getting an ex out of your system... how?
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just hoping someone can help with this...
2 months ago a girl left a 7 year relationship due to many reasons. She thought she had gotten over her ex and began to meet new people again.
on christmas eve (yesterday), she received a book from her ex. The book's title was "The Five Languages of Love", it is about how people express and receive love and how to express love to your mate. In the book he wrote "I hope might help you in the future". The girl was very angry and hurt because:
a) she felt she had been the one trying to maintain the relationship
b) she had been trying to understand, communicate and getting the guy to open up for the whole time they were together
c) to her, the words he wrote felt like sarcasm
The girl knows that he is not worth getting upset for but she canÂ’t help it and these feelings are getting her down. Even though she is happily dating a new guy, she still subconsciously mentions stuff that she and her ex used to do and canÂ’t help comparing the new guy with her ex (she knows this is wrong).
The girl just wants to move on but it is easier said then done.
Question: how long does it take to get an ex out of your system? is there any way to move on as fast as possible?
ThanksÂ….. -
Originally posted by the_don:
there is no specific answer as in how long would one take to forget about their previous relationship.
just hoping someone can help with this...
2 months ago a girl left a 7 year relationship due to many reasons. She thought she had gotten over her ex and began to meet new people again.
on christmas eve (yesterday), she received a book from her ex. The book's title was "The Five Languages of Love", it is about how people express and receive love and how to express love to your mate. In the book he wrote "I hope might help you in the future". The girl was very angry and hurt because:
a) she felt she had been the one trying to maintain the relationship
b) she had been trying to understand, communicate and getting the guy to open up for the whole time they were together
c) to her, the words he wrote felt like sarcasm
The girl knows that he is not worth getting upset for but she canÂ’t help it and these feelings are getting her down. Even though she is happily dating a new guy, she still subconsciously mentions stuff that she and her ex used to do and canÂ’t help comparing the new guy with her ex (she knows this is wrong).
The girl just wants to move on but it is easier said then done.
Question: how long does it take to get an ex out of your system? is there any way to move on as fast as possible?
ThanksÂ…..
[/b]
in fact, it is inevitable that one tends to remember bits and pieces of their past relationship along the way. after all, it is something one has actually experienced.
its good to hear that she knows how wrong it is to compare her current dating partners with her ex-boyfriend. but knowing is one thing, understanding and dealing with it is another.
one has to learns how to enjoy today without pondering with regrets about the wrongs of yesterday. what's done is done, take it as a lesson learnt and move on.
everyone is an individual all by themselves. no matter how you compare, it doesnt make him or her any closer to your other parameter.
the ability to accept someone as who they are is parts and parcels about growing up. -
The girl knows and is trying to stop talking about her ex and stop comparing the new with the old. Her comparing the old and new is not about bringing the person closer to any parameters; she is just scared the next guy will turn out to be like her ex. The girl agrees one should accept people for who they are and tries her best to acheive that.
Guess she just wants to know how to move on so she can “enjoy today without pondering with regrets about the wrongs of yesterday”. -
i think we have all heard about "the more one tries to forget, the more he or she will remember".
friends of her can always advise her to take up several activities, slog in her work and meet up more friends to keep her mind so occupied that she has no time to think about what she doesnt wanna remember.
these are the practical propositions but i believe we are not dealing with the cause of the problem here.
there has to be a point of time when she gets lonely or encounter something that subconsciously recalls the past.
as such, the proper solution here is how one should learn to accept that what's done is done and accept it as a history.
if she cannot bring herself to think like that, she will forever be at the same state.
but one thing's for sure. time will heal. no, there is no standard duration to the question but time will heal. -
humm.... u got a point. guess she will only start to heal when she begins to accept the past as it is and stop questioning the "whys". guess she is not as lucky as some whose relationship end with a clear reason...
thanks for the advise... she is feeling better now..
