Confused ... *hurt*
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Hey guys could you all gimme some advice ...
my bf & me has already been 2gether fer almost coming 2yrs .. We are habing probs ... Actuali he is a nice guy .. wif no temper .. he does treats me well .. but i jus duno why .. recently he jus like changed bit ... he jus cant answer my calls or reply my msgs while out wif his collegues!! Anytin dats is wif his collegues , he cant ans or reply ... I don understand why .... But when he calls me , everytin to him seems so alrite den he jus talk so normal .. or at times he will jus sae 'Sorry, Sorry I didnt hear hp ring' OR 'Sorry I fell aslp yesterday'
*haiz* why is it alwaez like dat ... even when his off days, he can go out wif his collegues in advance & didnt let mi noe .. all i hope fer is him to accompany me dats all ... Cant he do dat ???
Guys ... pls gimme advice .. i duno wat guys are tinking ... i reali do treasure tis relationship ... i don wana lose it again .... -
Are you giving him enough space? If you do not, he may start to become resentful as he does not have the time to meet with friends.
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suggest u talk it over wif him.
And if, like wat Bear says, u did not give him enough space, then you will have to learn to let go a bit and not be too clingy.
But if you have been giving him space, and he stills behave thus after u brought up the matter to him, then i think u need to pay more attention to his behaviour and whereabouts. It might (i repeat "might" not "definitely") be a tell-tale sign tat he's straying..
best wishes -
Your age & horoscope + his age & horoscope please? What do the 2 of you normally do when you're together? How often the 2 of you meet up with each other? What's his job?Originally posted by Bubbles`:Hey guys could you all gimme some advice ...
my bf & me has already been 2gether fer almost coming 2yrs .. We are habing probs ... Actuali he is a nice guy .. wif no temper .. he does treats me well .. but i jus duno why .. recently he jus like changed bit ... he jus cant answer my calls or reply my msgs while out wif his collegues!! Anytin dats is wif his collegues , he cant ans or reply ... I don understand why .... But when he calls me , everytin to him seems so alrite den he jus talk so normal .. or at times he will jus sae 'Sorry, Sorry I didnt hear hp ring' OR 'Sorry I fell aslp yesterday'
*haiz* why is it alwaez like dat ... even when his off days, he can go out wif his collegues in advance & didnt let mi noe .. all i hope fer is him to accompany me dats all ... Cant he do dat ???
Guys ... pls gimme advice .. i duno wat guys are tinking ... i reali do treasure tis relationship ... i don wana lose it again .... -
i do gif him the space he wans ... where ever he does or watever hedoes, i dun care .. as long as he jus gimme a call & tell mi where he is goin .. & usually when he goes out is wif his frenz i'm sure to be there ... He'll bring mi along .. onli his COLLEGUES!!! i neba tie him or wat .. he goes anywhere freely de ...*haiz*Originally posted by the Bear:Are you giving him enough space? If you do not, he may start to become resentful as he does not have the time to meet with friends. -
huh ? Why u ask funny ques ? hehe ... mi ar .. 19-(saggittarus) he is 23-(capricorn) .... When we mit .. either go shopping movies or wif his frenz lor .. He wrk as a Supervisor in Sales Line ...Originally posted by Devil1976:Your age & horoscope + his age & horoscope please? What do the 2 of you normally do when you're together? How often the 2 of you meet up with each other? What's his job? -
i think there's a high possibility dat he is straying... n he doesnt wan ur calls to jeopardize his chances... er... speaking fm personal experience...
i feel dat in a r/s, one will hv to treat the other as his/her priority... in this case, it seems dat his 'colleagues' r more impt to him... prob there's more excitement when he hangs out wif them...
if he still cares for u, there will be a chance of turning the situation ard.... otherwise, u shld not prolong ur suffering.... -
Just as I thought.
You are physically giving him his space. But spiritually, you aren't.. he will feel the pressure that he has to "report strength" to you and resent it.
