Love? Or Just Gotten Used to each other?
-
oh dear...
try this tack? learn how to do them?
i worry for the both of you
Originally posted by shutthehellup:i know this book and what it says...
but the husband obviously doesnt do his duties...
for me, i dunno househole chores, i dunno how to wash clothes or cook...i intend to get a maid in the future...and now he is blaming me that i never fulfil duties of a wife just because i dunno all of the above..so he thinks that if i never fulfil my duties as a wife as he describes, he doesnt have to fulfil his duties as well.. -
i jus dunno what to do..Originally posted by the Bear:oh dear...
try this tack? learn how to do them?
i worry for the both of you
his thinkin is jus so weird. and this thinking has been with him for his whole life, it isnt easy changing them....he'll jus apologize and get the fight over with. -
Originally posted by shutthehellup:when a couple has been together for a long time, let's say 5 years and above, they keep squabbling, both parties are tired, but they just would not let go...is it love? or is it just that they dun wanna let go cos they have gotten used to each other? How to distinguish? What are the tell tale signs??
if it is the second case (gotten used), is it wiser to still be together?
It seemed that quarreling frequently is a common problem that exist in many couples.
Don't get mistaken - quarrels ranging from petty and serious ones exist in all relationship. However, the frequency that it happen are hints that something must be done properly and quickly to prevent the dreading roots of destruction from sinking into your relationship.
Many people failed to see that the actions and result of past actions/circumstances are actually the effect of present & future problems of the relationships. Problems don't close/end by itself just because time passed - because these is not personal problems. This involves two parties. Tired and not let go? Actually there is two reasons why people are doing that.
I) People fear to move alone in life again. This is especially true for couples who have been together for quite some time together. Their lifestyle, habits, and friends have been connected in many ways that it forms a bonding effect to link them, making it a difficult decision to break off.
II) People are getting rountinized over the kind of life they are leading. The kind of companionship, the dependancy onto your partners, the love they will receive, etc - all these will disappear the minute a break is called for. They are blinded by past or temporary happiness and traded it for a vast period of tension that they would have to undergo
Tell tales sign? Difficult to generalise - it differs from cases to cases. All I know is that when the karmic debts of both parties has been paid off (this is provided that both wouldn't be married at all), this relationship would end. Catalysis to spark the break - often another 3rd party.
Cheers -
Originally posted by shutthehellup:er...i am the female party...
-
she's never hid the fact that she's a lady
Originally posted by Devil1976: -
Err... You mean 'female'...? 'Lady' has a slightly different meaning..?Originally posted by the Bear:she's never hid the fact that she's a lady
-
Quite a WELL-WRITTEN piece of advice....Originally posted by Yunhaier: It seemed that quarreling frequently is a common problem that exist in many couples.
Don't get mistaken - quarrels ranging from petty and serious ones exist in all relationship. However, the frequency that it happen are hints that something must be done properly and quickly to prevent the dreading roots of destruction from sinking into your relationship.
Many people failed to see that the actions and result of past actions/circumstances are actually the effect of present & future problems of the relationships. Problems don't close/end by itself just because time passed - because these is not personal problems. This involves two parties. Tired and not let go? Actually there is two reasons why people are doing that.
I) People fear to move alone in life again. This is especially true for couples who have been together for quite some time together. Their lifestyle, habits, and friends have been connected in many ways that it forms a bonding effect to link them, making it a difficult decision to break off.
II) People are getting rountinized over the kind of life they are leading. The kind of companionship, the dependancy onto your partners, the love they will receive, etc - all these will disappear the minute a break is called for. They are blinded by past or temporary happiness and traded it for a vast period of tension that they would have to undergo
Tell tales sign? Difficult to generalise - it differs from cases to cases. All I know is that when the karmic debts of both parties has been paid off (this is provided that both wouldn't be married at all), this relationship would end. Catalysis to spark the break - often another 3rd party.
Cheers
-
Don't always think of personality crashes when there is quarrels... when you two are solving it, are you two really sitting down to talk and discuss things through or just trying to make the other party see that your point is the right one???Originally posted by shutthehellup:true, but both parties are very unhappy with each other. quarrel every week over the slightest thing, even a word can cause a conflict...tried solving it, but to no avail. apparently, there is a personality clash. not anyone's fault, but the problem wun be solved cos its the character of both parties.. -
i have decided to go for separation.Originally posted by Yunhaier: It seemed that quarreling frequently is a common problem that exist in many couples.
Don't get mistaken - quarrels ranging from petty and serious ones exist in all relationship. However, the frequency that it happen are hints that something must be done properly and quickly to prevent the dreading roots of destruction from sinking into your relationship.
Many people failed to see that the actions and result of past actions/circumstances are actually the effect of present & future problems of the relationships. Problems don't close/end by itself just because time passed - because these is not personal problems. This involves two parties. Tired and not let go? Actually there is two reasons why people are doing that.
I) People fear to move alone in life again. This is especially true for couples who have been together for quite some time together. Their lifestyle, habits, and friends have been connected in many ways that it forms a bonding effect to link them, making it a difficult decision to break off.
