Relationship problem... care to share some views?
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Clarification first, ItÂ’s not my relationship problem cause I have got no BG relationship to give me problem.
Last night at about 11.30pm got a call from a guy friend who needed a listening ear as his gf has just ended their 3year 9month relationship. I ended up lending my ears for 2.5 hoursÂ… IÂ’m so sleepy today.
Anyway, hereÂ’s his story:
HeÂ’s 30 and SheÂ’s 22 this year.
Reason she gave for the break up, life style different.
They met at a karaoke joint few years back. He has not have any gf for 7 years until he met her.
She is wild in nature, cheonging most of the time while he is a homely person who has already planned for their future. When to buy house, when to ROM, when to hold wedding dinner etc all have been planned. Joint account has reached an amazing figure of 10+k. It all looks like they will be heading for the red carpet till last Saturday.
Anyway, things happened on last Wednesday, he ‘caught’ her with another guy. She claims that the guy was not the 3rd party as they are long time friends and they have not started anything…. Yet. But she is happy when go cheonging with this particular guy. That night when he ‘caught’ her, he saw the guy putting his arms around her when in a cab on her way home. She insisted that she has not done any ‘dui bu qi’ him things.
The reason she gave was that he was not able to company her to her weeknights cheong sessions. She felt so left out when she told her friends that she has got a lao gong yet most of them have not seen him BUT the nature of his job does not allow him to have late nights on weekdays.
He is willing to change but she refused to let him change because she have tried to change to a homely person for him and she find it painful, maybe due to her age and unsettle nature.
He is not willing to let this relationship go because he has made up his mind that SHE will be the one. He accepted her everything (including the abortions she had, her outings with other guys) and willing to spend the rest of his life with her. He wanted her to give him another chance to work out their difference but she is not willing to do so.
Actually I also donÂ’t know how to advise him. He wanted to chase her back no matter what as he canÂ’t let her go, as mentioned, she is the FINAL one. To me, once a gal change their heart its VERY difficult to make them change back.
Told him that be it the issue of 3rd part or not, their age difference is still a major concern unless they can come to a compromise to suit each other’s life styles. If a relationship is strong without any cracks, no 3rd party will be able to get in. I believe she is planning to let go of this relationship way before this guy appears. Its just that he happened to appeared at the ‘right’ time.
Lastly I told him to go for his oversea assignment trip on Wednesday and (he told me that he have arranged to meet her on the eve of his birthday (the day heÂ’s coming back)) talk to her to see if she has started off with that guy when they meet up.
If yes, then let her go, stay in contact. Who know, maybe when she wants to settle down, she will think of him.
If no, then if he wanted to win her back, by all means try.
I wish him luck.
What do you guys think? Does he stand a chance? Personally I donÂ’t think so.
This is a based on a TRUE storyÂ…. -
Though i may be young, but judging from the girl's past backgrd, she's just out for fun. She's unsettled. No point waiting. Not worth the time n effort. period.
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Originally posted by X-men:
its very difficult for him cos it looks like they xing ge bu he.... the gal wants freedom n fun rather than tied down. she wan a guy who is wild la so no point being persistent lor.. tis oso happen to my fren who is divorce now cos his wife prefers partying than having quiet life..
[b]Clarification first, ItÂ’s not my relationship problem cause I have got no BG relationship to give me problem.
Last night at about 11.30pm got a call from a guy friend who needed a listening ear as his gf has just ended their 3year 9month relationship. I ended up lending my ears for 2.5 hoursÂ… IÂ’m so sleepy today.
Anyway, hereÂ’s his story:
HeÂ’s 30 and SheÂ’s 22 this year.
Reason she gave for the break up, life style different.
They met at a karaoke joint few years back. He has not have any gf for 7 years until he met her.
She is wild in nature, cheonging most of the time while he is a homely person who has already planned for their future. When to buy house, when to ROM, when to hold wedding dinner etc all have been planned. Joint account has reached an amazing figure of 10+k. It all looks like they will be heading for the red carpet till last Saturday.
