Who is the one that you will spend for e rest of ur life?

• Angel_

  29 Jan 04, 13:15

  i have a qn here , hoping that i will have some valuable advice from ppl out there.
  
  How do you knoe if your current bf/gf is the one and only one you want to be with for the rest of ur life?
  On what aspects and basis does this topic lies on?
  
  My story :
  
  i have got some gal friends who had already make marriage plans with their bf , some of them are only together for 5 mths , some 2yrs+. but unfortunately, i have got friends who had make marriage plans , but end up with a breaking up ending.
  
  As for me , my bf and i started chatting and discussing marriages topics after 1 yr when we r together. To me, it seems nt like a plan that is going to work in recent years but a plan that we r jus imagining based on realistic facts.The reason is becoz , we r graduates "yet- to- be" and required at least 5 years before we save enough for a marriage.
  
  its not that i am materialistic about focusing on financial aspects of a marriage. its jus that i don't really know if we are really meant for each other. i mean , we may love each other as much as we do. but there is a invisible barrier btw us. Its a contradiction coz
  
  1. i know i love him but i have no basis of comparison (he is my 1st bf)
  2. at this moment in time, there is no financial security
  3. it seems that we got a long way to go, at least 5 years.
  No body can predict what will happen in 5 years time.
  
  one last qn:
  due to all these contradictions, i dun know if i should treat him jus like a bf or a future husband. Its really 2 different things
  
  thanks
• HENG@

  29 Jan 04, 13:32

  questions of love never has any concrete answers...
• abterror

  29 Jan 04, 13:41

  go with the flow.
  do according to wat u feel.
  unfortunately, love does not come always have a happy ending.
  all ya best
• [S]tay

  29 Jan 04, 13:51

  when i feel secure with him,
  able to just spend time looking at him all day long without feeling bored,
  able to be "myself" without pretending to be someone else,
  able to understand what each other are thinking about without saying a word sometimes (telepathy),
  then he is the one.......
  and i'm glad i have found him.. through there's still a long way to go, but i'll continue loving him.....
  
• Fa||en~Ange|

  29 Jan 04, 14:05

  Originally posted by Angel_:

  i have a qn here , hoping that i will have some valuable advice from ppl out there.
  
  How do you knoe if your current bf/gf is the one and only one you want to be with for the rest of ur life?
  On what aspects and basis does this topic lies on?
  
  My story :
  
  i have got some gal friends who had already make marriage plans with their bf , some of them are only together for 5 mths , some 2yrs+. but unfortunately, i have got friends who had make marriage plans , but end up with a breaking up ending.
  
  As for me , my bf and i started chatting and discussing marriages topics after 1 yr when we r together. To me, it seems nt like a plan that is going to work in recent years but a plan that we r jus imagining based on realistic facts.The reason is becoz , we r graduates "yet- to- be" and required at least 5 years before we save enough for a marriage.
  
  its not that i am materialistic about focusing on financial aspects of a marriage. its jus that i don't really know if we are really meant for each other. i mean , we may love each other as much as we do. but there is a invisible barrier btw us. Its a contradiction coz
  
  1. i know i love him but i have no basis of comparison (he is my 1st bf)
  2. at this moment in time, there is no financial security
  3. it seems that we got a long way to go, at least 5 years.
  No body can predict what will happen in 5 years time.
  
  one last qn:
  due to all these contradictions, i dun know if i should treat him jus like a bf or a future husband. Its really 2 different things
  
  thanks

  well, the final decision lies with u... i agree that it's good to plan ahead for the future.. but as u said also, nobody can predict what will happen in 5 years time..
  
  just to share my experience with u.. (doesnt mean that urs will end up like this oki.. just sharing.. ) my ex and i had plans to get married after 5 yrs.. which happens to be this year, 2004.. however, 4 mths back.. in oct 2003, he ended the relationship.. i found out that the reason was.. he was with another gal 2 mths prior our breakup.. and she was pregnant..
  
  so as things have ended up.. he is still getting married this yr... but the bride has changed.. it's true that nobody can predict the future... or wat it might hold.. so whether to treat ur guy as a bf or hubby, u have to think realli deep and hard.. all the best..
• Paperboat

