What can I do?
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Originally posted by Healin:I can't stand my temper. I get into fights and all. I don noe how to control it. I've never been violent to my gf but she's scared of me. How would you feel if the person u loved says she's scared of you? To the extend when you wan to meet her she screamed and begged you not to?
Many ppl have told me that there might be some other issues between me and her that caused this. She likes to have fun and play so it might be that she has a new beau in Aust. But I trust her. Blindly in fact and I wan to cure this temper of mine since she says (indirectly) that it caused our breakup. I've seen docs, shrink and even called up a counselling hotline. They don help me at all. It doesn't help that there's no one I can turn to. Everyone is busy with their own prob and life... they are not free. My fds did try to spend time with me but so? I don feel any better. Infact, I feel worse cuz I forsake them for my gf and they are around when I need them.
I've even went to the temple and prayed to the gods... nothing helps me. I control now and then 1 day it explode again. I'm sick of myself and I don wan muy temper to ruin everything again... I'm at rock bottom... I feel like I can die and that's it...
If you don't start by changing the way you think, it's going to be very hard to get rid of that temper of yours! Stop thinking that life is hopeless or that nobody will listen or be able to help you! You cannot always depend on people to help you. We can only give you advice and guide you. Ultimately, the only person who can bring you out of this mess is yourself. -
It's a matter of choice, amico. Choice. Choice. And Choice.
You can choose to control your angry. I mean, can't one even control oneself? If that's the case, it's almost similar to computer addiction already.
Choice, amico. -
As I said, if you WANT to change, you shouldn't be thinking about what you did wrong but instead, you should be taking practical ACTIONS. It's like seeing a glass of water on the table. You're sitting away from the table feeling very thirsty and wanting badly a sip of water. Thinking about it won't help unless you have telekinesis. You've got to get up from your seat and walk over to the table in order to get to the glass of water!Originally posted by Healin:I've even went to the temple and prayed to the gods... nothing helps me. I control now and then 1 day it explode again. I'm sick of myself and I don wan muy temper to ruin everything again... I'm at rock bottom... I feel like I can die and that's it... -
To be honest bro, it ain't really about your temper. One way or the other you gotta let go of her.Originally posted by Healin:Well my gf has jus went to Aust for her studies... initially everything was ok. We kept in daily contact and all. Then she started to have late nights... cuz her project can't be finished... but it was really avoidable...
Being the hot tempered man I am, I kept scolding her. I was ok that she has to use all her time to do the project... but it cannot be that its like everyday mah. (up to the extend she was falling sick) So I didn't heck care that she is the fragile type (mummy's gal) who cannot take verbal abuse one... and this continued for 2 months...
Finally she cracked... and we have broken up... she told me she was scared of me... when ever she call me I would scold her. I really did it out of her own good but I didn't realise it was hurting her... and when I offered to go there and settle this face to face... she almost screamed... in her mind she has already taken me as a monster...
I've never hit her before although I am harsh wif my words... and I know its my fault. I can never be with her again.. and she has also said she never want to see me again...
I'm seeing a shrink for dis as I really can't take it. I already tried to change for her... she don like me to smoke so i cutting down and I intend to quit before she's back and surprise her. I stopped gambling and I stopped drinking. I use to belong to a triad gang but she worry I get into fights so I left all my fds whom I've grown up with for 15 yrs as they all from the triad gang. Now I really no mood to do anything... scold my boss for nothing, almost get into fights... cannot sleep... haiz... the shrink not really helping much... and now if IMH got sars I cannot go see the shrink....
I hate my temper for this... I hate it really... cuz I really love her. But I wan her to be happy too so I'll stay away from her life from now on... and I need to curb my temper... how do i do it? I wan to lose it!! I wan to kill it!!
It has made me lose my most beloved one and I don wan it anymore!!! I wan to get rid of it!! I really let my ex down ah!!!
Sorry for venting but I didn't know who I should speak to... I really don know... Pls if there's anyone who noes whom can help pls let me know... pls.... I don tink the shrink helping me... I'm smoking more now and I drik every night else I cannot sleep... pls help...
I've spent 3 yrs in australia studying and personally withness many break ups in particular, "long distance" relationships. Either parties tend to "stray" away and have themself a bit of flirting action going on.
You have to realise that while she's there and your here, there are guys out there whom are after her should there be any. Whether or not she intends to stray is up to her. Her ideals would be much more open rather than before due to the society westerners live in.
