getting an ex out of your system... how?
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oppsss.. sorry.. didn't realise i replied liao
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wat abt the bad times.. sorry to ask such a question but i don't mind keeping the good stuffOriginally posted by antoh:it took me 1 yr to forget about the happy time i had with my ex.
if this one happened again .. i think worse ...
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double post
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dear Yunhaier
i wrote a super long reply to your post but it is lost! got a messaging saying user not found and i realised i was logged out.. argh...
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First a confession, the gal as per mentioned is me. I know most of the people here already know but IÂ’m just saying it so it is easier for me to reply the post.
Yunhaier, this is a shortened version of my original reply that was lostÂ…
ErhemzÂ… The Woman Law of Love seems pretty profound. Where can I get more information about this? I have not seen it in any of the books I read.Originally posted by Yunhaier:Ok, I am pretty sure you don't understand this in full.
The Woman Law of Love has absolutely nothing to do with how she treat Love, how she likes to be treated, etc. Nobody minds having to love and be loved of course. Kinda difficult to explain really, but anyway here a little clue: Woman are affected by Romance because its the nature's glue of physical effort for attraction to foster and grow. When a man fell in love with a woman, he will go the extra mile to make her fall. Romance exist because of The Chase for The Chase exuded forms of Romance - though different people expressed them differently. Without the chase, you can't find romance. Friendship don't give romance because if it does, it weakens friendship.
I agree with what you said about romance but it also makes me conclude that romance is a weapon of deceit. But women are still swept off their feet by itÂ… LOL.
Love is like playing in the rainThe Woman's Law of Love is explained by:
Love is like playing in the rain
Has been disregarded and taken for granted,
But when that rain stopped over,
People begin to remember
How fun it was
And they want it to experience it again.
Its is the subconscious womanly instinct that will build upon them after they explore their first love.
If rain = blessings (in some culture it is considered so), then I would agree, for Love is a blessing.
Has been disregarded and taken for granted
Not all take Love as disregarded and for granted. My ex and I used to pray together, thanking God for each other (we share the same faith) and actively expressing our appreciation through words – verbal and written. But we seldom do that after he went overseas to study and broke my trust…
But when that rain stopped over,
People begin to remember
How fun it was
And they want it to experience it again.
I agree too. But to get into a relationship just to experience these feelings is not experiencing Love. I admit I am guilt of this wrongdoing thus time to straighten my life.
Its is the subconscious womanly instinct that will build upon them after they explore their first love.
Is it the same with guys? 'Cos it would be a sad world if ALL men are movtivated soley by their biological urges.
I am lost in all that karmic bond jargon.Why are man chasing them? Because of two things:
I) Karmic bonds with one another instill great chemistry/feelings/attractions between one another.
II) Nature. Man and woman. Yin and Yang. Man are chasing them because of biological and spiritual needs. In love, we are constantly looking for our Twin Self. An analogy would be if I have a mysterious key, I would be sourcing for the lock I could open. When Twin Self come together in a relationship - people experience what the folk calls it True Love. This theory is often mistaken because people feel 'True Love' effect (TLE), but in the end, it turns out to be terrible suffering. TLE is very similiar to karmic love and lust (This form of lust is catergorized under the inability to differentiate Love and Lust. You may 'feel' that you are loving someone under the Effect of Lust.)
TLE: Agreed
True Love: I thought faithfulness, devotion, selflessness, sacrifice, support, giving, care, concern, wanting the best for the other person, being there for him, hope and patience were the components of True Love, but IÂ’m proven wrong. In your opinion, what is true love?
Erhmz.. Lots of sweat! But thanks for taking the effort to post your replies.No sweat yeah?
Cheers
I started to reflect upon my past relationship and am making some headway. As of now, what I know is:
a) I am stupid. There had been signs since the early days indicating he is not a good person to be with but being overwhelmed by the emotions of first love, I continued to dive in. Hope I am not going so stupid the next time!
b) Trust, the cornerstone of all relationships, once broken can never be the same again. 3 years ago, my trust was broken and no matter how much we tried, I could no longer trust him 100% again. Issues just snowballed from there. Maybe I am unforgiving; maybe I am making a mountain out of a mole hill; this I got to think about.
c) The moment one party stops communicating their needs and feelings or one party stops listening, it starts the slow march of death to any relationship.
d) To Love is painful.
