'cooling off' period in a relationship
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hmmm....
always heard people talk about the need for 'cooling off' period at some points in a relationship.. like 'let's not see each other for the time being' and 'give me some time to re-consider this relationship'... etc....
but wad causes this need to arise?
will this help or harm the relationship?
the outcome?
any past/present experiences to share? -
be careful of these.. be honest..
sometimes the cooling off turns the relationship cold... -
be honest?Originally posted by the Bear:be careful of these.. be honest..
sometimes the cooling off turns the relationship cold...
meaning? honest on and about wad?? -
the reasons for the "cooling off" period..
read in the forums so many times that some use this to "gradually dump" their partners... and some got dumped...Originally posted by Coco_Coco:be honest? meaning? honest on and about wad?? -
oh izit... then 'cooling off' sounded like a noble excuse lidat... u r rite... should be honest...Originally posted by the Bear:the reasons for the "cooling off" period..
read in the forums so many times that some use this to "gradually dump" their partners... and some got dumped...
but why people didn't want to be honest if they wanna dump their partners...? -
who knows?
some don't want to face it themselves?
some truths are hard to face..Originally posted by Coco_Coco:oh izit... then 'cooling off' sounded like a noble excuse lidat... u r rite... should be honest...
but why people didn't want to be honest if they wanna dump their partners...? -
It is a "good" technique to useOriginally posted by Coco_Coco:oh izit... then 'cooling off' sounded like a noble excuse lidat... u r rite... should be honest...
but why people didn't want to be honest if they wanna dump their partners...?
Bewarned if you r the receiver, though
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or maybe they really wanna the time to think and in the end came to the conclusion it's better to end it all instead...Originally posted by the Bear:who knows?
some don't want to face it themselves?
some truths are hard to face.. -
'cooling off'... 'cooling off'....Originally posted by winnerss:It is a "good" technique to use
Bewarned if you r the receiver, though
sometimes really cool till totally cold ahz... ha...
but anyone know of any cases where cooling off leads to positive results and the heat is rekindled instead? -
My current gf used to have this sort of cooling off period with her ex..Originally posted by Coco_Coco:hmmm....
always heard people talk about the need for 'cooling off' period at some points in a relationship.. like 'let's not see each other for the time being' and 'give me some time to re-consider this relationship'... etc....
but wad causes this need to arise?
will this help or harm the relationship?
the outcome?
any past/present experiences to share?
What happen was that she will usually be the one who ask for the cooling off cos she knows when she gets upset, it will be quite bad and nothing goes in.. So no matter what her ex did.. no use.. so she needed the cooling off period to really let the anger subside.
Good and bad.. cos it gives time for both side to think about things and resolve it another time when the emotions are not that hide and pride is at stake for both sides. But sometimes.. too much also means that there are somethings that cannot be solved by cooling off.. so one day eventually her ex called for the cool off cos cannot take it anymore.. then in the end break.. -
hmmm...Originally posted by Ecxentrique:My current gf used to have this sort of cooling off period with her ex..
What happen was that she will usually be the one who ask for the cooling off cos she knows when she gets upset, it will be quite bad and nothing goes in.. So no matter what her ex did.. no use.. so she needed the cooling off period to really let the anger subside.
Good and bad.. cos it gives time for both side to think about things and resolve it another time when the emotions are not that hide and pride is at stake for both sides. But sometimes.. too much also means that there are somethings that cannot be solved by cooling off.. so one day eventually her ex called for the cool off cos cannot take it anymore.. then in the end break..
how long did the cooling period usually last for? -
'Cooling off' periods are only effective if both parties abide by the conditions they set. Otherwise, its like not having any period in the 1st place.
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x2Originally posted by ditzy:'Cooling off' periods are only effective if both parties abide by the conditions they set. Otherwise, its like not having any period in the 1st place. -
mayb use if bad fights, the relationship turning cold, can't stand each other, saw each other's true face.... it can go both ways, but dun cool too long until frozen out...Originally posted by Coco_Coco:hmmm....
always heard people talk about the need for 'cooling off' period at some points in a relationship.. like 'let's not see each other for the time being' and 'give me some time to re-consider this relationship'... etc....
but wad causes this need to arise?
will this help or harm the relationship?
the outcome?
any past/present experiences to share? -
First thing I'd ask is, "Cooling off from what?".
