I want to help this girl... but how to go abt it ?
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I have a female friend who is (sort of) head over heels with a guy she barely knew for a week plus.
This guy initiated all those sms, asking how's her day, has she eaten her meals etc... simply put, those smses can come in from 9am to 8pm daily. And when she told me how "sweet that guy was", and that the guy confessed his feelings for her .. all within a week after knowing each other... I cant help but feel uneasy that the guy is out to con her in whatever way possible.
From what I know, she 'likes' him bcos of his 'sweetness'... e.g I believe she is simply happy that some guy out there is concerned for her .. (she never had a bf before anyway)
I do not know this guy who is going after her. But logically speaking, if a guy can so-called confess his liking to a girl just a week after knowing each other.. I kinda doubt him.
My intuition tells me that she isn't the only girl that guy is 'sweet toking' to.
Dear friends, do I make any sense in having this uneasy feeling ? And is there a way for me to get her out of this before she goes in too deep and potentially hurt herself ?
I am just her guy friend who wants to see if I can do something to wake her up. -
how ur friend and the guy met? through?
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They met during a temp job. And as of till today, they knew each other for like abt 9 days only.Originally posted by lushpies:how ur friend and the guy met? through? -
how old is your friend?? she should be old enough to take care of herself right? you are afraid she gets cheated?
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My friend's 20 this yr.. though some may think she's old enough to handle her own life. But love can blind sometimes, and I believe she is in for a rude awakening should the guy she 'likes' turns out to be a rogue.Originally posted by sillyme:how old is your friend?? she should be old enough to take care of herself right? you are afraid she gets cheated?
Yes, I am afraid she gets cheated. Frankly, if that guy was someone she knew for a few months and she's really sure about him, I wouldn't feel so worried. But she herself told me just a few days back she don't really know how she should be feeling, only to realise within a matter of days, the guy told her he likes her.
I am only guessing that this guy has some ill intentions. I am not very sure abt it. But whatever, its always better to be safe than sorry in most cases.
I know the best solution may be to let her face the episode (should it turn out to be a real nasty one), but try as I might, I wish I could stomach it. There's just something amiss. -
I'm not sure but I think there's nothing you can do about it, right?
All you can do is to warn her about being committing her feelings so fast into a friendship. If you show too much concern and try to force her to accept your advices, it may put her off and shut you ff totally. Then this will be a bad thing.
Be her listening ear willingly at the moment. Do not be too eager to give solutions, but guide her making right decisions (I hope you know the difference between the two). Maybe offer to accompany her if she is meeting the guy.
I hope this makes sense. Btw, do you have any interest in her? Or just doing this out of pure concern?Originally posted by WhosUrDaddy?:My friend's 20 this yr.. though some may think she's old enough to handle her own life. But love can blind sometimes, and I believe she is in for a rude awakening should the guy she 'likes' turns out to be a rogue.
Yes, I am afraid she gets cheated. Frankly, if that guy was someone she knew for a few months and she's really sure about him, I wouldn't feel so worried. But she herself told me just a few days back she don't really know how she should be feeling, only to realise within a matter of days, the guy told her he likes her.
I am only guessing that this guy has some ill intentions. I am not very sure abt it. But whatever, its always better to be safe than sorry in most cases.
I know the best solution may be to let her face the episode (should it turn out to be a real nasty one), but try as I might, I wish I could stomach it. There's just something amiss. -
I didn't know what I should be feeling for the girl at first, but it was after the guy the came in. only did I start to feel a bit jealous. Guess I do have a bit of feelings for her which I recently realised.Originally posted by sillyme:I'm not sure but I think there's nothing you can do about it, right?
All you can do is to warn her about being committing her feelings so fast into a friendship. If you show too much concern and try to force her to accept your advices, it may put her off and shut you ff totally. Then this will be a bad thing.
Be her listening ear willingly at the moment. Do not be too eager to give solutions, but guide her making right decisions (I hope you know the difference between the two). Maybe offer to accompany her if she is meeting the guy.
I hope this makes sense. Btw, do you have any interest in her? Or just doing this out of pure concern?
