advice needed
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hi pple.....i got a problem of my own and i need some advice....here goes *breathe*:
I met this girl thru my classmate in JC (she's my classmate's sis btw)...one year younger and very very bubbly & frenly....(heard from her bro that she had a lot of guys asking her to go stead and she refused all of them)...she's a bit of a tomboy if u wanna know....that's all for character description.....i will update if i think of more things to write...
anyway, i have known her for a little under 4 years already....i did ask her whether she would go steady with me once before...she turned me down that time....but fortunately we are still frens....have gone out with her many times since then (1 vs 1)....movies, bowling...dunno whether she goes out 1 vs 1 with other guys though....jealous!
i guess im the possessive kind....damn...dun like to be one...
but even since then, my feelings for her have not changed one bit at all. In fact, they have grown stronger over the years, so much so that i cannot stop thinking of her every single day. I dunno whether to give up on her or to continue holding out.....everytime i attempt the former, my heart aches like crazy...yet i dunno how long more i can hold out for her....
she claims to have a bad short-term memory which i guess is true (she isn't very good in her studies) but i dun doubt for a moment that she knows my feelings for her....she has not given any sign that i should back off or go for it....
does any kind soul out there have any advice for me? im truly lost now...would appreciate it if anyone would be willing to give me some pointers or to give me a rude wakeup call...anything at all! -
oh..btw....i dunno whether she currently has a bf....just hoping not...
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hint to her first... see the result..
result positive, carry on...
result negative, life carry on -
agreed...Originally posted by leilan84:hint to her first... see the result..
result positive, carry on...
result negative, life carry on
life is too short to stay put at one place...
Go out and know other girls in the meantime...
Who knows what life have in stall for each of us...
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Maybe she thought that you've already given up and just wanna remain as friends...? Afterall, she'd made it quite clear to you the other time...? Then again, if you wanna think this way (which you probably WOULD...?Originally posted by Gary25:hi pple.....i got a problem of my own and i need some advice....here goes *breathe*:
I met this girl thru my classmate in JC (she's my classmate's sis btw)...one year younger and very very bubbly & frenly....(heard from her bro that she had a lot of guys asking her to go stead and she refused all of them)...she's a bit of a tomboy if u wanna know....that's all for character description.....i will update if i think of more things to write...
anyway, i have known her for a little under 4 years already....i did ask her whether she would go steady with me once before...she turned me down that time....but fortunately we are still frens....have gone out with her many times since then (1 vs 1)....movies, bowling...dunno whether she goes out 1 vs 1 with other guys though....jealous! i guess im the possessive kind....damn...dun like to be one...
but even since then, my feelings for her have not changed one bit at all. In fact, they have grown stronger over the years, so much so that i cannot stop thinking of her every single day. I dunno whether to give up on her or to continue holding out.....everytime i attempt the former, my heart aches like crazy...yet i dunno how long more i can hold out for her....
she claims to have a bad short-term memory which i guess is true (she isn't very good in her studies) but i dun doubt for a moment that she knows my feelings for her....she has not given any sign that i should back off or go for it....
does any kind soul out there have any advice for me? im truly lost now...would appreciate it if anyone would be willing to give me some pointers or to give me a rude wakeup call...anything at all!
).... Her feelings for you MIGHT have grown with time...? I MEAN... ANYTHING is POSSIBLE...? So what say you? 
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hmmm how about giving one last shot. It she still reject. Just remain as buddy(I think she treat u as one) and go insearch of others.
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i wish it could HAPPEN this way man....Originally posted by Devil1976:Maybe she thought that you've already given up and just wanna remain as friends...? Afterall, she'd made it quite clear to you the other time...? Then again, if you wanna think this way (which you probably WOULD...? ).... Her feelings for you MIGHT have grown with time...? I MEAN... ANYTHING is POSSIBLE...? So what say you? 
i agree with ya that anything is possible.....but it doesn't exactly help that i do not have anything to go along with....hints watsoever.... -
Clarify with her and if ans. is no still, MOVE ON pal!
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So you should know when to dream and when not to...? If she really hold anything for you she'll probably drop you AT LEAST a few clues...? And guess what if you're missing them...? She'll probably just drop MORE if she's really interested in you...?Originally posted by Gary25:i wish it could HAPPEN this way man....
i agree with ya that anything is possible.....but it doesn't exactly help that i do not have anything to go along with....hints watsoever....
