How come it turns out to be like this?
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Hi all,
Been going through some things lately and would like to hear your opinions on it.
1st case: I haf a fren (ger). I helped her get thru her sad times when she broke off with her bf some time ago. We used to tok almosy daily or sms. We are just frens, nothing more. Recently, i have not heard fr her for more than a week. I asked her is there anything wrg, she said she just dun wan to tok, tts all. I feel very unfair cos bcos u dun wish to tok, then u dun contact others or reply others calls. Wat if ur fren needs ur help? And i feel tt this stubborness is also not good. For guys who noe stubborn gers, u will one wat i mean. Any opinions on this?
2nd case: I got to noe a new fren thru my fren some time ago. This new fren is also a ger. We were getting along well. She will also reply my calls when she missed it. Once again, we are just frens, nothing more. Then one day, when i called her, she asked who i am
I was shocked to hear tt. I manage to let her noe who i am. BUt after tt call, she nvr reply my call again. Duno wats wrg. I din do anything wrg. She once told me she also cut off contact wif another nice guy fren of hers. Duno the reason y. Any opinions on this? -
That's why the are called "Ger"
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Originally posted by shaunlaw:
Case 1:
1st case: I helped her get thru her sad times when she broke off with her bf some time ago. I asked her is there anything wrg, she said she just dun wan to tok, tts all. I feel very unfair cos bcos u dun wish to tok, then u dun contact others or reply others calls. Any opinions on this?
2nd case: This new fren is also a ger. We were getting along well. She will also reply my calls when she missed it.BUt after tt call, she nvr reply my call again. Duno wats wrg. I din do anything wrg. Any opinions on this?
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When a girl just broke up, she's at her most vulnerable. as long as there is someone nice around her, she'll pour out her heart to that person. After she's out of it, she's may not know what to make out of your r/s now. If she tells her friends about you, they may wonder why you've been so nice to her? also she may not know her feelings about you. Either she likes you or is worried that you may have fallen for her??
Case 2:
Again, it could be the same thing. When girls get too close to someone of the opposite sex, they will wonder what is going on... if the guy has any feelings towards her. Suppose she doesn't like you and is worried that you do, she'l try to stay away so that you wont be hurt (if she doesn't know what else to do about it).
Perhaps you could consider not making friends of the opposite sex on one-on-one basis? -
I'm a ger....can I ans???
Sometimes the problem lies on those "gers" frens u have & not on u...maybe u have not done anything wrong...but..things just turned out to be like this!
HOWEVER, if this happens again and again, as in u have 4, 5 or even 6 "ger" frens giving u the same treatment......then maybe the problem is on U, maybe u really did something wrong or say something wrong!
Think about it........
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Well ur explaination mayb right ina way. But for my 1st case, I haf aready made it clear tt me and her are only frens. I dun like her and she dun like me too. Hmm... its not tt i only treat her nice. I treat every of my frens the same way!Originally posted by pool.gal:Case 1:
When a girl just broke up, she's at her most vulnerable. as long as there is someone nice around her, she'll pour out her heart to that person. After she's out of it, she's may not know what to make out of your r/s now. If she tells her friends about you, they may wonder why you've been so nice to her? also she may not know her feelings about you. Either she likes you or is worried that you may have fallen for her??
Case 2:
Again, it could be the same thing. When girls get too close to someone of the opposite sex, they will wonder what is going on... if the guy has any feelings towards her. Suppose she doesn't like you and is worried that you do, she'l try to stay away so that you wont be hurt (if she doesn't know what else to do about it).
Perhaps you could consider not making friends of the opposite sex on one-on-one basis?
For my second case, me got to noe her thru fren lor so its not like one on one basis. I duno wat she is thinking. Mayb I treat her too nice liao? Treat ppl nice also end up like tt. Haiz... wat is the world going into? -
Of cos, u can ans! Anyone can ans this thread.Originally posted by misswho:I'm a ger....can I ans???
Sometimes the problem lies on those "gers" frens u have & not on u...maybe u have not done anything wrong...but..things just turned out to be like this!
HOWEVER, if this happens again and again, as in u have 4, 5 or even 6 "ger" frens giving u the same treatment......then maybe the problem is on U, maybe u really did something wrong or say something wrong!
Think about it........