If he does not want you to know, and he really is going out with his friends, your bugging him about it will only lead to anger on both sides... if he wants to tell you, he will.
Imagine if you are made to report all your movements to him by him... does it mean he does not trust you? Turn it around, he probably feels he is not trusted by you.
Ultimately, both of you gotta talk about this, honestly, without throwing tantrums, without anger... agree on these conditions before starting. Maybe you'll figure out what is bugging him.
I hope both of you work out and are ultimately happy
There is already too much heartbreak and melancholy in the world... best of luck...Originally posted by Bubbles`:i do gif him the space he wans ... where ever he does or watever hedoes, i dun care .. as long as he jus gimme a call & tell mi where he is goin .. & usually when he goes out is wif his frenz i'm sure to be there ... He'll bring mi along .. onli his COLLEGUES!!! i neba tie him or wat .. he goes anywhere freely de ...*haiz* -
i dun call him de .. i onli call him after his wrk .. which is 1 call per day .. i feel dat i neba gif him pressure at all .. cos watever he does .. he do it freely .. i dun call him to pester him or wat .. & i will wait fer him to be home den i go slp ... he ever told mi b4 .. wrk comes 1st .. no materr wat if his colegues ask him out he'll sure go .. last time he wasnt like dat .. actuali there's a story de lor .. b4 we patched, he hab a gal whici is from his wrkplace ... den he told mi habing her or nt makes not diff, all e along he jus treat her as a little sis .. but can a little sis kiss wif u ? call u dear all tis ? i tink its bcos of tis i'm goin out of my mind tinking abt everytin .. & he told mi he will clear tins wif tis gal, but i dunch noe if its cleared .. he said it is .. who noes .. *haiz*Originally posted by the Bear:Just as I thought.
You are physically giving him his space. But spiritually, you aren't.. he will feel the pressure that he has to "report strength" to you and resent it.
If he does not want you to know, and he really is going out with his friends, your bugging him about it will only lead to anger on both sides... if he wants to tell you, he will.
Imagine if you are made to report all your movements to him by him... does it mean he does not trust you? Turn it around, he probably feels he is not trusted by you.
Ultimately, both of you gotta talk about this, honestly, without throwing tantrums, without anger... agree on these conditions before starting. Maybe you'll figure out what is bugging him.
I hope both of you work out and are ultimately happy
There is already too much heartbreak and melancholy in the world... best of luck... -
assuming dat u dun call him every other min....Originally posted by the Bear:Just as I thought.
You are physically giving him his space. But spiritually, you aren't.. he will feel the pressure that he has to "report strength" to you and resent it.
If he does not want you to know, and he really is going out with his friends, your bugging him about it will only lead to anger on both sides... if he wants to tell you, he will.
Imagine if you are made to report all your movements to him by him... does it mean he does not trust you? Turn it around, he probably feels he is not trusted by you.
ok.. fm personal experience.. ehem..
the argument of trust n reporting only comes in when the party being questioned got somethg to hide... otherwise, i'll take such calls fm my bf as showing concern... afterall it'll only take up a few mins... -
dat gal from his wrkplace has a older sis & is my bf manager ... my bf alwaez goes fishing & etc ... wif her & e rest ... i jus cant put my heart at rest ... maybe i'm too sensitive .. but i care! why guys do tins jus so funny ? Jus answering a call is so hard ? he can let mi wait til morning 5+ den he ans the call & sae nth .. dats e best i ever get ..