Guess thatÂ’s all for now. Time to spew out more green phlegm and mucus.
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Oh dear!Originally posted by the_don:dear Yunhaier
i wrote a super long reply to your post but it is lost! got a messaging saying user not found and i realised i was logged out.. argh...
Remember to copy and save your post BEFORE submitting. You can't always trust the server. As you can see, my post are damn naggy essays - therefore I learn it the hard way.
Cheers -
yah.. i just learnt this berry 'painful' lesson too.. now i type it on Word before transporting it to the forum. haiz!!!!Originally posted by Yunhaier:Oh dear!
Remember to copy and save your post BEFORE submitting. You can't always trust the server. As you can see, my post are damn naggy essays - therefore I learn it the hard way.
Cheers
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Erhemz?The Woman Law of Love seems pretty profound. Where can I get more information about this? I have not seen it in any of the books I read.
I am sorry, you can't get any information else-where. Its from me own book.
I agree with what you said about romance but it also makes me conclude that romance is a weapon of deceit. But women are still swept off their feet by it?LOLIts is the subconscious womanly instinct that will build upon them after they explore their first love.
Not quite my dear. Man works differently from woman. After their first love, they understand more about The Chase and how woman works - after their first love, they would not crave love for love, rather, yes its true - biological urge creates the crave much more than woman for love.
Is it the same with guys? 'Cos it would be a sad world if ALL men are movtivated soley by their biological urges.
Man are born to spread their seeds and woman are born for nuturing and investment.True Love: I thought faithfulness, devotion, selflessness, sacrifice, support, giving, care, concern, wanting the best for the other person, being there for him, hope and patience were the components of True Love, but IÂ’m proven wrong. In your opinion, what is true love?
What you mentioned are ingredients for a good relationship to foster and grow. True love has everything and this criticial point: When you know you truely love and at the same time you could allow yourself to LET HIM/HER GO at ANY circumstances and it is. I talk about spiritual love, therefore true love is something above physical ones: The one we love, we possessive, we hold, we keep.
Sure your love is blessing for him/her? Sure its perfect? Sure it's something what he/she wants?
Every relationship and love is a hidden lesson. Most of our relationship don't make it to marriage - it merely brings along this lesson to teach us about the importance and flaws of our relationship and our personality. When we humble ourselves and evolved - we change and improve. Gradually, our future partners will be much better. And of course, if we descend into self-pityness, hatred, etc - we will degenerate.
A) Don't be silly. Its not about about our intelligence. (You said stupid). And yes, you realise this point now. First Law of Love: We chose our partner and not the other way round. Anyway, seriously, most people don't realise that. Well, karmic debts in our love relaionship are the most difficult to differentiate and explain. Won't do it here at least.
I started to reflect upon my past relationship and am making some headway. As of now, what I know is:
a) I am stupid. There had been signs since the early days indicating he is not a good person to be with but being overwhelmed by the emotions of first love, I continued to dive in. Hope I am not going so stupid the next time!
b) Trust, the cornerstone of all relationships, once broken can never be the same again. 3 years ago, my trust was broken and no matter how much we tried, I could no longer trust him 100% again. Issues just snowballed from there. Maybe I am unforgiving; maybe I am making a mountain out of a mole hill; this I got to think about.
c) The moment one party stops communicating their needs and feelings or one party stops listening, it starts the slow march of death to any relationship.
d) To Love is painful.
B) Trust? Trust is a ALL or NOTHING effect. Either you blindly trust with your heart or you don't at all. There isn't such thing as a 76% trust or a 87% trust. Either 0% or 100%.
C) Relationship declines in many ways - these are some contributing factors.
D) Love is not painful - it's karmic love that we are hurt. When there is love, there will be tears.Erhmz.. Lots of sweat! But thanks for taking the effort to post your replies....
Guess thatÂ’s all for now. Time to spew out more green phlegm and mucus...