Anyway, things happened on last Wednesday, he ‘caught’ her with another guy. She claims that the guy was not the 3rd party as they are long time friends and they have not started anything…. Yet. But she is happy when go cheonging with this particular guy. That night when he ‘caught’ her, he saw the guy putting his arms around her when in a cab on her way home. She insisted that she has not done any ‘dui bu qi’ him things.
The reason she gave was that he was not able to company her to her weeknights cheong sessions. She felt so left out when she told her friends that she has got a lao gong yet most of them have not seen him BUT the nature of his job does not allow him to have late nights on weekdays.
He is willing to change but she refused to let him change because she have tried to change to a homely person for him and she find it painful, maybe due to her age and unsettle nature.
He is not willing to let this relationship go because he has made up his mind that SHE will be the one. He accepted her everything (including the abortions she had, her outings with other guys) and willing to spend the rest of his life with her. He wanted her to give him another chance to work out their difference but she is not willing to do so.
Actually I also donÂ’t know how to advise him. He wanted to chase her back no matter what as he canÂ’t let her go, as mentioned, she is the FINAL one. To me, once a gal change their heart its VERY difficult to make them change back.
Told him that be it the issue of 3rd part or not, their age difference is still a major concern unless they can come to a compromise to suit each other’s life styles. If a relationship is strong without any cracks, no 3rd party will be able to get in. I believe she is planning to let go of this relationship way before this guy appears. Its just that he happened to appeared at the ‘right’ time.
Lastly I told him to go for his oversea assignment trip on Wednesday and (he told me that he have arranged to meet her on the eve of his birthday (the day heÂ’s coming back)) talk to her to see if she has started off with that guy when they meet up.
If yes, then let her go, stay in contact. Who know, maybe when she wants to settle down, she will think of him.
If no, then if he wanted to win her back, by all means try.
I wish him luck.
What do you guys think? Does he stand a chance? Personally I donÂ’t think so.
This is a based on a TRUE storyÂ….
[/b] -
Originally posted by X-men:
Personally, i feel that he dun stand a chance also. Not tt i am being bad or wat, its just wat i feel based on the situation here.
[b]Clarification first, ItÂ’s not my relationship problem cause I have got no BG relationship to give me problem.
Last night at about 11.30pm got a call from a guy friend who needed a listening ear as his gf has just ended their 3year 9month relationship. I ended up lending my ears for 2.5 hours�EI’m so sleepy today.
Anyway, hereÂ’s his story:
HeÂ’s 30 and SheÂ’s 22 this year.
Reason she gave for the break up, life style different.
They met at a karaoke joint few years back. He has not have any gf for 7 years until he met her.
She is wild in nature, cheonging most of the time while he is a homely person who has already planned for their future. When to buy house, when to ROM, when to hold wedding dinner etc all have been planned. Joint account has reached an amazing figure of 10+k. It all looks like they will be heading for the red carpet till last Saturday.
Anyway, things happened on last Wednesday, he ‘caught�Eher with another guy. She claims that the guy was not the 3rd party as they are long time friends and they have not started anything�E Yet. But she is happy when go cheonging with this particular guy. That night when he ‘caught�Eher, he saw the guy putting his arms around her when in a cab on her way home. She insisted that she has not done any ‘dui bu qi�Ehim things.
The reason she gave was that he was not able to company her to her weeknights cheong sessions. She felt so left out when she told her friends that she has got a lao gong yet most of them have not seen him BUT the nature of his job does not allow him to have late nights on weekdays.
He is willing to change but she refused to let him change because she have tried to change to a homely person for him and she find it painful, maybe due to her age and unsettle nature.
He is not willing to let this relationship go because he has made up his mind that SHE will be the one. He accepted her everything (including the abortions she had, her outings with other guys) and willing to spend the rest of his life with her. He wanted her to give him another chance to work out their difference but she is not willing to do so.
Actually I also donÂ’t know how to advise him. He wanted to chase her back no matter what as he canÂ’t let her go, as mentioned, she is the FINAL one. To me, once a gal change their heart its VERY difficult to make them change back.
