how to help?
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his gf died in a motor accident with another guy....
wah........
gan qing de shi..........................
hai...................
think like tt ask him go for counselling he oso wun want one.......have to let him wake up himself one day........ -
oh dear.... maybe u need to bring in a professional counsellor... his case sounds rather serious.
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Originally posted by sillyme:some of us go through the phase of "finding everything meaningless" during NS.. we lose purpose in life..everything in camp is routine and scheduled.. our voice being taken away from non-thinking superiors.. we train and we eat and we rest.. that's all.. we lose contact with friends we had.. we can't click with those in camp..
he doesnt even want to go thr BMT, if eberyone else can do it, y cant him!?!? he's a guy for god sake.... no matter how he hate ns life, he still have to learn a skill or 2....
maybe he's going through that phase.. -
how long?? cant bear to see him like that....Originally posted by FireIce:think like tt ask him go for counselling he oso wun want one.......have to let him wake up himself one day........
his family situation also not very good leh.... -
he wldnt step out of this vincity.. only downstairs and at most neighbourhood mall...Originally posted by HENG@:oh dear.... maybe u need to bring in a professional counsellor... his case sounds rather serious.
and he also dont admit that he needs help/... -
gf diedOriginally posted by Qoo`~`:how long?? cant bear to see him like that....
his family situation also not very good leh....
army life
family problems..
too many for him to handle..
though the ppl around wants to see his condition improve.. it's not good to force it on him..
Gendaken in this forum is a psychologist... maybe he can help? -
the gf die factor is really bad...
that is so sad...
i read liao also want to
for him... -
Family members are there to support, not to push. To give unconditional love, not foist expectations. Even though you do it in the best of interests.
I doubt anyone knows for sure what's bugging him. Could be in recovery phase. Could just be a period of adjustment.
Why not you spend more time with him doing things he likes... then maybe he'll slowly open up to you and you can really know what's going on?
Big changes gotta come from within... no amount of external pressure is going to change him. -
well said, chocoOriginally posted by choco B:Family members are there to support, not to push. To give unconditional love, not foist expectations. Even though you do it in the best of interests.
I doubt anyone knows for sure what's bugging him. Could be in recovery phase. Could just be a period of adjustment.
Why not you spend more time with him doing things he likes... then maybe he'll slowly open up to you and you can really know what's going on?
Big changes gotta come from within... no amount of external pressure is going to change him.
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How come you never ask me out for movie before?Originally posted by Qoo`~`:he doesnt like to come out..
i ever ask him to go watch movie... his answer
"hur.. so sian, i rather stay at hoem to play game..."
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Hmm....
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Your friend needs a good make over...
Bring him for a good hair cut.. get him to dye his hair...etc..
buy some trendy clothes..
His self esteem wont be that low anymore and he'll be
wanting to go out every second.. -
In addn to the excellent replies u've gotten, mebbi u cld try this too...
Whenever u go to his place, intro him to a gd forum, such as SGForums
Or someplace for teens, if he's younger. I think there're such forums ard...
Then get him to join their activities, etc : )
RPOriginally posted by Qoo`~`:how to help someone who is emotionally down, feeling inferior to the rest of the society...
only copes at home to play games 24/7 a day...
kindda of sad. that person is a relative of mine and as close as a brother...
i dunno to use what approach to help him, coz i think i will hurt his pride if he knows that i know of his situation. only his mum and bro and me knows...
how?
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ok....maybe u can try the soft approach......play game with him.......iearn his trust........slowly divert his attention to other things.......maybe like.....when u finish a game, then u say....want to go buy other games?.....bring him out to walk walk......
or say....want to try online game? or see forum got any ppl to intro game onot....
then perhaps invite him to outings........
half hong3 half pian4 -
i was thinking along this line too...Originally posted by sillyme:Gendaken in this forum is a psychologist... maybe he can help? -
Perhaps U wanna find some time to have a good chat wif him? If U tink U not good wif words, can call his good frens? (No parents, other relatives...) best get his BEST fren too...
Then listen to his story... Maybe by dat time can get some new info? Take things slowly... do not rush. try to open up his inner deep self without hurting it. -
btw hes how old?
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*rubs sleepy eyes* Aiyah, what you people bother me for? You guys are doing fine so far!Originally posted by sillyme:gf died
army life
family problems..
too many for him to handle..
though the ppl around wants to see his condition improve.. it's not good to force it on him..
Gendaken in this forum is a psychologist... maybe he can help?
Okay, seriously. Hmm - tough one. The real problem seems to be that he doesn't want to talk about it. Don't pressure him into saying anything - if he feels that he needs to say something, he will if he has confidence that you will LISTEN to him. Don't go offering a solution to everything he says, because he may feel that you're cutting him off before he's had the chance to finish what he's saying. If he gets frustrated because of that, he'll clam up and stay that way for a good long while. If he gets stuck, one handy trick is to summarise what he's said and tell him your summary. If your summary is accurate, he may agree and carry on talking, knowing that you're really paying attention to what he has to say. If your summary is incorrect, he may correct you and carry on talking, and at the same time, by thinking about it, he may be able to clarify his thoughts.
I'm going to have to read through this thread carefully again, but first, how long ago did his gf die? What was his reaction at the time and in the week following her death? You need to get an idea of where he is in the grieving process.
I agree with choco B's post - your pinning high hopes on him is probably not going to do him any favours at this time because it will just put more pressure on him. The best thing to do is to let him know that whatever the circumstances are, his positive qualities are still there. Think about what he's good at, and invent a situation in which you can ask for his help, utilising those skills. That might help highlight his positive qualities and give you something to get started with, at the same time letting you avoid patronising him. -
*the psychologist is IN*
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Double post.
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maybe when soft approach dont work,use the hard way.
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Good God, NEVER! The only result is that they'll push back by withdrawing even deeper.Originally posted by lolsuck:maybe when soft approach dont work,use the hard way. -
might even go for THE final solution.Originally posted by Gedanken:Good God, NEVER! The only result is that they'll push back by withdrawing even deeper. -
That's a real possibility.
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me learning from professional mahOriginally posted by Gedanken:*rubs sleepy eyes* Aiyah, what you people bother me for? You guys are doing fine so far!