Take care ya? No problem missy.
Cheers -
u should write it into a book then - 'The Women Law of Love' By Yunhaier the Women GuruOriginally posted by Yunhaier:I am sorry, you can't get any information else-where. Its from me own book.
okie.. thanks for this bit of important information. now i know why extra maritial affairs and unfaithfulness are so common.Not quite my dear. Man works differently from woman. After their first love, they understand more about The Chase and how woman works - after their first love, they would not crave love for love, rather, yes its true - biological urge creates the crave much more than woman for love.
Man are born to spread their seeds and woman are born for nuturing and investment.
from this i conclude there is no good reason why a woman should be with a man...
erhmz.. actually i let my ex/relationship go. i admit his neglect of me made it easier to let him go but it still hurt none the less. I had known for some time my relationship will and should end but i still chose to love him. i could sense his heart is changed and is no longer willing to settle down. so does that mean he is my true love? that is a scary thoughtWhat you mentioned are ingredients for a good relationship to foster and grow. True love has everything and this criticial point: When you know you truely love and at the same time you could allow yourself to LET HIM/HER GO at ANY circumstances and it is. I talk about spiritual love, therefore true love is something above physical ones: The one we love, we possessive, we hold, we keep.
I sure hope my love, care, devotion, etc had been a blessing to my ex. He had certainly been a blessing in my life even though he hurt me a lot.Sure your love is blessing for him/her? Sure its perfect? Sure it's something what he/she wants?
Is it perfect? definately not. nothing is perfect. we can only try to emulate perfection.
Is it something he/she wants? well, only my ex can answer this question. from the way he tried to chase me back when we broke up perviously and from his current actions (he started contacting me recently), i would say "Yes". but based on the way he neglected me when i am with him i would say "No". so wat can i say? "Maybe"?
I think man are hard creatures to understand. when u are there for him, he treats u like grass. when u walk away, he treat u like gold.
Agreed. But this one relationship/love has oready taken a lot out of me.Every relationship and love is a hidden lesson. Most of our relationship don't make it to marriage - it merely brings along this lesson to teach us about the importance and flaws of our relationship and our personality. When we humble ourselves and evolved - we change and improve. Gradually, our future partners will be much better. And of course, if we descend into self-pityness, hatred, etc - we will degenerate.
I guess u mean "our choice of future partners will be much better"?
a) karmic debt?!?! *blur*. i don't believe in retribution leh.. i believe i can be forgiven...A) Don't be silly. Its not about about our intelligence. (You said stupid). And yes, you realise this point now. First Law of Love: We chose our partner and not the other way round. Anyway, seriously, most people don't realise that. Well, karmic debts in our love relaionship are the most difficult to differentiate and explain. Won't do it here at least.
B) Trust? Trust is a ALL or NOTHING effect. Either you blindly trust with your heart or you don't at all. There isn't such thing as a 76% trust or a 87% trust. Either 0% or 100%.
C) Relationship declines in many ways - these are some contributing factors.
D) Love is not painful - it's karmic love that we are hurt. When there is love, there will be tears.
b) haha u got a point... yah... i trusted him blindly for 3.5 years and all i got in the end was brokeness. oh well.
c) ic ic
d) karmic love?! *blur blur*.
thanks again. u take care too! have a wonderful New Year Eve[Arrow] Take care ya? No problem missy.
Cheers -
Like what Yun has suggested, COPY your post before you post it especially when you're doing a long reply or post. This is most likely not a server problem but rather a 'defence mechanism'. Just somehow like a screen saver.... You'll be automatically logged out if there're no page refresh for too long. This is to provide abuse of your account by anyone who happens to drop by?Originally posted by the_don:dear Yunhaier
i wrote a super long reply to your post but it is lost! got a messaging saying user not found and i realised i was logged out.. argh... -
from this i conclude there is no good reason why a woman should be with a man...