Told him that be it the issue of 3rd part or not, their age difference is still a major concern unless they can come to a compromise to suit each other’s life styles. If a relationship is strong without any cracks, no 3rd party will be able to get in. I believe she is planning to let go of this relationship way before this guy appears. Its just that he happened to appeared at the ‘right�Etime.
Lastly I told him to go for his oversea assignment trip on Wednesday and (he told me that he have arranged to meet her on the eve of his birthday (the day heÂ’s coming back)) talk to her to see if she has started off with that guy when they meet up.
If yes, then let her go, stay in contact. Who know, maybe when she wants to settle down, she will think of him.
If no, then if he wanted to win her back, by all means try.
I wish him luck.
What do you guys think? Does he stand a chance? Personally I donÂ’t think so.
This is a based on a TRUE story�E
[/b]
Its a very obvious case of life style and character mismatch. Though i duno wat got them together in the 1st place, i think it wouldnt last. Age gap as ,emtiomed is also one big major concern. This leads to the thinking wise also. I would advise him to let the ger go as i feel tt the ger will be happier.
Though mayb later in her life when she thinks abt settling down, she might not necessarily think of him. Even if she did, its over le. I guess she will just look for another guy cos the love is not hterea anymore. -
the personality rift is way too extreme.
secondly, from the girl's character, she doesn't seem mature to be frank. and her history of past abortionS? outings/flings (?) with other guys? they only serve to lower my/our collective impressions of her. and furthermore with marriage looming, i myself won't be caught dead in some dingy bar or another person of the opposite sex.
and finally, since she finds becoming more responsible for oneself, and trying to be less wild/immature is painful... i doubt she's ready for marriage since its a life-long commitment before God. and its really not a easy thing.
well, tell your friend to consider it very carefully. and ask him reasons why does he loves the person so much. love is not solely based on chemsitry. some may just feel the need for a partner... and she fit the bil. some may feel that she changed their lives... some may feel etc etc
if ur friend insists, perhaps u should call for a heart to heart talk and find out what are her true goals/mission in life. respect each others decisions... even if they end up not being in sync. wel from there, im sure he knows what to do?
God bless.
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age is one thingOriginally posted by shaunlaw:Personally, i feel that he dun stand a chance also. Not tt i am being bad or wat, its just wat i feel based on the situation here.
Its a very obvious case of life style and character mismatch. Though i duno wat got them together in the 1st place, i think it wouldnt last. Age gap as ,emtiomed is also one big major concern. This leads to the thinking wise also. I would advise him to let the ger go as i feel tt the ger will be happier.
Though mayb later in her life when she thinks abt settling down, she might not necessarily think of him. Even if she did, its over le. I guess she will just look for another guy cos the love is not hterea anymore.
looks is one thing
character is EVERYTHING -
Though the guy may think she is the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with, he fail to realise that she doesn't. I believe the girl has made an effort to accomodate him too. And 3 yrs is a long time for some to try. Putting ourselves in her shoe, I think it pains her too.
I think it shouldn't be the first time he confronted her regarding her cheonging and going out with guys. She must be tired of all these already.
If someone chooses to leave, no point forcing her to. When two persons come together, it's all about timing.
Let him do whatever he chooses. At this point of time, he cannot rationalise his actions logically. Once he is satisfied with his effort. He'll come to his senses. You, on your part, just be there for support.
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it think yr friend quite pitiful.. 3 years leh.. but then it takes one to learn its lesson, although it might not seen as his fault and he doesnt have to suffer for this.
Just treat it as its the ger's loss for losing him lor. -
I sure did that's why I so damn sleepy nowOriginally posted by sillyme:You, on your part, just be there for support.
I also told him, age is the major factor.
The crack in their relationship has been there due to this age gap and different thinking towards life. The appearence of the other guy just makes its easier for the crack to break.
Anyway, what I need to say, say liao... the rest it up to him. -
Maybe you should get his mind off the girl. Send him for matchmaking sessions or something.
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Originally posted by X-men:
I opp... story so how should i do ... MMMMMmmmmmmm
[b]Clarification first, ItÂ’s not my relationship problem cause I have got no BG relationship to give me problem.
