerned abt him but i guess in a wrong way, i seems to push him too hard to change himself. n i became possessive to the extent tt he is tolerating me n my unreasonable demands n quarrels. On & off , i always initiated a breakup n patch up trying to piss him off . But most of the time, he kept quiet , showing no sign of anger n most of the time, hes like not paying attention to my unreasonable behaviour.
Actually my utlimate motive is jus craving for him to hoax me when i m angry or unreasonable.but it seems tt he jus kept everything to himself n he wun call me untill i do.
One dae, although he is trying to listen to my nagging n keeping my anger down, my unreasonable behaviour seems to hit his raw nerve, n he initiated a breakup(the first time after 10 mths after being together)I seems to be real shock n i didnt believe it at first.
I put away my ego n pride & i really try very hard to retrive him back but to no avil. I tried many times n to a certain extent , i jus tot tt we r really over.
From tt day onwards, i lead a single life but i m very tormented. coz i realise i did him wrong n i still cant forget him. This lasted for a mth. But its very tormenting n i would jus break down suddenly for no reason. But there r still times tt i wanted to call him to patch back but i restrain myself.Dunno Y one fine dae, i seems nt able to control my actions n i really told him how i feel.
Luckily , I really got him back but i have got a fear if things n history would repeate itself again. I really got scolded frm my gd gal friends, tt i disgrace e women race for initiating a patch up n chasing him . coz all gals prefer guys to take e initiative than gals. BUt i ignore my pride n i follow my heart to do what i want.
From what i see, he seems to be treating me so much better than before. but i m not sure if it will last. but i can really feel tt we miss each other more than b4 frm his doings n actions.
My only qn or doubt is:
R we heading to a better relationship or a bad one ?
what can i do to maintain or make him feel tt i love himmore than b4?
[/quote] -
Originally posted by peacely:
everything happens ard 11months ago.when he confessed, n wanted a further relationship more than a friend. We got together after some time as i m touch by his doings n accepting to see if we really can get along..maybe its becoz hes my first bf n i always think tt "he wans to be with me , u goto meet my standards"
i m always dissttisfied with what hes doing, his lifestyle, literally everything abt him.sad to say i dun feel very proud of him.i know someting is wrong some where. Although i m disstaisfied with his doings , i m still concerned abt him but i guess in a wrong way, i seems to push him too hard to change himself. n i became possessive to the extent tt he is tolerating me n my unreasonable demands n quarrels. On & off , i always initiated a breakup n patch up trying to piss him off . But most of the time, he kept quiet , showing no sign of anger n most of the time, hes like not paying attention to my unreasonable behaviour.
Actually my utlimate motive is jus craving for him to hoax me when i m angry or unreasonable.but it seems tt he jus kept everything to himself n he wun call me untill i do.
One dae, although he is trying to listen to my nagging n keeping my anger down, my unreasonable behaviour seems to hit his raw nerve, n he initiated a breakup(the first time after 10 mths after being together)I seems to be real shock n i didnt believe it at first.
I put away my ego n pride & i really try very hard to retrive him back but to no avil. I tried many times n to a certain extent , i jus tot tt we r really over.
From tt day onwards, i lead a single life but i m very tormented. coz i realise i did him wrong n i still cant forget him. This lasted for a mth. But its very tormenting n i would jus break down suddenly for no reason. But there r still times tt i wanted to call him to patch back but i restrain myself.Dunno Y one fine dae, i seems nt able to control my actions n i really told him how i feel.
Luckily , I really got him back but i have got a fear if things n history would repeate itself again. I really got scolded frm my gd gal friends, tt i disgrace e women race for initiating a patch up n chasing him . coz all gals prefer guys to take e initiative than gals. BUt i ignore my pride n i follow my heart to do what i want.
From what i see, he seems to be treating me so much better than before. but i m not sure if it will last. but i can really feel tt we miss each other more than b4 frm his doings n actions.
He seems insecure to express truthfully how he feels. is it becoz i used to tease him or joke at him? n he really doesnt like to talk abt the past bad conflicts we have got again, but for me , i prefer to talk abt the past to c where we shd start improving our relationship My only qn or doubt is:
R we heading to a better relationship or a bad one ?
what can i do to maintain or make him feel tt i love himmore than b4?
