a tale of a boy and ger....abt chastity
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i have a tale to share here..abt a boy and a girl...
let me name the boy cliff and the ger linda...
some time ago..cliff met linda at an online chat group outing...they have not known each other before...although cliff had chatted with linda previously over the net and have gotten to know about each other pretty well. linda was a shy ger...she was quiet but pleasant over dinner and left a good impression on cliff. after the 1st group outing...during that time...linda was unhappy because she was facing some problems...thus cliff decided to ask her out for a day to let her take her mind off her problems....it lasted a day and the two had a great time... and apparently sparks flew between them because after tat date linda began acting strangely....cliff noticed this...and he wondered why at first....but slowly..it dawned on him tat linda might have taken a liking to him.. he wasnt sure though...after much contemplation he decided to ask her about it....being an honest ger with a straightforward personality, linda admitted that she had indeed started to like cliff...but thought tat was probably just an infatuation tat will die off after sometime...cliff acknowledged this...and told linda that he was also attracted to her though he wasnt really sure of his feelings..he let her know abt this uncertainty as well... this conversation set the foundation of a very transparent friendship between the two...from then on..they were very honest with each other about their feelings etc there was no hiding between the both of them... the two of them decided to meet up after the conversation to sort things out... during the meet up, however, things didnt go smoothly.... cliff felt the pressure to reciprocate her feelings because he knew of them...and in the end he decided perhaps he didn't really like linda after all... and as he was always honest with her..he told linda he wasnt sure....and told her tat if she did want to have a final answer..that she would have to assume he didnt like her at all... having said this...cliff felt a huge sense of relief...though he did know tat linda was disappointed...well..both of them thought tat was ok since they had only gone out together a couple of times..
after tat episode...the two of them developed a stronger frendship as they 2 of them cliqued very well...cliff decided to ask linda out again, he somewat found that he had begun to miss linda in her absence..and looked forward to chatting and meeting her again...perhaps unknown to him... he had begun to develop feelings for this nice girl. the 2 of them spent a day together again... this time.... without the tremendous pressure, cliff realises his true feelings for linda and he was very happy.... cliff told linda of his feelings and the both of them rapidly became intimate friends...both knew of the love between them but decided to give themselves time to get to know each other better... before they knew it...love blossomed and cliff and linda knew they were on the verge of becoming bf-gf...both were happy and contented...
however, this happy tale took an abrupt turn one day, when the 2 of them approached the issue of sex..cliff was single then...and had been single all his life... he has a firm stance on pre-marital sex (pms) and felt tat he would not engage in it till after marriage... he wanted to save the most intimate part of him for his wife one day...and he felt tat the more he loved a girl...the more he should help her keep her chastity by not making love to her before marriage...so that in the event their relationship didn't work out...she would have no worries nor problems in moving on to her next relationship, in case her next partner might also have a firm stance on pms. this was how cliff saw the issue of pre-marital sex...
however, he was devastated when linda admitted to him tat she had slept with her 1st ex once. she explained to him tat it was a mistake..and tat she had learnt her lesson and had not slept with her other bfs...but cliff was shocked, deeply saddened and dumbfounded. he knew linda loved him alot..and thus risked her happiness to tell him the truth...hoping that in doing so...cliff would understand and forgive her... cliff...loving linda alot then... indeed wanted very much to do so...he thought of ways and means to convince himself that it was a mistake of the past..that she did not mean it....tat she was not a loose girl..since she had since learnt from her mistake and had not allowed this to happen ever since... but now the prob is this: cliff while really wanting very much to accept the ger he loves....knew tat he had a problem with getting over this..because he does not know how to handle the problem of recalling this mistake...the vivid scenes playing in his head...of another man having sex with the girl he loves dearly.. and worse..the fact that she had allowed this man to do so... whenever he thinks of this....it fills him with hatred, pain and anguish. cliff is a person who looked for a serious relationship...one which has the potential of marriage years down the road...in this relationship with linda now...he knows this is fillled with uncertainty..because he doesnt know if he will ever get over this problem....he did not want to have it haunt him for the rest of his life. cliff right now..is in a dilemma...accept or not to accept... he had told linda that it was unlikely for him to ever accept her now because of this... and both of these 2 are suffering...they miss each other everyday and the pain is killing them....but both are helpless...they know they will live in regret forever since they felt they were made for each other.
i hope this story will give young boys and gers out there something to think about.... how a simple thoughtless act of pre-marital sex can ruin the happiness of an otherwise blessed couple. i mean this...cos im the cliff in this story and im still suffering now. -
does it reallie matter if your gf is no longer a virgin. she is brave enough to tell you the truth and if you reallie love her you should not mind her past. everyone have their past.
