My bf is gonna get married with another girl without love!!
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My relationship with my boyfriend is already 5 years. My problem is my boyfriend is gonna get married very soon (this year) with a girl whom he does not even really dating yet just bcoz his parents only wanted a chinese girl as their daughter-in-law.
My boyfriend is an engineer working with a German company in Singapore.His name is Wong Hoong Wern.Last night,he confess to me that he really loves me very much but he has to make more friends (girl of course) so that his parents is happy and he is recently dating 2 girls behind me. One of them is preety but jobless and the other one is slim and short but only work as an operator. Me myself is a degree student in one of the private college in Malaysia.
He also asks me to make new friends (boy of course) and try to date them. I really can't do this because everyone I met is not him. Recently, my ex-boyfriend contact me after so long and my bf seems to be jealous.You see...after 5 years of wonderful relationship without any big problem....suddenly this things happen.
But he said if his marriage is unsuccessfull and the same thing also happen to me,he will come back to me because he knows that I love him so much...I love him more than I love my own parents & sibblings....he always knew that....
Lastnight,he said to give ourselves a second chance to go out with another fella and he also wants to get married with any of the two chinese girl to make his parents happy.
Previosly,he agree to convert to my religion because he is a freethinker but now because of his his parents strong objection,he has to do this as he is the eldest son in the family and his younger brother already got married with a girl who is 8 years older than him and now his parents is very very upset. He is doing this only to make his parents happy.
Now I'm really upset and depressed and really don't know what to do to handle this case. I hope freinds out there could help me and give me some advice. Thank you. -
y not talk it out with his parents?
maybe they will understand? -
u diff race with him??...
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Have you ever tot that he might be a flirt and is only with you becos he knows that you love him?? And gives him what he wants...
How do you know that he doesn't love the girl he is gonna marry?
I mean if he doesn't love the girl he is about to marry, I am sure the girl will know if she actually agreed to marry him...
Sometimes Love really can make a person blind...
Trust me, you deserve someone better than him... -
They don't want to see me then how am I going to talk to them. Our parents knew about my relationship with him....now is really damn hard for me. I didn't sleep and eat for 3 days.
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He is not a flirt type...I knew him very well...I also know and can catch hih when he's telling liars, when he is happy,sad or angry..
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i wonder about him....
he's going to go through with the wedding??
has he no spine?
sheesh!
i have to leave this thread now.. i cannot be objective about someone who says he cares for someone yet does something else that totally betrays her... and he KNOWS it! -
If a person means to bluff you, you can never tell...Originally posted by Farahney:He is not a flirt type...I knew him very well...I also know and can catch hih when he's telling liars, when he is happy,sad or angry..
Sorry if you think I am finding fault with him...
Btw, have you ever tot of meeting up with the girl he is about to get married to?? -
He does not know which girl to choose. Actually the two of them is only the candidates...Of cause both of them wanted to marry him at anytime because he has a steady career and thay had nothing. The operator girl in his company already knew about me and still want to go out with him. I really don't understand this girl. I think this girl is really cheap!!!!!
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Maybe he told her things like you are after him, etc etc...
So that girl also thinks negatively about you??
Ai... It's all up to watever the guy wants to tell each girl after all... -
if its not meant to be, its not meant to be...
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Come on...the girl knew my relationship with him alredy 5 years...he comes back to Malaysia(Negeri Sembilan) almost everyweek with his motorbike juz because he wats to see me and he already spend more than 10k to support my studies not only that...he also pay my phone bill....my bf and i talk on the phone twice daily...one in the afternoon and one call before sleep..I receive his daily sms everyday at anytime.Originally posted by St4rduSt-:Maybe he told her things like you are after him, etc etc...
So that girl also thinks negatively about you??
Ai... It's all up to watever the guy wants to tell each girl after all... -
Can someone give me more advise.
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Originally posted by Farahney:My relationship with my boyfriend is already 5 years. My problem is my boyfriend is gonna get married very soon (this year) with a girl whom he does not even really dating yet just bcoz his parents only wanted a chinese girl as their daughter-in-law.
My boyfriend is an engineer working with a German company in Singapore.His name is Wong Hoong Wern.Last night,he confess to me that he really loves me very much but he has to make more friends (girl of course) so that his parents is happy and he is recently dating 2 girls behind me. One of them is preety but jobless and the other one is slim and short but only work as an operator. Me myself is a degree student in one of the private college in Malaysia.
He also asks me to make new friends (boy of course) and try to date them. I really can't do this because everyone I met is not him. Recently, my ex-boyfriend contact me after so long and my bf seems to be jealous.You see...after 5 years of wonderful relationship without any big problem....suddenly this things happen.
But he said if his marriage is unsuccessfull and the same thing also happen to me,he will come back to me because he knows that I love him so much...I love him more than I love my own parents & sibblings....he always knew that....