[/quote] -
You can't change the guy too much. I mean, like him the way he is, but don't change him too much. If it's like that, I think one can change everyone into someone one likes.
Disgrace to women?? Your friends are......I also don't know what to say.
Happiness is yours to pursue. If you do it right, you will turn out to be the winning party, not your friends.
It's alright to be a pssive onlooker, but sometimes one might miss out the good things in life. -
I mean don;t feel so bad about it.... he should still have feelings for you before you guys get back together.... what you did before was really very wrong as in wanting him to change... you like or love a person for who they are.... don't be too demanding.... just don't have this phobia that you are going to lose him again or etc... just be normal... right now you also say he is feeling you better... which iis a good thing.... just stay happy and don't be too demanding everything should turn out fine....
wish you good luck..... -
Dear Peacely, (Gonna reply this before I dash out of my house)Originally posted by peacely:everything happens ard 11months ago.when he confessed, n wanted a further relationship more than a friend. We got together after some time as i m touch by his doings n accepting to see if we really can get along..maybe its becoz hes my first bf n i always think tt "he wans to be with me , u goto meet my standards"
i m always dissttisfied with what hes doing, his lifestyle, literally everything abt him.sad to say i dun feel very proud of him.i know someting is wrong some where. Although i m disstaisfied with his doings , i m still concerned abt him but i guess in a wrong way, i seems to push him too hard to change himself. n i became possessive to the extent tt he is tolerating me n my unreasonable demands n quarrels. On & off , i always initiated a breakup n patch up trying to piss him off . But most of the time, he kept quiet , showing no sign of anger n most of the time, hes like not paying attention to my unreasonable behaviour.
Actually my utlimate motive is jus craving for him to hoax me when i m angry or unreasonable.but it seems tt he jus kept everything to himself n he wun call me untill i do.
One dae, although he is trying to listen to my nagging n keeping my anger down, my unreasonable behaviour seems to hit his raw nerve, n he initiated a breakup(the first time after 10 mths after being together)I seems to be real shock n i didnt believe it at first.
I put away my ego n pride & i really try very hard to retrive him back but to no avil. I tried many times n to a certain extent , i jus tot tt we r really over.
From tt day onwards, i lead a single life but i m very tormented. coz i realise i did him wrong n i still cant forget him. This lasted for a mth. But its very tormenting n i would jus break down suddenly for no reason. But there r still times tt i wanted to call him to patch back but i restrain myself.Dunno Y one fine dae, i seems nt able to control my actions n i really told him how i feel.
Luckily , I really got him back but i have got a fear if things n history would repeate itself again. I really got scolded frm my gd gal friends, tt i disgrace e women race for initiating a patch up n chasing him . coz all gals prefer guys to take e initiative than gals. BUt i ignore my pride n i follow my heart to do what i want.
From what i see, he seems to be treating me so much better than before. but i m not sure if it will last. but i can really feel tt we miss each other more than b4 frm his doings n actions.
My only qn or doubt is:
R we heading to a better relationship or a bad one ?
what can i do to maintain or make him feel tt i love himmore than b4?
What you are doing in your previous relationship with him is that you are trying to shape that perfect lover with a mortal. In reality: there is no such thing as the perfect lover, the best bf. No doubt, you have high standard - its prefectly alright and good because at least you know what you want. However, what's the use if you get a guy-ready made package, implanted with every single good elements you could ever dream and find in a bf.
Let me tell you, in the end, you wouldn't treasure him at all and in fact - there is no such guy.
Don't ask him to change - seek improvement. Don't growl, nag and blame on him about his lousy life, etc - hey, you are his girlfriend and not his enemy. Since you are dissatisfied with his way of life and wants him to improve - shouldn't you encourage him? Guide him along and it will be reasonable because you both grow, mature and walk together, rather than a separate path which initially you seek to stroll.
Scolding from your good galfriends? Disgrace to woman race? What rubbish. You know something? By statistic, the percentage of woman not having the man they love and falling for the wrong person is because of the passiveness they react to relation. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WRONG in seeking for your own happiness - you lead your own relation - you ain't going to marry your friends right? So why listen to such words which I find it utterly rubbish?
You rather have a thousand guys, you don't have feelings for, chasing after you OR you rather take initiative to know a guy that capture your heart?
Advice?
Your bf is a good guy, from the post I see - you want to let his relationship blossom, you have to put in the effort, and not like the previous times, critizise him, putting him down and acting-princess (xiao jie pi qi).