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if you can teach me a way to remove those images from my head...such that they won't haunt me anymore... i'd be the 1st to thank you.
everyone has their past yes; the foolish ones have things in their past tat will affect their future forever. i'm one who tried to keep my past perfect so tat i've nothing to worry about. my purpose of writing my story here is to serve as a warning to those youngsters out there who's future can still be salvaged. why should young people have to go through such anguish? love should be a happy thing..not one that has to end up in anguish like this story -
the story on serves to illustrate that Cliff is an asshole
the problem here is with Cliff, not Linda -
if you are unable to overcome this truth yourself, please leave the girl for someone who will reallie care for her and not mind her unpleasant past. May you too get your prefect girl.
this problem arises all because of your selfishness. You may have a clean record but girls are often used by guys unwillingly....
so if you cherish this relationship, please do not blame her and get on with your blissful lives. -
Basically, I would like to see how Linda should respond if Cliff makes a big mistake some time in the future. Maybe it would educate him a little on the concept of giving grace.
It's not as if she's being promiscious now, not only was that in the past, she knew that it was wrong and is sorry for it. If that's not enough, maybe you should go invent a time machine. In the meantime, Cliff dosen't deserve Linda. If he can't accept her, flaws and more, I suggest he step aside and let many other people who are far more gracious engage her in a more fufilling and meaningful relationship.
Nuff said. The images in your head are YOUR problem, not hers. She's settled that incident in the past liao, YOU are the one carrying it. -
Originally posted by userid:i have a tale to share here..abt a boy and a girl...
let me name the boy cliff and the ger linda...
i hope this story will give young boys and gers out there something to think about.... how a simple thoughtless act of pre-marital sex can ruin the happiness of an otherwise blessed couple. i mean this...cos im the cliff in this story and im still suffering now.
dear mr cliff,
i not pro-pms..but nobody can change the past..so long as she is sincere about being your faithful girlfriend..the rest is history..if you're concerned about her former sex partner returning to haunt your relationship..well..do you not agree it's only your duty as her boyfriend to protect her and re-affirm her worth then? -
Seriously you're pretty crazy to let such a good relationship go jus bcuz she is no longer a virgin. Even thief, robbers get a 2nd chance when they're out of jail and all u do is damn her. Spare a thought for her and you better look into ur values. They are suppose to make u a better man but you are letting it get out of hand.
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I think the comments made by others here are kind of harsh.
Cliff, i thought about this issue too. And yes, it's a big big deal for me.
i honor ur decision to have your 'first time' only with ur lawful wed.
But the image that plays in ur head is one thing which is so hard to erase, i agree.....
It's so easy to claim that Love could overcome everything and all could be pardoned. The law of Cause and Effect still stands as long as we live. The fact doesn't change. (Will come back to this in the latter)
In this case...you find it impossible to leave it behind.
We also can understand that subconsiously...the thought is there, the pre-concieved nature of the person will be instilled so deeply. To an extend 180 degree change in your approach to wards her....responding and seeing the other party in another light. Negatively speaking.
I'm sorry that all this have to happen.
Advice:
Let's get real and not be noble.
-To claim that you really love that person therefore you will accept her....this doesn't work for your case.
You love her(i see that). That's why you're hurt, not only that you're betrayed over your 'unfailing' love towards her...but also your belief(of saying no to PMS), ego, and pride.
It's no longer all about you...nor is it all about her.
It's about the Both of U!
To simply put across this.
'Are you willing to walk this journey with her seeking to heal one another's wound?' It takes more then love to answer it. It takes commitment and undying determination to go thru. Ultimately...it takes two wounded hearts to say "yes, i'll go thru this with you...for better or worse....i'll be there for you'
And seriously, it takes a healing hand to close both your wounds (possibily God)
I'll come back to the facts....it doesn't change, it cannot change. WW and WW II won't change....neither can it. The hurts and pain thru those pain can't change....and nor can it.
But Mindsets change....you still can make things happen the way you want it.