Last night at about 11.30pm got a call from a guy friend who needed a listening ear as his gf has just ended their 3year 9month relationship. I ended up lending my ears for 2.5 hoursÂ… IÂ’m so sleepy today.
Anyway, hereÂ’s his story:
HeÂ’s 30 and SheÂ’s 22 this year.
Reason she gave for the break up, life style different.
They met at a karaoke joint few years back. He has not have any gf for 7 years until he met her.
She is wild in nature, cheonging most of the time while he is a homely person who has already planned for their future. When to buy house, when to ROM, when to hold wedding dinner etc all have been planned. Joint account has reached an amazing figure of 10+k. It all looks like they will be heading for the red carpet till last Saturday.
Anyway, things happened on last Wednesday, he ‘caught’ her with another guy. She claims that the guy was not the 3rd party as they are long time friends and they have not started anything…. Yet. But she is happy when go cheonging with this particular guy. That night when he ‘caught’ her, he saw the guy putting his arms around her when in a cab on her way home. She insisted that she has not done any ‘dui bu qi’ him things.
The reason she gave was that he was not able to company her to her weeknights cheong sessions. She felt so left out when she told her friends that she has got a lao gong yet most of them have not seen him BUT the nature of his job does not allow him to have late nights on weekdays.
He is willing to change but she refused to let him change because she have tried to change to a homely person for him and she find it painful, maybe due to her age and unsettle nature.
He is not willing to let this relationship go because he has made up his mind that SHE will be the one. He accepted her everything (including the abortions she had, her outings with other guys) and willing to spend the rest of his life with her. He wanted her to give him another chance to work out their difference but she is not willing to do so.
Actually I also donÂ’t know how to advise him. He wanted to chase her back no matter what as he canÂ’t let her go, as mentioned, she is the FINAL one. To me, once a gal change their heart its VERY difficult to make them change back.
Told him that be it the issue of 3rd part or not, their age difference is still a major concern unless they can come to a compromise to suit each other’s life styles. If a relationship is strong without any cracks, no 3rd party will be able to get in. I believe she is planning to let go of this relationship way before this guy appears. Its just that he happened to appeared at the ‘right’ time.
Lastly I told him to go for his oversea assignment trip on Wednesday and (he told me that he have arranged to meet her on the eve of his birthday (the day heÂ’s coming back)) talk to her to see if she has started off with that guy when they meet up.
If yes, then let her go, stay in contact. Who know, maybe when she wants to settle down, she will think of him.
If no, then if he wanted to win her back, by all means try.
I wish him luck.
What do you guys think? Does he stand a chance? Personally I donÂ’t think so.
This is a based on a TRUE storyÂ….
[/b]
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she's still immature lah... if ur fren really wanna wait, who noes when the ger will grow up n learn?
by dat time, maybe he'll be 30+, 40? it's quite old to be father liao lor... he wun haf the time n energy to enjoy life wif his kids... -
Is the girl a mature person? Perhaps many would think not in many ways. But at least there's one thing about this girl.... She's still quite 'CLEAR' on her mind?
Like many had mentioned, character difference cannot be forced. Is this girl a selfish girl? I think she likes herself... And she probably love her too... Despite character differences, she tried to change and work things out for him... But she known it's unbearable and probably won't work out. She probably won't expect him to change too since she know how hard it would be to just force a preson to 'CHANGE TOTALLY'? She probably just love him the way he is now... That's why no point accepting someone who's not gonna be himself (the promised to changed him). She probably can get other 'bad guys' out there...
I think your friend shouldn't just blindly change for hre, but instead just be himself... May she accept who he is, and if not? Accept the FACT that she's not going for him...
No matter how much he wants her, he can't simply change someone just to suit himself ESPECIALLY when it comes to LOVE.... -
Originally posted by X-men:
[b]Clarification first, ItÂ’s not my relationship problem cause I have got no BG relationship to give me problem.
Last night at about 11.30pm got a call from a guy friend who needed a listening ear as his gf has just ended their 3year 9month relationship. I ended up lending my ears for 2.5 hoursÂ… IÂ’m so sleepy today.
Anyway, hereÂ’s his story:
HeÂ’s 30 and SheÂ’s 22 this year.