First thing you must do: show appreciation. He has accepted you for the way you are and went through your nonsense phrase - isn't it the time the show your appreciation for his patience and character? Do something, write a letter, express your feeling, etc. You have to make him feel WORTHWHILE patching back with you, at least the gf he is having he improving. Nothing is more rewarding than to see how your partner is growing from the relationship.
Second thing is have to do: Avoid critizising him and destroying his self esteem. You want a guy who succeed in life don't you? He won't because of what you are doing - how on earth can he get his confidence from if EVEN HIS GF damned him? Guide and walk together with him. If there is something about him that pissed you, tell him and improve TOGETHER WITH HIM. It wouldn't work if you were just to SAY him and do nothing. Its like if you ask a crippled to walk and never lift a hand to assist. Remember you are his gf - not you wouldn't be his source of stress.
He is your first bf - no doubt alot of things you wouldn't know until you ended this relationship. Well, this is a second chance to this beautiful relation, if you did your best and put in the effort and be a reasonable gf.....but i m not sure if it will last.
.... does it matter? Things that you have put in the effort - you will be rewarded on your conscious and in the shrine of your memories, sweetness will flow.
Quote of the day: Many a times, we wasted too much time looking for the perfect lover, when in fact, we should be perfecting the love we have.
Cheers -
loving someone, is accepting someone, the whole person. you can't love someone and not accept that whole person, if all you are doing is to keep changing that person to suit yourself, you don't love him. you merely love yourself, cuz u are changing that person into you. and that is horrible and selfish.
sure, maybe the other party has some bad stuff, u accept that, but u give him room to change. when he feels he is totally accepted by youwhether or not he change his bad habits, yet you always encourage him to change, u'll find he will change for the better,
and when i mean bad habits i mean maybe like unhealthy habits like smoking, drugs, and stuff, i'm not refering to his personalitythat is different to yours. say maybe liking a certain sport, food, or his character. pls dun confuse the 2 matters. -
I agree wif Yunhaier
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Very very shocked to see that!!!!Originally posted by peacely:everything happens ard 11months ago.when he confessed, n wanted a further relationship more than a friend. We got together after some time as i m touch by his doings n accepting to see if we really can get along..maybe its becoz hes my first bf n i always think tt "he wans to be with me , u goto meet my standards"
i m always dissttisfied with what hes doing, his lifestyle, literally everything abt him.sad to say i dun feel very proud of him.i know someting is wrong some where. Although i m disstaisfied with his doings , i m still concerned abt him but i guess in a wrong way, i seems to push him too hard to change himself. n i became possessive to the extent tt he is tolerating me n my unreasonable demands n quarrels. On & off , i always initiated a breakup n patch up trying to piss him off . But most of the time, he kept quiet , showing no sign of anger n most of the time, hes like not paying attention to my unreasonable behaviour.
Actually my utlimate motive is jus craving for him to hoax me when i m angry or unreasonable.but it seems tt he jus kept everything to himself n he wun call me untill i do.
One dae, although he is trying to listen to my nagging n keeping my anger down, my unreasonable behaviour seems to hit his raw nerve, n he initiated a breakup(the first time after 10 mths after being together)I seems to be real shock n i didnt believe it at first.
I put away my ego n pride & i really try very hard to retrive him back but to no avil. I tried many times n to a certain extent , i jus tot tt we r really over.
From tt day onwards, i lead a single life but i m very tormented. coz i realise i did him wrong n i still cant forget him. This lasted for a mth. But its very tormenting n i would jus break down suddenly for no reason. But there r still times tt i wanted to call him to patch back but i restrain myself.Dunno Y one fine dae, i seems nt able to control my actions n i really told him how i feel.
Luckily , I really got him back but i have got a fear if things n history would repeate itself again. I really got scolded frm my gd gal friends, tt i disgrace e women race for initiating a patch up n chasing him . coz all gals prefer guys to take e initiative than gals. BUt i ignore my pride n i follow my heart to do what i want.
From what i see, he seems to be treating me so much better than before. but i m not sure if it will last. but i can really feel tt we miss each other more than b4 frm his doings n actions.
My only qn or doubt is:
R we heading to a better relationship or a bad one ?
what can i do to maintain or make him feel tt i love himmore than b4?