Soon you'll realise she isn't the person before or perhaps she would grow to treasure you more.
But I won't b*llshit you. Those things you watch on TV ain't the same as the real world. Its pretty much straight forward, once she's gone she's gone. only 0.0000000001% will stay strong. Unbelievable ? sure. This is the truth I have to offer.
I always like to think of it in a way that should your partner love you enough to be strong enough to reject those "beautiful, handsome" people, than my friend, she truely deserves you. There's no point patching things up if she's made up her mind to go with some cute and hot caucasian guy whose gonna go to bed with her and dump her the following or perhaps ......... few weeks later ? reason why is because if say you manage to patch things up with her by making her forget about the hunky dude, your gonna have to experience much more of it. defeats the purpose of true love if you ever intend to have one
It doesn't matter if your perfect or she's perfect. What matter most is whether the 2 of you are perfect together.
anger is inevitable. it takes days, weeks bla bla bla to heal, so be it, but this day my friend is your 1 step towards understanding reality. Its a good thing. Something that'll make you think twice before committing into a relationship. -
Thank you Mooku... I am trying and you tink I like to tell ppl I go IMH? My boss says ok one but then how she behave? I seek help with an open mind. The doc say must take blood test I take... counselling I also going... now must see shrink. I don wan to feel this way too... but I really can't help it. I can only sleep if I drink... and I've been trying to fight that. Since early Feb I was like sleeping only like 2 to 3 hrs per day. The anger thing started 1st then I lose sleep. I cannot work properly, cannot tink properly, cannot do anything. I noe I'm the one who must walk this path alone but I dunno how to... I really dunno...Originally posted by MooKu: If you don't start by changing the way you think, it's going to be very hard to get rid of that temper of yours! Stop thinking that life is hopeless or that nobody will listen or be able to help you! You cannot always depend on people to help you. We can only give you advice and guide you. Ultimately, the only person who can bring you out of this mess is yourself. -
I noe... and that's y I said there might be other factors but she verbally told me she scared of my temper. Even if its a lie so be it. Even if its a lame excuse I also don care liao... I jus wan to cure my bad temper. I jus wan to make sure that there won't be a chance for anyone to use this as an excuse in future.Originally posted by Flight Cadet Officer:To be honest bro, it ain't really about your temper. One way or the other you gotta let go of her.
I've spent 3 yrs in australia studying and personally withness many break ups in particular, "long distance" relationships. Either parties tend to "stray" away and have themself a bit of flirting action going on.
You have to realise that while she's there and your here, there are guys out there whom are after her should there be any. Whether or not she intends to stray is up to her. Her ideals would be much more open rather than before due to the society westerners live in.
Soon you'll realise she isn't the person before or perhaps she would grow to treasure you more.
But I won't b*llshit you. Those things you watch on TV ain't the same as the real world. Its pretty much straight forward, once she's gone she's gone. only 0.0000000001% will stay strong. Unbelievable ? sure. This is the truth I have to offer.
I always like to think of it in a way that should your partner love you enough to be strong enough to reject those "beautiful, handsome" people, than my friend, she truely deserves you. There's no point patching things up if she's made up her mind to go with some cute and hot caucasian guy whose gonna go to bed with her and dump her the following or perhaps ......... few weeks later ? reason why is because if say you manage to patch things up with her by making her forget about the hunky dude, your gonna have to experience much more of it. defeats the purpose of true love if you ever intend to have one
It doesn't matter if your perfect or she's perfect. What matter most is whether the 2 of you are perfect together.
anger is inevitable. it takes days, weeks bla bla bla to heal, so be it, but this day my friend is your 1 step towards understanding reality. Its a good thing. Something that'll make you think twice before committing into a relationship.
If bout her, I stress again that I won't ever wan to bother her again. She's playful and wild. She likes to play so I will not be surprised if she has a new bf now. I really love her and hope the best for her. If the other guy can fulfill her dreams and hopes I'm fine and happy with dat. She does deserve someone better if she finds him.
A lot of u ppl here have given me advise based on how to win her back or stuff... but I don wan to. I'm deeply hurt and this is like the 2nd time I shed tears since my primary school days. I thought I am incapable of that but she proved me wrong. The top piority now for me is to control my temper... I don wan to hurt anyone anymore. I will do anything for it to be cured.