Reason she gave for the break up, life style different.
They met at a karaoke joint few years back. He has not have any gf for 7 years until he met her.
She is wild in nature, cheonging most of the time while he is a homely person who has already planned for their future. When to buy house, when to ROM, when to hold wedding dinner etc all have been planned. Joint account has reached an amazing figure of 10+k. It all looks like they will be heading for the red carpet till last Saturday.
Anyway, things happened on last Wednesday, he ‘caught’ her with another guy. She claims that the guy was not the 3rd party as they are long time friends and they have not started anything…. Yet. But she is happy when go cheonging with this particular guy. That night when he ‘caught’ her, he saw the guy putting his arms around her when in a cab on her way home. She insisted that she has not done any ‘dui bu qi’ him things.
The reason she gave was that he was not able to company her to her weeknights cheong sessions. She felt so left out when she told her friends that she has got a lao gong yet most of them have not seen him BUT the nature of his job does not allow him to have late nights on weekdays.
He is willing to change but she refused to let him change because she have tried to change to a homely person for him and she find it painful, maybe due to her age and unsettle nature.
He is not willing to let this relationship go because he has made up his mind that SHE will be the one. He accepted her everything (including the abortions she had, her outings with other guys) and willing to spend the rest of his life with her. He wanted her to give him another chance to work out their difference but she is not willing to do so.
Actually I also donÂ’t know how to advise him. He wanted to chase her back no matter what as he canÂ’t let her go, as mentioned, she is the FINAL one. To me, once a gal change their heart its VERY difficult to make them change back.
Told him that be it the issue of 3rd part or not, their age difference is still a major concern unless they can come to a compromise to suit each other’s life styles. If a relationship is strong without any cracks, no 3rd party will be able to get in. I believe she is planning to let go of this relationship way before this guy appears. Its just that he happened to appeared at the ‘right’ time.
Lastly I told him to go for his oversea assignment trip on Wednesday and (he told me that he have arranged to meet her on the eve of his birthday (the day heÂ’s coming back)) talk to her to see if she has started off with that guy when they meet up.
If yes, then let her go, stay in contact. Who know, maybe when she wants to settle down, she will think of him.
If no, then if he wanted to win her back, by all means try.
I wish him luck.
What do you guys think? Does he stand a chance? Personally I donÂ’t think so.
This is a based on a TRUE storyÂ….
[/b]
Even though love is blind, he can't always delude himself using this excuse and blame it on the predicament he is in. (Not saying consciously he is doing it, rather subconsciously bah)
Met at Karaoke joint - I am not discriminating, however if he wish to settle down with a girlfriend as if marrying a wife - that would be one of the last few places you would ever want to seek for a wife. His wife is wild and I probably that she has her own ways with guys -your good friend - being susceptible finds himself falling for her (Art of Seduction - Siren) Risk factor - no gf for 7 years.
Noticed that your good friend is willing to change for her sake, but she doesn't want him to. Yet her reason for this break up is because she finds that he do not spend time with her together in her night life. Contradicting? The real reason involved is because if HE were to go, she would not be able to enjoy herself thoroughly and the guy (whom he perceive as a third party) will be awkward as well.
Chase back? The THING about chasing back someone is that IF your good friend is the cause of this problem - then maybe he would be to prove himself once again. However, in this case, she doesn't want the relationship anymore. How on earth are you going to chase someone who DOESN'T WANT THE RELATIONSHIP? Even if he succeed, is he delaying the inevitable? Cause in the future, similiar incident going to take place and 'poof', this relationship is gone again? So the hurting process repeats.
People always say age is not a problem - yes, age is not a problem by itself. However, the vast difference in age is an issue. By itself, no problem, but by the issues it brings up, probably its rational to consider the factor. I doubt he did.
22 and he is 30 - his mentally is to settle down with a girl of his dream. At 22, she is just embarking on the journey of fun and adventure. Clashing and conflicting. And have you noticed, why did she start talking about life style clashing after 3 odd years?
If lifestyle were to clash, it will be felt within the first six months of the relationship and problems will have to be solved by then. Compromising take place right? Then why after three years then compromising ends?