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hiaz...r/s....
guess juz hv to try ur v best to face it? easier said then done thou... -
i guess she has oready accepted the fact it is over, just that she just couldn't understand how things turn out this way. guess there isn't an answer to every question...
anyway she is currently undergoing the "all men are a**h***s" stage..kekeke.. maybe that will help
btw, wat is "r/s"? -
r/s is short form for relationship....Originally posted by the_don:i guess she has oready accepted the fact it is over, just that she just couldn't understand how things turn out this way. guess there isn't an answer to every question...
anyway she is currently undergoing the "all men are a**h***s" stage..kekeke.. maybe that will help
btw, wat is "r/s"? -
so des ne... keke... learning new stuff everydayOriginally posted by Devil1976:r/s is short form for relationship....
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Originally posted by the_don:just hoping someone can help with this...
2 months ago a girl left a 7 year relationship due to many reasons. She thought she had gotten over her ex and began to meet new people again.
on christmas eve (yesterday), she received a book from her ex. The book's title was "The Five Languages of Love", it is about how people express and receive love and how to express love to your mate. In the book he wrote "I hope might help you in the future". The girl was very angry and hurt because:
a) she felt she had been the one trying to maintain the relationship
b) she had been trying to understand, communicate and getting the guy to open up for the whole time they were together
c) to her, the words he wrote felt like sarcasm
The girl knows that he is not worth getting upset for but she canÂ’t help it and these feelings are getting her down. Even though she is happily dating a new guy, she still subconsciously mentions stuff that she and her ex used to do and canÂ’t help comparing the new guy with her ex (she knows this is wrong).
The girl just wants to move on but it is easier said then done.
Question: how long does it take to get an ex out of your system? is there any way to move on as fast as possible?
Thanks?.
When you have close one chapter - does it really matter who is right/wrong then? Who's communicating? Who's maintaining - it doesn't matter. Yes, it may appear to be like sarcasm from his words - it boils down to his character in the end.
She has just ended a 7 years relationship. Wow, very long period indeed. If she could date another guy almost immediately without much problem, indeed, there IS a problem then. Its natural - to compare and so on, about her new hunk. Please note that she has spend 7 years of her life with another guy - within her psyche, it has nail in certain form of subconscious routine, thoughts and feelings inside her. She will seek a guy who has the qualities of the man she was with, yet without the prominent flaw she hated. This is the reason for her constant reminder/comparing/etc.
She needs time to cool down, first. Start dating without attachment involved. Take in a deep breath and go slow. Recongise that everyone is different and she should learn to know the real him instead of him adapting to the man she thought that it would be nice to become.
Recongise that the old chapter is close and forever it will be. Find time to enjoy/enlarge old/new interest - a focus mind will think less of unneccessary stuff.
P.S: She needs to get used, not forget.
Cheers -
humm... it doesn't matter any more who is right/wrong and probably there is no right or wrong. but she would just like to know why a 7 yrs relationship can just end up like this... why after 7 yrs the guy can take her for granted (this is wat her frens who knows her story says. if u wanna know just reply this messge hor). she just wants to gain more knowledge and know wat to avoid in her next relationship.Originally posted by Yunhaier: When you have close one chapter - does it really matter who is right/wrong then? Who's communicating? Who's maintaining - it doesn't matter. Yes, it may appear to be like sarcasm from his words - it boils down to his character in the end.
his character?? humm.... she says she also don't know wat to say.. thot she understood him but maybe she never did.. admits she is the super blur/blind/dumb in love kind.
well.. i am also not sure why she decided to date only after 2mths after the breakup. lonely? maybe? she just says it is nice to know you can still be loved and at least she is happy when she is with the new guy. erhmz.. they are only dating.. not bf/gf lah.Originally posted by Yunhaier:She has just ended a 7 years relationship. Wow, very long period indeed. If she could date another guy almost immediately without much problem, indeed, there IS a problem then. Its natural - to compare and so on, about her new hunk. Please note that she has spend 7 years of her life with another guy - within her psyche, it has nail in certain form of subconscious routine, thoughts and feelings inside her.