Finally thanks to all of you who tried to help cheer me up... I greatly appreciate this. I promise that one day when I'm fine, I will in turn stay around this board whenever possible to help others too.
Pls.. if anyone noes of how to cure this temper of mine pls advise. -
Hardly anyone likes to visit doctors for mental illnesses... Did you read today's Life! section of the Sunday Times? There's a section on mental illnesses you might want to read.Originally posted by Healin:Thank you Mooku... I am trying and you tink I like to tell ppl I go IMH? My boss says ok one but then how she behave? I seek help with an open mind. The doc say must take blood test I take... counselling I also going... now must see shrink. I don wan to feel this way too... but I really can't help it. I can only sleep if I drink... and I've been trying to fight that. Since early Feb I was like sleeping only like 2 to 3 hrs per day. The anger thing started 1st then I lose sleep. I cannot work properly, cannot tink properly, cannot do anything. I noe I'm the one who must walk this path alone but I dunno how to... I really dunno...
Seeking medical help with an open mind is good... but perhaps with positive thinking would be better. You are seeing a shrink. You must first have faith that all these medical help will be able to help you.
Why don't you take a short break from work first? Then try to sleep without the help of alcohol. It might be difficult and frustrating at first, but do hang in there.
Noooo you're not alone. There are so many people here at the forum who are willing to help you and guide you along the way. Whenever you feel unhappy, just come on here and pour out your problems!
I'm also having problems myself actually, but I've been trying hard to tell myself it's just a passing phase, and that if I hang in there and work hard enough at it, I'll soon be okay... There, you see there's actually someone else walking a difficult path now, isn't it? Hopefully when my bad days are over, so will yours be. -
Are you supressing?
Cause if you are, you should really stop. Don't always hold back even alittle bit if you feel that you have been wronged. Cut back on your drinking, seriously. Its proly whats causing you to blow up. Can't sleep without drinking? Well then DON'T, yet that is if you can't sleep get up do some exercises and make yourself real tired before getting on your bed again. Fill your refrigerator with food and other stuff LEAVE NO ROOM for beer, etc (whatever you call that garbage) -
Actually now I think again, perhaps you really need a break. Take a vacation and go somewhere to sightsee. New Zealand would be nice. Or if you need some spiritual comfort, you could try Tibet. Or since now economy not good and also not so safe to travel around the world, at least just take a break and go hiking or something. Get in touch with nature. It's soothing. Go MacRitchie and jog... there's an abundance of cool fresh oxygen there.
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I had the temper prob, then I couldn't sleep. Then now I drink so I can sleep. Its not the alchol that's causing my bad temper. I jus got a call from this colleague of mine. She noes another shrink that maybe able to help. I will try again...Originally posted by Forever84:Are you supressing?
Cause if you are, you should really stop. Don't always hold back even alittle bit if you feel that you have been wronged. Cut back on your drinking, seriously. Its proly whats causing you to blow up. Can't sleep without drinking? Well then DON'T, yet that is if you can't sleep get up do some exercises and make yourself real tired before getting on your bed again. Fill your refrigerator with food and other stuff LEAVE NO ROOM for beer, etc (whatever you call that garbage) -
I tried that. When I couldn't sleep... I went jogging. But jog until I sian liao and jog liao also cannot sleep. Bloody hell always stopped by police somemore as its like 2 - 3 am.Originally posted by MooKu:Actually now I think again, perhaps you really need a break. Take a vacation and go somewhere to sightsee. New Zealand would be nice. Or if you need some spiritual comfort, you could try Tibet. Or since now economy not good and also not so safe to travel around the world, at least just take a break and go hiking or something. Get in touch with nature. It's soothing. Go MacRitchie and jog... there's an abundance of cool fresh oxygen there. -
Ok, good luck. Hope you find the level of control you were searching for. First step to solving a problem is knowing you have a problem, and you've done that.
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I always like to think in a way that when it comes to a situation that really piss me off, there is 2 ways I deal with it.
1) Blow my temper, srgue and shout my way through, which in return get a black eye or "bad image"
or I can
Talk things out and state facts, in the end having a Win - Win Situation or a Compromise that satisfies both parties.
By being louder doesn't make you king nor queen.
If the situation is something like your best friend slept with your GF or something. I would suggest you shoot first ask later.
