serious advice needed for another complicated relationship
-
X-men's r/s thread reminds me of another 2 gerfriend whom is having bgr troubles too...
Is this gona be long...
sincerely hope tat u guys can give me advice...
there's is ger (A) tat i know fell in love with this guy (G) during poly times (which was 6-7 years back) that time, G was having another gerfriend.. after G broke off with her, G went with A til now its been 6 years, however so, there relationship was not very good then, but to avoid trouble, G just stick with A.
until 2 years back, G met another ger (B) and then went on together (two-timed). at first G wanted to have only a fling, as G met B in a pub but subsequently, G felt that B was more suitable for him and continued the relationship with the 2 gers. He very much wanted to tell A abt B but scare that A could not take it as A has always have the tendancy to commit suicide whenever such topic was brought up to her. He also wanted very much to tell B that he all along had A, but he didnt know how to bring it across to B too as he knows B love him alot and is willingly to sacrifice anything for him... the 2-timed relationship went on for 1 year plus untill this faithful day...
when B started to complain to G abt all her unhappiness abt this relationship and G ask for a break-up since B was so unhappy. B was very very sad and ask y.. finally he revealed the truth to her... B was VERY VERY disheartend, but promise to continue with G if G break off with A.
2 mths passed but G had not told anything to A, B got very very angry and storm up to A's place. A commotion took place and from there A got to know the presence of B. B felt very pitiful for G has he had to handle two gers n bth are unwillingly to let go.. B therefore be the understanding wan and left the relationship. (no this is not end of story)
few days later, G felt that B suffered alot and went to look for B to see how she is doing. they both feeel they loved each other even more. and end up together again, of course, without A's knowledge... however, there's always occasion that A caught G still keeping in touch with B, A then begin to be very strict with G whereabouts etc etc.. this made B very guilty.. but because she still love G and not wanting to let go, she sufferedall this in silent until today. -
This is indeed complicated but can be reduced to one thing: G's fault! No one asked him to 2 timed and now he is hurting bothe gers at the same time. Wat i suggest is tt get clear wat G wants! If he wants A, then break with B. IF he wants B, come clear with A. If hes worried abt A commiting suicide, then get a close fren of A to be ther.Originally posted by Qoo`~`:X-men's r/s thread reminds me of another 2 gerfriend whom is having bgr troubles too...
Is this gona be long...
sincerely hope tat u guys can give me advice...
there's is ger (A) tat i know fell in love with this guy (G) during poly times (which was 6-7 years back) that time, G was having another gerfriend.. after G broke off with her, G went with A til now its been 6 years, however so, there relationship was not very good then, but to avoid trouble, G just stick with A.
until 2 years back, G met another ger (B) and then went on together (two-timed). at first G wanted to have only a fling, as G met B in a pub but subsequently, G felt that B was more suitable for him and continued the relationship with the 2 gers. He very much wanted to tell A abt B but scare that A could not take it as A has always have the tendancy to commit suicide whenever such topic was brought up to her. He also wanted very much to tell B that he all along had A, but he didnt know how to bring it across to B too as he knows B love him alot and is willingly to sacrifice anything for him... the 2-timed relationship went on for 1 year plus untill this faithful day...
when B started to complain to G abt all her unhappiness abt this relationship and G ask for a break-up since B was so unhappy. B was very very sad and ask y.. finally he revealed the truth to her... B was VERY VERY disheartend, but promise to continue with G if G break off with A.
2 mths passed but G had not told anything to A, B got very very angry and storm up to A's place. A commotion took place and from there A got to know the presence of B. B felt very pitiful for G has he had to handle two gers n bth are unwillingly to let go.. B therefore be the understanding wan and left the relationship. (no this is not end of story)
few days later, G felt that B suffered alot and went to look for B to see how she is doing. they both feeel they loved each other even more. and end up together again, of course, without A's knowledge... however, there's always occasion that A caught G still keeping in touch with B, A then was always strict with G whereabouts etc etc.. this made B very guilty.. but because she still love G and not wanting to let go, she sufferedall this in silent until today.
If all 3 parties are unwilling to let go, then i am sorry to say, all 3 will be hurt badly. so do tell G, ITis HIS RESPONSIBILTY to get the situation under control and get it solved soon. it will get more complicated if it goes on. -
B always break down whenever she is alone G knows all this but there's nothing that G could do as A also love G as much as B and A been a longer period with him.