Lastnight,he said to give ourselves a second chance to go out with another fella and he also wants to get married with any of the two chinese girl to make his parents happy.
Previosly,he agree to convert to my religion because he is a freethinker but now because of his his parents strong objection,he has to do this as he is the eldest son in the family and his younger brother already got married with a girl who is 8 years older than him and now his parents is very very upset. He is doing this only to make his parents happy.
Now I'm really upset and depressed and really don't know what to do to handle this case. I hope freinds out there could help me and give me some advice. Thank you.
There is two thing you both can do - one is resigning to fate, the other is fight for your own happiness.
Resigning to fate and he marrying to another girl and all that crap - I think its totally lame. Marriage is sacred - its neither a game n or a deal (humans are the one who made it seemed like that - which totally degrade and desecrate its highest meaning). He will probably divorce his chinese wife - or continue to date and have affair with you secretly. This will NOT only hurt his poor wife, but rather how long does he wants to keep it going? What if there a child already? & there are many implication of divorcing, what if the parents flared up and stop him not divorcing her because of you? Isn't it walking back to the same problem?
My take is take on this, but fight rationally. Solve problem from its roots and not its surface. There are WAYS - give it up and follow blindly will only cause resentment, regrets and intense relationship with the three of you. Both of you probably have karmic relationship with one another - cause such a major rift and issue in your relationship after so long. No relationship is smooth going without its cosmic lesson and true love is often the ones that hits the strongest. What to do?
I advice you to tell him to stationed into passive mode. There is absolutely no hurry for him to get married - delay that. His mum wants him to get married to those chinese girls - tell him that he has no chemistry. Your parents will still be parents - they will disprove someone they don't fancy to be good, but they wouldn't force you into a hell pit if you really don't. Keep delay time - reduce her parents resistance against him marrying/dating/etc you.
His parents will give up one day.
I know the issue here is about his parents being gald or not - try throwing in communication first - if all fails, employ strategy and schemes. NEVER ATTEMPT MARRY SOMEONE YOU DON'T LOVE and create another karmic relationship with another person.
Case study:
I had this uncle who fell deeply in love with my aunt, who is a Malay. Female side parents totally forbid her to date him, in the end also cannot stop her. Then when it comes to marriage - he has to change his religion, which my uncle doesn't wished to. (He feels marrying her and changing religion is separate issues altogether.)
Guess what? He took my aunt to ROM and register themselves. The parents was furious and totally raging. They leave them as it is first, and try communicating.
Now? They already had two kids; My older cousin already finished Army and working - 20++ years old. Of course now already calm and peaceful already. (Please lor, kids already so big - parents themselves resign to fate.. LOL) When there is a will, there is a way - nobody can stop a couple truely in love away. *Snarling*
Cheers -
honestly i would say leave it to GOD
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hi Farahney,
all i can say is.. if he cannot stand up on his own and decide his own future, he can't give u happiness.. i wish u'll find true happiness no matter what his decision is.. -
...... What kinda help do you want?Originally posted by Farahney:Can someone give me more advise. -
Agreed MUCH wif Yun... Dis is YOUR happiness & his too. DO NOT bcoz of wat his parents did stop U... but approach cautiously...
(Out of topic...)
Frankly speaking... I still do not get WHY old fashioned parents r liddat, so "stick-to-da-board", so biased towards foreign race, so RACIST... these parents r normally da 1s who can NEVER see da BIG picture here... They THINK they r in control when in reality all they did was only bear the child & bring the child up! The child is da ONE who decide wat life he/she/it wants!
To ALL parents & would-be-parents: love yr children, BUT give them freedom too. Your experience & advice may be invaluable, but its their life & they should be the 1s deciding. -
Originally posted by oceanic:honestly i would say leave it to GOD I would leave it to TIME.
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Wah. Power lah, Yun. Got case study somemore!
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time.. hmm how much time? a few mths a few years still e same if he still choose to be with e other gal.. whereas lots of things depend on GOD and fateOriginally posted by Parka: I would leave it to TIME. -
i tink one of the things that u have to do is to break through how ur guy's parents see u... difference in the race is a main factor that many cannot accept lor... try to convince ur guy's parents.. if u cant den get ur guy to tok to them....
as mentioned by u, u say tat ur guy will find u back if his marriage fails.. what does he means? he is treating u as a spare tyre or wat? have a good tok to him... -
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Originally posted by oceanic:time.. hmm how much time? a few mths a few years still e same if he still choose to be with e other gal.. whereas lots of things depend on GOD and fate To me, leaving to GOD would be equals to leaving to time. Where's the difference?
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The terms are different... And if you know the terms, you'll know the DIFFERENCE... You can be in a way 'right' if you say they're the SAME... And you can be also RIGHT if you say they're DIFFERENT....?Originally posted by Parka: To me, leaving to GOD would be equals to leaving to time. Where's the difference?