What can I do?
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
I will try to control myself but as for releasing the energy... I really dunno how. I've been listless and I can't get things done. Forced myself but it doesn't seem to work... and worst is cannot concentrate in office too.
I respect your decision in moving on. If you know what is best for you and you calulated - you have all the rights to make the decisions. In relationship and love - if you both are meant to be together, you will be, regardless of how far the distance, how long the time. You want to improve yourself, to strive on forward for a better tomorrow, without her in the picture - you earn my admiration.
[b]1st Stage:
You mentioned you will stop smoking - eventually after some time, tell yourself that you will go sleep 'that' day without alcohol. It is like a pit you are inside - you have all the time to remain there and you have all the power to get out from there.
2nd Stage:
After ceasing all these smoking and drinking - for guys, I advice you to invest your time into training your physique. Drain your energy into your work, studies and extra time to the gym or exercising. It will only shape yourself with better bod, you will also use all this restless energy into something.
Things to do or watch out everyday.
In any situations when you got to look at the mirror, MENTALLY talk to yourself that you will succeed in the attempt to improve yourself. Throw in words of encouragement to yourself before you leave the loo/toliet.
When people stir the anger in you, don't reply to them first, hold ten seconds before replying. If it is things like bad customers service - learn to communicate like a gentleman to get your message across. 'I wan to see your manager, etc'
If people is looking for trouble and lure you into picking a fight with him. Pause, look at him, and tell him this.
"If you can hit me, I won't hit you back, because I am not going to degrade myself. The most we can go to the police.'
Cease using vulgarities - limited yourself to only F.U.C.K. in extremely case. Genitals calling or summoning of parents to quarrel spolits images and increase your heat of anger.
When people say things that brew this temper - ALWAYS PAUSE 5 to 10 SECONDS before answering. It gives you time to think and react in better position.
P.S: Not reacting to hostility, with brains, trains your character - reacting in the wrong way makes you a loser.
Cheers[/b] -
Throw in a time period to rest and set a time goal to get your concentration and focus on.Originally posted by Healin:I will try to control myself but as for releasing the energy... I really dunno how. I've been listless and I can't get things done. Forced myself but it doesn't seem to work... and worst is cannot concentrate in office too.
Remember: Fail to plan is plan to fail - you must have a time limit set for yourself to get back first... then follow the advice I post prior.
Cheers -
Don't force things too hard on yourself when you start off... Instead, try to SLOWLY cultivate this as a form of habit.... Once it's IN you, you can't easily rid of it....Originally posted by Healin:I will try to control myself but as for releasing the energy... I really dunno how. I've been listless and I can't get things done. Forced myself but it doesn't seem to work... and worst is cannot concentrate in office too.
Like Yun has suggested, try to take pause of around 5-10 seconds before responding ESPECIALLY when you feel that the HEAT is really getting into your head... Do an 'automatic slowdown response' whenever you feel that 'LOST OF CONTROL'.... Practise on that, it's one of the earlier techniques that would save you from direct trouble.... -
Well I've actually made an effort to cut back on my alchol... cigs a bit difficult and I plan to cut down slowly. But now is I dunno wat to do. Have lots of time now. I don play games so dunno wat else to do. I got my fd to commit to go swimming wif me every sat morning. Then can sleep in the afternoon. Sunday will go running but other then dis stipulated activities dunno wat else I can do leh. Any things to recommend me?Originally posted by Devil1976:Don't force things too hard on yourself when you start off... Instead, try to SLOWLY cultivate this as a form of habit.... Once it's IN you, you can't easily rid of it....
Like Yun has suggested, try to take pause of around 5-10 seconds before responding ESPECIALLY when you feel that the HEAT is really getting into your head... Do an 'automatic slowdown response' whenever you feel that 'LOST OF CONTROL'.... Practise on that, it's one of the earlier techniques that would save you from direct trouble....
BTW, my told me I might be burnt out. He say I put too much effort to sustain this relationship liao and put myself under undue pressure. Dat's y my temper getting bad. Dunno true or not and what is burn out? -
I guess what she was trying to say is probably that you've been trying to put in too much effort to try and HOLD ON to it... She might have already thought that chances are the relationship won't have last long...? ( from the way I see it, the distance relationship & your temper mainly being the issues...) Burn out as in worn out and getting too tired in contributing your act...? Try to keep your stress level to minimal so that it's easier to control your temper...Originally posted by Healin:Well I've actually made an effort to cut back on my alchol... cigs a bit difficult and I plan to cut down slowly.
It's a good sign... Take things slowly... But you must have the determination... And never indulge in lot amount of ciggarettes and alcohol during certain moments of frustration in points of life... That's gonna put much of your effort down the drain....
But now is I dunno wat to do. Have lots of time now. I don play games so dunno wat else to do. I got my fd to commit to go swimming wif me every sat morning. Then can sleep in the afternoon. Sunday will go running but other then dis stipulated activities dunno wat else I can do leh. Any things to recommend me?
You can join us for outings if you want to? Reading some self help book so as to better manage your temper..? I know you might not really be into books, neither am I.... But still....?
