What can I do?
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Well my gf has jus went to Aust for her studies... initially everything was ok. We kept in daily contact and all. Then she started to have late nights... cuz her project can't be finished... but it was really avoidable...
Being the hot tempered man I am, I kept scolding her. I was ok that she has to use all her time to do the project... but it cannot be that its like everyday mah. (up to the extend she was falling sick) So I didn't heck care that she is the fragile type (mummy's gal) who cannot take verbal abuse one... and this continued for 2 months...
Finally she cracked... and we have broken up... she told me she was scared of me... when ever she call me I would scold her. I really did it out of her own good but I didn't realise it was hurting her... and when I offered to go there and settle this face to face... she almost screamed... in her mind she has already taken me as a monster...
I've never hit her before although I am harsh wif my words... and I know its my fault. I can never be with her again.. and she has also said she never want to see me again...
I'm seeing a shrink for dis as I really can't take it. I already tried to change for her... she don like me to smoke so i cutting down and I intend to quit before she's back and surprise her. I stopped gambling and I stopped drinking. I use to belong to a triad gang but she worry I get into fights so I left all my fds whom I've grown up with for 15 yrs as they all from the triad gang. Now I really no mood to do anything... scold my boss for nothing, almost get into fights... cannot sleep... haiz... the shrink not really helping much... and now if IMH got sars I cannot go see the shrink....
I hate my temper for this... I hate it really... cuz I really love her. But I wan her to be happy too so I'll stay away from her life from now on... and I need to curb my temper... how do i do it? I wan to lose it!! I wan to kill it!!
It has made me lose my most beloved one and I don wan it anymore!!! I wan to get rid of it!! I really let my ex down ah!!!
Sorry for venting but I didn't know who I should speak to... I really don know... Pls if there's anyone who noes whom can help pls let me know... pls.... I don tink the shrink helping me... I'm smoking more now and I drik every night else I cannot sleep... pls help... -
Brudder..
A failed relationship is a stepping stone for a better one..
You have to get over it man..otherwise you'll feel even worse..
And drinks and cigarettes don help you in your cause at all.. -
I think smoking and drinking only makes it worse right? Those seem to be acts of running away from reality. I guess you drink/smoke because you feel vexed. But drinking and smoking can only provide you with temporary relief from your bad mood. What you need, is something more permanent.Originally posted by Healin:Well my gf has jus went to Aust for her studies... initially everything was ok. We kept in daily contact and all. Then she started to have late nights... cuz her project can't be finished... but it was really avoidable...
Being the hot tempered man I am, I kept scolding her. I was ok that she has to use all her time to do the project... but it cannot be that its like everyday mah. (up to the extend she was falling sick) So I didn't heck care that she is the fragile type (mummy's gal) who cannot take verbal abuse one... and this continued for 2 months...
Finally she cracked... and we have broken up... she told me she was scared of me... when ever she call me I would scold her. I really did it out of her own good but I didn't realise it was hurting her... and when I offered to go there and settle this face to face... she almost screamed... in her mind she has already taken me as a monster...
I've never hit her before although I am harsh wif my words... and I know its my fault. I can never be with her again.. and she has also said she never want to see me again...
I'm seeing a shrink for dis as I really can't take it. I already tried to change for her... she don like me to smoke so i cutting down and I intend to quit before she's back and surprise her. I stopped gambling and I stopped drinking. I use to belong to a triad gang but she worry I get into fights so I left all my fds whom I've grown up with for 15 yrs as they all from the triad gang. Now I really no mood to do anything... scold my boss for nothing, almost get into fights... cannot sleep... haiz... the shrink not really helping much... and now if IMH got sars I cannot go see the shrink....
I hate my temper for this... I hate it really... cuz I really love her. But I wan her to be happy too so I'll stay away from her life from now on... and I need to curb my temper... how do i do it? I wan to lose it!! I wan to kill it!!
It has made me lose my most beloved one and I don wan it anymore!!! I wan to get rid of it!! I really let my ex down ah!!!
Sorry for venting but I didn't know who I should speak to... I really don know... Pls if there's anyone who noes whom can help pls let me know... pls.... I don tink the shrink helping me... I'm smoking more now and I drik every night else I cannot sleep... pls help...
I'm not really sure what you can do to curb your temper, but I could offer some suggestions. The next time you feel angry, you must really try hard not to do anything rash okie.
Close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths. Remind yourself that venting your anger on others isn't going to make things any better.
Are you stressed by any other things?
