how to help?
-
Oh dear...........
When a deeply loved gf dies, the bereaved feels depressed, & in many instances, go into a state of denial, i.e. "There's Nothg wrong wif me, I'm fine. I can get on wif life". Yet he has No idea tt his actions reveal his deeper emotions.
Ur fren/cuz needs time to heal, & the only thg u can give him is time, lotsa support & understanding. Wat he needs rite now is Not the pressure from others to get on wif life, nor does he need added pressure to pick himself up.
Wat he needs 1st & foremost, when the pain is still raw, is to haf someone he trusts enuff to open up to, to tok abt his feelings, & to help heal the sadness within him. Other stumbles in life he's been facing may be exacerbated by the death of his gf if they happened BEFORE her death, or they might be a result of the death of his gf if they occurred AFTER her death.
Pressuring him will only cause him to withdraw deeper into his shell, & in extreme instances, may lead to rebellion, giving up on life, & suicidal thots (altho I really REALLY hope it has Not come to tt)...
Watch him closely, meaning, shd he show further signs of deterioration, seek help immediately. In the meantime, get someone he trusts to help him to tok abt how he feels. Do NOT tell him to grow up nor to get out. Instead, let him pour his heart out, & listen. Slowly, mix in words of encouragement & always offer love.
I really hope this helps, pls update me on his condition. I'll try my best to offer help as much as I can.
RPOriginally posted by Qoo`~`:he wldnt step out of this vincity.. only downstairs and at most neighbourhood mall...
and he also dont admit that he needs help/... -
actually his gf died like a few years ago...
-
hmmm im really at wits end... he came back form camp laast night....
he's sick.. got fever... haiz.... -
OIC, so his gf died a few yrs ago.......
Lemme think abt this, then I'll get back to u asap.
RPOriginally posted by Qoo`~`:hmmm im really at wits end... he came back form camp laast night....
he's sick.. got fever... haiz.... -
sounds like he's dying also... damn ke lian...Originally posted by Qoo`~`:hmmm im really at wits end... he came back form camp laast night....
he's sick.. got fever... haiz.... -
Okie Qoo, I've thot long & hard abt this, & the only thg I can come close to this situation is 1 of my past, so @ the risk of being judged, I'll share it wif u.
I was in Sec 4 when I lost the person I loved most in all my 16 yrs, my granddad. It happened in July, v. close to my promos & my O Levels. Words cldn't express the loss I felt, & still feel today.
Somehow, I managed to enter JCs, & from there came a downward spiral. I lost the motivation to study, I missed the fonecalls in the late afternoons from Granddad, asking me wat I wanted for a snack. In my depression, I lost sight of wat he wanted me to do, which was to graduate. My grades deteriorated, I was flunking ev. thg, & eventually, I dropped out of JC.
Thgs only got worse, I hung out wif pple who din haf a goal in life, I made my parents sick wif anxiety, & even lashed out @ them, somethg which I feel ashamed of, & I'm still making amends to them now...
I went out to work, but cldn't hold a job for v. long. Then this is wat Dad did to eventually make me get on wif life. I wldn't recommend u do this, but this was wat worked for me. Dad took it upon himself to insult me, to reduce me to tears, to make me feel small & insignificant. Yrs later, he wld tell me abt his heartbreak @ doing so, but @ tt time, he wanted me to be defiant & to show him I cld make it.
At the same time, he got my closest cuzs & frens to speak to me, & to encourage me.
Being a hot-tempered, rebellious lass, I sought to prove him wrong, which was wat he'd hoped I'd do. Wif my cuzs & frens encouraging me, I went to seek info again on going back to my studies. Thgs got better from there, & eventually, I made it to uni, returned to SG, got my banking job, & the rest, is history.
From there, my r'ship wif my parents improved, & as we sat down to tok, they reduced me to tears when they spoke of their heartbreak, & wat they did to spur me on, despite knowing their harsh words wld sting & make me cry. That was why they arranged support for me, & thankfully, there were cuzs & frens who cared enuff to offer to show support & to give me encouragement.
So perhaps u might try wat my cuzs & frens did. I wun recommend Dad's treatment, cosh ur cuz seems v. fragile, whereas Dad knew I was 1 of the most defiant pple alive.
Encourage ur cuz to do somethg he will be proud of, & his folks & frens will be proud of. It will be tough, pls help & guide him along.
Again, pls keep me posted on this. I'm v. interested in his welfare.
RPOriginally posted by Qoo`~`:hmmm im really at wits end... he came back form camp laast night....
he's sick.. got fever... haiz.... -
Ok.. back in my days it used to be called bloody ECAs.. and it wasn't compulsary. I only did it cos i was forced too.
Qoo.. maybe gaming is his form of escapism. It's like someone going to the movies all the time, except he does nerd stuff like gaming. Why don't you offer to go over and link your pc with his and start playing like crazy? That's what some of these guys do over here... i guess it's hard with you do not have a notebook.
Do you have gaming centres in Sg? Why not ask him out to that and offer to pay etc. I guess when they want to talk they will ask you or call you. You cannot help people who don't think they have a trouble or are in denial about it. Just let him know that you are always there for him.. and make sure that you are.. Pager, mobile and internet everything.. must be there! Or email him.. say that something is strange about you.. please talk to me. I am very worried about you.. how come you don't come out with me anymore? Etc.. . Emails are nonconfrontational.. he might start blabbing then. -
What's his star sign?Originally posted by Qoo`~`:hmmm im really at wits end... he came back form camp laast night....
he's sick.. got fever... haiz....
How his gf died?