Do some community volunteer work too if you can? It certainly would help make your life more meaningful and develop the 'love aspect'..... On top of the things recommended, just do the things you would like to do.... To relax yourself and put yourself in a happy mood....?
BTW, my told me I might be burnt out. He say I put too much effort to sustain this relationship liao and put myself under undue pressure. Dat's y my temper getting bad. Dunno true or not and what is burn out? -
No. I didn't hold on to her. I felt sad, cried and dats it. As far as I'm concerned she's dead to me. Had to make myself feel dis way.Originally posted by Devil1976:I guess what she was trying to say is probably that you've been trying to put in too much effort to try and HOLD ON to it... She might have already thought that chances are the relationship won't have last long...? ( from the way I see it, the distance relationship & your temper mainly being the issues...) Burn out as in worn out and getting too tired in contributing your act...? Try to keep your stress level to minimal so that it's easier to control your temper... -
Ok... I know what you mean... Perhaps you'll feel better this way...? Hope you'll grow STRONG out of it...? At least it has already given you the reason to control your temper...?Originally posted by Healin:No. I didn't hold on to her. I felt sad, cried and dats it. As far as I'm concerned she's dead to me. Had to make myself feel dis way.
I wish you luck..? -
AGREEOriginally posted by PaJeRoMiNi Ver 1.0:Brudder..
A failed relationship is a stepping stone for a better one..
You have to get over it man..otherwise you'll feel even worse..
And drinks and cigarettes don help you in your cause at all.. -
Pick up, improve and move on. I am sure you will fare well in the future to come.Originally posted by Healin:No. I didn't hold on to her. I felt sad, cried and dats it. As far as I'm concerned she's dead to me. Had to make myself feel dis way. -
Thank you. Although I feel sad but she might be enjoying herself now. So no point lah. Just get my temper under control and show that I could have done it. Jus to prove to myself that I was worth more then her shallow love.Originally posted by Devil1976:Ok... I know what you mean... Perhaps you'll feel better this way...? Hope you'll grow STRONG out of it...? At least it has already given you the reason to control your temper...?
I wish you luck..? -
Originally posted by Healin:Thank you. Although I feel sad but she might be enjoying herself now. So no point lah. Just get my temper under control and show that I could have done it. Jus to prove to myself that I was worth more then her shallow love.
You'll learn... In fact I believe that if you look back into your past, you should have realised the differences you've made in your Life..... In other words, you CAN have certain level of CONTROL if you try HARD enough...? -
Not really. Didn't know my flaw until she broke the news to me. Dat's y I was so bitter at 1st... y didn't you share this wif me? Maybe she didn't try in a subtle way but apparently I didn't catch it. So no one to blame except myself and since I can go no where blaming myself jus try to make myself a better man.Originally posted by Devil1976: You'll learn... In fact I believe that if you look back into your past, you should have realised the differences you've made in your Life..... In other words, you CAN have certain level of CONTROL if you try HARD enough...? -
By dwelling in your drinking and smoking, you are just using this to avoid your problem. You are not at all facing it. BE realistic. Change your current behaviour before you approach her. That needs time and determination. But if you are going to carry on banking on drinking and smoking, you are not going anywhere far. You're still back to square one. In other words, there is still no change in you. And she will see this very clearly.
Calm yourself down. And change for the better behaviour each day. Don't expect changes to appear overnight. Time is your witness. Let it show your sincerity.
lavender_scent -
By dwelling in your drinking and smoking, you are just using this to avoid your problem. You are not at all facing it. BE realistic. Change your current behaviour before you approach her. That needs time and determination. But if you are going to carry on banking on drinking and smoking, you are not going anywhere far. You're still back to square one. In other words, there is still no change in you. And she will see this very clearly.
Calm yourself down. And change for the better behaviour each day. Don't expect changes to appear overnight. Time is your witness. Let it show your sincerity.
lavender_scent -
1stly, I won't approach her as she's dead to me as far as I'm concerned.Originally posted by lavender_scent:Change your current behaviour before you approach her.
And she will see this very clearly.
Calm yourself down. And change for the better behaviour each day. Don't expect changes to appear overnight. Time is your witness. Let it show your sincerity.
lavender_scent
2ndly, she won't see it as I'm not changing for her. Its for myself and my future mate... if I manage to find another one.
3rdly, Thank you for the advise. I' seeing 2 shrinks now. I've stopped drinking for 2 days and I'll try to keep dat up. Cigs I trying to cut gradually now. Hopefully time does not give up on me. -
Now got new prob... the shrink gave me a med that will help me sleep... now after taking the med, my tongue feels bitter... and it doesn't go away.
I drink coke, eat strawberry sundae also taste bitter... dunno must tell the doc or not.
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You probably can tell the doctor and see if he/ she would change the medication for you...? But all in all it's quite normal to have this kinda effect when you take certain types of medications....Originally posted by Healin:Now got new prob... the shrink gave me a med that will help me sleep... now after taking the med, my tongue feels bitter... and it doesn't go away.
I drink coke, eat strawberry sundae also taste bitter... dunno must tell the doc or not.