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actually....where does your anger stem from? ask yourself that. where did it come from? maybe you couldn't accept yourself for who you are. you improved yourself after you met her... it means you know that "hey... i cant go on living this kinda life. in other to make my future significant other happy i have to stop doing this and start doing that."
maybe it means that you cant accept the current state of your life. and you dont want to? perhaps that's where the anger is from? you're angry at yourself for not improving your life. you just directed that anger at others?
try addressing the root problem.
just my 2 cents worth. -
Since you don't have the intention of trying to win her - then why post this? Just as simple as trying to resolve your bad temper? I doubt so.Originally posted by Healin:Thank you. I don care if she has a new bf. Like you said, why create chance for others by having a poor image? I have been drinking and smoking long before I knew her. I wanted to quit bcuz of her. Was trying to. From a large pack a day to a small pack to only 5 sticks per day. Progressively cutting down. Stopped clubbing as I wanted to save money for our future... so no drinking except for the occasional beer once a month when I go watch soccer. That's it.
Now for me it seems there is no point trying to reduce all these now. All my fds are smokers. It was already hard to cut down amist them and now without the motivation its worse. I am drinking again as I can't sleep if I don now.
Finally, winning her back is something I didn't think off. I didn't abuse her. I never use any vulgarities on her. I was v harsh and like wat u said, it was straining my relationship wif her. Y I so harsh and scold her? I'm a v straight forward person. If wrong means wrong. I know some of the things she telling me was way not the correct way to work there and I cannot afford to let her make the mistake. I love her so much I would not bear her to suffer when she make those mistakes.
I only hope she's happy there even wifout me but I don think I can see her again. What I need now is how to help control my temper. As in my 1st post, she already scared of me and say I too fierce. As a human being, I do feel that I should change it as no one should be afraid of another human. I jus wan to make sure my freaking temper is gone. My smoking and drinking dosage has increased but this I really dunno how to put them down again. There's no one left to try for. No one left to strive for. No one to care for.
I'm a bloody aquarius. Bloody cuz I feel my soul is bleeding now.
So what if you had been smoking and drinking since she knows you, etc - that's why things will go wrong - you never attempt to do something practical during your relationship. You know you have bad temper - you CAN curb it. EQ (Emotional quotation) - is very different from IQ, in which you are born with it. You never choose to improve it.
Now I mention about quitting these past habits of yours - you blabber about your friends being all smoker and she is already gone what. Its easy to give excuses for yourself and simply say: Yes, she is gone, so whats the point. Exactly the same way about the thoughts of trying to get her back - your will is so weak and half-hearted.You are a straight forward person - wrong means wrong.
I mention alot of times in the forum before and would continue to do it as long as I am around posting - Frank is a virtue while blunt is a flaw - in your case, you are absolutely under blunt characteristic. I have several friends who are frank and straight forward person - HOWEVER, when it comes to many issues - they are tactful - which you totally lack in your communication. The Aquarius's need to speak out and communicate is strong - just that you are doing it the wrong way.
What's use if your motive is for the greater good, but you express yourself as if you are a jerk bf?
YOU WANT TO CURB YOUR TEMPER, you would need a load of willpower. Its not just a a one time thing and forget about it. You have to begin someway and start. You know why its totally and utterly useless and of no help when you go seek all these help, etc? Because even you yourself doesn't want to attempt your first step in walking a mile.
The thought of winning her back doesn't cross your mind - I can't think of any motivation for you to work towards because even your friends ain't being helpful, rather a negative impact on you.
If you can't cease smoking and drinking - you will never be able to curb your temper. Where's the willpower and determination shown in going back to negative habits? Rather a 'zi bao zi qi' attitude that wouldn't improve your situation and probably make you feel worst.
P.S: I am going to hell of a frank with you: If your gf knows about you being in such a sorry state, she will feel gulity, but at the same time, she will be scared of you - and probably feel that the decision to leave you is right. You could change this: its within your means. You said that she is happier without you - oh, if she sees her bf so bu cheng qi - come on, you are making your own comment come true.
My challenge to you: Show me the determination and willpower to get over it and I will try my best in planning for a way to get your gf back - CloUdiSm style. (Provided external factors ain't too disadvantage)
Cheers -
Originally posted by Healin:I noe... and that's y I said there might be other factors but she verbally told me she scared of my temper. Even if its a lie so be it. Even if its a lame excuse I also don care liao... I jus wan to cure my bad temper. I jus wan to make sure that there won't be a chance for anyone to use this as an excuse in future.
