advice needed
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im not too sure abt that.....if i did ask that im sure she will catch on to wat im trying to get to ultimately.....Originally posted by saintboy:slowly slowly ah!? Wait Gary25 become more entangleed inside the relationship deeper and then IF the outcome is negative then he will be very hurt. I agree with fumih_21.
Chemistry is the most important factor and it is definitely not an overstatement.
Mind you when i say chemistry, its not chemistry between good friends where you can chat and talk, its a lover's kind of chemistry, They are worlds apart.
If she has the feelings for you then it will be nothing can change that for the moment, if she does not have any feelings for you then no matter how hard you try, it's not going to be a "happily ever after" kindof ending.
Does she like any other guy now?
oh yah...another update....she did badly in her A levels....so she couldn't get a place in any local uni...her parents also forbid her to study overseas....so she called me up to ask me to help her decide which poly she shld apply for a diploma so as to get a degree in the shortest period of time after that......there were one or two nights we spent together online searching thru the individual websites of the polys in singapore for such a diploma....i dunno whether that can be classified as closeness....if not then i really think i shld give up on her....... -
i have been thinking for these past few wks.....since i first posted this thread......
im going to give up on her totally.....as in....totally......cos i doubt that i will be able to get over her if she remains as my fren....everytime i see her, i dun doubt for a min that my feelings for her will resurface.....makes going out with her a painful experience for me at all......
its a stupid idea but i feel its the best for me lor.....unless someone has a better idea than that
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Hi Gary25Originally posted by Gary25:i have been thinking for these past few wks.....since i first posted this thread......
im going to give up on her totally.....as in....totally......cos i doubt that i will be able to get over her if she remains as my fren....everytime i see her, i dun doubt for a min that my feelings for her will resurface.....makes going out with her a painful experience for me at all......
its a stupid idea but i feel its the best for me lor.....unless someone has a better idea than that
After you made your feelings known, apparently she did not desire to have a relationship. However, she still continued the friendship, which leads you to wonder if there is anything on. On your part, staying in touch meant sustaining your feelings. With the combination of factors, your feelings for her still remained.
If we could go back in time and think about it, what did she express when she turned you down the last time? Was there any hint of it being wrong timing or just 'let's be friends'? I know it may be difficult to think about it but please do.
When girls find out that a close friend likes her, even if she rejects him (in terms of romantic relationship), she may continue the friendship. In her mind, it's a pity that all's lost. Maintaining status quo may just be her way of wanting to keep the friendship.
As for your decision, if a friend came to you with the situation you are facing, what will you tell him to do? What is your most objective assessment of the situation? If you decide that it's best to discontinue contact as it will only fuel your feelings for her (after you've decided to let go completely), that may be the best for that situation. It is a brave decision to make and it's best for you.
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her reason for rejecting me was that she was not ready for a r/s (come to think of it though, so was i). She didn't use the 'let's be frens' reason though. However, apart from the above-mentioned, I cannot really recall wat else she said to me then.......and i assume that's the same reason she used to reject her other suitors as well.Originally posted by pool.gal:After you made your feelings known, apparently she did not desire to have a relationship. However, she still continued the friendship, which leads you to wonder if there is anything on. On your part, staying in touch meant sustaining your feelings. With the combination of factors, your feelings for her still remained.
If we could go back in time and think about it, what did she express when she turned you down the last time? Was there any hint of it being wrong timing or just 'let's be friends'? I know it may be difficult to think about it but please do.
well......i dunno whether its the best for me...and for her...i really feel bad that if i really have to go to such means, i will let her down...cos all i want is for her to be happy *damn im tearing*...however, as much as i would like to think that losing me as a fren will be very painful for her, i guess that this would be wishful thinking on my part....in any case, i would like a win-win situation....that watever i do will not cause her any hurt of any sort...that she will remain happy and satisfied with her life. However, if it has to be done, it has to be done. Its just that i need some pple (pang2 guan1 zhe3 qing1) to give me their opinion from an unbiased basis. I thank u sincerely from the bottom of my heart for giving me the above advice. It does help in a way
When girls find out that a close friend likes her, even if she rejects him (in terms of romantic relationship), she may continue the friendship. In her mind, it's a pity that all's lost. Maintaining status quo may just be her way of wanting to keep the friendship.
As for your decision, if a friend came to you with the situation you are facing, what will you tell him to do? What is your most objective assessment of the situation? If you decide that it's best to discontinue contact as it will only fuel your feelings for her (after you've decided to let go completely), that may be the best for that situation. It is a brave decision to make and it's best for you.