Hmmm, what has your shrink advised? -
BTW....wat's a shrink huh?Originally posted by Healin:I'm seeing a shrink for dis
Pai say...me dunno
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I can't get over it as it took both herself and me a lot of effort to start it. Really a lot of effort and also help from our fds. She liked me initially but I didn't wan to step into a relationship. She was so persistant and keep going out wif me etc... stuff like dat and all. She was like waiting for me to pop the qn to her for like almost 7 - 8 months and all our fds knew she liked me. Finally I took the courage to start this relationship and I really wanted to let her have a comfortable life and all.
I took the effort to go for part time degree and stuff like dat. I cut down on gaming, when she not around, I don go out often to save as much as I could. She had a terrible past wif her bf as he 2x her so I totally avoid seeing my gal fds even in group to make her feel more secure. I tried but I didn't make them known to her and now no chance liao.
I feel like dying and all... and I wonder if I would have been better off being single and not get together wif her initially... at least now she will still be my fd. No farking shit... I hate myself now and I hate my temper!! I can't take it anymore. -
shrinkOriginally posted by PaJeRoMiNi Ver 1.0:BTW....wat's a shrink huh?
Pai say...me dunno
n : a physician who specializes in psychiatry [syn: psychiatrist, head-shrinker] -
A shrink is a phychiatrist. I seeing one at IMH after doc recommend me there.Originally posted by PaJeRoMiNi Ver 1.0:BTW....wat's a shrink huh?
Pai say...me dunno -
Originally posted by Healin:No farking shit... I hate myself now and I hate my temper!! I can't take it anymore.
Relak man...don do anything rash k -
Originally posted by MooKu:
Icic...
[b]shrink
n : a physician who specializes in psychiatry [syn: psychiatrist, head-shrinker]
[/b]
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I cannot control my temper. I cannot. Is it bcuz I use to get into fights? I am now like totally osing control over it. The stupid shrink say ask me relax and take some med to help me sleep. Will review on 23rd dis month again. Farking good help the bloody shrink. I still cannot sleep...Originally posted by MooKu:I think smoking and drinking only makes it worse right? Those seem to be acts of running away from reality. I guess you drink/smoke because you feel vexed. But drinking and smoking can only provide you with temporary relief from your bad mood. What you need, is something more permanent.
I'm not really sure what you can do to curb your temper, but I could offer some suggestions. The next time you feel angry, you must really try hard not to do anything rash okie. Close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths. Remind yourself that venting your anger on others isn't going to make things any better.
Are you stressed by any other things?
Hmmm, what has your shrink advised? -
Geez.Originally posted by Healin:I can't get over it as it took both herself and me a lot of effort to start it. Really a lot of effort and also help from our fds. She liked me initially but I didn't wan to step into a relationship. She was so persistant and keep going out wif me etc... stuff like dat and all. She was like waiting for me to pop the qn to her for like almost 7 - 8 months and all our fds knew she liked me. Finally I took the courage to start this relationship and I really wanted to let her have a comfortable life and all.
I took the effort to go for part time degree and stuff like dat. I cut down on gaming, when she not around, I don go out often to save as much as I could. She had a terrible past wif her bf as he 2x her so I totally avoid seeing my gal fds even in group to make her feel more secure. I tried but I didn't make them known to her and now no chance liao.
I feel like dying and all... and I wonder if I would have been better off being single and not get together wif her initially... at least now she will still be my fd. No farking shit... I hate myself now and I hate my temper!! I can't take it anymore.
Don't keep on hating yourself... It's not going to make things any better. If you hate yourself, all the more you should tell yourself it's time to do something about it right?
I'm not very sure what advice I can offer... Maybe should wait for Master Yunhaier to come
But at the moment, if you're really feeling terrible, I suggest you do something that will take your mind off all this for the moment. Like perhaps, something physical, like jogging!
Or since you're online, maybe can go and play some online games or something.. Don't keep on dwelling on it, alright?
/me gives Healin a pat on the back
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Thank you... but I already tried all sorts of way to make myself happy. I play game, go swimming, and I go spend lots of my saving!! Nothing helps except for the alchol and fark I should go try some drugs.Originally posted by MooKu:Geez.
Don't keep on hating yourself... It's not going to make things any better. If you hate yourself, all the more you should tell yourself it's time to do something about it right?
I'm not very sure what advice I can offer... Maybe should wait for Master Yunhaier to come
But at the moment, if you're really feeling terrible, I suggest you do something that will take your mind off all this for the moment. Like perhaps, something physical, like jogging! Or since you're online, maybe can go and play some online games or something.. Don't keep on dwelling on it, alright?