B one day becomes very sad and angry when she thought of what A and G is doing and attempted committing suicide by cutting wrist but it was unsuccessful.. and then had an asthma attack, lucky it was not serious. G dunno what to do as he dislike them doing this as he feel that B dunno how to treasure life, beginning to feel "fan gan" towards B. heartache to see A and B suffer too..
both B and A are my friends, or rather G is my friend and i know B and A thru them. all 3 parties confide in me in their troubles.
G - very stress always have to scare tat he will make either party very unhappy and might make them lose thier lives as both have "suicidal threats" on top of that, G has its own sets of problems like work and family too, most of the time confides in B as he feels that B understands him more, however after the suicide incident, he told B that "actually i find that u dun understand me at all" meaning he had lost all hope in B..
B - very very "cake-sim" liao... but cant see herself losing... lost control over herself n commit suicide.. so afriad tat G might not love her anymore....
A - also very "cake-sim" but still have faith in him as their relationship is longer. does not understand why G is treating her like that. and is happy now coz G treats her like a queen giving her whatever request she has as long as she "be good" and not create trouble. A felt closer to G and thinks that G loves her too.. but at the same time feel that the relationship is very "empty"
the attempted suicide of B came to A's knowledge by accident - wrong sms by me.. YES ME!!! i hated myself~~~ now there's more trouble for G coz of me.... anyway G was not angry with me... he just keep asking me HOW....
what were u do if u were A, B , G?????? -
yes, G realise that his fault and very much wanted to control the situation. he is VERY remorseful. G is now sian, he said anyone will do.. if dun care liao.. just anyone leave...Originally posted by shaunlaw:This is indeed complicated but can be reduced to one thing: G's fault! No one asked him to 2 timed and now he is hurting bothe gers at the same time. Wat i suggest is tt get clear wat G wants! If he wants A, then break with B. IF he wants B, come clear with A. If hes worried abt A commiting suicide, then get a close fren of A to be ther.
If all 3 parties are unwilling to let go, then i am sorry to say, all 3 will be hurt badly. so do tell G, ITis HIS RESPONSIBILTY to get the situation under control and get it solved soon. it will get more complicated if it goes on.
he knows that its his reesponsibilty... but nothing seems to help.
what do u suggest him to do? coz if he wants to break with A, A will jump off the building. if he wants to break with B, B will cut her wrist.. he doesnt one anyone to get hurt.. or even lose their lives for him....
he told me that he felt that he is a piece of worthless crap...
and i pity his situation more than the gers... -
then one last resort: leave both.Originally posted by Qoo`~`:yes, G realise that his fault and very much wanted to control the situation. he is VERY remorseful. G is now sian, he said anyone will do.. if dun care liao.. just anyone leave...
he knows that its his reesponsibilty... but nothing seems to help.
what do u suggest him to do? coz if he wants to break with A, A will jump off the building. if he wants to break with B, B will cut her wrist.. he doesnt one anyone to get hurt.. or even lose their lives for him....
he told me that he felt that he is a piece of worthless crap...
and i pity his situation more than the gers... -
he couldnt, that's what he wans and hope also................Originally posted by shaunlaw:then one last resort: leave both.
then both will go and die ...
HOW? HOW? HOW????
this is complicating issint itT?? -
haiz... i guess my issue is just to complicated for anyone to comment...
-
A B C D E F G
wah........a bit luan
bottomline........cannot one leg step 2 boats.................
and dun tao bi xian shi -
its very easy to say the guy is weak!!!...but pple do have feelings..sometime its not say wanna break will break..
-
Since he can't leave, then he should be self sacrificing and continue to go out with both girls, thus making both of them happy. And honestly speaking which guy don't want to have 2 girlfriends? Tell him to look on the bright side ba. Just continue till one of the girls give him up.
-
no lar.. a, b and g only..Originally posted by FireIce:A B C D E F G
wah........a bit luan
bottomline........cannot one leg step 2 boats.................
and dun tao bi xian shi
haiz.. easier said than done. -
long pain why not short pain?