Not forgetting the others who have kindly (though sometimes curtly) given me their views....thank you so very much! -
It's really difficult for you. Sorry if we've been insensitive. I remember the show 'Bruce Almighty' when Bruce was going to lose Grace. He met God and God told him to pray. In his prayer, he wanted Grace to find someone who will see like he does not and love her for it.Originally posted by Gary25:cos all i want is for her to be happy
It's very wonderful for you to think her interests. Even if it's a painful decision, you know what's best for both of you. I admire your courage! I know you have the answer in your heart, but it's just not easy to make it. You are a wonderful friend and will be a wonderful partner. -
too bad she couldn't think the same way as u......Originally posted by pool.gal:It's really difficult for you. Sorry if we've been insensitive. I remember the show 'Bruce Almighty' when Bruce was going to lose Grace. He met God and God told him to pray. In his prayer, he wanted Grace to find someone who will see like he does not and love her for it.
It's very wonderful for you to think her interests. Even if it's a painful decision, you know what's best for both of you. I admire your courage! I know you have the answer in your heart, but it's just not easy to make it. You are a wonderful friend and will be a wonderful partner. -
You'll find someone who will think that way and that's who you will be with. It takes an eye to see a jewel!Originally posted by Gary25:too bad she couldn't think the same way as u......
If you have time, you could read my story i posted on the forum 'Jesus Freak' titled 'Jesus Loves me'.
I have been in your shoes before. But have been blessed...
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Please don't be too sad. There's more than just her out there in this world. Personally, i would think that a if a girl likes you, and if she takes the initiative to sms you, call you, ask you out, this means she is interested in you.You don't need to call her everytime or take the initiative to msg her everytime. THat would be a good sign. And if you happen to be ready , and of cuz if she is ready too. Things might just work out well.Originally posted by Gary25:im not too sure abt that.....if i did ask that im sure she will catch on to wat im trying to get to ultimately.....
oh yah...another update....she did badly in her A levels....so she couldn't get a place in any local uni...her parents also forbid her to study overseas....so she called me up to ask me to help her decide which poly she shld apply for a diploma so as to get a degree in the shortest period of time after that......there were one or two nights we spent together online searching thru the individual websites of the polys in singapore for such a diploma....i dunno whether that can be classified as closeness....if not then i really think i shld give up on her.......
At least she looks for you when she needs help. But as i said, friend or lover chemistry, this one no one will know except yourself. You can go out alot of times and still have the friends chemistry only. You can don't go out at all and yet have the lovers chemistry over the phone. Too many factors to consider. -
So my point is...don't think too much, just let it be as natural as possible.
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yah i know....just that she IS my world now....sigh.....i think its a case of one-sided affair thingy.....shit man....Originally posted by saintboy:Please don't be too sad. There's more than just her out there in this world. Personally, i would think that a if a girl likes you, and if she takes the initiative to sms you, call you, ask you out, this means she is interested in you.You don't need to call her everytime or take the initiative to msg her everytime. THat would be a good sign. And if you happen to be ready , and of cuz if she is ready too. Things might just work out well.
At least she looks for you when she needs help. But as i said, friend or lover chemistry, this one no one will know except yourself. You can go out alot of times and still have the friends chemistry only. You can don't go out at all and yet have the lovers chemistry over the phone. Too many factors to consider. -
yeah. i know how you feel like. It feels like shit. In fact i am in about the same position as you now. Just that mine she's got "mixed" feelings of friends and lovers. In the end it took a wrong turn and wham! I was badly hurt.Originally posted by Gary25:yah i know....just that she IS my world now....sigh.....i think its a case of one-sided affair thingy.....shit man.... -
Gary25....sounds like you are really pinning for her...
since u asked her to be ur stead before, i dont find it hard for you to ask her again. but of coz u gotta state ur stand so that she feels safe to continue a platonic friendship with you if she is still not keen to be ur gf.