But when she's not interested in you...? Better quit imaging... Only make your head SPINS...? -
From your post, it seemed that relationship isn't very important/essential to her and she has little needs for them due to her huge social circle and tons of suitors. In the Art of Seduction - you cannot seduce a truely satisfied person. If she is very satisfied with her current life - that's a problem.Originally posted by Gary25:hi pple.....i got a problem of my own and i need some advice....here goes *breathe*:
I met this girl thru my classmate in JC (she's my classmate's sis btw)...one year younger and very very bubbly & frenly....(heard from her bro that she had a lot of guys asking her to go stead and she refused all of them)...she's a bit of a tomboy if u wanna know....that's all for character description.....i will update if i think of more things to write...
anyway, i have known her for a little under 4 years already....i did ask her whether she would go steady with me once before...she turned me down that time....but fortunately we are still frens....have gone out with her many times since then (1 vs 1)....movies, bowling...dunno whether she goes out 1 vs 1 with other guys though....jealous! i guess im the possessive kind....damn...dun like to be one...
but even since then, my feelings for her have not changed one bit at all. In fact, they have grown stronger over the years, so much so that i cannot stop thinking of her every single day. I dunno whether to give up on her or to continue holding out.....everytime i attempt the former, my heart aches like crazy...yet i dunno how long more i can hold out for her....
she claims to have a bad short-term memory which i guess is true (she isn't very good in her studies) but i dun doubt for a moment that she knows my feelings for her....she has not given any sign that i should back off or go for it....
does any kind soul out there have any advice for me? im truly lost now...would appreciate it if anyone would be willing to give me some pointers or to give me a rude wakeup call...anything at all!
Whether she has a boyfriend anot - I think its good to source that information OR perhaps if she is only interested in girls? (Worst-come-to-worst scenario). You need to advance not only the spend-time-together kind, but also the inner feelings and thoughts.
She probably has a barrier to people who seeks to enter her inner realm. If you find a way to break that barrier, she would be yours eventually. She has to be comfortable with you when communicating and has to share with you, on her own accord, her life, her past, her whatever sh|t under the sun. From there, you can advance better and have clearer picture on what should you do.
Quote of the day: Seduce my mind and you could have my body, seduce my heart and you have me forever.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
come to think of it.....she has shared a bit (at least she shared!
From your post, it seemed that relationship isn't very important/essential to her and she has little needs for them due to her huge social circle and tons of suitors. In the Art of Seduction - you cannot seduce a truely satisfied person. If she is very satisfied with her current life - that's a problem.
Whether she has a boyfriend anot - I think its good to source that information OR perhaps if she is only interested in girls? (Worst-come-to-worst scenario). You need to advance not only the spend-time-together kind, but also the inner feelings and thoughts.
She probably has a barrier to people who seeks to enter her inner realm. If you find a way to break that barrier, she would be yours eventually. She has to be comfortable with you when communicating and has to share with you, on her own accord, her life, her past, her whatever sh|t under the sun. From there, you can advance better and have clearer picture on what should you do.
[b]Quote of the day: Seduce my mind and you could have my body, seduce my heart and you have me forever.
Cheers[/b] ) abt wat kind of person she is with me.....mebbe cos i bothered to ask...i know a lot of my frens wun bother to find out abt each other.....just wanna have fun that's all....
abt the barrier thing, isn't everyone the same? there is always the initial barrier that we present to others who do ask qns which may require us to open ourselves, and thus give one a sense of vulnerability..... -
Sharing a bit doesn't constitute enough to create something out of it - this is probably an illusion that most people who heed, thinking that she is very comfortable with him already. Think, if the amount of time spend together outside, etc is not bringing her to talk about herself occasionally - then that should be a utter failure right?Originally posted by Gary25:come to think of it.....she has shared a bit (at least she shared! ) abt wat kind of person she is with me.....mebbe cos i bothered to ask...i know a lot of my frens wun bother to find out abt each other.....just wanna have fun that's all....
abt the barrier thing, isn't everyone the same? there is always the initial barrier that we present to others who do ask qns which may require us to open ourselves, and thus give one a sense of vulnerability.....
Share about her personality is a small, but advantageous, step in your final goal. Continue onwards and if done naturally, she will be communicating with her inner realm with you. Alot of friend wouldn't bother to ask much? Because they ain't interested in her wor... in the Art of Seduction: observing details is crucial.
Now for the question about barriers: The Barrier theories works as a psychological defense in protecting your mind and heart. People are defensive about their personal thoughts is because not everyone love to share themselves with others. The sharing part is like a gift from the emperor - only those whom they feel is trustworthy/best friends/pals/etc, they would.
The counter for Barrier Theory is to march indirectly into your goals - Nobody ask you to barge into the fortress gate and combat the troops stationed there. She will get defensive because your inner thoughts is something you share willingly - not pressured to.
The effect is like a flower - luring the bees with its scent, indirectly helping the flowers to pollen its seeds.
There are many ways in trying to achieve that effect. One good way is my quote below.
Cheers -
is this girl's name ru jun?