/me gives Healin a pat on the back -
You must not think that you CANNOT control your temper.Originally posted by Healin:I cannot control my temper. I cannot. Is it bcuz I use to get into fights? I am now like totally osing control over it. The stupid shrink say ask me relax and take some med to help me sleep. Will review on 23rd dis month again. Farking good help the bloody shrink. I still cannot sleep...
The point now is, do you WANT to control your temper?
If you really want to control your temper, you have to start convincing yourself that you are capable of doing it. Think positive. Tell yourself: I can do it. I will do it!
Don't let your own thoughts hinder you on the road to recovery...
Not being able to sleep is perhaps you're still too tensed up. Trying hard to sleep won't help you to sleep... Just lie in bed quietly and calm down... Do some breathing exercises. Listen to soothing music. Perhaps you'd want to try some aromatherapy. Camomile/Lavendar are good for stress-relief. -
Healin... u ok? Don't try drugs... They will only make you feel worse, especially when they deplete your savings and you cannot satisfy the craving for drugs when you get addicted.Originally posted by Healin:Thank you... but I already tried all sorts of way to make myself happy. I play game, go swimming, and I go spend lots of my saving!! Nothing helps except for the alchol and fark I should go try some drugs.
Whatever you're unhappy about, just come on to the forums and pour out your troubles okay? There'll always be someone here to listen and offer advice.. -
Healin
only u can help urself. Everyone has a temper and its up to themselves how to control it.
Alcohol, and smoking won't solve ur problem.
Face it problems calmly.
Try having some ice water when u are really mad
if not tell urself to count to 50 when u are angry BEFORE u start throwing ur temper
hope u are a better man soon
all e best. -
What you need is someone to scold you!
Speak nicely, tell people arnd you to tell you when you are raising your voice. When they do, just take a breather. Tell yourself, you ran out of air take a break from where you are and try not to think abt it. Being angry makes you more angry so get away from the situation first. If it needs to be solve, think through later on then resolve it tactfully -
If someone were to scold me now he sure get it one. Jus went drinking again... else later cannot sleep... wat can help me? I'm beyond helping myself... I tried liao but it didn't work... haiz... I really feel terrible now...Originally posted by Forever84:What you need is someone to scold you!
Speak nicely, tell people arnd you to tell you when you are raising your voice. When they do, just take a breather. Tell yourself, you ran out of air take a break from where you are and try not to think abt it. Being angry makes you more angry so get away from the situation first. If it needs to be solve, think through later on then resolve it tactfully -
all these is just your choice. you are a big adult now, and no one can force you to do what you dun wan to do.Originally posted by Healin:If someone were to scold me now he sure get it one. Jus went drinking again... else later cannot sleep... wat can help me? I'm beyond helping myself... I tried liao but it didn't work... haiz... I really feel terrible now...
you choose to be terrible, choose to drink, choose to scold people, get angry etc. no one forcing u to do all these. its only you. -
Dear healin,Originally posted by Healin:Well my gf has jus went to Aust for her studies... initially everything was ok. We kept in daily contact and all. Then she started to have late nights... cuz her project can't be finished... but it was really avoidable...
Being the hot tempered man I am, I kept scolding her. I was ok that she has to use all her time to do the project... but it cannot be that its like everyday mah. (up to the extend she was falling sick) So I didn't heck care that she is the fragile type (mummy's gal) who cannot take verbal abuse one... and this continued for 2 months...
Finally she cracked... and we have broken up... she told me she was scared of me... when ever she call me I would scold her. I really did it out of her own good but I didn't realise it was hurting her... and when I offered to go there and settle this face to face... she almost screamed... in her mind she has already taken me as a monster...
I've never hit her before although I am harsh wif my words... and I know its my fault. I can never be with her again.. and she has also said she never want to see me again...
I'm seeing a shrink for dis as I really can't take it. I already tried to change for her... she don like me to smoke so i cutting down and I intend to quit before she's back and surprise her. I stopped gambling and I stopped drinking. I use to belong to a triad gang but she worry I get into fights so I left all my fds whom I've grown up with for 15 yrs as they all from the triad gang. Now I really no mood to do anything... scold my boss for nothing, almost get into fights... cannot sleep... haiz... the shrink not really helping much... and now if IMH got sars I cannot go see the shrink....
I hate my temper for this... I hate it really... cuz I really love her. But I wan her to be happy too so I'll stay away from her life from now on... and I need to curb my temper... how do i do it? I wan to lose it!! I wan to kill it!!
It has made me lose my most beloved one and I don wan it anymore!!! I wan to get rid of it!! I really let my ex down ah!!!
Sorry for venting but I didn't know who I should speak to... I really don know... Pls if there's anyone who noes whom can help pls let me know... pls.... I don tink the shrink helping me... I'm smoking more now and I drik every night else I cannot sleep... pls help...