  29 Jan 04, 14:11

  Originally posted by [S]tay:

  when i feel secure with him,
  able to just spend time looking at him all day long without feeling bored,
  able to be "myself" without pretending to be someone else,
  able to understand what each other are thinking about without saying a word sometimes (telepathy),
  then he is the one.......
  and i'm glad i have found him.. through there's still a long way to go, but i'll continue loving him.....
  

  i agree with [S]tay's points.
  
  but your worries are not unfounded. financial stability plays a big part. the belief of 'love conquers all' is only true for the minority. some fresh grads whom i know are still finding a decent job after graduaitng 6 mths ago. and that is not all. after exposing to the realistic corporate world, one will change too. the route towards marriage is still far for you and him. my personal view: take it slow, understand him better, after all, it's only one year.
• Angel^_^

  29 Jan 04, 14:21

  well..i feel tt there's its pro and con abt this issue of making early plans abt marriage..
  
  of coz..it's better to make plans early..be it mentally..financially..emotionally..but den..when u guys hv some misunderstanding..u tend to be saying harsh thingys.."i feel tt u're not the one..im still not prepare to spend the rest of my life wif u..i guess tt both of us need time to think it over.." it'll actually bring in more negative thinking of yr partners..
• alwaysdisturbed

  29 Jan 04, 15:13

  well u guys may plan...but bear in mind dat things might nt turned out as wat u expect...
  
• Devil1976

  29 Jan 04, 16:37

  Originally posted by Angel_:
  i have a qn here , hoping that i will have some valuable advice from ppl out there.
  
  How do you knoe if your current bf/gf is the one and only one you want to be with for the rest of ur life?
  
  You can't probably. Till the day you die. MAYBE?
  
  In actual fact. It's good that you weigh your bf as the central of your life, but it's not healthy to rely on him solely.
  
  
  On what aspects and basis does this topic lies on?
  
  CHOICE.
  
  
  My story :
  
  i have got some gal friends who had already make marriage plans with their bf , some of them are only together for 5 mths , some 2yrs+. but unfortunately, i have got friends who had make marriage plans , but end up with a breaking up ending.
  
  As for me , my bf and i started chatting and discussing marriages topics after 1 yr when we r together. To me, it seems nt like a plan that is going to work in recent years but a plan that we r jus imagining based on realistic facts.The reason is becoz , we r graduates "yet- to- be" and required at least 5 years before we save enough for a marriage.
  
  its not that i am materialistic about focusing on financial aspects of a marriage. its jus that i don't really know if we are really meant for each other. i mean , we may love each other as much as we do. but there is a invisible barrier btw us. Its a contradiction coz
  
  1. i know i love him but i have no basis of comparison (he is my 1st bf)
  
  If he is truly the one you love why should you need to compare?
  
  In some aspects, there would probably be 'better ones'. Like I've mentioned earlier. Choice.
  
  
  2. at this moment in time, there is no financial security
  
  Ok. That's why you're saving up for years to come?
  
  Though financial can be a problem for married couples, it's less likely to be of a major one (depending on your backgrounds) because it can be quite relative.
  
  In your case for example, I would rather advise you to be more caution of other aspects of 'security'.
  
  
  3. it seems that we got a long way to go, at least 5 years.
  No body can predict what will happen in 5 years time.
  
  You are right. Nobody can exactly predict what would happen in 5 years to come. Do you have the confidence?
  
  Then again, I would like to bring you back to your subject of concern. Someone to spend the rest of your life with. What were you saying again? 5 years?
  
  
  one last qn:
  due to all these contradictions, i dun know if i should treat him jus like a bf or a future husband. Its really 2 different things
  
  thanks
  
  In my own opinion, it doesn't really matter. For a starter, I would be quite interested to know... Why are the both of you together in the 1st place? Love? Or just companionship?
  
  If there is at all a factor of love in this relationship (which I think is pretty obvious), does it matter if you love him as a bf or a future husband?
  
  I know for many, marriage would be a BIG thing. For some it spells the 'grave of love' or even 'start of a serious commitment'. No doubt, the relationship would evolve with time and marriage is often a hallmark.
  