If bout her, I stress again that I won't ever wan to bother her again. She's playful and wild. She likes to play so I will not be surprised if she has a new bf now. I really love her and hope the best for her. If the other guy can fulfill her dreams and hopes I'm fine and happy with dat. She does deserve someone better if she finds him.
A lot of u ppl here have given me advise based on how to win her back or stuff... but I don wan to. I'm deeply hurt and this is like the 2nd time I shed tears since my primary school days. I thought I am incapable of that but she proved me wrong. The top piority now for me is to control my temper... I don wan to hurt anyone anymore. I will do anything for it to be cured.
Finally thanks to all of you who tried to help cheer me up... I greatly appreciate this. I promise that one day when I'm fine, I will in turn stay around this board whenever possible to help others too.
Pls.. if anyone noes of how to cure this temper of mine pls advise.A lot of u ppl here have given me advise based on how to win her back or stuff... but I don wan to.
You rather lose this relationship because of a lame temper you have, rather to fight for what could seemed to be a happy union. You so like to fight so much and being aggressive, how come you can be so passive even it comes to your own love?
All the while, throughout your teens and probably till now, you have been involved in fights for all the wrong and lame cause - if there is something you have to fight for and Yunhaier here will support you throughout - is the girl you love.
'If you were to lose a relationship to a third party, so be it. If you were to lose this relationship because she don't love you anymore, so be it. If you were to lose a relationship to ANY external factors, so be it - but if you were to lose this relationship because of your own flaws - You shall improve and give it another shot. Afterall, if you did change and improve before walking on separate ways, this breakage wouldn't have happen.'
- Yunhaier's words to Healin -
So much restless energy and aggressiveness in you - channel it correctly, you not only solve your temper, instead you would lead a better life.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Thank u and I noe u mean well. I really don need to win her back... my post here is to seek help for my temper. I noe alchol no good for me but I can't sleep without it. I just wan to make myself a better person. Not for her but for my future, fds and even strangers.
I mention alot of times in the forum before and would continue to do it as long as I am around posting - Frank is a virtue while blunt is a flaw - in your case, you are absolutely under blunt characteristic. I have several friends who are frank and straight forward person - HOWEVER, when it comes to many issues - they are tactful - which you totally lack in your communication. The Aquarius's need to speak out and communicate is strong - just that you are doing it the wrong way.
What's use if your motive is for the greater good, but you express yourself as if you are a jerk bf?
YOU WANT TO CURB YOUR TEMPER, you would need a load of willpower. Its not just a a one time thing and forget about it. You have to begin someway and start. You know why its totally and utterly useless and of no help when you go seek all these help, etc? Because even you yourself doesn't want to attempt your first step in walking a mile.
The thought of winning her back doesn't cross your mind - I can't think of any motivation for you to work towards because even your friends ain't being helpful, rather a negative impact on you.
If you can't cease smoking and drinking - you will never be able to curb your temper. Where's the willpower and determination shown in going back to negative habits? Rather a 'zi bao zi qi' attitude that wouldn't improve your situation and probably make you feel worst.
P.S: I am going to hell of a frank with you: If your gf knows about you being in such a sorry state, she will feel gulity, but at the same time, she will be scared of you - and probably feel that the decision to leave you is right. You could change this: its within your means. You said that she is happier without you - oh, if she sees her bf so bu cheng qi - come on, you are making your own comment come true.
My challenge to you: Show me the determination and willpower to get over it and I will try my best in planning for a way to get your gf back - CloUdiSm style. (Provided external factors ain't too disadvantage)
Cheers [/b]
I'm really making an effort here... to curb my temper but seriously it doesn't do me much help. I've tried many ways and I'm also willing to do it.
Finally, appreciate if you guys/gals don recommend me based on helping me win her back. I'm at fault and I also blame her for not giving me a chance to prove myself. Maybe its myself dats stupid but if she really scared of me can tell me earlier. Anyway I jus wan to get on wif my life. -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
I didn't wan to give her up. But she so scared of me liao. I don wan to hurt each other anymore. Anyway, ur words are very inspiring. I will take up ur challenge and cure this freaking temper of mine. I will quit smoking but now if I don drink I cannot sleep... I do not wan to take relaxant or sleeping pills anymore.