[/quote]
As a matter of fact......I am facing the very exact same thing.....except that i'm in the guy's position. -
to haven ,
i hope we can exchange views, to know more n learn more things -
i am very glad that i could have such nice consoling advice from you all. I would try my very best to be a good gf n i know tt he told me , he treats me better than b4 coz i have been better than b4. but there are things which still holds me back.There are things which i feel very insecure abt.for eg , i would have this very negative tot that would be very afraid of losing him one dae although this kind of things is jus too unpredictable.i jus seems not be able to take another blow.
E reasons for saying is becoz i really gave my best shot to retrive him back previously , although i succeed , but i m drained out of standing up again if i should fall again. N i really is facing stress from my best friends' comments (nearly 10 yrs of friendship) .
The stress that i m silly to get him back n if he really cares for me , he would take the initiative. my friend even told me " if u shd break up again, dun look for me to console u again" Seems as if they gave up on me, .Maybe i seems to them that when i got attached , i forgot abt them, but i m always trying hard to get back or meet up my friendship! Or maybe i didnt do enough, or not too sure how to balance btw love n friends. There seems to be many problems n stress , n i m wondering if i shd let my bf know.i really need advice! -
no need to giv concession...jus b yourself n let this period b a trial to c if it wud take too much ado 4 u both 2 work this outOriginally posted by peacely:everything happens ard 11months ago.when he confessed, n wanted a further relationship more than a friend. We got together after some time as i m touch by his doings n accepting to see if we really can get along..maybe its becoz hes my first bf n i always think tt "he wans to be with me , u goto meet my standards"
i m always dissttisfied with what hes doing, his lifestyle, literally everything abt him.sad to say i dun feel very proud of him.i know someting is wrong some where. Although i m disstaisfied with his doings , i m still concerned abt him but i guess in a wrong way, i seems to push him too hard to change himself. n i became possessive to the extent tt he is tolerating me n my unreasonable demands n quarrels. On & off , i always initiated a breakup n patch up trying to piss him off . But most of the time, he kept quiet , showing no sign of anger n most of the time, hes like not paying attention to my unreasonable behaviour.
Actually my utlimate motive is jus craving for him to hoax me when i m angry or unreasonable.but it seems tt he jus kept everything to himself n he wun call me untill i do.
One dae, although he is trying to listen to my nagging n keeping my anger down, my unreasonable behaviour seems to hit his raw nerve, n he initiated a breakup(the first time after 10 mths after being together)I seems to be real shock n i didnt believe it at first.
I put away my ego n pride & i really try very hard to retrive him back but to no avil. I tried many times n to a certain extent , i jus tot tt we r really over.
From tt day onwards, i lead a single life but i m very tormented. coz i realise i did him wrong n i still cant forget him. This lasted for a mth. But its very tormenting n i would jus break down suddenly for no reason. But there r still times tt i wanted to call him to patch back but i restrain myself.Dunno Y one fine dae, i seems nt able to control my actions n i really told him how i feel.
Luckily , I really got him back but i have got a fear if things n history would repeate itself again. I really got scolded frm my gd gal friends, tt i disgrace e women race for initiating a patch up n chasing him . coz all gals prefer guys to take e initiative than gals. BUt i ignore my pride n i follow my heart to do what i want.
From what i see, he seems to be treating me so much better than before. but i m not sure if it will last. but i can really feel tt we miss each other more than b4 frm his doings n actions.
My only qn or doubt is:
R we heading to a better relationship or a bad one ?
what can i do to maintain or make him feel tt i love himmore than b4?
[/quote] -
You source of uncertainity comes not from your bf - rather, it is the 'WHAT-IF' consequences that speaks from your good friends. There is risk in every relation - however the issue isn't to worry about whether this relation will last or not - the thing is WHAT have you done so far?Originally posted by peacely:i am very glad that i could have such nice consoling advice from you all. I would try my very best to be a good gf n i know tt he told me , he treats me better than b4 coz i have been better than b4. but there are things which still holds me back.There are things which i feel very insecure abt.for eg , i would have this very negative tot that would be very afraid of losing him one dae although this kind of things is jus too unpredictable.i jus seems not be able to take another blow.
E reasons for saying is becoz i really gave my best shot to retrive him back previously , although i succeed , but i m drained out of standing up again if i should fall again. N i really is facing stress from my best friends' comments (nearly 10 yrs of friendship) .