After thinking over for a while, guess your advice makes lots of sense. There's nothing I can do but to lend a listening ear. Do hope she'll be fine with the guy. -
yup, the worse thing tat can happen is that u let your imagination take control and u silly stuff to prevent her from doing the things she thinks is right.
it's natural to feel worried and concerned for a friend.. wanting to protect a friend is noble.. if your feelings for each other is mutual, then it will blossom some day.. just remember that love is patient.. and love is also not selfish..Originally posted by WhosUrDaddy?:I didn't know what I should be feeling for the girl at first, but it was after the guy the came in. only did I start to feel a bit jealous. Guess I do have a bit of feelings for her which I recently realised.
After thinking over for a while, guess your advice makes lots of sense. There's nothing I can do but to lend a listening ear. Do hope she'll be fine with the guy. -
Are you interested in her?
I can understand your concern for a friend, but please remember to be tactful. Here's why:
1) Should you go too far out just to help her, little wonders what she'll be thinking abt.
She can either think that you're eating sour grapes, thus trying so hard to discourage her from a r/s she thinks is wonderful, OR she will appreciate your concern for her and hopefully wised up.
2) Should you let her be on her own and s.h.i.t. happens, then on your side, I think you'll feel bad for not trying any harder to dissuade her from what you think is bad. On her side, you'll be accused of not trying any harder to dissuade her from getting herself into this unwise r/s.
3) Should things work wonderfully between the two of them, YOU will be yet accused of trying to break up what seems to be a wonderful r/s *keeping my fingers crossed that it indeed will be wonderful*
Ultimately at the end of the day, you don't really stand to gain. I'm not trying to discourage you from helping your friend. But girls at this age tend to be naive and easily coaxed with sweet nothings. For her, at this moment at least, I guessed she's more into that guy's word than yours. Definitely don't wish to see the day when she comes back barking at you for either helping too much or too little.
Take heart, it's not your responsibility to make sure s.h.i.t. don't happen to this friend. She should be responsible for her own life, her own actions. Some ppl learn things the hard way. You can do this much as a friend, for a friend.
cheerz.. -
Glad that I posted in here before I took any action to dissuade that girl from a potentially successful or dangerous r/ship. Kudos to all for the sensible advice !Originally posted by ^cereal^:Are you interested in her?
I can understand your concern for a friend, but please remember to be tactful. Here's why:
1) Should you go too far out just to help her, little wonders what she'll be thinking abt. She can either think that you're eating sour grapes, thus trying so hard to discourage her from a r/s she thinks is wonderful, OR she will appreciate your concern for her and hopefully wised up.
2) Should you let her be on her own and s.h.i.t. happens, then on your side, I think you'll feel bad for not trying any harder to dissuade her from what you think is bad. On her side, you'll be accused of not trying any harder to dissuade her from getting herself into this unwise r/s.
3) Should things work wonderfully between the two of them, YOU will be yet accused of trying to break up what seems to be a wonderful r/s *keeping my fingers crossed that it indeed will be wonderful*
Ultimately at the end of the day, you don't really stand to gain. I'm not trying to discourage you from helping your friend. But girls at this age tend to be naive and easily coaxed with sweet nothings. For her, at this moment at least, I guessed she's more into that guy's word than yours. Definitely don't wish to see the day when she comes back barking at you for either helping too much or too little.
Take heart, it's not your responsibility to make sure s.h.i.t. don't happen to this friend. She should be responsible for her own life, her own actions. Some ppl learn things the hard way. You can do this much as a friend, for a friend.
cheerz..
Well, perhaps I have been rather jumpy about this but as I realised, some things I just cant interfere. So, might as well just get on with my own life, and meet other people.
Thank you all for the advice ! -
Whoa lao man! Because of goody teo shoes like you, Perverts like me cannot get girls sated withour alcoholic *charms and put to our own sensual exploitationt! ANywayz, i am thankful not so many of YOU exist otherwise me and my gang no biz leowz... anywayz, if you dun like that guy... hehe.... hehe.... i could remove him from the equation if u like for a small price... hehehe...