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Originally posted by the Bear:the reasons for the "cooling off" period..
read in the forums so many times that some use this to "gradually dump" their partners... and some got dumped... well said like a pro. its just a loada bull. -
Originally posted by Coco_Coco:hmmm....
always heard people talk about the need for 'cooling off' period at some points in a relationship.. like 'let's not see each other for the time being' and 'give me some time to re-consider this relationship'... etc....
but wad causes this need to arise?
will this help or harm the relationship?
the outcome?
any past/present experiences to share? Usually more harm than good. Not advisable to play cold war for more than 24 hours. You will get the chills and lose more than you gain. Learn the art of communication - it truly benefits a couple much more than non-communication.
Cheers -
Hi Coco,
I wanted to present u a true & fair view to the best of my abilities, hence my later reply. Wat others haf sez'd may be partly true, tt ur bf may be slowly trying to break up wif u, but I feel it may Not be the fairest representation of the motives of the initiator of the cooling off period ( henceforth known as "the Initiator" ).
So after pondering over this, here's wat I think. Wat the others haf mentioned may be true. But there may be another side to it as well. We shd understand the motives of the Initiator, & examine the reasons why he wans to slowly call thgs off. OTOH, the Initiator may wan time to sort issues out without any "distractions" or "noise" (I shall define "noise" here as opinions &/or accusations/interference from another party tt may tamper wif the Initiator's ultimate decision).
If the Initiator's motive is to break up, a time-out or "cooling off period" may be his way of gently breaking the news to u, to give u time to adjust to life without him, & for u to adjust to being emotionally independent of him. The reason for this cld be tt he still cares deeply abt ur feelings, or, he cld simply wanna give himself time to get out without a big hoohaa. There cld be other reasons, but this will depend on ur understanding of ur bf to come to a conclusion : )
2ndly, the "cooling off period" may be due to issues the Initiator feels he's unable to resolve wif other pple interfering in the r'ship. He may be confused as to wat he can do to make the situation better for himself or both parties, or he cld be in a dilemma whether or Not to continue wif the r'ship. Added pressure from u or frens may make his dilemma even worse, & thus he needs time to calm down & think of wat to do next.
Wat u can do during this period is simply, Nothg. By all means, if u wanna tell him u still love him, go ahead, but dun do so to the pt where u get him even more confused, adding to the "noise" & pressure he might be feeling in the decision-making process, in short, dun smother him.
In short, sometimes the motives of the Initiator may Not be totally selfish. Unless pple haf been in the shoes of the Initiator, they wun totally understand the frustration & the hopelessness felt by the 1 taking time out from a r'ship.
Gd luck, Coco.
RPOriginally posted by Coco_Coco:hmmm....
always heard people talk about the need for 'cooling off' period at some points in a relationship.. like 'let's not see each other for the time being' and 'give me some time to re-consider this relationship'... etc....
but wad causes this need to arise?
will this help or harm the relationship?
the outcome?
any past/present experiences to share? -
The one she initiates. usually about 1-2 weeks.. but her ex initiate one led to break up..Originally posted by Coco_Coco:hmmm...
how long did the cooling period usually last for? -
I think cooling off period is a good time to cheat on your gf/bf.
Maybe the initiator already have someone else in mind and can make use of the cooling off period to get to know this new person better and assess whether will make good bf/gf material. -
more like excuses to ditch ur partner...
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Coco, circumstances may determine whether the Initiator of the cooling off period decides to end the r'ship or to continue wif u. Dun try to smother him wif ur love, as this will only confuse him further, give him time to think thgs thru.
He's probably oredi v. frus cosh he doesn't noe wat to do. Added pressure may actually cause him to decide to end the r'ship so as to start afresh without any of the old problems & baggage...
In a nutshell, sometimes it might be an issue wif honesty. Sometimes, it might be circumstances & pressure tt force him to make a decision tt ultimately hurts both parties more.
RPOriginally posted by Coco_Coco:or maybe they really wanna the time to think and in the end came to the conclusion it's better to end it all instead... -
my gf n i were together for 5days b4 she suggested a temp break(cool off) bcos she was confused with her feelings for me n another guy. right now we 2 patched back,altho both knew tat the hurt was too big for me.right now i still love her,but for her i noe she loves me too. but due to the hurt,we r now more careful...
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That day you said its a break, today its a temp break(cool off). Duhz.Originally posted by bladez87:my gf n i were together for 5days b4 she suggested a temp break(cool off) bcos she was confused with her feelings for me n another guy. right now we 2 patched back,altho both knew tat the hurt was too big for me.right now i still love her,but for her i noe she loves me too. but due to the hurt,we r now more careful... -
kinda like a break but oso like a cool off period...i donno lar.but at least...we patched together le
lol shld b happy for me instead of finding fault lol kidding kidding