[i]"within her psyche, it has nail in certain form of subconscious routine, thoughts and feelings inside her"[/i] this part catch no ball.. ang moh too cheem .. can explain?
erhmz... u so smart.. she was just thinking about the same thing today.Originally posted by Yunhaier: She will seek a guy who has the qualities of the man she was with, yet without the prominent flaw she hated. This is the reason for her constant reminder/comparing/etc. ....
wat u mean? get used?!? huh??Originally posted by Yunhaier:She needs time to cool down, first. Start dating without attachment involved. Take in a deep breath and go slow. [b]Recongise that everyone is different and she should learn to know the real him instead of him adapting to the man she thought that it would be nice to become.
Recongise that the old chapter is close and forever it will be. Find time to enjoy/enlarge old/new interest - a focus mind will think less of unneccessary stuff.
[/b][/quote]
hummm.. u got a point.... thanks for the advise. appreciate it
[quote]Originally posted by Yunhaier:
P.S: She needs to get used, not forget.
Cheers -
She is not the first and wouldn't be the last.humm... it doesn't matter any more who is right/wrong and probably there is no right or wrong. but she would just like to know why a 7 yrs relationship can just end up like this... why after 7 yrs the guy can take her for granted (this is wat her frens who knows her story says. if u wanna know just reply this messge hor). she just wants to gain more knowledge and know wat to avoid in her next relationship.
his character?? humm.... she says she also don't know wat to say.. thot she understood him but maybe she never did.. admits she is the super blur/blind/dumb in love kind.[/quote]
Gain more knowledge so that she could avoid in her next relationship? You mean she doesn't even know where the relation-ship was damaged before sinking? This is serious because likely, she will repeat history itself again. To be enlightened about the flaws of handling a relationship could only be done by self - others could only pin-point and direct. Only deep reflection could truely reflect higher learning.well.. i am also not sure why she decided to date only after 2mths after the breakup. lonely? maybe? she just says it is nice to know you can still be loved and at least she is happy when she is with the new guy. erhmz.. they are only dating.. not bf/gf lah.
Of course she is entitled to her own dates. Nobody is stopping her and if that choice could make her advance and move forward in her life and be happy with it, go ahead. But sure she is in good state to do that? I truely doubt it. Furthermore, she doesn't even know what truely went wrong in her relationship?
"within her psyche, it has nail in certain form of subconscious routine, thoughts and feelings inside her" this part catch no ball.. ang moh too cheem .. can explain?within her psyche, it has nail in certain form of subconscious routine, thoughts and feelings inside her - In simple, what I meant was that someone who had been so used to having a bf around for 7 years, will unknowingly crave to have that someone around even when he disappear. The real reason for her to date so soon is because of this Woman Law of Love: 'Woman in their first love, loved their lover. In all others, they loved Love.'erhmz... u so smart.. she was just thinking about the same thing today.
[quote]She needs to get used, not forget. Here, it simply means that she need to learn to get used to living a single life all over again; getting used to do things without her man with her like last time? Getting used to no sweet goodnight message from a boyfriend? Getting used to join gatherings without a bf's company? Etc, etc.
She won't forget this 7 years relationship - therefore get used to a new 'life'
Cheers -
that is the exact reason why she can't stop thinking about her ex and the relationship: she don't know where/when/how the relation-ship was damaged.Originally posted by Yunhaier:Gain more knowledge so that she could avoid in her next relationship? You mean she doesn't even know where the relation-ship was damaged before sinking? This is serious because likely, she will repeat history itself again. To be enlightened about the flaws of handling a relationship could only be done by self - others could only pin-point and direct. Only deep reflection could truely reflect higher learning.
she too knows history may repeat itself if she didn't understand what went wrong. deep reflection? guess that will work, but for now she just wants to get away from all that pain. everyone around her been saying she has been thinking too much about it already but from wat you say maybe she isn't thinking enough about it. not sure how this self-reflection/deep reflection thing goes.. maybe when she is less confused then she will mediate on it..