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nope it isn't....any relation?Originally posted by Fanatical_Knight:is this girl's name ru jun? -
nah just knew a girl who is like u described... sorry wrong person
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i dunno but coz i am a little tomboyish myself (not say in looks, but personality)....i tend to have a harder time warming up to people...esp in suitors....and also so far rejected all...i am not attached before...because i believed in 'saving for the best possible'. i have heard tales of guys cheating on my friends...
personally i rate chemistry as the highest factor in deciding if i want to be together with someone. if i feel something for a guy, the ways i show interest is by taking interest on what are his interests...being initiative and basically more communication. but nevertheless i will never pop the question of being his stead...~ this is the only thing i wont do... -
Originally posted by Gary25:
If ur so unsure... why not juz ask ur classmate to ask her what she treat u as, fren or has some feelings for you?
hi pple.....i got a problem of my own and i need some advice....here goes *breathe*:
I met this girl thru my classmate in JC ([b]she's my classmate's sis btw)...one year younger and very very bubbly & frenly....(heard from her bro that she had a lot of guys asking her to go stead and she refused all of them)...she's a bit of a tomboy if u wanna know....that's all for character description.....i will update if i think of more things to write...
anyway, i have known her for a little under 4 years already....i did ask her whether she would go steady with me once before...she turned me down that time....but fortunately we are still frens....have gone out with her many times since then (1 vs 1)....movies, bowling...dunno whether she goes out 1 vs 1 with other guys though....jealous! i guess im the possessive kind....damn...dun like to be one...
but even since then, my feelings for her have not changed one bit at all. In fact, they have grown stronger over the years, so much so that i cannot stop thinking of her every single day. I dunno whether to give up on her or to continue holding out.....everytime i attempt the former, my heart aches like crazy...yet i dunno how long more i can hold out for her....
she claims to have a bad short-term memory which i guess is true (she isn't very good in her studies) but i dun doubt for a moment that she knows my feelings for her....she has not given any sign that i should back off or go for it....
does any kind soul out there have any advice for me? im truly lost now...would appreciate it if anyone would be willing to give me some pointers or to give me a rude wakeup call...anything at all![/b] -
just wish to clarify something.....were u ever attracted (at all) to any of those guys who wished to go steady with u? im sure u would have found some of those guys, or at least one, who u felt would make a good bf (of cos u must have the chemistry with him to begin with).....Originally posted by fumih_81:i dunno but coz i am a little tomboyish myself (not say in looks, but personality)....i tend to have a harder time warming up to people...esp in suitors....and also so far rejected all...i am not attached before...because i believed in 'saving for the best possible'. i have heard tales of guys cheating on my friends...personally i rate chemistry as the highest factor in deciding if i want to be together with someone. if i feel something for a guy, the ways i show interest is by taking interest on what are his interests...being initiative and basically more communication. but nevertheless i will never pop the question of being his stead...~ this is the only thing i wont do...
may i ask y that is so?
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It depends on individuals. DIfferent girls react differently. You cannot love someone without getting hurt. Its part of the process. It would be good if she has hints. But don't always assume. At the rate you are going out with her, you are bound to pop out the question again inevitably. Its only a matter of time.
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i think he already knows that i like herOriginally posted by Ben-i:If ur so unsure... why not juz ask ur classmate to ask her what she treat u as, fren or has some feelings for you?
funny thing....i just remembered.....some of my classmates took part in the adidas bball competition (held at ngee ann, orchard). one of them was her bro..and i went with her to meet up with my other classmates who were there to give support. one of my other frens saw me with her (he is also a classmate of mine).
A few days later, we were talking (this classmate and I) online abt her (my target, though at that time i didn't have any feelings for her....YET). I sorta said that he shld go chase her cos he told me that he had some feelings for her (her character was magnetic)....However, he told me that he had confided his feelings for her with her bro and her bro told him to back off! now i dunno wat happened between the two of them (my classmate and her bro) but apparently the same thing did not happen to me. Now to me, that could be becos of two reasons: one, he doesn't know that i like his sis too.....or two, he doesn't mind me being with her, which again i think is kinda ridiculous..... -
u bet, brother! u bet i will!Originally posted by saintboy:It depends on individuals. DIfferent girls react differently. You cannot love someone without getting hurt. Its part of the process. It would be good if she has hints. But don't always assume. At the rate you are going out with her, you are bound to pop out the question again inevitably. Its only a matter of time. 
like ashgoh said, im gonna give it one more try.
only issue is......when? -
no problem manOriginally posted by Fanatical_Knight:nah just knew a girl who is like u described... sorry wrong person -
go straight to her n ask if she has 1??Originally posted by Gary25:oh..btw....i dunno whether she currently has a bf....just hoping not...
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nvm lah..slowly slowly lor...TIME..Originally posted by Gary25:u bet, brother! u bet i will!
like ashgoh said, im gonna give it one more try.
only issue is......when? -
slowly slowly ah!? Wait Gary25 become more entangleed inside the relationship deeper and then IF the outcome is negative then he will be very hurt. I agree with fumih_21.Originally posted by sh|nY_BoY:nvm lah..slowly slowly lor...TIME..
Chemistry is the most important factor and it is definitely not an overstatement.
Mind you when i say chemistry, its not chemistry between good friends where you can chat and talk, its a lover's kind of chemistry, They are worlds apart.
If she has the feelings for you then it will be nothing can change that for the moment, if she does not have any feelings for you then no matter how hard you try, it's not going to be a "happily ever after" kindof ending.
Does she like any other guy now?