  But just like saying when you've become an adult you can no longer play and enjoy life... Or you can only be 'all serious'? That's how people changes... Often a killer in a marriage.
  
  And as much as you wanna recognise the importance of a marriage. Don't let the mentality of a marriage kill a love. For some, don't belittle it too. It's just a growing stage. Be it be your 1st day at school.. Or sitting for an important exams... The main difference here is that this one probably involves the rest of your life...
  

• Ecxentrique

  29 Jan 04, 16:41

  As of now, nothing is really for certain. As you have pointed out, even those who make plans split up. Even years down the road, even those that marry, some will divorce. Its a cold hard fact that we have to accept. Its ok to have a vision of a future as a couple, it provides a certain comfort level and also a sense of security to know that at least, both of you are willing to think along that path to marriage. But still, don't place too much hope on that cos if you are disappointed, you'd wish you had nv made such eternal promises back then.
  
  And since he is your first bf, its quite natural that it takes a significant place in your heart. I wont say its good or bad to marry the first one you meet. There are pros and cons. But somehow i feel the cons outweigh the pros. Cos you nv really meet other guys, and as you say there are no comparison. WHAT IF, one fine day someone better comes along.
  
  Human relationship is very dynamic, never will it be a constant, feelings for people even the one you loved most now will change for better or maybe for worse. It will just take some combination of events, moods and chance meetings and then you have a different situation altogether.
  
  So.. love each other as much as you can now, make promises that you can keep NOW, dun make them for the future.
• ditzy

  29 Jan 04, 17:07

  Only time will tell. The decisions you make today will ultimately affect tomorrow. Its just the feeling that you have that you based your instincts on sometimes. Nothing is certain.
• weidev

  29 Jan 04, 17:11

  based on feeling... and believing in the relationship...
• Forever84

  29 Jan 04, 22:59

  How does it change him even if u had 100 bfs
  does it mean tat if u find a better guy u r going to dump him
  or if u had a better guy u would want to dump him
• tibirg

  29 Jan 04, 23:12

  i think talkin abt married life with ur current bf/gf is quite ok(juz dont get ur hopes too high)...but whether it will happens, its hard to say....
  of cuz, its all nice and sweet to talk abt wat both of u will do or how u will live, etc after u r married....but i think juz leave it as it is....if marriage with e guy/gal happens, it happens...otherwise, dont get too sad abt it
• Prec|ous

  29 Jan 04, 23:35

  No one is perfect lor...the right guy will be someone u think suit u the most. Everyone sure haf flaws & it's up to u to decide whether u can accept the flaws anot..
  
  No point breaking when u find someone u think is gd...then later found out that he is not the one or his flaws finally reveal up n u cannot accept it? It takes time to understand a person well.
• Bontakun

  29 Jan 04, 23:37

  Originally posted by Angel_:

  i have a qn here , hoping that i will have some valuable advice from ppl out there.
  
  How do you knoe if your current bf/gf is the one and only one you want to be with for the rest of ur life?
  On what aspects and basis does this topic lies on?
  
  My story :
  
  i have got some gal friends who had already make marriage plans with their bf , some of them are only together for 5 mths , some 2yrs+. but unfortunately, i have got friends who had make marriage plans , but end up with a breaking up ending.
  
  As for me , my bf and i started chatting and discussing marriages topics after 1 yr when we r together. To me, it seems nt like a plan that is going to work in recent years but a plan that we r jus imagining based on realistic facts.The reason is becoz , we r graduates "yet- to- be" and required at least 5 years before we save enough for a marriage.
  
  its not that i am materialistic about focusing on financial aspects of a marriage. its jus that i don't really know if we are really meant for each other. i mean , we may love each other as much as we do. but there is a invisible barrier btw us. Its a contradiction coz
  
  1. i know i love him but i have no basis of comparison (he is my 1st bf)
  2. at this moment in time, there is no financial security
  3. it seems that we got a long way to go, at least 5 years.
  No body can predict what will happen in 5 years time.
  
  one last qn:
  due to all these contradictions, i dun know if i should treat him jus like a bf or a future husband. Its really 2 different things
  
  thanks

  Welcome to the REAL world. All of us have alot to learn.
• True_Xerion

  30 Jan 04, 00:43

  Originally posted by Angel_:

  How do you knoe if your current bf/gf is the one and only one you want to be with for the rest of ur life?