-
nod nod...Originally posted by Inzaghi:its very easy to say the guy is weak!!!...but pple do have feelings..sometime its not say wanna break will break.. -
he feels that he is wasting their time and things might get worse for the gers and time is impt for them.. fyi, A reach the "marriageble-age" and feels that she wans to marry G...Originally posted by choco B:Since he can't leave, then he should be self sacrificing and continue to go out with both girls, thus making both of them happy. And honestly speaking which guy don't want to have 2 girlfriends? Tell him to look on the bright side ba. Just continue till one of the girls give him up. -
he feels that he is wasting their time and things might get worse for the gers and time is impt for them.. fyi, A reach the "marriageble-age" and feels that she wans to marry G...Originally posted by choco B:Since he can't leave, then he should be self sacrificing and continue to go out with both girls, thus making both of them happy. And honestly speaking which guy don't want to have 2 girlfriends? Tell him to look on the bright side ba. Just continue till one of the girls give him up. -
This guy wants to have the best of both world. He retain the feelings of both lady, yet feeling down because of their reaction and behaviour due to him. If he really cares for:
A: He wouldn't have two time her and brought in unwanted trouble into the relationship. The crack in the relationship has been very deep and the his consideration to fling and get another girl shows that his relationship with her is descending to destruction. He is not willing to leave because of her tendency to play sucide and because of the 6 years - this is definitely NOT love. Liability, you stay, however, have HE ever have heart-to-heart talk about the problems in the relationship? I doubt a good attempt has been made. He fear this fear that, such an excuse to avoid playing the 'bad guy'. WHATS the use of having a empty relationship? Then what is his reason for remaining in the relationship since he has no possible future and a breakup in the future is definite? (I am pretty sure of this, because of statstics and similiar case studies)
B: She has met him in a pub. Both fling with each other. He ought to know that in this game of love - you can't expect a proper serious relationship out from him. She did, and he lead her. On the surface, it seemed like both are the willing party. But in actual fact, the original chips that they played had grown by proportion. This guy is looking for substitute from his problematic relationship - he seek for shelter. This girl, being the innocent party, still decide to play along the game when the truth is reveal. He mentioned break-up, yet he was a half hearted effort. Again, this shows this fear of being the 'bad guy.' He considered himself (subconsciously gnawing selfishness), and not for the long term sake for them. An analogy would be, if you have cash to invest in finanicial plan A or B. Plan A gives you immediate cash, although you will lose out in the long term. Plan B gives you virtually no cash at the beginning, but forever, you will benefit when time pass.
G: Nothing much to say about him. His changeability and indecisive nature will eventually be the death of him. In the end, he wouldn't end up with either one of them - It would be someone else. What kind of relationship can your expect from deception, lies and weak foundation? Anyway, he plans to fling with B, but decide that she is not bad, therefore change his rule. Oh pls, once it is deemed as a fling, its virtually foolish and tootpid to treat it like a serious relationship. He longs for his looks and figure in the beginning (theory of fling), how can you turn lust into love?
Conclusion?
G needs to learn to be a man and talk to them like a man towards his women and learn to stop avoiding and putting problems aside. He has been doing for so many years, is he still going to do that? Trust me, with a good talk (essentially for their own good), and a conclusion for their plight, he has to uphold the decision and cannot do it half-heartedly. He has to leave the two woman because none of them will be willing to see themselves losing to the other party. His talk must be firm, taking lead, instead of letting circumstance lead him (that's what he always do) and must not fear that they will attempt sucide because this talk is essentially a speech to clarify and present the issue on the table and solve it like a mature love. He has to reflect and ponder about the rational of his love definition. He has to cease contact with them for min one year and must cease doing 'things' that will indirectly create phantasmal feelings for him. (sweet SMS, cards, emails, etc)
P.S: Both relationship are unhealthy and cannot grown beyond a certain percentage. It will remain stagnant and probably decline over the years. Theory of Love law eight states that Lying destroy intimancy. Both relationship have been shipwreck. One chapter must close before the next one can open - he is the key to the ending of this chapter. If not, everyone cannot advance to the next phrase of their life.