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me got a sense of deja vu....Originally posted by Bubbles`:i dun call him de .. i onli call him after his wrk .. which is 1 call per day .. i feel dat i neba gif him pressure at all .. cos watever he does .. he do it freely .. i dun call him to pester him or wat .. & i will wait fer him to be home den i go slp ... he ever told mi b4 .. wrk comes 1st .. no materr wat if his colegues ask him out he'll sure go .. last time he wasnt like dat .. actuali there's a story de lor .. b4 we patched, he hab a gal whici is from his wrkplace ... den he told mi habing her or nt makes not diff, all e along he jus treat her as a little sis .. but can a little sis kiss wif u ? call u dear all tis ? i tink its bcos of tis i'm goin out of my mind tinking abt everytin .. & he told mi he will clear tins wif tis gal, but i dunch noe if its cleared .. he said it is .. who noes .. *haiz*
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could be you're taken for a ride... then it's tragic... no one deserves be 2-timed...
again, honest communication between both of you is crucial...
if he is just toying with your heart, if he is not interested, if he is just being a jerk, if he is playing the field, hedging his bets.. or whatever he's doing
at least you'll know and be able to do something about it... mostly, we in this forum don't know what's really going on, you can find out... and are the master of your own destiny
again, good luck...Originally posted by Bubbles`:i dun call him de .. i onli call him after his wrk .. which is 1 call per day .. i feel dat i neba gif him pressure at all .. cos watever he does .. he do it freely .. i dun call him to pester him or wat .. & i will wait fer him to be home den i go slp ... he ever told mi b4 .. wrk comes 1st .. no materr wat if his colegues ask him out he'll sure go .. last time he wasnt like dat .. actuali there's a story de lor .. b4 we patched, he hab a gal whici is from his wrkplace ... den he told mi habing her or nt makes not diff, all e along he jus treat her as a little sis .. but can a little sis kiss wif u ? call u dear all tis ? i tink its bcos of tis i'm goin out of my mind tinking abt everytin .. & he told mi he will clear tins wif tis gal, but i dunch noe if its cleared .. he said it is .. who noes .. *haiz* -
wats deja vu ?Originally posted by piopoz:me got a sense of deja vu.... -
hmmm ... i duno why he as changed til like dat .. last time he wasnt like dat .. he wil ask mi if i wana go fetch him after wrk .. go eat 2gether .. but now .. every is changed .. the impression he gave mi is he is hardworking, dun flirt ard, either wif mi or his frenz ... now diff le ... *haiz* wat can i do to save back tis relationship ?
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deja vu: The illusion of having already experienced something actually being experienced for the first time.Originally posted by Bubbles`:wats deja vu ?
i wun say our situations r the same.... but there r a few common pts... -
huh ? i beli blur leh .. u mean u oso experience tis b4 ?Originally posted by piopoz:deja vu: The illusion of having already experienced something actually being experienced for the first time.
i wun say our situations r the same.... but there r a few common pts... -
i tink he is the one who needs to do most of the salvaging, dat is, if he wans to... tink the first thing is to let him knoe hw u feel n to find out whether he wans to continue the r/s...Originally posted by Bubbles`:hmmm ... i duno why he as changed til like dat .. last time he wasnt like dat .. he wil ask mi if i wana go fetch him after wrk .. go eat 2gether .. but now .. every is changed .. the impression he gave mi is he is hardworking, dun flirt ard, either wif mi or his frenz ... now diff le ... *haiz* wat can i do to save back tis relationship ? -
Maybe he's changed?
You did say this is not the first time you've been together with him... maybe in your absence, he's changed? And you haven't.
Things may never ever be the same again... usually never the second time around.
Try to save it if it is worth saving... and only you can decide if it is worth it. If he decides it is not, no matter what you do will change that fact. A relationship is a 2 way street...
Good luck!Originally posted by Bubbles`:hmmm ... i duno why he as changed til like dat .. last time he wasnt like dat .. he wil ask mi if i wana go fetch him after wrk .. go eat 2gether .. but now .. every is changed .. the impression he gave mi is he is hardworking, dun flirt ard, either wif mi or his frenz ... now diff le ... *haiz* wat can i do to save back tis relationship ? -
He's the 1 who ask fer patch de & yet like dat .. i tink my=aybe i shld talk to him abt it .. but duno how to start ... or gif him time to prove himself ... cos we jus patch fer ard 1mths le & we onli met up twice!! He's busy .. when he's wrking i dun pester him til his off days i'll jus ask if he wana mit mi dats all ...