P.S: Loving and suitability is two different issue. He may love her very much, but in fact, her heart may not be with him. Even if he were to attempt to chase her back, I doubt she will accept. She already made the choice - of the man she loved, but not suitable, and chose to leave. Is your good friend in denial of the facts lay out to him at the very start of the relationship?
Cheers -
she's only 22yo..she hasnt enjoy her life enuff yet!!..n she hasnt enjoy being wooed by many guys n have flings enuff yet!!!...u think she will settle down tat fast?...
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age is a barrier no doubt.. usually it takes the older (assuming more mature) partner to work things out..Originally posted by X-men:I sure did that's why I so damn sleepy now
I also told him, age is the major factor.
The crack in their relationship has been there due to this age gap and different thinking towards life. The appearence of the other guy just makes its easier for the crack to break.
Anyway, what I need to say, say liao... the rest it up to him.
you're right, the rest is up to him.. and like what choco says.. keep him occupied.. -
it's a wild guess but let's approach it from another angle:
my guess is that your guy friend is not as good looking as the girlfriend. she's probably quite a head turner; more so than him. He's a fairly reserved person who had worked hard at his studies, now job, and had been a person who sets goals and targets. Unfortunately, he's never been very good with girls and the previous girlfriend long time ago is also not as good looking as the current one.
errr... if so, i can understand why she's attractive to him. well, give me a reply and i'll add my two cents worth? *take care* -
from the look of it, it is quite obvious that the gal is not ready to settle with one guy yet? she is still young...perhaps she still has the mentally of look look, see see?
seeing it from a rational pt of view, even if the gal is not together with another guy, & ur fren manage to win her back, both of them may be faced with some prob in future..
firstly, from what u have mentioned, both of them have different character...one more outdoor, one more indoor?
will ur fren be able to accept that she likes to hang out in pubs or discos? where the occurrence of touchy scenes are very likely to be present?
secondly, both of them could have different thinking & goals to achieve at this point of their age...
ur fren is at a marriageable age...he wants to settle down & set up a family....
whereas, the gal is still young...still in the stage of gaining life experiences..let alone, mentioning about settling down..
but ultimately, all will have to depend on ur fren's decision..
lay out what is ahead of him...decision-wise, still lies in him...
no matter how different things are, as long as, there is a willingness to compromise, it will always be possible to work things out to the best possible way...
cheer & good luck to ur fren...
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one thing I left out. The gal did tried to adjust to his life style, cheong less but she can't do it in the end.
one thing I cannot understand, when wait till 3 years later than realised that they cannot be together since its obvious that they are not compatible.
Yes, this friend of mine is not James Lye lookalike but more ah pek than me....
He really willing to change for her... he is just too family orientated. Use to ride CBR 400 than change to something more family.. more like a skipper. (dont knw what lah.. I knw nuts about bikes... only one I know is BMX)
Whatever the case is, just hope he dont take it too hard. -
Well.... both parties are willing to give a try to the rls, tts y it went on for 3 yrs. Now the ger realise its impossible after trying le, so ask ur fren to move on bah.Originally posted by X-men:one thing I left out. The gal did tried to adjust to his life style, cheong less but she can't do it in the end.
one thing I cannot understand, when wait till 3 years later than realised that they cannot be together since its obvious that they are not compatible.
Yes, this friend of mine is not James Lye lookalike but more ah pek than me....
He really willing to change for her... he is just too family orientated. Use to ride CBR 400 than change to something more family.. more like a skipper. (dont knw what lah.. I knw nuts about bikes... only one I know is BMX)
Whatever the case is, just hope he dont take it too hard. -
Well.... both parties are willing to give a try to the rls, tts y it went on for 3 yrs. Now the ger realise its impossible after trying le, so ask ur fren to move on bah.Originally posted by X-men:one thing I left out. The gal did tried to adjust to his life style, cheong less but she can't do it in the end.
one thing I cannot understand, when wait till 3 years later than realised that they cannot be together since its obvious that they are not compatible.
Yes, this friend of mine is not James Lye lookalike but more ah pek than me....