The power to change comes not from others...not from God, cos the ability of making each decisions that leads to changes IS in you.
If only you choose not to look onto darkness and despair, look for an answer within yourself. Note: You are the only person who has the key to unlock your heart.
I'll stop here and leave the rest to your heart.
PM me if you need help.... -
I think it's stupid to give her up, just because she is no longer a virgin. It may be hard to accept at first..but sit down & think, it is all worth it?? Giving up the happiness that the two of u shared..for something like this??
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hi 'cliff',
the fact is, fault lies in no one.
neither you nor her is in wrong.
i can't make you accept someone who hasnt kept her chastity like you'd for your future wife. It's a criteria you've set & it has been with you for many yrs, already being your firm belief or value in r/ship.
since this is the case, juz let go.
it's not easy but wat can you do other than this?
if not, why not you see it this way.
if you have been wanting to save a woman's chastity you r loving now, juz in case the r/ship didnt work. can we try to see that since there's no absolute in life & in r/ships. why dun we juz enjoy every moment of being in love? there are many things in life that are not meant to be but are often determined by MAN. you have a person who can share your life, at least for now, juz go for it. even a fully-equipped r/ship with the perfect partners involved may not even end up walking down the aisle. you are only making a decision to be truthful to your feelings that YES you love her.
Love conquers all.
Cheers. -
u sound like my ex!
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=35611
tink most impt is u like each other....when u realy lost her then u know hw life is like..witout her -
Then how about you when you lost your ex?Originally posted by Xiao Long Nu:u sound like my ex!
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=35611
tink most impt is u like each other....when u realy lost her then u know hw life is like..witout her
You can still live right?
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Cliff, before others might flame him for being so mindful of your gf past. Here's a truth for you: 'You have your rights and position to source for you virgin girlfriend because you yourself is one..'Originally posted by userid:.......... *Delete cause my post is long*
however, this happy tale took an abrupt turn one day, when the 2 of them approached the issue of sex..cliff was single then...and had been single all his life... he has a firm stance on pre-marital sex (pms) and felt tat he would not engage in it till after marriage... he wanted to save the most intimate part of him for his wife one day...and he felt tat the more he loved a girl...the more he should help her keep her chastity by not making love to her before marriage...so that in the event their relationship didn't work out...she would have no worries nor problems in moving on to her next relationship, in case her next partner might also have a firm stance on pms. this was how cliff saw the issue of pre-marital sex...
however, he was devastated when linda admitted to him tat she had slept with her 1st ex once. she explained to him tat it was a mistake..and tat she had learnt her lesson and had not slept with her other bfs...but cliff was shocked, deeply saddened and dumbfounded. he knew linda loved him alot..and thus risked her happiness to tell him the truth...hoping that in doing so...cliff would understand and forgive her... cliff...loving linda alot then... indeed wanted very much to do so...he thought of ways and means to convince himself that it was a mistake of the past..that she did not mean it....tat she was not a loose girl..since she had since learnt from her mistake and had not allowed this to happen ever since... but now the prob is this: cliff while really wanting very much to accept the ger he loves....knew tat he had a problem with getting over this..because he does not know how to handle the problem of recalling this mistake...the vivid scenes playing in his head...of another man having sex with the girl he loves dearly.. and worse..the fact that she had allowed this man to do so... whenever he thinks of this....it fills him with hatred, pain and anguish. cliff is a person who looked for a serious relationship...one which has the potential of marriage years down the road...in this relationship with linda now...he knows this is fillled with uncertainty..because he doesnt know if he will ever get over this problem....he did not want to have it haunt him for the rest of his life. cliff right now..is in a dilemma...accept or not to accept... he had told linda that it was unlikely for him to ever accept her now because of this... and both of these 2 are suffering...they miss each other everyday and the pain is killing them....but both are helpless...they know they will live in regret forever since they felt they were made for each other.
i hope this story will give young boys and gers out there something to think about.... how a simple thoughtless act of pre-marital sex can ruin the happiness of an otherwise blessed couple. i mean this...cos im the cliff in this story and im still suffering now.
A big HOWEVER is that your rights and the reality that took place is two separate issues. There are several people who feel/think the same as you - you ain't alone, but reality is such that the people you will fall in love isn't under very much your degree of control.
Another truth of the day: 'Your girlfriend's past is none of your business because it is HER past and you are of no involvement in it. When she tells you something about her past - its your privileges , NOT your rights.