You rather lose this relationship because of a lame temper you have, rather to fight for what could seemed to be a happy union. You so like to fight so much and being aggressive, how come you can be so passive even it comes to your own love?
All the while, throughout your teens and probably till now, you have been involved in fights for all the wrong and lame cause - if there is something you have to fight for and Yunhaier here will support you throughout - is the girl you love.
'If you were to lose a relationship to a third party, so be it. If you were to lose this relationship because she don't love you anymore, so be it. If you were to lose a relationship to ANY external factors, so be it - but if you were to lose this relationship because of your own flaws - You shall improve and give it another shot. Afterall, if you did change and improve before walking on separate ways, this breakage wouldn't have happen.'
- Yunhaier's words to Healin -
So much restless energy and aggressiveness in you - channel it correctly, you not only solve your temper, instead you would lead a better life.
Cheers[/b]
And yes. I fight and is v aggressive but I'm not a coward. I cannot fight against the unseen. But I will try. I don need to win her back or prove anything. I jus need to be a better person. If I'm lame I wouldn't even be in the relationship. Too many things has happened for me to type here... even her fds say ke xi but who cares now? I cannot tink bout patching up wif her or I'll be stuck forever. I wan to move on. -
Let's go, I bring u go East Coast or West Coast scream? U noe who i m? Scream liao then can soothe yr temper...
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:So much restless energy and aggressiveness in you - channel it correctly, you not only solve your temper, instead you would lead a better life.
Healin... Read this.... -
I hope... You'll remember all the things you've said...? With that, I offer you... My e-mail address [email protected] which you can write to me with... OR if you deem it better if you wanna chat with me over the phone or even see me in person one day (perhaps at a later stage...?) please do let me know too....?Originally posted by Healin:Finally thanks to all of you who tried to help cheer me up... I greatly appreciate this. I promise that one day when I'm fine, I will in turn stay around this board whenever possible to help others too.
Pls.. if anyone noes of how to cure this temper of mine pls advise.
Some things which you should try doing meanwhile...?
1. Yes... You're reckless and you're fearless & you thought you can fight this 'monster' within yourself which you can't see...? Well... Guess what...? Everytimes you want so much to SEE it, you're only giving it more STRENGTH.... Seems like since you've got so much trouble controlling your mind... (thanks so much to the alcohols and medications you taking..) You should CONDITION your body... Ever heard that being a vegetarian would help control your temper...? Well.. Ain't exactly... But it does work INDIRECTLY...? I'm not asking you to become a vegeterian here... But you can begin by taking more PLAIN drinks like H20... More fruits and vegetables... Don't eat too much unnecessary food (especially high energy ones...)... Don't OVEREXERCISE yourself... Enough is enough... Don't be to physically active.... Just enough to keep yourself healthy..? UNTIL you learn to CONTROL this MIND of yours.... With DISCIPLINE...? So a little discipline to start with in all activities suggested would bring you a LONG way to come...?
2. Learn to LOVE. Not asking you to find another girl to love or go back to the old one... But LOVING the people around you... The world you live in and YOURSELF.... YES.. You have EVERY REASON to HATE them, but that DOESN'T mean you don't have any reason to LOVE them...?
Once you've learnt this well, ANGER has no reason to be with you.. Not to mention a chance to display its 'abilities'...?
3. Work on TECHNIQUES.... There're SO MANY books which would give you self-help on how to CONTROL your temper... If it really means so much for you to control it, READ all about them and be DILLIGENT in practising them... It's YOUR LIFE, nothing really comes free.. You've got to WORK for what you wanna achieve...? In the end, it'll be YOURS to benefit...? Some of the techniques you'll come to learn might be MORE USEFUL for you while othrs might not... Try to weigh for yourself...? But don't give up totally on them so easily because you won't know what you might be MISSING...? Good luck with that for now...? 
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Yesh I noe who u are. Thank you. You have been most helpful.Originally posted by unoewhoiam:Let's go, I bring u go East Coast or West Coast scream? U noe who i m? Scream liao then can soothe yr temper... -
I did and I will try. But so tired now... so tired...Originally posted by Devil1976:
Healin... Read this.... -
Thank you... I will try some of ur advise and let you know the outcome.Originally posted by Devil1976:I hope... You'll remember all the things you've said...? With that, I offer you... My e-mail address [email protected] which you can write to me with... OR if you deem it better if you wanna chat with me over the phone or even see me in person one day (perhaps at a later stage...?) please do let me know too....?