The stress that i m silly to get him back n if he really cares for me , he would take the initiative. my friend even told me " if u shd break up again, dun look for me to console u again" Seems as if they gave up on me, .Maybe i seems to them that when i got attached , i forgot abt them, but i m always trying hard to get back or meet up my friendship! Or maybe i didnt do enough, or not too sure how to balance btw love n friends. There seems to be many problems n stress , n i m wondering if i shd let my bf know.i really need advice!
I have this guess that you complained alot about your bf (or even speak bad about him lots) to your gal friends - which they obviously have very poor impression of him, but this ain't a big problem.
What you must do is balance the two element and the trick is never to overlap. When you and gal friends are doing your usual gathering, express your concern to your bf and if you speak reasonably, he will understand. When you have already promise your bf that you will spend da day with him, make sure it doesn't clash with your girl's gathering.
You want to change that poor impression of your bf to your friends and solve your insecurity - I can only say one phrase: Time will tell everything. Your friends, everyone, is watching you fail in this relationship because they expect that you wouldn't last with him. When everyone seemed to wait for that moment - deny them of having the so-called correct prediction.
You are have plan everything and put in the effort - don't worry about what the result would be like - what matters is the things you have done. (Repeating for the second time)
P.S: Don't have to tell them - show them to convince.
Cheers -
What if peacely turns out to be your gf posting here?Originally posted by Haven:Very very shocked to see that!!!! As a matter of fact......I am facing the very exact same thing.....except that i'm in the guy's position. 
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Hi peacely,
I have the exact "
" like Haven had when I read it coz it was like my story (except for some details 
)and I was frantically finding out if you happened to be someone I know and telling my story here....hahaha 
Anyway, the things you have done seem to be like me. I presume here that we may think along the same line & perhaps, there are stuffs you have missed out to.....realize?. I clicked on your detail, know that you are a LEO (if you do believe in it) so you tend to be a gal who speaks your mind. On the other hand, your bf seems like the opp of you. Extrovert vs Introvert (thinkings resulting in doings).
Since you have made your decision to reconcile with your bf, I think that your worries have not been neccessary here. You will only add stress to yourself and not enjoy the whole r/ship. Let your r/ship roam freely and naturally. Your insecurity comes from the fear that your bf will once again leave you coz you didnt expect him to initiate a breakup at all. Of course, you felt that you have been in the wrong for the way you have treated him, therefore you have tried ways and means to bring him back to you. You have done all the right things BUT..............
Why do you have to fear?
This is your 1st r/ship so it's inevitable, so cld it be that for the same reason, you are afrraid of losing the r/ship or that you maybe inexperienced in handling bgr? Im suggesting only since I dun have a lot of incidences to quote from. Other than that, your next fear comes from your bf, he DARED to breakup with you and you dare not think that he wldnt for the 2nd time. Listen gal, there's no r/ship with a couple walking to the aisle and being by each other's side if 2 hands do not clap to put in effort to the r/ship. SO? He has to learn to u/stand your fears and discuss them with you, and to make you feel secure in the r/ship with him. This is abt communication. If you get pass this, there's always the underlying of doubts in the r/ships. Does he really love me still? Will he breakup with me again? NOT HEALTHY
Alot more to add but save them in the meantime, until hearing from you that what I have said is relevant ot your case man -
I really got scolded frm my gd gal friends, tt i disgrace e women race for initiating a patch up n chasing him .
FCK ur frend.. bunch of ass.. u did the right thing.. btw ur atitude towards ur bf really bad.. he can tahan so long gd liaio.. u better treat him gd.. ask him tell u if he is angry -
ah yesOriginally posted by elmoloveyou:I agree wif Yunhaier -
Peacely... I tink U r still young... VERY young... dun ask me y... read yr own post, U can see much of wat U do, more mature ppl wld TINK twice...
& Yun... U r so far 1 wxception I CANNOT believe U can tink liddat despite yr age. Good for U. -
Well i guess being insecure and confused will do more harm then good. It brings tension to the relationship.....