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just wish to clarify something.....were u ever attracted (at all) to any of those guys who wished to go steady with u? im sure u would have found some of those guys, or at least one, who u felt would make a good bf (of cos u must have the chemistry with him to begin with).....
i was asked twice by 2 guys. one was prob in a haste...coz he got some kinda image problem. he is a malay guy and he hates his height. so i know his style is to frequent get acquainted with a companion to show to others that he is wanted. of coz this is really obvious. i rejected him straight away...told him that i prefer to be friends.
the second guy i rejected...after that i kinda regretted...but thinking of it there was no turning back. he was my internet friend fr irc and we exchanged a lot of emails and seemed to him both of us got chemistry. oh well to me he seems to be someone who i can email a lot with. we didnt really get on the fone...but mainly on messengers...but he asked me to be his stead without knowing how i look like.actually it was just purely this reason that i rejected him...coz i felt that i wont accept someone who did not 'analyse a person wholey...that includes looks....i want to make it fair to the other party. and also another reason is that i am not confident in a distance r/ship. he was at then preparing to study in melb.
we went out twice...but no sparks i suppose...prob coz i already said no. later on he told me he got attached with a sg girl studying in adelaide...oh well if i told him abt what was i actually thinking... maybe i wont say 'no' in that haste manner if the clock turns back.
later on i had few more encounters esp when i started working. got some jerks...and some nice guys...yes i do have someone in mind now...but i dunno how will it progress
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personally i rate chemistry as the highest factor in deciding if i want to be together with someone. if i feel something for a guy, the ways i show interest is by taking interest on what are his interests...being initiative and basically more communication. but nevertheless i will never pop the question of being his stead...~ this is the only thing i wont do...
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may i ask y that is so?
it is a personal preference. i prefer my hubby to be family oriented...so actually guys who likes kids do appeal a lot to me. and with a heart of gold...actually i only discovered i have this soft spot for such pple. basically i know i need someone of a complimenting personality so that both of us can 'fill in each other's flaws'.
i feel that i am still a woman after all...guys shld do the chasing...despite having some 'tomboyish' personalities. i dun think that being tomboyish must have that crew cut look or flat chested look. i can still look elegant and feminine on outside, but i am quite 'strong-headed' within...~ -
21st century liaoz.. gers shud make the 1st move....
guys r getting stupidier. (like me lo) -
Originally posted by fumih_81:
just wish to clarify something.....were u ever attracted (at all) to any of those guys who wished to go steady with u? im sure u would have found some of those guys, or at least one, who u felt would make a good bf (of cos u must have the chemistry with him to begin with).....
Gary25 is a guy, how can a guy be attracted to a guy?
it is a personal preference. i prefer my hubby to be family oriented...so actually guys who likes kids do appeal a lot to me. and with a heart of gold...actually i only discovered i have this soft spot for such pple. basically i know i need someone of a complimenting personality so that both of us can 'fill in each other's flaws'.
Well to that, i must say that it is pretty overused statement. Filling in each others flaw. Hmm.... Maybe you can explain more on that?
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how can you say you love her and not know if she has any bfs or not? should at least try to find out more. show more interest IN her rather than outward appearances etc. just hoping she doesn't have a bf is not good enough.Originally posted by Gary25:oh..btw....i dunno whether she currently has a bf....just hoping not... -
gers making the first move? coz of the current new century era? fine with me. i dont have to follow the trend. i follow what is true to myself.
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she doesn't share very much...thats y yunhaier (in his earlier post) was saying that if im able to get her to open up (by indirect means rather than 'charging the fort' to quote him), she will be mine eventually.Originally posted by tiggersgd:how can you say you love her and not know if she has any bfs or not? should at least try to find out more. show more interest IN her rather than outward appearances etc. just hoping she doesn't have a bf is not good enough.
to me, she's not pretty or beautiful. I wasn't ever and AM NOT turned on by her looks.....its her character that is making me go crazy...the person who she is....thats wat i like abt her! -
LOL. Better don't ever let her hear or see this. She's not going to be very pleased. It's just not very nice.Originally posted by Gary25:she doesn't share very much...thats y yunhaier (in his earlier post) was saying that if im able to get her to open up (by indirect means rather than 'charging the fort' to quote him), she will be mine eventually.
to me, she's not pretty or beautiful. I wasn't ever and AM NOT turned on by her looks.....its her character that is making me go crazy...the person who she is....thats wat i like abt her! -
Please ACCEPT that it's OVER... Unless she states OTHERWISE...?Originally posted by Gary25:she doesn't share very much...thats y yunhaier (in his earlier post) was saying that if im able to get her to open up (by indirect means rather than 'charging the fort' to quote him), she will be mine eventually.
to me, she's not pretty or beautiful. I wasn't ever and AM NOT turned on by her looks.....its her character that is making me go crazy...the person who she is....thats wat i like abt her!
WAKE UP..... -
i just feel that if a girl is able to tell you more about herself, you stand a higher chance...
in the first place, if you dont know her that well....how do you know that you definitely want her?