Cheers -
well if he thinks tat, he's not a total jerk afterall...most guys know gals kinda have expiry date one...hence if the gal is young, the guy may a bit heck care..but when the gal is approaching tat age, he may not wanna spoil her life....think he better make a choice soon...Originally posted by Qoo`~`:he feels that he is wasting their time and things might get worse for the gers and time is impt for them.. fyi, A reach the "marriageble-age" and feels that she wans to marry G... -
I think this guy knows what he should do but doesn't have the guts to do it. If he thinks both are unsuitable for him, he should ditch both of them. He's got to realise that he cannot be held responsible for anybody's life.
In this relationship there's no love, only fear - fear of loss, of losing out, fear caused by blackmail and suicide threats. The girls don't understand that possession is not love.
As a friend, I think there's not much you can do except to encourage him to behave rationally, because he's probably overwhelmed by the emotional blackmail these 2 girls are giving him. Maybe he should just tell them he doesn't feel for them anymore.Originally posted by Qoo`~`:he feels that he is wasting their time and things might get worse for the gers and time is impt for them.. fyi, A reach the "marriageble-age" and feels that she wans to marry G... -
thanks for yr advise, however, begining close to the guy, and understand him and his problems, i dare say that my ans are similar to his.. so here im trying to help him by posting.
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
This guy wants to have the best of both world. He retain the feelings of both lady, yet feeling down because of their reaction and behaviour due to him. If he really cares for:
A: He wouldn't have two time her and brought in unwanted trouble into the relationship. The crack in the relationship has been very deep and the his consideration to fling and get another girl shows that his relationship with her is descending to destruction. yes, it was really like that in the beginning. He is not willing to leave because of her tendency to play sucide and because of the 6 years - this is definitely NOT love. he knows that all, but he is really at wits end (maybe that's his weak pt, he doesnt know how to handle such stuff)ay, however, have HE ever have heart-to-heart talk about the problems in the relationship? I doubt a good attempt has been made. he tried very hard too.. seriously, i can vauge for that He fear this fear that, such an excuse to avoid playing the 'bad guy'. WHATS the use of having a empty relationship? Then what is his reason for remaining in the relationship since he has no possible future and a breakup in the future is definite? (I am pretty sure of this, because of statstics and similiar case studies)
B: She has met him in a pub. Both fling with each other. He ought to know that in this game of love - you can't expect a proper serious relationship out from him. She did, and he lead her. On the surface, it seemed like both are the willing party. But in actual fact, the original chips that they played had grown by proportion. This guy is looking for substitute from his problematic relationship - he seek for shelter. i guess so.. but that human nature when u come to think of that.. anyway it has happen, i guess quite a handful wld actually stop and tink, otehrwise alot of things will not have happen. This girl, being the innocent party, still decide to play along the game when the truth is reveal. He mentioned break-up, yet he was a half hearted effort. Again, this shows this fear of being the 'bad guy.' He considered himself (subconsciously gnawing selfishness), and not for the long term sake for them. An analogy would be, if you have cash to invest in finanicial plan A or B. Plan A gives you immediate cash, although you will lose out in the long term. y A gives immediate cash ? Plan B gives you virtually no cash at the beginning, but forever, you will benefit when time pass.
G: Nothing much to say about him. His changeability and indecisive nature will eventually be the death of him. In the end, he wouldn't end up with either one of them - It would be someone else. What kind of relationship can your expect from deception, lies and weak foundation? Anyway, he plans to fling with B, but decide that she is not bad, therefore change his rule. Oh pls, once it is deemed as a fling, its virtually foolish and tootpid to treat it like a serious relationship. He longs for his looks and figure in the beginning (theory of fling), [b]how can you turn lust into love? i think there's a possiblity, coz i have seen g and b together before and they are like real couples, few weeks back, b got herself into bad shape, she was having bullimia.. but less serious wan.. she weigh more than 60kg.. but g was there..and they like normal couples, a talk with g tells me tat he is really in for b roll:
Conclusion?
G needs to learn to be a man and talk to them like a man towards his women and learn to stop avoiding and putting problems aside. He has been doing for so many years, is he still going to do that? Trust me, with a good talk (essentially for their own good), and a conclusion for their plight, he has to uphold the decision and cannot do it half-heartedly. He has to leave the two woman because none of them will be willing to see themselves losing to the other party. His talk must be firm, taking lead, instead of letting circumstance lead him (that's what he always do) and must not fear that they will attempt sucide because this talk is essentially a speech to clarify and present the issue on the table and solve it like a mature love. He has to reflect and ponder about the rational of his love definition. He has to cease contact with them for min one year and must cease doing 'things' that will indirectly create phantasmal feelings for him. (sweet SMS, cards, emails, etc)
P.S: Both relationship are unhealthy and cannot grown beyond a certain percentage. It will remain stagnant and probably decline over the years. Theory of Love law eight states that Lying destroy intimancy. Both relationship have been shipwreck. One chapter must close before the next one can open - he is the key to the ending of this chapter. If not, everyone cannot advance to the next phrase of their life.