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er... i was the 'bad guy (or rather.. gal)' at dat time...Originally posted by Bubbles`:huh ? i beli blur leh .. u mean u oso experience tis b4 ?
i started on a new job n started gg out wif the new colleagues... n one of them interested in me... i started neglecting my bf coz i was hving so much fun then... n resents him calling me when i'm wif them, tinking dat he is "checking up" on me... i guess this stems fm a guilty conscience..
anyway, thgs got really bad, n i started to distance fm him hoping dat he'll lose watever feelings he had for me n to break up eventually...
thgs finally took a turn when i saw hw serious he is abt our r/s n dat we had been together for 5 yrs, n i straightened my thoughts....
hope ur guy can set his priorities rite too... but guys n gals tink differently.. so .... -
hmmm ... icic ... i do hope he set his priorities but i tink it takes time ...Originally posted by piopoz:er... i was the 'bad guy (or rather.. gal)' at dat time...
i started on a new job n started gg out wif the new colleagues... n one of them interested in me... i started neglecting my bf coz i was hving so much fun then... n resents him calling me when i'm wif them, tinking dat he is "checking up" on me... i guess this stems fm a guilty conscience..
anyway, thgs got really bad, n i started to distance fm him hoping dat he'll lose watever feelings he had for me n to break up eventually...
thgs finally took a turn when i saw hw serious he is abt our r/s n dat we had been together for 5 yrs, n i straightened my thoughts....
hope ur guy can set his priorities rite too... but guys n gals tink differently.. so .... -
Men are slower in such things... we're genetically hunters and gatherers...
Sometimes, his priorities and yours differ...
Sometimes, even when they are the same, other things may tear a loving couple apart... no matter how they try to work things out...
oh dear.. too much gloom and doom.. my bad.. been melancholy because of a heartbreak myself....
But do communicate... honestlyOriginally posted by Bubbles`:hmmm ... icic ... i do hope he set his priorities but i tink it takes time ... -
hmmm .. thanks fer ya advice ...Originally posted by the Bear:Men are slower in such things... we're genetically hunters and gatherers...
Sometimes, his priorities and yours differ...
Sometimes, even when they are the same, other things may tear a loving couple apart... no matter how they try to work things out...
oh dear.. too much gloom and doom.. my bad.. been melancholy because of a heartbreak myself....
But do communicate... honestly -
Let's continue... Shall we? From the things we've got till now... Your problem's a little 'toughie'... In the sense that it's 2 lines quite ambigiously close to each other now.... Might explain to you later...?Originally posted by Bubbles`:huh ? Why u ask funny ques ? hehe ... mi ar .. 19-(saggittarus) he is 23-(capricorn) .... When we mit .. either go shopping movies or wif his frenz lor .. He wrk as a Supervisor in Sales Line ...
Now... More questions... Do you spend more time with him alone or such a group with his friends...? Where do you go when you're out with his friends...? Ever notice...? -> How he behave when he's alone with you and when he's with his friends & you (company..)? Does he feel more awkard with you're around while he's with his friends...?
Is this his 1st job? If not, what was his previous job? How long has he been in this job? Did he started off as a supervisor in this job or was he promoted halfway through...?
For now... Based on SURFACE ANALYSIS, it seems a rather high chance that he could be straying... And you shouldn't be too surprised even if he does...
It's nice of you to be so understanding of him & his career... But giving him too much freedom might becomes a fault on your part in the future...? It's good to restain a little control in a relationship at times... If he's not even willing to sarcrifice a little more time for you now, I don't quite see what his future would have got to do with you in time to come...?
You're probably right about giving him his rights to fight for his work, but wanting this man more and restricting him a bit would probably make you more desirable to him... He could be those type of guys who easily take things for granted at times...
Not sure, but perhaps your age group is not there yet... As the days pass in the future, you'll probably find yourself inevitably demanding more from him... If you don't, you might be in for something even more drastic at some point of your life if this relationship of yours still exist in the future....