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unless invited, no one should interfere with anyone's love life
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If it's a karmic relationship - most probably there is little you can do. My take is that observe that guy carefully and cautiously - any details that could spill his true self, take note. Otherwise, let your friend be; its her life and you, being just an ordinary friend no matter how close your relationship is with her, still could not and in no position to stop her.Originally posted by WhosUrDaddy?:I have a female friend who is (sort of) head over heels with a guy she barely knew for a week plus.
This guy initiated all those sms, asking how's her day, has she eaten her meals etc... simply put, those smses can come in from 9am to 8pm daily. And when she told me how "sweet that guy was", and that the guy confessed his feelings for her .. all within a week after knowing each other... I cant help but feel uneasy that the guy is out to con her in whatever way possible.
From what I know, she 'likes' him bcos of his 'sweetness'... e.g I believe she is simply happy that some guy out there is concerned for her .. (she never had a bf before anyway)
I do not know this guy who is going after her. But logically speaking, if a guy can so-called confess his liking to a girl just a week after knowing each other.. I kinda doubt him.
My intuition tells me that she isn't the only girl that guy is 'sweet toking' to.
Dear friends, do I make any sense in having this uneasy feeling ? And is there a way for me to get her out of this before she goes in too deep and potentially hurt herself ?
I am just her guy friend who wants to see if I can do something to wake her up.
Enlighten her in your own words - own ways, while experience & growth will come from her own action and choice made.
Cheers -
Originally posted by WhosUrDaddy?:I have a female friend who is (sort of) head over heels with a guy she barely knew for a week plus.
This guy initiated all those sms, asking how's her day, has she eaten her meals etc... simply put, those smses can come in from 9am to 8pm daily. And when she told me how "sweet that guy was", and that the guy confessed his feelings for her .. all within a week after knowing each other... I cant help but feel uneasy that the guy is out to con her in whatever way possible.
From what I know, she 'likes' him bcos of his 'sweetness'... e.g I believe she is simply happy that some guy out there is concerned for her .. (she never had a bf before anyway)
I do not know this guy who is going after her. But logically speaking, if a guy can so-called confess his liking to a girl just a week after knowing each other.. I kinda doubt him.
My intuition tells me that she isn't the only girl that guy is 'sweet toking' to.
Dear friends, do I make any sense in having this uneasy feeling ? And is there a way for me to get her out of this before she goes in too deep and potentially hurt herself ?
I am just her guy friend who wants to see if I can do something to wake her up.
just one question for you..are you or are you not interested in her? if not, things are pretty simple..just help her as you would a good friend and tell her everything you feel she should know. on the other hand....... -
i don't see anything wrong with what the guy is doing. he's just wooing a girl he likes and she is reciprocating his feelings.
even if the guy is really just out for a fling, it's something she'll have to learn the hard way. if she's 20 and has never had a relationship, i would say that she needs 1 badly, to put it crudely, as experience.
relationships come and go. some last, most don't. -
absolutely totally!Originally posted by the Bear:unless invited, no one should interfere with anyone's love life
the girl won't appreciate it
the guy would probably want to rip you a new ass-hole.
one should NOT interefere in to love life of others.
it's the social prime directive -
Latest Update : Just last nite she confided in me regarding the problem and she herself came to realise the guy isnt serious abt the potential r/ship. Then later in the same nite, that guy himself in the end told the girl he feels 'its better to be just friends' ... lucky that guy told her all these now.. and frankly, I am very relieved she saw the light before even that guy confessed.
And for those interested to know .... YES. I am interested in her. I didn't know what I should be feeling prior to all these, cos I am not sure if its just a crush or is she someone I like.. and after tat guy 'swooped' in, I got my answer.. and I tot it was over for me. But it seems, things have changed in an instant. And I forsee a chance for myself.
Issit Fated that all these happened ? or mabbe just some coincidence ? I dunno... the world really works in strange ways.
I've initiated a date with her, to meet up next week. Slowly and hopefully, things will blossom. -
wish u all the best...