Hmmm....
seriously, i dun think i haf done anything wrong leh. If u consider treating ppl nice as a wrg thing, then i do all the wrg things lor. if not, i also duno wat went wrg... -
As with some other threads, sometimes after knowing a person for some time, you may fall for them. Or even if they express that they do not have feelings for you (that is if you like them), You may still like her. I'm saying that based on what you say alone, it's hard to tell.Originally posted by shaunlaw:Well ur explaination mayb right ina way. But for my 1st case, I haf aready made it clear tt me and her are only frens. I dun like her and she dun like me too. Hmm... its not tt i only treat her nice. I treat every of my frens the same way!
For my second case, me got to noe her thru fren lor so its not like one on one basis. I duno wat she is thinking. Mayb I treat her too nice liao? Treat ppl nice also end up like tt. Haiz... wat is the world going into?
One suggestion, imagine them to be your girlfriend (just imagine, i know there's nothing like that going on for you), how would you feel if they had a close guy friend like you? -
Uncomfortable to haf a close guy fren?Originally posted by pool.gal:As with some other threads, sometimes after knowing a person for some time, you may fall for them. Or even if they express that they do not have feelings for you (that is if you like them), You may still like her. I'm saying that based on what you say alone, it's hard to tell.
One suggestion, imagine them to be your girlfriend (just imagine, i know there's nothing like that going on for you), how would you feel if they had a close guy friend like you? -
possible... platonic friendships is a tough deal... sometimes you know so much of one another that you may actually fall....Originally posted by shaunlaw:Uncomfortable to haf a close guy fren?
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Case 1:Originally posted by shaunlaw:Hi all,
Been going through some things lately and would like to hear your opinions on it.
1st case: I haf a fren (ger). I helped her get thru her sad times when she broke off with her bf some time ago. We used to tok almosy daily or sms. We are just frens, nothing more. Recently, i have not heard fr her for more than a week. I asked her is there anything wrg, she said she just dun wan to tok, tts all. I feel very unfair cos bcos u dun wish to tok, then u dun contact others or reply others calls. Wat if ur fren needs ur help? And i feel tt this stubborness is also not good. For guys who noe stubborn gers, u will one wat i mean. Any opinions on this?
2nd case: I got to noe a new fren thru my fren some time ago. This new fren is also a ger. We were getting along well. She will also reply my calls when she missed it. Once again, we are just frens, nothing more. Then one day, when i called her, she asked who i am I was shocked to hear tt. I manage to let her noe who i am. BUt after tt call, she nvr reply my call again. Duno wats wrg. I din do anything wrg. She once told me she also cut off contact wif another nice guy fren of hers. Duno the reason y. Any opinions on this?
1. she is afraid of falling for you or she afraid you are falling for her.
2. somehow u have offended her accidentally
3. she has attitude problem.
case 2:
1. she has attitude problem.
2. she mistake u as someone else whom might had been intro by the same person.
3. she afraid tat u are falling for her.
4. her bf is angry bout her communicating with other guys. -
I think it is best to get them out to have a sincere talk. useless pondering what happened. you will nvr be able to guess what they are thinking.
Let them know that you are having a problem and is looking for someone to talk to. Hopefully this will make them talk to you.
Remember to be courteous....no use banging tables or talk loudly. Manners mean alot to them. -
hmmmz.....
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She thought that you are interested in her .... so you would be avoided at all cost..... that's lifeOriginally posted by shaunlaw:Well ur explaination mayb right ina way. But for my 1st case, I haf aready made it clear tt me and her are only frens. I dun like her and she dun like me too. Hmm... its not tt i only treat her nice. I treat every of my frens the same way!
For my second case, me got to noe her thru fren lor so its not like one on one basis. I duno wat she is thinking. Mayb I treat her too nice liao? Treat ppl nice also end up like tt. Haiz... wat is the world going into? -
Me and her aready said b4 tt we cannot be tog. She had this doubt b4, but we clarified it aready. So both of us noe its impossible. SHe just said dun wish to tok and so aways nvr return my calls since. Do gers always use tt as excuse or just simply a reason?Originally posted by Dino888:She thought that you are interested in her .... so you would be avoided at all cost..... that's life -
Is it doubt about whether she likes you or whether you like her? I'm thinking that since she's not willing to talk now, she has her reasons. give her some time too 'cool off'. Come later, she may be able to talk to you again and may be able to tell you what happened. If she is seeing someone, her bf may not like the idea (just suggesting)Originally posted by shaunlaw:Me and her aready said b4 tt we cannot be tog. She had this doubt b4, but we clarified it aready. So both of us noe its impossible. SHe just said dun wish to tok and so aways nvr return my calls since. Do gers always use tt as excuse or just simply a reason?