II) People are getting rountinized over the kind of life they are leading. The kind of companionship, the dependancy onto your partners, the love they will receive, etc - all these will disappear the minute a break is called for. They are blinded by past or temporary happiness and traded it for a vast period of tension that they would have to undergo
Tell tales sign? Difficult to generalise - it differs from cases to cases. All I know is that when the karmic debts of both parties has been paid off (this is provided that both wouldn't be married at all), this relationship would end. Catalysis to spark the break - often another 3rd party.
Cheers -
i have tried a lot of times to sit down and talk abt the problems with him, but u see, i explained my point of view which i think is the most logical way of looking at it, and then he will give his point of view which i do not agree with. there cant be any compromise as often his point of view is not correct! he doesnt give in (maybe becos he is a MCP, or stubborn, or pampered) and i dun give in as i know what i am talking abt. so in the end it's endless...Originally posted by Imperfect:Don't always think of personality crashes when there is quarrels... when you two are solving it, are you two really sitting down to talk and discuss things through or just trying to make the other party see that your point is the right one??? -
i am a female lady....clear enough??Originally posted by Devil1976:Err... You mean 'female'...? 'Lady' has a slightly different meaning..? 
-
i am the 3rd party of a couple's 6 yr relationship. i am coming in between them now. Yunhaier..u seems to be able to dish out good advice. anyway... i doubt the person i like is gonna break up with his gf due to all the reasons u stated in your advice. he is so used to being with her.. plus i think guys are always confused about wat they want. I have decided to pull away from this mess. slowly...but i am trying.Originally posted by Yunhaier: Catalysis to spark the break - often another 3rd party.
Cheers
-
Hehheh.. And 'ladies' are supposed to behave in a more 'refined' manner...? Just like as in a gentleman...Originally posted by shutthehellup:i am a female lady....clear enough??
Anyway.... You mentioned in your previous post that 'you see things in a logical manner'.... And you think he doesn't...?
Hmm... Often in a relationship, a couple can see things differently.. Sometimes there can be 'right' and 'wrong'.... Often there really isn't... Emotional way of seeing things... Logical way of seeing things... No compromise... Nobody gives in... Though it can be quite very tiring if it's always the same party giving in... Whatever it is... No negotiation, don't expect any good turn out...
In a relationship, it's important to share both people's opinion... Only through that would there be a chance that you can think as ONE....
Anyway... I guess it's already over for you like you've mentioned..? Just take it as a lesson learnt? -
Hmm... Perhaps you would like to start your own thread? It'll probably be easier for people to respond to your queries and also not so messy that way...?Originally posted by snowygal:i am the 3rd party of a couple's 6 yr relationship. i am coming in between them now. Yunhaier..u seems to be able to dish out good advice. anyway... i doubt the person i like is gonna break up with his gf due to all the reasons u stated in your advice. he is so used to being with her.. plus i think guys are always confused about wat they want. I have decided to pull away from this mess. slowly...but i am trying. -
hi everyone..hanks for all the advice given..relli appreciate that..
now i am hoping we can succeed in annulment (voiding marriage) instead of separation which takes a much longer time...but if we dun succeed in annulment, i dun mind waiting for 3 yrs.. i dun intend to jump into another relationship anyway..
funnily, i feel a sense of liberation right now, during these few days when i am alone...i did not cry, and i dun think i ever will..
i feel more carefree, less burdened. i finally have time to do my own things.
much more importantly, i realised i have grown up. in the past when i broke up with him, all i felt was misery. i cried everyday. but now, i feel happy! difference: in the last time we broke up, i couldnt let go of the past and couldnt forget the memories. but now, i look to the future and the prospects of living without him. there is really a big difference in how i feel now
whoever assisted me in this journey, i thank u. -
How long have you been married with him...? Minimium requirement for normal divorce would be 2 years... Unless 'special cases'...?Originally posted by shutthehellup:hi everyone..hanks for all the advice given..relli appreciate that..
now i am hoping we can succeed in annulment (voiding marriage) instead of separation which takes a much longer time...but if we dun succeed in annulment, i dun mind waiting for 3 yrs.. i dun intend to jump into another relationship anyway..
funnily, i feel a sense of liberation right now, during these few days when i am alone...i did not cry, and i dun think i ever will..
i feel more carefree, less burdened. i finally have time to do my own things.
much more importantly, i realised i have grown up. in the past when i broke up with him, all i felt was misery. i cried everyday. but now, i feel happy! difference: in the last time we broke up, i couldnt let go of the past and couldnt forget the memories. but now, i look to the future and the prospects of living without him. there is really a big difference in how i feel now
whoever assisted me in this journey, i thank u. -
Once you decide to get involved with an attached person - you risk serious potential hurt, rejection or even both. Pulling out is a wise decision when things ain't going your way - just one word of advice: do it clean and not a half-hearted effort.Originally posted by snowygal:i am the 3rd party of a couple's 6 yr relationship. i am coming in between them now. Yunhaier..u seems to be able to dish out good advice. anyway... i doubt the person i like is gonna break up with his gf due to all the reasons u stated in your advice. he is so used to being with her.. plus i think guys are always confused about wat they want. I have decided to pull away from this mess. slowly...but i am trying. He is being indecisive - sure you don't wish you suffer this curse as well eh?
Cheers -