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Ack! I didn't know I posted twice. Sorry bout it. Msg deleted.
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Hey bud, from the way I see how she confides all her problems in you, she's treatin you more like a confidante than a possible partner. It's the mysteriousness between both parties that makes them fall for each other, look what happened between them within 9 days. I would think maintainin a distance from her would be good, not too close but yet not too far. Don't ever become her best buddy where she goes about telling everything to you, when that happens, chances of her being together with you is like zilch. You've seen how other forumnites complain about being so good to the girl yet not getting them right? I'm sure you don't wish to end up like that.
Alright, with this advice in mind, go get em' tiger!
I will not be responsible should any backfiring occur while following the advice given above. -
tell her come tok to me!
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1) How long have you guys known each other and has she always been confiding in you?? if it's like over a long period; say a few yrs, and she's been constantly confiding in you, I think she merely treats you like a buddy of some sort. (Rem, platonic r/s happens to a gal, but not so for a guy)
2) How often did she mention her likings for other guys to you? Rarely, Ocassionally, Often, All the time?
3) Probably she has got other intentions by telling you about that guy whom she knew? from what I see, maybe she knows you kinda like you from your gestures/body language and stuffs, thus, telling you abt this guy she barely knew for a wk and how much she likes him blah blah blah, hopefully to make you express your likings for her? Kinda make you jealous and see your reaction. (Rem, mind game is often played in this area of field.)
4) You mentioned you like her, how intense do you think this is? In a spur of moment, you may feel you like her bcoz she confides to you, you may have this sense of possession of her as a friend but not bgr kinda feeling. I hope you get what I mean.
5) Seems like she falls in and out of 'love' easily. Maybe she's really in need of a companion, but have you ever asked her for her expections of a potential bf? If she don't even have the answer herself, then I think any guy who comes across her path, someone 'nice', 'sweet' can be her bf?
At the end of the day, please take all suggestions/comments with a pinch of salt. Just my 2 cents worth. I may be wrong though. You know her personally, not us. We're just giving you our opinion from your posts.
Of coz should you decide to go for it, I wish you all the best.
Cheerz. -
WELL-SAID.Originally posted by sillyme:I'm not sure but I think there's nothing you can do about it, right?
All you can do is to warn her about being committing her feelings so fast into a friendship. If you show too much concern and try to force her to accept your advices, it may put her off and shut you ff totally. Then this will be a bad thing.
Be her listening ear willingly at the moment. Do not be too eager to give solutions, but guide her making right decisions (I hope you know the difference between the two). Maybe offer to accompany her if she is meeting the guy.
I hope this makes sense. Btw, do you have any interest in her? Or just doing this out of pure concern? -
Appreciate all the advice and suggestions i have gathered so far.
Well, frankly, I have known her for only a month.. and she told me that she really enjoys talking to me.
I dunno what her opinion of me may be, but this is something i cannot control should she feel that I can only be her friend. Guess that's where Fate comes in then.
I do hope she knows what to look for in a guy. But I won't really pry into her personal life. I'll just give her space to think for the time being. -
Are you the guy???Originally posted by WhosUrDaddy?:I have a female friend who is (sort of) head over heels with a guy she barely knew for a week plus.
This guy initiated all those sms, asking how's her day, has she eaten her meals etc... simply put, those smses can come in from 9am to 8pm daily. And when she told me how "sweet that guy was", and that the guy confessed his feelings for her .. all within a week after knowing each other... I cant help but feel uneasy that the guy is out to con her in whatever way possible.
From what I know, she 'likes' him bcos of his 'sweetness'... e.g I believe she is simply happy that some guy out there is concerned for her .. (she never had a bf before anyway)
I do not know this guy who is going after her. But logically speaking, if a guy can so-called confess his liking to a girl just a week after knowing each other.. I kinda doubt him.
My intuition tells me that she isn't the only girl that guy is 'sweet toking' to.
Dear friends, do I make any sense in having this uneasy feeling ? And is there a way for me to get her out of this before she goes in too deep and potentially hurt herself ?
I am just her guy friend who wants to see if I can do something to wake her up.