disappointing hubby
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Man and woman is different - if you are looking for the kind of guy who will auto come and hug you when you are down, etc - you wouldn't have married your hubby.Originally posted by millienium_bear:he dunno how to comfort me when i ran into kinda stress n emotional.... he just sit there to watch tv and do nothing... why can't he take time to give me a hug n kiss? a hug wld work wonder for me.... he really disappointing
But well, if he doesn't take initiative, the next best thing you could do is to initiate yourself and probably drop lots of strong hint about this point/issue.
P.S: You both are married - the need to communicate and share your inner thoughts is even more neccessary than normal BGR couples.
Cheers -
What are your horoscope and his horoscope? How's his job like and how many children you have? How old are them and how old are both you and your hubby?Originally posted by millienium_bear:he dunno how to comfort me when i ran into kinda stress n emotional.... he just sit there to watch tv and do nothing... why can't he take time to give me a hug n kiss? a hug wld work wonder for me.... he really disappointing -
"Honey, I feel pretty terrible as I have been stressed a lot. A hug and a kiss would do wonders."
or
"Dear, feeling kinda low... can you just hold me for a while?"
Is that too hard to say? I am willing to bet he'll come running to provide lots of TLC...
Men, no matter how much they love you, are rarely mind-readers. But they would literally give their right arms to make their partners happy.
p.s.
I forgot also.. men and women do have different ways of dealing with stress. I read somewhere that men need their "fire-gazing" time.. time to just stare into space (like cavemen who stare at the fire, modern men stare at the TV screen) thinking about nothing.
Women need to be reassured and have validation. Let him know you need such things.. mindful that he needs his time too.
Hope you two work things out
good luck! -
guess theres a problem in ur relationship....
do look into it. -
doing the analysis aH?Originally posted by Devil1976:What are your horoscope and his horoscope? How's his job like and how many children you have? How old are them and how old are both you and your hubby? -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:Man and woman is different - if you are looking for the kind of guy who will auto come and hug you when you are down, etc - you wouldn't have married your hubby.
But well, if he doesn't take initiative, the next best thing you could do is to initiate yourself and probably drop lots of strong hint about this point/issue.
P.S: You both are married - the need to communicate and share your inner thoughts is even more neccessary than normal BGR couples.
Cheers
my hubby is not like that b4 when i gradually got to know him liao.. he loves to hug me a lot, yet i take his hugs for granted... after marriages, i began to grow my liking in hugs.... maybe he might thought that a hug currently wont work on me liao.. 
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this jus popped into my head. y dnt u go to the singtel webby n sms yr hubby an anonymous message... "have u hugged yr wife 2day?".
im not joking, sometimes its the silly thgs u do tt get thru.... -
yah, interesting facts about men n women.... men tends to keep themselves when comes to problem and solves in their right mind... for woman, loves to gossip around to pass their thoughts....Originally posted by the Bear:"Honey, I feel pretty terrible as I have been stressed a lot. A hug and a kiss would do wonders."
or
"Dear, feeling kinda low... can you just hold me for a while?"
Is that too hard to say? I am willing to bet he'll come running to provide lots of TLC...
Men, no matter how much they love you, are rarely mind-readers. But they would literally give their right arms to make their partners happy.
p.s.
I forgot also.. men and women do have different ways of dealing with stress. I read somewhere that men need their "fire-gazing" time.. time to just stare into space (like cavemen who stare at the fire, modern men stare at the TV screen) thinking about nothing.
Women need to be reassured and have validation. Let him know you need such things.. mindful that he needs his time too.
Hope you two work things out good luck!
anyway, tks for wishin me gd luck -
yes, communication problem due to different language used.... but it is still not a major issue....Originally posted by Jaws:guess theres a problem in ur relationship....
do look into it. -
YOur hubby is the exact reaction I get from my wife. She wasn't like that too, but after some years, Not sure why, naybe she felt no longer need too since already married.. before that, she been asking for kisses nd hug.. but alamak, when I began to realise and reciprocate, tehn hor... she bo chap already.... sigh.
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oh opposite side of mine -- i dislike hugs n kisses from him b4 marriages so much... werid, rite? a few years later after marriage, i began to grow liking in those stuffs.... dunno why.. maybe stress with my kids, my school stuffs and my volunteer works caused me to feel the urge to get hugs from my hubby.... nvm, it is only a while that he got worked for no reason... the next day, he make it up to me by kissin me n talking to me.... then it is good enugh for me...shld not ask too muchOriginally posted by bbmars:YOur hubby is the exact reaction I get from my wife. She wasn't like that too, but after some years, Not sure why, naybe she felt no longer need too since already married.. before that, she been asking for kisses nd hug.. but alamak, when I began to realise and reciprocate, tehn hor... she bo chap already.... sigh. -
i realise some married couples don't really have to communicate much, i've seen a few of them just sit together side by side having their meals and they seem quite content.
xin ling xiang tong i guess? -
I can't analyse for you if you don't answer my questions...?Originally posted by millienium_bear:doing the analysis aH? Are you a housewife...? How long have the both of you been married....?
Hmm.... ...... -
Do you want me to analyse it for you...?Originally posted by millienium_bear:doing the analysis aH?
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hubby - gemini, working in IT field specializing in networking, 27yrOriginally posted by Devil1976:I can't analyse for you if you don't answer my questions...? Are you a housewife...? How long have the both of you been married....?