Sigh..... -
I believe Yun's reply holds answers to majority of your questions.Originally posted by peacely:i am very glad that i could have such nice consoling advice from you all. I would try my very best to be a good gf n i know tt he told me , he treats me better than b4 coz i have been better than b4. but there are things which still holds me back.There are things which i feel very insecure abt.for eg , i would have this very negative tot that would be very afraid of losing him one dae although this kind of things is jus too unpredictable.i jus seems not be able to take another blow.
E reasons for saying is becoz i really gave my best shot to retrive him back previously , although i succeed , but i m drained out of standing up again if i should fall again. N i really is facing stress from my best friends' comments (nearly 10 yrs of friendship) .
The stress that i m silly to get him back n if he really cares for me , he would take the initiative. my friend even told me " if u shd break up again, dun look for me to console u again" Seems as if they gave up on me, .Maybe i seems to them that when i got attached , i forgot abt them, but i m always trying hard to get back or meet up my friendship! Or maybe i didnt do enough, or not too sure how to balance btw love n friends. There seems to be many problems n stress , n i m wondering if i shd let my bf know.i really need advice!
In addition to add,
I think you'd employed a rather lousy strategy before your bf initiated the break up upon you. And with that, I mean your constant mentioning of break ups with your bf. On your part, it might be a form of 'play' in a relationship BUT he might not be thinking the same? And that's the DANGEROUS part... Might be a factor which motivated him to go for the break up on you. And PLEASE, he probably treat the mention of break ups quite seriously... One should always avoid taking the chance of 'break ups' in a relationship so recklessly....?
After your patch back,
I think you should not worry too much about whether both of you would break up in the future to come? From the way your bf is treating you and as long as you treasure him and do your part, I don't see much point to your worry? I just wanna say something additional here... Some things might be inavoidable in life, but so long as you've done your part and enjoyed each other's company.... Even is things are to end, it'll be a love worth living for....
One last thing? Your love relationship involves YOU and YOUR BF. Though you might take what your friends have to say about you and your life quite seriously... Just remember, this is YOUR LOVE RELATIONSHIP.... -
Gonna quote this (I am not a Christian lar, but I remember vaguely about this verse my principal used to say, then Gasband told me the full thingy):Originally posted by loneryu00:Peacely... I tink U r still young... VERY young... dun ask me y... read yr own post, U can see much of wat U do, more mature ppl wld TINK twice...
& Yun... U r so far 1 wxception I CANNOT believe U can tink liddat despite yr age. Good for U.
"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."
1 Timothy 4:12
CloUdiSm wrote: In love - chorologically age is nothing compared to the karmic and cosmic lesson you gonna learn and acknowledge. You could have a 30 years old guy - acting no difference from a 17 years old teenager in matters of love. Love is blind - therefore it sense people by it's 'touch' and faith and not by sight. And I am not that young either.
So you wanna show you ur G-string that day huh? -
thanks for the advice from all , esp to yunhaier coz i really feel that yur advice is true and very helpful for me. Now i m convinced tt being normal, natural and receptive for this relationship will certainly help and i m learning to do tt. but i have got some qns here. Although my bf and i r not together for a very long period of time (ard 11 months) , i still hope tt i can do what i need to maintain our r/s. esp the times when we have got very opposite and different views to solve probs together and we dunno how to come to a conclusion or ans.
Normally what we will do is cond to express our views whole heartly , but we cant understand each other needs and views and by doing so , both of us r becoming tired and frustrated at the end of the converstation. This always happens and i m sure its hurting both of us. But most of the time , we really feel at a loss to solve it coz its like "i m trying to explain my concept to him sincerely and hoping he can do it my way or understand me" and hes doing the same to me too. At the end of the day, both of us r not statisfied with our conclusion and solutions to solve probs
what we normally do is to bury it and forget it.which is not solving the prob coz it keeps on happening for many times , thats why previosuly , i really got enough and i initiated a breakup (which i really didnt want to do tt) * We may be very loving at times coz we share the same stupid jokes and funny topics.but comes to solving problems, he uses a different way of concept from me. 
hes a open minded person and i m a very conservative person. he is sociable and i m more to shy and introvert . He always likes to be in the lime light in front of his friends but not me, i prefer to be the one following the crowd althought i have my own stand sometimes.