  The 1st day she walked into class, my world stopped revolving and i knew she was gonna change my life. For better or worse i didn't know but i knew though that she was The One I wanted to spend my life with. Were many obstacles along the way b4 we were an item but sadly, I wasn't her The One ..... I still wait tho, nearly hopeless leow but who knows where fate will take us all?
• Yunhaier

  30 Jan 04, 02:04

  Originally posted by Angel_:

  i have a qn here , hoping that i will have some valuable advice from ppl out there.
  
  How do you knoe if your current bf/gf is the one and only one you want to be with for the rest of ur life?
  On what aspects and basis does this topic lies on?
  
  My story :
  
  i have got some gal friends who had already make marriage plans with their bf , some of them are only together for 5 mths , some 2yrs+. but unfortunately, i have got friends who had make marriage plans , but end up with a breaking up ending.
  
  As for me , my bf and i started chatting and discussing marriages topics after 1 yr when we r together. To me, it seems nt like a plan that is going to work in recent years but a plan that we r jus imagining based on realistic facts.The reason is becoz , we r graduates "yet- to- be" and required at least 5 years before we save enough for a marriage.
  
  its not that i am materialistic about focusing on financial aspects of a marriage. its jus that i don't really know if we are really meant for each other. i mean , we may love each other as much as we do. but there is a invisible barrier btw us. Its a contradiction coz
  
  1. i know i love him but i have no basis of comparison (he is my 1st bf)
  2. at this moment in time, there is no financial security
  3. it seems that we got a long way to go, at least 5 years.
  No body can predict what will happen in 5 years time.
  
  one last qn:
  due to all these contradictions, i dun know if i should treat him jus like a bf or a future husband. Its really 2 different things
  
  thanks

  Before I begin, I just wanna say this: 5 months to marriage is playing fire with your love life. There are a significiant number of couples out there who can't even maintain a BGR for 5 months - I truely doubt your friends are truely ready. Why rush marriage if you plan to spend the rest of your life as husband and wife - it doesn't matter if you both spend a little more time as bf/gf right?
  
  Ok, regarding your concern, its normal. Woman, after their romance-filled-dream teenage age, would look for qualities more than just simple I-love-you, you-love-me. In fact, many come to realise that to make a relationship function well, other important elements has to be fulfilled as well.
  
  You loved him no doubt, and you are right about the part where there is no comparison and you begin to wonder if he is truely the right guy for you. There could be better guys out there ya? My advice is that: drop this thought. Love is mutually exclusive. In simple - when you truely love someone, others don't matter because they are magically programmed to be smaller than your current partner. Don't look at the dyamanic environment around you - look at what you want. Is he the guy you want? Or rather, the qualities he display? If yes - that's enough for this aspect. You love him - you don't love what he could offer (although this affects the kind of relationship you will be in, but like all other things in life: we embark the ship, we stay until the ship sinks and we have no choice but to leap)
  
  There is no financial security? Fair enough - throw yourself a decent amount of years to gain whatever financial security you both need. 5 years? 10 years? All that doesn't matter - what you ought to do is not to look at your relationship in figures and sums. Lead a each new day as it is, while working towards your objective for each other. TREAT HIM ACCORDING TO WHAT HIS STATUS IS TO YOU - a boyfriend.
  
  P.S: You are worrying over nothing my dear angel. There are times when we have to keep things simple, and perform what we have to do each day and so be it. This would be the time to do that, first. Until when your vision of your relationship is clearer, probably you can move your consideration to the next level. Enjoy your relationship and work hard in it - the rewards will befall if fate grants them.
  