Hmm.... ......
myself - taurus, homemaker, doing IT course during night, 24 yr
we have 2 kids - 3yr n 9mth and married for 3yr 2 mth
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You might have a situation rather similar to SkinnyBeanie? I would suggest you message each other and help out with advices for both parties...?Originally posted by millienium_bear:hubby - gemini, working in IT field specializing in networking, 27yr
myself - taurus, homemaker, doing IT course during night, 24 yr
we have 2 kids - 3yr n 9mth and married for 3yr 2 mth
I guess for now it could be work or mentality which is pulling both of you slightly apart. Work as in perhaps stress. Main concern should be MENTALITY...
I don't think it's because he don't love you anymore? I think he still does, try to help by not stressing him too much... He may be man of quite alot of words at the right time but there're just some things he wish to just keep to himself and burden himself with. There might a 'side' to the story but just wild guesses, so not worth mentioning for now.... IMPORTANT thing now is to just give him all the LOVE and SUPPORT despite how he reacts but don't stress him... I've got my REASON for suggesting this... Don't care whether it's fair or not, ultimately it'll be for EVERYBODY's GOOD and it certainly is a well paid off idea...
His FOCUS should be MAINLY now on how to SUPPORT this family... To give BOTH you and the CHILDREN a comfortable life... TIME is BAD nowadays you know...? Given the fact that he's the SOLE BREAD provider certainly doesn't help much... Stress at work could easily cause him much pressure... That's why his so much concern on the children... Both you and him are ADULTS, they're just kids... If hardship is to hit, they'll be the 1st to suffer... Maybe he's partially hoping that you could 'understand' his position (with a bit of luck...?)... Yet not wanting you to think and worry too much...? He probably just wants you to concentrate on the CHILDREN... Which is probably his PROUD of this relationship he has with you....
Hope I've helped in a way? Try to contact up with SkinnyBeanie... Don't ASSUME that things are exactly the same for the 2 of you... But I guess speaking with each other would certainly bring both of you much insights and GOOD...
~Good luck.... -
Oh yeah... Another question for my 'side' just in case I've totally forgotten about it....? Your kids... The 3 years old is a daughter now is it...? And... Your 9 months old... Is that a boy?Originally posted by millienium_bear:hubby - gemini, working in IT field specializing in networking, 27yr
myself - taurus, homemaker, doing IT course during night, 24 yr
we have 2 kids - 3yr n 9mth and married for 3yr 2 mth 
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i write long long.. she never reply sia..haiz..sad...
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When a woman has problem with her relationship, she can't concentrate on her work.
When a man has problem with his work, he can't concentrate on his relationship.
It's true. That's the difference between these 2 genders.
Well, you have to accept it. However, you can change the current situation (but not over-night) by being more understanding. Your husband may have stress at work, and as a man, he don't usu. want to discuss this with his wife, but rather, he would keep to himself and try to solve it himself. Because man is a natural problem solver. Hence, during this period, may perhaps you would like to be understanding by giving him the space he need now. And once his problem at work has cleared, naturally, he will be in your arms again. I believe.
In fact, man has different way of showing his love. As they are not as emotional as woman, and their brain are not structured in such a way to pick up non-verbal signal from woman, naturally, he won't know how to love and care the way you want. And it's only when you fully understand how a man show his love and concern, then you would appreciate him more and tell what is the difference in your way and his way of showing love.
I believe along the way, you would experience more love from him, if you can pick up all of his way of showing love.
All the best.
lavender_scent -
nope, 3 yr old is a boy.... 9mth old-- girlOriginally posted by Devil1976:Oh yeah... Another question for my 'side' just in case I've totally forgotten about it....? Your kids... The 3 years old is a daughter now is it...? And... Your 9 months old... Is that a boy? -
Originally posted by bbmars:YOur hubby is the exact reaction I get from my wife. She wasn't like that too, but after some years, Not sure why, naybe she felt no longer need too since already married.. before that, she been asking for kisses nd hug.. but alamak, when I began to realise and reciprocate, tehn hor... she bo chap already.... sigh.
SighOriginally posted by millienium_bear:oh opposite side of mine -- i dislike hugs n kisses from him b4 marriages so much... werid, rite? a few years later after marriage, i began to grow liking in those stuffs.... dunno why.. maybe stress with my kids, my school stuffs and my volunteer works caused me to feel the urge to get hugs from my hubby.... nvm, it is only a while that he got worked for no reason... the next day, he make it up to me by kissin me n talking to me.... then it is good enugh for me...shld not ask too much
Expectations without Communication leads to Resentments.
Assumption without clarification leads to Destruction.
sigh.....humans. -
That's a different position altogether. When you are in simple BGR -you don't stay and live together, that's why people will treasure the chance to get intimate.Originally posted by millienium_bear: my hubby is not like that b4 when i gradually got to know him liao.. he loves to hug me a lot, yet i take his hugs for granted... after marriages, i began to grow my liking in hugs.... maybe he might thought that a hug currently wont work on me liao..
After marriage - children, work, finance, stress, etc will surround the couple's life - for guys, think/want/wish/desire for things like simple hug/goodbye kiss/etc is greatly reduced (apart from sex, I said simple gesture), while woman needs it more than BGR, due to stress.
Psychological and by nature, when stress arises, woman feel the need of dependancy while as a man, they rather settle things on their own and be alone.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Haven:Sigh
Expectations without Communication leads to Resentments.
Assumption without clarification leads to Destruction.
sigh.....humans. 
I like this phrase.
/me note it down.
Gonna use it next time when chances arise!
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Hmm... I think that's indirectly a good news..? At least I won't be worrying so much about the 'side' for now...?Originally posted by millienium_bear:nope, 3 yr old is a boy.... 9mth old-- girl
Now now... Though he might be devoting much of his time and attention on the kids, you should know how much he really care for you now... Don't you...?
TREASURE what you have now my dear... Though Life's always full of complaints, people usually don't recognise a REAL problem UNTIL they see one....