Cheers[/b] -
Originally posted by choco B:I think this guy knows what he should do but doesn't have the guts to do it. If he thinks both are unsuitable for him, he should ditch both of them. He's got to realise that he cannot be held responsible for anybody's life. he realise that.. but he is very lost and confuse now.. poor boy..
In this relationship there's no love, only fear - fear of loss, of losing out, fear caused by blackmail and suicide threats. The girls don't understand that possession is not love. yes, i agree totally with you.. he too..
As a friend, I think there's not much you can do except to encourage him to behave rationally, because he's probably overwhelmed by the emotional blackmail these 2 girls are giving him. Maybe he should just tell them he doesn't feel for them anymore. yes, he told them already. the two gers just cant take it. -
i hope he can.. i feel sorry for al the 3 parties..Originally posted by Inzaghi:well if he thinks tat, he's not a total jerk afterall...most guys know gals kinda have expiry date one...hence if the gal is young, the guy may a bit heck care..but when the gal is approaching tat age, he may not wanna spoil her life....think he better make a choice soon...
i really hope i can help.. but all i can do is just saying n consoling.. nothing much.. i sometimes feel helpless too..haizzzz... -
yesh I agree lor..its all G's fault. Actually I can truly understand how G feels cos its not easy especially A has suicidal thoughts...but then again G will oni hurt A more if he continues with B...There is nothing u can hide forever and u will end up hurting A and B...guys always feel a need to protect gers...guys always feel tht they have to be responsible..dats good oni if he can make up his mind who to be with...how can G be responsible towards A when he always has excuse to go back to B..and how can G face B knowing that she has given her all to him..Originally posted by shaunlaw:This is indeed complicated but can be reduced to one thing: G's fault! No one asked him to 2 timed and now he is hurting bothe gers at the same time. Wat i suggest is tt get clear wat G wants! If he wants A, then break with B. IF he wants B, come clear with A. If hes worried abt A commiting suicide, then get a close fren of A to be ther.
If all 3 parties are unwilling to let go, then i am sorry to say, all 3 will be hurt badly. so do tell G, ITis HIS RESPONSIBILTY to get the situation under control and get it solved soon. it will get more complicated if it goes on.
My advice to B ...its no point carrying on and trying so hard...be fair to yourself lor...look for someone who is willing to commit as much effort as you are..A is not such a person...
My advice to A... if the love is gone..let him go...u might feel pain and sorrow...but G is no longer happy with you..this will increase his dissent for you...physically he is with you but emotionally he is with B...
My advice to G...be fair to both gers lor...as tough it maybe to break off with either one..but u have to... -
that my advice to ALL the THREE of them.. i spoke to them personally... they might be able to buy yr idea at that time.. they all agree that its stupid to carry on.. but somehow they still end up entangling together AGAIN and AGAIN ...Originally posted by raraninja:My advice to B ...its no point carrying on and trying so hard...be fair to yourself lor...look for someone who is willing to commit as much effort as you are..A is not such a person...
My advice to A... if the love is gone..let him go...u might feel pain and sorrow...but G is no longer happy with you..this will increase his dissent for you...physically he is with you but emotionally he is with B...
My advice to G...be fair to both gers lor...as tough it maybe to break off with either one..but u have to...
haizzzzz -
no one can help them if they dun help themselves.......
someone shd make a decision -
Question. What do you think of 'G' and why do you wanna help him?
Do me a favor? Gather me the below information...?
1. Age of all 3 involved parties (namely 'A', 'B' & 'G')
2. Horoscope of the 3.
3. Horoscope and age of 'G' 's EX. and reason for their break off.
4. Your horoscope.
'A' - Stability.
'B' - Possession.
'G' - Uncertainty / Sticky Lap.
Regards.