Some things which you should try doing meanwhile...?
1. Yes... You're reckless and you're fearless & you thought you can fight this 'monster' within yourself which you can't see...? Well... Guess what...? Everytimes you want so much to SEE it, you're only giving it more STRENGTH.... Seems like since you've got so much trouble controlling your mind... (thanks so much to the alcohols and medications you taking..) You should CONDITION your body... Ever heard that being a vegetarian would help control your temper...? Well.. Ain't exactly... But it does work INDIRECTLY...? I'm not asking you to become a vegeterian here... But you can begin by taking more PLAIN drinks like H20... More fruits and vegetables... Don't eat too much unnecessary food (especially high energy ones...)... Don't OVEREXERCISE yourself... Enough is enough... Don't be to physically active.... Just enough to keep yourself healthy..? UNTIL you learn to CONTROL this MIND of yours.... With DISCIPLINE...? So a little discipline to start with in all activities suggested would bring you a LONG way to come...?
2. Learn to LOVE. Not asking you to find another girl to love or go back to the old one... But LOVING the people around you... The world you live in and YOURSELF.... YES.. You have EVERY REASON to HATE them, but that DOESN'T mean you don't have any reason to LOVE them...? Once you've learnt this well, ANGER has no reason to be with you.. Not to mention a chance to display its 'abilities'...?
3. Work on TECHNIQUES.... There're SO MANY books which would give you self-help on how to CONTROL your temper... If it really means so much for you to control it, READ all about them and be DILLIGENT in practising them... It's YOUR LIFE, nothing really comes free.. You've got to WORK for what you wanna achieve...? In the end, it'll be YOURS to benefit...? Some of the techniques you'll come to learn might be MORE USEFUL for you while othrs might not... Try to weigh for yourself...? But don't give up totally on them so easily because you won't know what you might be MISSING...? Good luck with that for now...? > -
I respect your decision in moving on. If you know what is best for you and you calulated - you have all the rights to make the decisions. In relationship and love - if you both are meant to be together, you will be, regardless of how far the distance, how long the time. You want to improve yourself, to strive on forward for a better tomorrow, without her in the picture - you earn my admiration.Originally posted by Healin:I didn't wan to give her up. But she so scared of me liao. I don wan to hurt each other anymore. Anyway, ur words are very inspiring. I will take up ur challenge and cure this freaking temper of mine. I will quit smoking but now if I don drink I cannot sleep... I do not wan to take relaxant or sleeping pills anymore.
And yes. I fight and is v aggressive but I'm not a coward. I cannot fight against the unseen. But I will try. I don need to win her back or prove anything. I jus need to be a better person. If I'm lame I wouldn't even be in the relationship. Too many things has happened for me to type here... even her fds say ke xi but who cares now? I cannot tink bout patching up wif her or I'll be stuck forever. I wan to move on.
1st Stage:
You mentioned you will stop smoking - eventually after some time, tell yourself that you will go sleep 'that' day without alcohol. It is like a pit you are inside - you have all the time to remain there and you have all the power to get out from there.
2nd Stage:
After ceasing all these smoking and drinking - for guys, I advice you to invest your time into training your physique. Drain your energy into your work, studies and extra time to the gym or exercising. It will only shape yourself with better bod, you will also use all this restless energy into something.
Things to do or watch out everyday.
In any situations when you got to look at the mirror, MENTALLY talk to yourself that you will succeed in the attempt to improve yourself. Throw in words of encouragement to yourself before you leave the loo/toliet.
When people stir the anger in you, don't reply to them first, hold ten seconds before replying. If it is things like bad customers service - learn to communicate like a gentleman to get your message across. 'I wan to see your manager, etc'
If people is looking for trouble and lure you into picking a fight with him. Pause, look at him, and tell him this.
"If you can hit me, I won't hit you back, because I am not going to degrade myself. The most we can go to the police.'
Cease using vulgarities - limited yourself to only F.U.C.K. in extremely case. Genitals calling or summoning of parents to quarrel spolits images and increase your heat of anger.
When people say things that brew this temper - ALWAYS PAUSE 5 to 10 SECONDS before answering. It gives you time to think and react in better position.
P.S: Not reacting to hostility, with brains, trains your character - reacting in the wrong way makes you a loser.
Cheers