Temper, temper, temper - don't even mention your gf - any ladies wouldn't be able to tolerate any kind of abuse - included verbal, physical, etc - regardless of how much you love them. A woman's soul is very different from a man's soul and the building blocks of a nuturing a relationship comes from all kinds of good elements like positivity like encouragement, etc.
Why scold when you know it hurts? Even though deep inside you, you feel that you are doing her good? There are a thousand and one ways to get your message across - why strain relationship?
Now, the both of you no longer together - and you started smoking, etc - do you think if you spoke to her again, she will believe that you will change? Hell no - what you are doing is subconsciously desiring her attention. She can't see it, she wouldn't know it and EVEN if she would - she would be so disappointed and she will KNOW and FEEL that her choice of breaking you is so right.
Which woman wished to return back to a man, who walked back to his sh|t past, she single handedly influence and brought him away from?
And you want to try drugs? Do that and you truly lose the battle and whatever guy who wants to chase her will LAUGH at your face for making his battle so easy.
Don't know what to do with your life now? Read through all the Aunt Agony threads in here and you will discover how many people have wrote in her about they falling for a girl, who has a bf, but bf treats her like hell and wonder if they got chance.
WHY on Earth do you want to create chances for others by degrading your life and yourself?
Advice?
The battle isn't lost forever, although you are at a very losing end. In CloUdiSm remix III - Art of Love, War and Romance state: In warfare of love, as long as one 'soldier' (slight chance) is left standing on the battlefield, you have a chance to win, unlike real war.
I feel that firstly: You must truely change your attitude. Every chance when you look into the mirror, tell yourself that you will learn how to be a better person and a better bf - your self image is very important. Quit smoking and drinking - it gives you poor image and let you linger in sorrow. Start loving yourself because you won't be able to win her back if you won't even know what is 'zi ai' (Self love)
After a period of 'training' and 'improving' on yourself, if can, take a flight to aust and drop her a very good surprise. She will be shocked to see you and probably avoid. The trick is to express your desire to speak to her WITHOUT the usual tone of voice and temper and to induce her to agree to listen.
After when she has calm down and wished to hear what you have to say - find a good spot and express yourself. Your style of tone has to be emotional with control. Don't pressure her and expect anything - you ain't in the position to make a demand. You can only influence, induce and affect subconsciously.
Stay over at aust for a few days and if possible, ask if she could show you around, etc. The purpose of this whole thing is to SHOW that you have improved and change - don't rely to much on telling. Actions speaks louder than words.
P.S: Are you an Aries or a Scorpio?
Cheers -
Thanks Ms Mooku for advertising.Originally posted by MooKu:Geez.
Don't keep on hating yourself... It's not going to make things any better. If you hate yourself, all the more you should tell yourself it's time to do something about it right?
I'm not very sure what advice I can offer... Maybe should wait for Master Yunhaier to come
But at the moment, if you're really feeling terrible, I suggest you do something that will take your mind off all this for the moment. Like perhaps, something physical, like jogging! Or since you're online, maybe can go and play some online games or something.. Don't keep on dwelling on it, alright?
/me gives Healin a pat on the back 
P.S: The advice you give - look through it once more: it applies to your depression too and you could tell others not to dwell on it - you should find time to listen to your own mind.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Thank you. I don care if she has a new bf. Like you said, why create chance for others by having a poor image? I have been drinking and smoking long before I knew her. I wanted to quit bcuz of her. Was trying to. From a large pack a day to a small pack to only 5 sticks per day. Progressively cutting down. Stopped clubbing as I wanted to save money for our future... so no drinking except for the occasional beer once a month when I go watch soccer. That's it.
Dear healin,
Temper, temper, temper - don't even mention your gf - any ladies wouldn't be able to tolerate any kind of abuse - included verbal, physical, etc - regardless of how much you love them. A woman's soul is very different from a man's soul and the building blocks of a nuturing a relationship comes from all kinds of good elements like positivity like encouragement, etc.
Why scold when you know it hurts? Even though deep inside you, you feel that you are doing her good? There are a thousand and one ways to get your message across - why [b]strain relationship?
Now, the both of you no longer together - and you started smoking, etc - do you think if you spoke to her again, she will believe that you will change? Hell no - what you are doing is subconsciously desiring her attention. She can't see it, she wouldn't know it and EVEN if she would - she would be so disappointed and she will KNOW and FEEL that her choice of breaking you is so right.
Which woman wished to return back to a man, who walked back to his sh|t past, she single handedly influence and brought him away from?