Everyone in this life search for their Twin Self. This comes in a form of another human being regardless of whether is a male or female. (Here's a little complication. People who are gay/lesbian seek for the same gender. So how could this be? - Really, another long story to post, another day bah)
Seriously, its about paying and repaying. Harmonious love or conflicting ones. If we see our final marriage (the last person you stop at marriage), as our final destination, the steps are the process we go through. Each level we reached, represents a higher cosmic conscious we got enlighten and of course, the ending of the old chapter. Once we reach level 3, there is no reason and possibility that we should walk down back to level 1 again. In fact, is no longer possible. We matured and our thinking/personality evolved.
Some steps are longer than the others (Refering to short-lived relationship to longer ones). Comparing the 12,346 steps we took to reach the level say 6, and the 15 steps in level 5 - which one leave greater impact in our life? (A two weeks relationship or a 3 years relationship has more impact?)
Some steps are spiral because the direction in love is so fogged. We can't see the top and it seemed that we are going in circles. (Problems and emotions always clouds the mind/heart). Many a times we chose to leave the spiral stairs and blame ourselves why in the first place we took that route - well, it seemed pretty and unique wor, spiral leh. But when we go through it ourselves, it seemed otherwise.
When we under-go break-patch relationship, each time we break and patch, there is stagnant in our progress. We walk hundreds of steps up and back down again repeatedly. At first we tell ourselves, its totally ok because we liked that level. But as it goes on: we get very tired. So tired that your vision only has that level. Furthermore, you slip off and injured yourself badly. You feel that say Level 5 is the best and you refuse to move to Level 6.
'Please lor yunhaier, Level 5 has the lighting and Level 6 is pitch-dark,' (Future can't be seen, people stay around for security reasons) - I rather hang around this level. In the end, we discovered that our relationship plight comes from our own decision.erhmz.. actually i let my ex/relationship go. i admit his neglect of me made it easier to let him go but it still hurt none the less. I had known for some time my relationship will and should end but i still chose to love him. i could sense his heart is changed and is no longer willing to settle down. so does that mean he is my true love? that is a scary thought.
No you got me wrong. This is when the relationship is on the declining mode. You left him go because you have to unless you wish to inflict suffering and pain into your mind.
When a woman accepts a man (vice vista) - she doesn't automatically loves him totally/truely/fully/completely. It takes time for this love to foster and blossom. Time passed and he/she is able to achieve that - we feel that we can't live without that person. He is our 'THE ONE.'
In this situation: if you able to release him regardless of events - you achieve my definition of true love. (You don't have to leave him, you smile and respect his decision IF HE WANTS TO LEAVE. Love has changed us - what we would love to possess and keep, we would want to see blessing and happiness bestow upon them if it was their choice and it is what they want.)
This is the definition.I think man are hard creatures to understand. when u are there for him, he treats u like grass. when u walk away, he treat u like gold
Poor communicators in relationship brings about this effect - when you had the chance to talk and solve problems mutually, you don't want. When you don't have that chance anymore, you think back and discovered that you could save the relationship if you had done the former.karmic debt?!?! *blur*. i don't believe in retribution leh.. i believe i can be forgiven...
Not retribution like the Buddism theory. Our relationship has invisible bonds that keep us together karmically. Again, this is another long essay and I shalln't talk about it here.
Cheers -
thanks... will do that from now on. figured that was the reason i was logged out too or due to heavy traffic (killing inactive threads to ease bottlenecks,etc etcOriginally posted by Devil1976:Like what Yun has suggested, COPY your post before you post it especially when you're doing a long reply or post. This is most likely not a server problem but rather a 'defence mechanism'. Just somehow like a screen saver.... You'll be automatically logged out if there're no page refresh for too long. This is to provide abuse of your account by anyone who happens to drop by? ) -
hi Yunhaier..
just read your post. in general i agree with wat u say. i'm one of those whose final destination would be marriage and the steps to get there are just unpredictable.