agreed.. she knows she is not in the state to date, etc. guess she just got herself into more 'confusion' *LOL. hummm.. time to check herself into a nunneryOriginally posted by Yunhaier:Of course she is entitled to her own dates. Nobody is stopping her and if that choice could make her advance and move forward in her life and be happy with it, go ahead. But sure she is in good state to do that? I truely doubt it. Furthermore, she doesn't even know what truely went wrong in her relationship?
agreed...Originally posted by Yunhaier:within her psyche, it has nail in certain form of subconscious routine, thoughts and feelings inside her - In simple, what I meant was that someone who had been so used to having a bf around for 7 years, will unknowingly crave to have that someone around even when he disappear.
disagree.. u make all women sound so sad. if all women are like that, then why are men chasing them? free maid?!?!Originally posted by Yunhaier:The real reason for her to date so soon is because of this Woman Law of Love:
'Woman in their first love, loved their lover. In all others, they loved Love.'
i agree this may be the reason why she is dating so soon - that she does not mind to be loved. but who doesn't?
she says she will only commit to the person she loves, not becos she loved love. cos if she just wants to love someone then she could just stay with her ex and live life as it is. she hopes this is just a passing phase in her life.
she is slowly getting used to a single life. tough but managable.Originally posted by Yunhaier:Here, it simply means that she need to learn to get used to living a single life all over again; getting used to do things without her man with her like last time? Getting used to no sweet goodnight message from a boyfriend? Getting used to join gatherings without a bf's company? Etc, etc.
She won't forget this 7 years relationship - therefore get used to a new 'life'
Cheers
she says thanks for hearing and advising, she appreciates it. -
Alamak...spoken from a experienced forumite...Originally posted by hopy:hiaz...r/s....
guess juz hv to try ur v best to face it? easier said then done thou...
Hooraa to Singlehood! -
nudges....Eh yunnie....did you get that from me??? I thought i've said that before...Originally posted by Yunhaier: 'Woman in their first love, loved their lover. In all others, they loved Love.' -
it took me 1 yr to forget about the happy time i had with my ex.Originally posted by the_don:just hoping someone can help with this...
2 months ago a girl left a 7 year relationship due to many reasons. She thought she had gotten over her ex and began to meet new people again.
on christmas eve (yesterday), she received a book from her ex. The book's title was "The Five Languages of Love", it is about how people express and receive love and how to express love to your mate. In the book he wrote "I hope might help you in the future". The girl was very angry and hurt because:
a) she felt she had been the one trying to maintain the relationship
b) she had been trying to understand, communicate and getting the guy to open up for the whole time they were together
c) to her, the words he wrote felt like sarcasm
The girl knows that he is not worth getting upset for but she canÂ’t help it and these feelings are getting her down. Even though she is happily dating a new guy, she still subconsciously mentions stuff that she and her ex used to do and canÂ’t help comparing the new guy with her ex (she knows this is wrong).
The girl just wants to move on but it is easier said then done.
Question: how long does it take to get an ex out of your system? is there any way to move on as fast as possible?
ThanksÂ…..
if this one happened again .. i think worse ... -
disagree.. u make all women sound so sad. if all women are like that, then why are men chasing them? free maid?!?!
Ok, I am pretty sure you don't understand this in full.
i agree this may be the reason why she is dating so soon - that she does not mind to be loved. but who doesn't?
she says she will only commit to the person she loves, not becos she loved love. cos if she just wants to love someone then she could just stay with her ex and live life as it is. she hopes this is just a passing phase in her life.
The Woman Law of Love has absolutely nothing to do with how she treat Love, how she likes to be treated, etc. Nobody minds having to love and be loved of course. Kinda difficult to explain really, but anyway here a little clue: Woman are affected by Romance because its the nature's glue of physical effort for attraction to foster and grow. When a man fell in love with a woman, he will go the extra mile to make her fall. Romance exist because of The Chase for The Chase exuded forms of Romance - though different people expressed them differently. Without the chase, you can't find romance. Friendship don't give romance because if it does, it weakens friendship.
The Woman's Law of Love is explained by:
Love is like playing in the rain
Has been disregarded and taken for granted,
But when that rain stopped over,
People begin to remember
How fun it was
And they want it to experience it again.