  Cheers
• DeadPoet

  30 Jan 04, 02:09

  If you can fall in love with him, you can also fall out of love with him. Nothing is certain, just go along with your feeling.
• men_@_arms

  1 Feb 04, 19:57

  Me myself and I
• [S]tay

  5 Feb 04, 18:43

  Originally posted by True_Xerion:
  
  
  The 1st day she walked into class, my world stopped revolving and i knew she was gonna change my life. For better or worse i didn't know but i knew though that she was [b]The One I wanted to spend my life with. Were many obstacles along the way b4 we were an item but sadly, I wasn't her The One ..... I still wait tho, nearly hopeless leow but who knows where fate will take us all? [/b]

  so sad.....
• the Bear

  5 Feb 04, 20:40

  i can't give any advice on this.. i was wrong once...
  
  perhaps will be wrong again... but will not stop me trying to find that special someone
• whyleh?

  6 Feb 04, 04:45

  Ask yourself this:-
  Is he the one you can grow old with?
  Do you see yourself loving this person 40-50 years down the road?
  Do you see him as the father of your child?
  Can he be a good father, provider and lover?
  
  He should ask himself the same question about you too.
  A marriage is a match when both party have their life goals aligned.
  It is about 2 people from different background living and sharing their lives together as a team.
  
  Note: Marriage is not like baking a cake. You must not base your decision upon the length of your b/g relationship.
  
  About Financial Security:-
  What kind of financial security are you expecting?
  Will you love him less if he is poor?
  If financial security is what you base your marriage decision on. I can assure you, you will be dissapointed.
  In a marriage, it takes 2 to acheive financial security. A rich man can be broke (financially) if he marries the wrong woman( a big spender).
  Remember if you base your marriage on financial condition, financial reason will most likely also be the basis of your divorce.
  
  Your last question:-
  Future husband vs boyfriend. what is so different about the 2?
  Treat your boyfriend like how you would treat your husband.
  Ask yourself this :-
  Do you want your boyfriend to treat you differently after you get married ?
  Are you going to change into another person after you get married ?
  
  Reason: If your boyfriend cannot treat you good now, he will not treat you any better after you are married to him. Same goes to you.
  
  Lead a happy life. Don't start taking each other for granted. Once you do, it's not worth it anymore.
  
  
• sgFish

  6 Feb 04, 21:23

  Originally posted by True_Xerion:
  
  
  The 1st day she walked into class, my world stopped revolving and i knew she was gonna change my life. For better or worse i didn't know but i knew though that she was [b]The One I wanted to spend my life with. Were many obstacles along the way b4 we were an item but sadly, I wasn't her The One ..... I still wait tho, nearly hopeless leow but who knows where fate will take us all? [/b]

  wa. THE ONE sia. is she NEO?
• RainbowPrincess

  7 Feb 04, 04:58

  Angel,
  
  My reply to this will be short & sweet.
  
  How do u noe if ur current bf is the 1 & only 1 u wanna be wif for the rest of ur life? On wat aspects?
  
  Ans: I love him, he noes it. He loves me, I noe it. I wanna spend the rest of my life wif him, he noes it. He wans to spend the rest of his life wif me, I noe it.
  
  RP
  
  

  Originally posted by Angel_:

  i have a qn here , hoping that i will have some valuable advice from ppl out there.
  
  How do you knoe if your current bf/gf is the one and only one you want to be with for the rest of ur life?
  On what aspects and basis does this topic lies on?
  
  My story :
  
  i have got some gal friends who had already make marriage plans with their bf , some of them are only together for 5 mths , some 2yrs+. but unfortunately, i have got friends who had make marriage plans , but end up with a breaking up ending.
  
  As for me , my bf and i started chatting and discussing marriages topics after 1 yr when we r together. To me, it seems nt like a plan that is going to work in recent years but a plan that we r jus imagining based on realistic facts.The reason is becoz , we r graduates "yet- to- be" and required at least 5 years before we save enough for a marriage.
  
  its not that i am materialistic about focusing on financial aspects of a marriage. its jus that i don't really know if we are really meant for each other. i mean , we may love each other as much as we do. but there is a invisible barrier btw us. Its a contradiction coz
  
  1. i know i love him but i have no basis of comparison (he is my 1st bf)
  2. at this moment in time, there is no financial security
  3. it seems that we got a long way to go, at least 5 years.
  No body can predict what will happen in 5 years time.
  
  one last qn:
  due to all these contradictions, i dun know if i should treat him jus like a bf or a future husband. Its really 2 different things
  
  thanks