Despite of the many clashing character we have got, but i wun give up trying to neturalise our probs untill at the end of all my efforts, when i realise tt we r not going to work out , only then i would give up. thats why i hope i could have some helpful advice from ppl here.thks
peacely -
Ok, the thing about solving conflicts involved stages and a couple of tricks. The first step, which you both have obviously done it, is to express each other's way of thinking and feeling.Originally posted by peacely: thanks for the advice from all , esp to yunhaier coz i really feel that yur advice is true and very helpful for me. Now i m convinced tt being normal, natural and receptive for this relationship will certainly help and i m learning to do tt. but i have got some qns here. Although my bf and i r not together for a very long period of time (ard 11 months) , i still hope tt i can do what i need to maintain our r/s. esp the times when we have got very opposite and different views to solve probs together and we dunno how to come to a conclusion or ans.
Normally what we will do is cond to express our views whole heartly , but we cant understand each other needs and views and by doing so , both of us r becoming tired and frustrated at the end of the converstation. This always happens and i m sure its hurting both of us. But most of the time , we really feel at a loss to solve it coz its like "i m trying to explain my concept to him sincerely and hoping he can do it my way or understand me" and hes doing the same to me too. At the end of the day, both of us r not statisfied with our conclusion and solutions to solve probs
what we normally do is to bury it and forget it.which is not solving the prob coz it keeps on happening for many times , thats why previosuly , i really got enough and i initiated a breakup (which i really didnt want to do tt) * We may be very loving at times coz we share the same stupid jokes and funny topics.but comes to solving problems, he uses a different way of concept from me. hes a open minded person and i m a very conservative person. he is sociable and i m more to shy and introvert . He always likes to be in the lime light in front of his friends but not me, i prefer to be the one following the crowd althought i have my own stand sometimes.
Despite of the many clashing character we have got, but i wun give up trying to neturalise our probs untill at the end of all my efforts, when i realise tt we r not going to work out , only then i would give up. thats why i hope i could have some helpful advice from ppl here.thks
peacely
In a relationship - to share is the first step - the compromise is the next immediate step. Looks like there is some problem going on - and as you know as well, things wouldn't solve by avoiding. In reality - to achieve a Win-Win solution may not always be available -but by compromising, its always possible, provided if both parties are willing to.
When problem arises: Tell him this time ok, let him, etc - the next time, he let you, etc. For example: Involving situations like disallow you to club, etc - go with him or only when good occasion arises, with female companies and a guarantee that you won't get drunk, kind of stuff. I always believe opposite attracts (Introvert and extrovert, etc).
BTW: Whats yours and his astrological sign? Tell me the time born and place - Singapore? - (the both of you) and I can do a quick astrological insight into your relationship.
Cheers -
He is a capricorn born on the 2nd of jan, me a leo, born on 21 aug
sometimes i believe astrology actually works and i have got some knowledge to it too. but from what i knoe , those in capri category tends to be very ambitious and hardworking , m i right? and they are quite concern abt their future and trying to climb up the coporate steps. But from what i see, hes young and now studying but hes more to enjoying his life than focusing on working and earning money. I mean very sure all gals would wan their bf to be stable in terms of career , but i can say he is definetely not. i m more or less accepting this fact now coz in the past, when i couldnt accept him n his lazy manner, i would normally nag at him or push him to find jobs , doing resumes and stuff.But slowly , i let go coz i believe that he would be doing all these when he know what he wan from his life. -
Originally posted by peacely:He is a capricorn born on the 2nd of jan, me a leo, born on 21 aug
sometimes i believe astrology actually works and i have got some knowledge to it too. but from what i knoe , those in capri category tends to be very ambitious and hardworking , m i right? and they are quite concern abt their future and trying to climb up the coporate steps. But from what i see, hes young and now studying but hes more to enjoying his life than focusing on working and earning money. I mean very sure all gals would wan their bf to be stable in terms of career , but i can say he is definetely not. i m more or less accepting this fact now coz in the past, when i couldnt accept him n his lazy manner, i would normally nag at him or push him to find jobs , doing resumes and stuff.But slowly , i let go coz i believe that he would be doing all these when he know what he wan from his life. I need to know the timing also. Your sun sign (Capricorn and Leo) speaks only a small part of the picture. Ask him if you do not know his time born. I need exact time.
Both of your born in Sg? -
Are you really serious about this???Originally posted by Yunhaier: I need to know the timing also. Your sun sign (Capricorn and Leo) speaks only a small part of the picture. Ask him if you do not know his time born. I need exact time.
Both of your born in Sg?