Let me tell you, this barrier will bound to make you appreciate her less. Look through past aunt agony's threads and you will see similiar problems. There are people who will dump their present gf when someone better comes along - giving lame excuse, but deep inside them: the real reason is this.
Every relationships has its own karmic background and cosmic lesson. What's your cosmic lesson for this relationship? Obviously God is testing you: Mental cage or learning to release yourself? Cage yourself in your barrier and you will probably have to go through this with another girl. Even if you dump her - so are you going around and ask every single potential whether they are a virgin or not before you decide to start chasing and input feelings?
What must you do? Advice?
When you were hurt deep inside or because you made a ignorant mistake of the past - you only wished one thing: appreciation; because the past can't give you any. Reality is cruel and life's lesson is tough.
You always tell yourself that you can't accept, blar blar blar - your gf has landed into such a sad tale and don't you think that you should treasure and appreciate her even more? Hello? she is YOUR girlfriend leh, not Sgboy2004, not mine. If you DON'T and make that non-virgin point subconsciously any less valuable than what she is as a good lady - where can she get those appreciation from? OWN bf don't even appreciate her - think about that.
P.S: Learn to release yourself from your cage - nobody says its easy, but if you don't attempt, you never will walk out of that gate.
Cheers -
everyone has their past yes; the foolish ones have things in their past tat will affect their future forever. i'm one who tried to keep my past perfect so tat i've nothing to worry about.
tell me honestly that this forsaking of Linda will not affect your future and the amount of white hairs currently on your head. -
hello pp...thank you so much for your criticisms... though i didnt quite go thru them till now... i finally saw wat i didnt see before... finally understand wat i dont previously. i dont want to elaborate...but just want to let u all know i'm not going to let her go...im happily with her now.
okok having said tat...i must say it was a hell of an emotional roller coaster ride and struggle..... i still want to stick to my pov mentioned previously... no point letting another person go thru this when it can be avoided. -
That's a B E A Utiful decision. I'm glad for you.Originally posted by userid:hello pp...thank you so much for your criticisms... though i didnt quite go thru them till now... i finally saw wat i didnt see before... finally understand wat i dont previously. i dont to elaborate...but just want to let u all know i'm not going to let her go...im happily with her now. 
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Originally posted by jasmine17:does it reallie matter if your gf is no longer a virgin. she is brave enough to tell you the truth and if you reallie love her you should not mind her past. everyone have their past.
Totally agree, since she is brave to tell ya, you must not mind her past. -
Cliff is an idiot. LOL!
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Hey people cmon, to be frank, lets be fair, this is cliff's choice...i mean at least here he is not playing double standards...at least he is a virgin expecting gf to be virgin, better than those guys who played around but expect gf to be virgin...that then is bad.
Everyone got their expectations of their bf/gf. Some guys i noe cannot stand their gf with short hair...can we say they are wrong? based on what? And i noe some girls may not like a guy if he is fat or too short despite the guy may be a nice person. Is that wrong? We may not agree with it, but does it mean it is wrong?
If these are not wrong, why then should expecting the gf to be a virgin wrong since everyone has their expectations like you and me? -
my GF isn't a virgin, she used to have flings.
ask me would i marry her?
YES -
When you widen your vision - you see more of the beautiful things in your growing love, instead of unneccessary issues - you receive happiness in the long run.Originally posted by userid:hello pp...thank you so much for your criticisms... though i didnt quite go thru them till now... i finally saw wat i didnt see before... finally understand wat i dont previously. i dont want to elaborate...but just want to let u all know i'm not going to let her go...im happily with her now.
okok having said tat...i must say it was a hell of an emotional roller coaster ride and struggle..... i still want to stick to my pov mentioned previously... no point letting another person go thru this when it can be avoided.
I congrats you for attempting to break through your mental cage and succeed. Thinking back - if you were to lost her because of this: do you think that your life would be that blissful as now?
*Slap a pat onto userid's back*
Cheers -
way to go bro.u r a real man.Originally posted by AzRaeL:my GF isn't a virgin, she used to have flings.
ask me would i marry her?
YES -
Originally posted by harryryan:way to go bro.u r a real man.
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if virginity is not important, why does god still haf to create dat piece of tissue? might as well let dem be loose....no matter wat, it still haf to be inserted by those dicks mah.