Its is the subconscious womanly instinct that will build upon them after they explore their first love. Why are man chasing them? Because of two things:
I) Karmic bonds with one another instill great chemistry/feelings/attractions between one another.
II) Nature. Man and woman. Yin and Yang. Man are chasing them because of biological and spiritual needs. In love, we are constantly looking for our Twin Self. An analogy would be if I have a mysterious key, I would be sourcing for the lock I could open. When Twin Self come together in a relationship - people experience what the folk calls it True Love. This theory is often mistaken because people feel 'True Love' effect (TLE), but in the end, it turns out to be terrible suffering. TLE is very similiar to karmic love and lust (This form of lust is catergorized under the inability to differentiate Love and Lust. You may 'feel' that you are loving someone under the Effect of Lust.)she is slowly getting used to a single life. tough but managable.
she says thanks for hearing and advising, she appreciates it No sweat yeah? 
Cheers -
No lar, got it very long ago during my personal self study. Gald that you knew this phrase as well - I took notes back then!Originally posted by M?square:nudges....Eh yunnie....did you get that from me??? I thought i've said that before... -
Orhh....okok. Share Share lah.Originally posted by Yunhaier:No lar, got it very long ago during my personal self study. Gald that you knew this phrase as well - I took notes back then!
This one is well posted...agree with your points! -
aiyo...dun hv to suan me like tt 1 mah....Originally posted by M©+square:Alamak...spoken from a experienced forumite...
Hooraa to Singlehood! -
Hiak hiak!Originally posted by M?square:Orhh....okok. Share Share lah.
This one is well posted...agree with your points!
By the way, I can't reply to you PM. I dunno why click send, they say your nick doesn't exist. -
SUPER DUPER CHEEM AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (too many balls flying.. cannot catch...)Originally posted by Yunhaier:Ok, I am pretty sure you don't understand this in full.
The Woman Law of Love has absolutely nothing to do with how she treat Love, how she likes to be treated, etc. Nobody minds having to love and be loved of course. Kinda difficult to explain really, but anyway here a little clue: Woman are affected by Romance because its the nature's glue of physical effort for attraction to foster and grow. When a man fell in love with a woman, he will go the extra mile to make her fall. Romance exist because of The Chase for The Chase exuded forms of Romance - though different people expressed them differently. Without the chase, you can't find romance. Friendship don't give romance because if it does, it weakens friendship.
The Woman's Law of Love is explained by:
Love is like playing in the rain
Has been disregarded and taken for granted,
But when that rain stopped over,
People begin to remember
How fun it was
And they want it to experience it again.
Its is the subconscious womanly instinct that will build upon them after they explore their first love. Why are man chasing them? Because of two things:
I) Karmic bonds with one another instill great chemistry/feelings/attractions between one another.
II) Nature. Man and woman. Yin and Yang. Man are chasing them because of biological and spiritual needs. In love, we are constantly looking for our Twin Self. An analogy would be if I have a mysterious key, I would be sourcing for the lock I could open. When Twin Self come together in a relationship - people experience what the folk calls it True Love. This theory is often mistaken because people feel 'True Love' effect (TLE), but in the end, it turns out to be terrible suffering. TLE is very similiar to karmic love and lust (This form of lust is catergorized under the inability to differentiate Love and Lust. You may 'feel' that you are loving someone under the Effect of Lust.) No sweat yeah?
Cheers
gimme a day or 2 to digest.... nowadays am too sick to even switch on my com .... -
Sure dude. Take care ya.Originally posted by the_don:SUPER DUPER CHEEM AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (too many balls flying.. cannot catch...)
gimme a day or 2 to digest.... nowadays am too sick to even switch on my com .... -
There's an error with his PM system. Guess it hasn't been solved up to today?Originally posted by Yunhaier:Hiak hiak!
By the way, I can't reply to you PM. I dunno why click send, they say your nick doesn't exist. -
thanks.. trying to get well soon too..Originally posted by Yunhaier:Sure dude. Take care ya.
erhmz.. dude == guy... me no dude