And you want to try drugs? Do that and you truly lose the battle and whatever guy who wants to chase her will LAUGH at your face for making his battle so easy.
Don't know what to do with your life now? Read through all the Aunt Agony threads in here and you will discover how many people have wrote in her about they falling for a girl, who has a bf, but bf treats her like hell and wonder if they got chance.
WHY on Earth do you want to create chances for others by degrading your life and yourself?
Advice?
The battle isn't lost forever, although you are at a very losing end. In CloUdiSm remix III - Art of Love, War and Romance state: In warfare of love, as long as one 'soldier' (slight chance) is left standing on the battlefield, you have a chance to win, unlike real war.
I feel that firstly: You must truely change your attitude. Every chance when you look into the mirror, tell yourself that you will learn how to be a better person and a better bf - your self image is very important. Quit smoking and drinking - it gives you poor image and let you linger in sorrow. Start loving yourself because you won't be able to win her back if you won't even know what is 'zi ai' (Self love)
After a period of 'training' and 'improving' on yourself, if can, take a flight to aust and drop her a very good surprise. She will be shocked to see you and probably avoid. The trick is to express your desire to speak to her WITHOUT the usual tone of voice and temper and to induce her to agree to listen.
After when she has calm down and wished to hear what you have to say - find a good spot and express yourself. Your style of tone has to be emotional with control. Don't pressure her and expect anything - you ain't in the position to make a demand. You can only influence, induce and affect subconsciously.
Stay over at aust for a few days and if possible, ask if she could show you around, etc. The purpose of this whole thing is to SHOW that you have improved and change - don't rely to much on telling. Actions speaks louder than words.
P.S: Are you an Aries or a Scorpio?
Cheers [/b]
Now for me it seems there is no point trying to reduce all these now. All my fds are smokers. It was already hard to cut down amist them and now without the motivation its worse. I am drinking again as I can't sleep if I don now.
Finally, winning her back is something I didn't think off. I didn't abuse her. I never use any vulgarities on her. I was v harsh and like wat u said, it was straining my relationship wif her. Y I so harsh and scold her? I'm a v straight forward person. If wrong means wrong. I know some of the things she telling me was way not the correct way to work there and I cannot afford to let her make the mistake. I love her so much I would not bear her to suffer when she make those mistakes.
I only hope she's happy there even wifout me but I don think I can see her again. What I need now is how to help control my temper. As in my 1st post, she already scared of me and say I too fierce. As a human being, I do feel that I should change it as no one should be afraid of another human. I jus wan to make sure my freaking temper is gone. My smoking and drinking dosage has increased but this I really dunno how to put them down again. There's no one left to try for. No one left to strive for. No one to care for.
I'm a bloody aquarius. Bloody cuz I feel my soul is bleeding now. -
There are many ways to do the same thing, amico.
I don't know if temper is innate to a person or not, but temper doesn't solve anything.
It's just a manifestation. Know what anger and hatred can bring you and you will know why they are useless. -
I noe what they can bring me... and I never had feeling of hatred... but my freaking anger... it really have to go. Worse part it comes out naturally... I dunno wat to do. All these conting before I lose it, drink cold water, run to toilet 1st didn't work for me...Originally posted by Parka: There are many ways to do the same thing, amico.
I don't know if temper is innate to a person or not, but temper doesn't solve anything.
It's just a manifestation. Know what anger and hatred can bring you and you will know why they are useless. -
What you can't stand?
Is it the fact that people are doing something you feel is wrong
like thats a wrong way for it to be done? -
I can't stand my temper. I get into fights and all. I don noe how to control it. I've never been violent to my gf but she's scared of me. How would you feel if the person u loved says she's scared of you? To the extend when you wan to meet her she screamed and begged you not to?Originally posted by Forever84:What you can't stand?
Is it the fact that people are doing something you feel is wrong
like thats a wrong way for it to be done?
Many ppl have told me that there might be some other issues between me and her that caused this. She likes to have fun and play so it might be that she has a new beau in Aust. But I trust her. Blindly in fact and I wan to cure this temper of mine since she says (indirectly) that it caused our breakup. I've seen docs, shrink and even called up a counselling hotline. They don help me at all. It doesn't help that there's no one I can turn to. Everyone is busy with their own prob and life... they are not free. My fds did try to spend time with me but so? I don feel any better. Infact, I feel worse cuz I forsake them for my gf and they are around when I need them.
I've even went to the temple and prayed to the gods... nothing helps me. I control now and then 1 day it explode again. I'm sick of myself and I don wan muy temper to ruin everything again... I'm at rock bottom... I feel like I can die and that's it...