'cooling off' period in a relationship
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Hi!Originally posted by RainbowPrincess:Hi Coco,
I wanted to present u a true & fair view to the best of my abilities, hence my later reply. Wat others haf sez'd may be partly true, tt ur bf may be slowly trying to break up wif u, but I feel it may Not be the fairest representation of the motives of the initiator of the cooling off period ( henceforth known as "the Initiator" ).
So after pondering over this, here's wat I think. Wat the others haf mentioned may be true. But there may be another side to it as well. We shd understand the motives of the Initiator, & examine the reasons why he wans to slowly call thgs off. OTOH, the Initiator may wan time to sort issues out without any "distractions" or "noise" (I shall define "noise" here as opinions &/or accusations/interference from another party tt may tamper wif the Initiator's ultimate decision).
If the Initiator's motive is to break up, a time-out or "cooling off period" may be his way of gently breaking the news to u, to give u time to adjust to life without him, & for u to adjust to being emotionally independent of him. The reason for this cld be tt he still cares deeply abt ur feelings, or, he cld simply wanna give himself time to get out without a big hoohaa. There cld be other reasons, but this will depend on ur understanding of ur bf to come to a conclusion : )
2ndly, the "cooling off period" may be due to issues the Initiator feels he's unable to resolve wif other pple interfering in the r'ship. He may be confused as to wat he can do to make the situation better for himself or both parties, or he cld be in a dilemma whether or Not to continue wif the r'ship. Added pressure from u or frens may make his dilemma even worse, & thus he needs time to calm down & think of wat to do next.
Wat u can do during this period is simply, Nothg. By all means, if u wanna tell him u still love him, go ahead, but dun do so to the pt where u get him even more confused, adding to the "noise" & pressure he might be feeling in the decision-making process, in short, dun smother him.
In short, sometimes the motives of the Initiator may Not be totally selfish. Unless pple haf been in the shoes of the Initiator, they wun totally understand the frustration & the hopelessness felt by the 1 taking time out from a r'ship.
Gd luck, Coco.
RP
Just wanted to know your views on the cooling off period should it happen to a married couple.
Thanks! -
married couple? my personal view is that during the cooling period very prone to extramarital affairs..Originally posted by Rodi:Hi!
Just wanted to know your views on the cooling off period should it happen to a married couple.
Thanks! -
Thanks for your info. Just like what my guess would be like. My initial thinking was that for a married couple, since the marriage vow has already been taken, the thought of such cooling off period is actually more in the form of regrets than to sort things out. Eventually, even when the relationship can be saved, there will always be a emotional or physical scar in the form of having the need for this cooling off period, hence making one to wonder about the doubts of being together in the first place.Originally posted by Coco_Coco:married couple? my personal view is that during the cooling period very prone to extramarital affairs.. -
wad then is the true meaning of marriage... sighz...Originally posted by Rodi:Thanks for your info. Just like what my guess would be like. My initial thinking was that for a married couple, since the marriage vow has already been taken, the thought of such cooling off period is actually more in the form of regrets than to sort things out. Eventually, even when the relationship can be saved, there will always be a emotional or physical scar in the form of having the need for this cooling off period, hence making one to wonder about the doubts of being together in the first place. -
I wish I had known too. It seems that easy to solve this sort of problem when it happens to others, but when it happens to yourself, the easy suddenly becomes the impossible. Certain problems in a marriage can ruin the marriage, but when those problems lead to other problems, the end result is something like a tree branching out. As time passes, so will the branching out of the tree gets multiplied into even more branches. So, what will we get in the end? A whole lot of troubles. My realisation is that no matter what unsolvable problems may be the cause of a strain in a marriage, the cooling off period actually does more harm than help should the so-called 'noise' or 'interference' exists in such circumstances. Heart to heart talk, with the most sincerity in the expression of feelings, should be made available to both when sorting such problems. Acceptance of the hard truth should also be anticipated. Like what most pple would have agreed, one-sided love always lead to one-sided suffering, hence translated into feeling hard to let go. Such unwilling to let go of such relationship will in turn lead to foolish mistakes being made. So my point is to accept the hard truth and to be sad from then onwards rather to pretend to be happy when one already know what the ultimate outcome would be like. Any one would like to dispute my thinking?Originally posted by Coco_Coco:wad then is the true meaning of marriage... sighz... -
I also dunnoOriginally posted by Coco_Coco:hmmm....
always heard people talk about the need for 'cooling off' period at some points in a relationship.. like 'let's not see each other for the time being' and 'give me some time to re-consider this relationship'... etc....
but wad causes this need to arise?
will this help or harm the relationship?
the outcome?
any past/present experiences to share?
I am experiencing it now.
Hope after that period, it turns out well
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You seem sad. For married couples, it is a must to talk to out on any problems and not hide away. I totally agree with your actions and argument but sometimes, it takes a while to let the anger settle and cool down. Seeing the partner or the one who makes u angry everyday does not help. It would only result in more picking of faults in each other and quarrels. But by stepping on the alter and saying the marriage vows to each other, the relationship must mean something. Unless effort is put in, one should not give up even though the perception of the result is negative. You would never know how it might turn out. In other words, there will always be conflicts between 2 people (maybe more if + the in-laws) living under 1 roof. It just depends on how the issues are being faced. Stay positiveOriginally posted by Rodi:I wish I had known too. It seems that easy to solve this sort of problem when it happens to others, but when it happens to yourself, the easy suddenly becomes the impossible. Certain problems in a marriage can ruin the marriage, but when those problems lead to other problems, the end result is something like a tree branching out. As time passes, so will the branching out of the tree gets multiplied into even more branches. So, what will we get in the end? A whole lot of troubles. My realisation is that no matter what unsolvable problems may be the cause of a strain in a marriage, the cooling off period actually does more harm than help should the so-called 'noise' or 'interference' exists in such circumstances. Heart to heart talk, with the most sincerity in the expression of feelings, should be made available to both when sorting such problems. Acceptance of the hard truth should also be anticipated. Like what most pple would have agreed, one-sided love always lead to one-sided suffering, hence translated into feeling hard to let go. Such unwilling to let go of such relationship will in turn lead to foolish mistakes being made. So my point is to accept the hard truth and to be sad from then onwards rather to pretend to be happy when one already know what the ultimate outcome would be like. Any one would like to dispute my thinking?