He really willing to change for her... he is just too family orientated. Use to ride CBR 400 than change to something more family.. more like a skipper. (dont knw what lah.. I knw nuts about bikes... only one I know is BMX)
Whatever the case is, just hope he dont take it too hard. -
Dump her...end it..dn waste time ...no point..
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my two cents worth of 'empathy' is that ...
....
your friend scared to let go now. He's ready to settle down and he knows he has only a few more years before *really* having to decide *who* he wants. (say, courtship --> marriage abt 5years?)
So, end of the day, he fairly besotted by the fact that he may not get a better girl. Errr... like someone said, "kio tio" lucky for him to have someone better looking lor. My view is that it's true, the next one possibly will not be better looking.
But then, if you treat it like a bonus, and focus on the compatility. *sparks* ... *comfortableness* and what not.
Writing this, I'd realise how easy it is to give objective comments/advice. It sure looks like common sense but then .... experiencing the shit is the worst to get out of.
With that, I'd respect your friend for whatever decision he makes.
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I wun fall for such gal.......
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Originally posted by X-men:
ok...she's not really dat ready for a steady and serious r/s...
[b]Clarification first, ItÂ’s not my relationship problem cause I have got no BG relationship to give me problem.
Last night at about 11.30pm got a call from a guy friend who needed a listening ear as his gf has just ended their 3year 9month relationship. I ended up lending my ears for 2.5 hoursÂ… IÂ’m so sleepy today.
Anyway, hereÂ’s his story:
HeÂ’s 30 and SheÂ’s 22 this year.
Reason she gave for the break up, life style different.
They met at a karaoke joint few years back. He has not have any gf for 7 years until he met her.
She is wild in nature, cheonging most of the time while he is a homely person who has already planned for their future. When to buy house, when to ROM, when to hold wedding dinner etc all have been planned. Joint account has reached an amazing figure of 10+k. It all looks like they will be heading for the red carpet till last Saturday.
Anyway, things happened on last Wednesday, he ‘caught’ her with another guy. She claims that the guy was not the 3rd party as they are long time friends and they have not started anything…. Yet. But she is happy when go cheonging with this particular guy. That night when he ‘caught’ her, he saw the guy putting his arms around her when in a cab on her way home. She insisted that she has not done any ‘dui bu qi’ him things.
The reason she gave was that he was not able to company her to her weeknights cheong sessions. She felt so left out when she told her friends that she has got a lao gong yet most of them have not seen him BUT the nature of his job does not allow him to have late nights on weekdays.
He is willing to change but she refused to let him change because she have tried to change to a homely person for him and she find it painful, maybe due to her age and unsettle nature.
He is not willing to let this relationship go because he has made up his mind that SHE will be the one. He accepted her everything (including the abortions she had, her outings with other guys) and willing to spend the rest of his life with her. He wanted her to give him another chance to work out their difference but she is not willing to do so.
Actually I also donÂ’t know how to advise him. He wanted to chase her back no matter what as he canÂ’t let her go, as mentioned, she is the FINAL one. To me, once a gal change their heart its VERY difficult to make them change back.
Told him that be it the issue of 3rd part or not, their age difference is still a major concern unless they can come to a compromise to suit each other’s life styles. If a relationship is strong without any cracks, no 3rd party will be able to get in. I believe she is planning to let go of this relationship way before this guy appears. Its just that he happened to appeared at the ‘right’ time.
Lastly I told him to go for his oversea assignment trip on Wednesday and (he told me that he have arranged to meet her on the eve of his birthday (the day heÂ’s coming back)) talk to her to see if she has started off with that guy when they meet up.
If yes, then let her go, stay in contact. Who know, maybe when she wants to settle down, she will think of him.
If no, then if he wanted to win her back, by all means try.
I wish him luck.
What do you guys think? Does he stand a chance? Personally I donÂ’t think so.
This is a based on a TRUE storyÂ….
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and yes...u r rite...if their r/s is very steady, ntng can come in between dem lor..
i mean their diff is oready dere, leopards never change its spots...
well, the guy can still try his luck...provided the so called "3rd party" din win her heart...
/me search for yunhaier...
yun's a better person at this...