[qoute] When we under-go break-patch relationship, each time we break and patch, there is stagnant in our progress. We walk hundreds of steps up and back down again repeatedly. At first we tell ourselves, its totally ok because we liked that level. But as it goes on: we get very tired. So tired that your vision only has that level. Furthermore, you slip off and injured yourself badly. You feel that say Level 5 is the best and you refuse to move to Level 6. [/qoute]
i fully understand what u mean. sometime it hurts so bad when u fall that you do not have the courage to move forward. right now i'm like this.. back to singlehood and not ready to get involved. but i know it will pass
humm... i felt i could not do with out my ex for the first 6 yrs together. but after that i knew things had to end. so does that mean he was 'The One' for the first 6 yrs? doesn't make sense to me. guess will only know if he is the one the day i die
When a woman accepts a man (vice vista) - she doesn't automatically loves him totally/truely/fu lly/completely. It takes time for this love to foster and blossom. Time passed and he/she is able to achieve that - we feel that we can't live without that person. He is our 'THE ONE.'
erhmz.. i don't think i achieve your defination of true love. seem really scary to achieve something so awesome..
still blur abt karmic love.. but nevermind..
have a great new year
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Originally posted by the_don:
hi Yunhaier..
just read your post. in general i agree with wat u say. i'm one of those whose final destination would be marriage and the steps to get there are just unpredictable.
[qoute] [b]When we under-go break-patch relationship, each time we break and patch, there is stagnant in our progress. We walk hundreds of steps up and back down again repeatedly. At first we tell ourselves, its totally ok because we liked that level. But as it goes on: we get very tired. So tired that your vision only has that level. Furthermore, you slip off and injured yourself badly. You feel that say Level 5 is the best and you refuse to move to Level 6. [/qoute]
i fully understand what u mean. sometime it hurts so bad when u fall that you do not have the courage to move forward. right now i'm like this.. back to singlehood and not ready to get involved. but i know it will pass
humm... i felt i could not do with out my ex for the first 6 yrs together. but after that i knew things had to end. so does that mean he was 'The One' for the first 6 yrs? doesn't make sense to me. guess will only know if he is the one the day i die
erhmz.. i don't think i achieve your defination of true love. seem really scary to achieve something so awesome..
still blur abt karmic love.. but nevermind..
have a great new year [/b][/b] I will be around when you need ya? Don't worry too much about singlehood - remember, we were once single before we had our first relationship. We survive back then didn't we?
Cheers -
erhmz actually i was only single for 16 moons before i was attached and before that i was in a single sex school for 10 moons.. never really got to know wat singlehood was actually... now u know how super old i am.....Originally posted by Yunhaier: I will be around when you need ya? Don't worry too much about singlehood - remember, we were once single before we had our first relationship. We survive back then didn't we?
Cheers
thanks yunhaier will definately look u up if i got any major problems or if u don't mind when i am 'bo liao' too... -
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Sure missy.Originally posted by the_don:erhmz actually i was only single for 16 moons before i was attached and before that i was in a single sex school for 10 moons.. never really got to know wat singlehood was actually... now u know how super old i am.....
thanks yunhaier will definately look u up if i got any major problems or if u don't mind when i am 'bo liao' too... 
I was single for 16 moons before as well. And before that was in single sex school for 10 moons as well. It doesn't matter really.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:Sure missy.
I was single for 16 moons before as well. And before that was in single sex school for 10 moons as well. It doesn't matter really.
Cheers u too?
how many moons ago when u stepped into a co-ed school ? -
Originally posted by Devil1976:
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I don't quite agree with many of Yun's 'Love theories' presented in this thread. But then again, that's besides the point... As long as it cures you and don't leave you with much side effects, it's good enough for now...Originally posted by the_don: -
uhh.. 1 moon = 1 month
sorry... bit of trivia -
oh!!! ooppsssssOriginally posted by the Bear:uhh.. 1 moon = 1 month
sorry... bit of trivia
that means me really young then... -
hi devil... care to share your opinions? would love to hear from another point of view.Originally posted by Devil1976:I don't quite agree with many of Yun's 'Love theories' presented in this thread. But then again, that's besides the point... As long as it cures you and don't leave you with much side effects, it's good enough for now... -
No thanks. My 'theory' is not ready for exposure for now. Sorry for that.Originally posted by the_don:hi devil... care to share your opinions? would love to hear from another point of view. -
when someone knows,pls tell me.....