Hope you are better. It's not so much about you. Perhaps she needs some space so give it to her lor. If the friendship matters to her too, she'll make effort once again. You can know if this means anything to her..
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I am pretty sure she is not seeing some one cos she just broke off with her bf not long ago and she stil likes him alot. i know his bf as we are campmates during army times. So i think it couldnt be tt someone does not like the idea.Originally posted by pool.gal:Is it doubt about whether she likes you or whether you like her? I'm thinking that since she's not willing to talk now, she has her reasons. give her some time too 'cool off'. Come later, she may be able to talk to you again and may be able to tell you what happened. If she is seeing someone, her bf may not like the idea (just suggesting)
Hope you are better. It's not so much about you. Perhaps she needs some space so give it to her lor. If the friendship matters to her too, she'll make effort once again. You can know if this means anything to her..
I am not so sure abt making the effort. She is those stubborn type of ppl and i guess most of the times, her effort is tranfered to hoping and thinking tt the guy will go back to her though she noes its impossible. I hope tt wat u say may come thru as in she will make the effort again. Saying "I dun widh to tok" is not anything like making the effort to me. -
hey... keep your head up... its a win-win situaion (in my opinion)... by giving her time, she may realise how much this friendship means to her (it may take months or even years)... if not, you'll realise that it doesn't mean as much to her and it may not be so bad that the friendship ends there cos you may just be the only one investing... think about it...Originally posted by shaunlaw:Saying "I dun widh to tok" is not anything like making the effort to me. -
Hey man. Since she don't wanna talk then let her be. You have done your part by asking her why, she refuses to tell you? THen just let it be. You say that you treat her very nicely, well treat her nicely again by respecting her rights and her decision.
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Haiz.. time and time... I guess all i can do now is wait and wait... I dun wish to lose a frenship. I hate losing frenships!! Been in a very very hurting frenship b4, so i teasure every frenship i haf.Originally posted by pool.gal:hey... keep your head up... its a win-win situaion (in my opinion)... by giving her time, she may realise how much this friendship means to her (it may take months or even years)... if not, you'll realise that it doesn't mean as much to her and it may not be so bad that the friendship ends there cos you may just be the only one investing... think about it... -
I think the girls just found the conversation boring and ran out of topics. So they decided not to talk to you anymore.
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This i can definitely tell u tt u are wrong. Sha does not belong to those catergories. She will not not tok to me bcos of no topic. NOt all gers are like tt.Originally posted by choco B:I think the girls just found the conversation boring and ran out of topics. So they decided not to talk to you anymore. -
Here's what I think will stop a gal from talking to a guy.
She doesn't like talking to him anymore because : boring conversationalist, discovered something about him that turns her off, etc.
She has a boyfriend who doesn't like her talking to other guys
She is cutting down on phone bill
She has a sore throat
Which do you think is most likely?
BTW If you've got nothing to talk about then how do you keep them on the phone? Even mundane stuff like, how life sucks, or the weather.... is still SOMETHING, it's still a topic. But if you've got NO topic, then you're basically hearing each other breathing on the line?Originally posted by shaunlaw:This i can definitely tell u tt u are wrong. Sha does not belong to those catergories. She will not not tok to me bcos of no topic. NOt all gers are like tt. -
I AREADY told u she is not those type of gers. U stil dun understand and u stil dun get it.Originally posted by choco B:Here's what I think will stop a gal from talking to a guy.
She doesn't like talking to him anymore because : boring conversationalist, discovered something about him that turns her off, etc.
She has a boyfriend who doesn't like her talking to other guys
She is cutting down on phone bill
She has a sore throat
Which do you think is most likely?
BTW If you've got nothing to talk about then how do you keep them on the phone? Even mundane stuff like, how life sucks, or the weather.... is still SOMETHING, it's still a topic. But if you've got NO topic, then you're basically hearing each other breathing on the line? -
LOL You're right I don't get it. I just hope you're not in denial.
But fact is you're just as clueless. Simple solution is to confront and ask her what's up, yah? -
Originally posted by choco B:LOL You're right I don't get it. I just hope you're not in denial.
But fact is you're just as clueless. Simple solution is to confront and ask her what's up, yah?
Look, if u dun get wat i am trying to say, stop putting ur set of reasons on the wrong things.