'cooling off' period in a relationship
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Coco, I can't ans anythg offhand like tt
There's Nothg specific for me to ans u It's like asking u to comment on pple, but Not telling u wat kinda pple to comment on
RPOriginally posted by Coco_Coco:hmmm... then how about u? u r in ur 20s now rite?
how do u feel and think about certain issues, esp on relationships?? -
U r absolutely RIGHT.
I'd rather marry late than marry the wrong guy.
I'd rather be single than be stuck in a bad r'ship.
RPOriginally posted by Lingos:There was once my friend who i knew from Sec sch told me about a year ago that I was the most 'normal' girl in school. I asked what did she mean. She said, i didn't have dramas when I was in a relationship in school. Other girls used to lie that they were pregnant and stuff. HAHAH.. now that I think back, i also felt the same way. I was with someone just for the sake of being with someone. I was never happy or comfortable to be with him.
He never let me meet his parents and I thought he was dodgy cos he had other girls' msgs in his mobile. Hehhee.. oh dear... Lingos was very sneaky once. Anyway he told me that he was going to China for a biz trip. We were mucking around to get these guys' office voicemail msg to hear their voice. His was that he was on annual leave. So i cracked it and messaged him that he was lying to me. I think he got the message when I ignored his phone calls and sms. Anyway, after like one week of doing what I want to do and not having to get his BS sms of meet me downstairs in 20 mins.. i felt so free! So anyway i've learnt that it's better to be alone and free than be in a bad relationship. -
Originally posted by RainbowPrincess:U r absolutely RIGHT.
I'd rather marry late than marry the wrong guy.
I'd rather be single than be stuck in a bad r'ship.
RP
More consideration has to be taken when it comes to marriage, but sometimes, heaven makes sport of men. Divorce rate are high isn't it?
Usually in the first place, we don't realise/know if this relationship will be a bad one because like all early relationship - it seemed magical. Only time can tell.
Cheers -
Divorce rates r high now oso due to a certain # of factors, Yunhaier. I wonder how it was tt marriages during another era lasted a lifetime, whereas now marriages r so short. Cld it be a change of mindset amongst us now, & the shifting of priorities? And r we less selective of the pple we wanna enter into a r'ship wif?
Wat u sez is true, we dun realise if the r'ship is a bad 1 until some time later. But many factors oso come into play, like how well u knew the person before entering into a r'ship wif him/her for instance (there r many others, juz naming 1 of them).
It may oso depend on how much tt person means to u, & how much u mean to tt person, such tt u/he/she is/r able to accept flaws to a certain degree & u/he/she is/r willing to become a better person : )
RPOriginally posted by Yunhaier: More consideration has to be taken when it comes to marriage, but sometimes, heaven makes sport of men. Divorce rate are high isn't it?
Usually in the first place, we don't realise/know if this relationship will be a bad one because like all early relationship - it seemed magical. Only time can tell.
Cheers -
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Hmm... Though I don't quite agree on your main idea, what you've said do make much points... The problem with couples is that they always feel that speaking would be worst than not talking when in fact they are the one putting the barrier themselves. If you Ended-up-worst than communicating, it can only be attribute to two factors:
I) Wrong use of tact in communication. In communicate, we achieve mutual solution or what Organizational Behaviour calls it win-win solution. In love, yes - acceptance and compromising. Tone of speech, emotions and temper has to be in check.
II) When one side refuse to speak. Communication can only happens in pair. You can't speak to yourself ya?
One proven fact in all relationship studies is that, most problems origin from non-communication. Sure, few critical issues in love needs more than just plain communication - but certainly without them, you are bound to inflict fractures all over your relationship. And when you both panic and wishes to talk because the relationship is so badly damaged - you both [b]never knew where to start the repair.
Some objective of communication is to to understand, place empathy and seek preception/feelings/thoughts/etc from the other party. The more we learn about our personal problems, the more we can see solutions to it. And when both side tries to look for solution - the more effective our solutions is.
Cheers[/b] -
Originally posted by RainbowPrincess:Divorce rates r high now oso due to a certain # of factors, Yunhaier. I wonder how it was tt marriages during another era lasted a lifetime, whereas now marriages r so short. Cld it be a change of mindset amongst us now, & the shifting of priorities? And r we less selective of the pple we wanna enter into a r'ship wif?
Wat u sez is true, we dun realise if the r'ship is a bad 1 until some time later. But many factors oso come into play, like how well u knew the person before entering into a r'ship wif him/her for instance (there r many others, juz naming 1 of them).
It may oso depend on how much tt person means to u, & how much u mean to tt person, such tt u/he/she is/r able to accept flaws to a certain degree & u/he/she is/r willing to become a better person : )
RP Actually, according to my personal studies - divorce rate ain't high now; it has always been so high IF OUR SOCIETY in the past were to accept the notion of divorce. People of the past, many married couples, were totally unhappy with their marriage but that option wasn't available, therefore it seemed that divorce rate was non-existence.
And yeah, can only minimize the chance of having a bad relationship. For me, apart from the 'usual' tactics/methods/style - I employ astrology in addition, for fun.
Cheers -
Guys look at my thread on Rising Divorce cases in Singapore. I think a lot of people don't know the full commitment on this. They think it's just expected of them to be married before 30. Not that they want to.. social pressures.
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marriage is another different thing already... other than the couple themselves, it uso involves many other parties, esp the couple's immediate families..Originally posted by Yunhaier: More consideration has to be taken when it comes to marriage, but sometimes, heaven makes sport of men. Divorce rate are high isn't it?
Usually in the first place, we don't realise/know if this relationship will be a bad one because like all early relationship - it seemed magical. Only time can tell.
Cheers
tink the big mistake people always make is tinking love alone can sustain a marriage... it's never the case... -
gee... sorry.....Originally posted by RainbowPrincess:Coco, I can't ans anythg offhand like tt
There's Nothg specific for me to ans u It's like asking u to comment on pple, but Not telling u wat kinda pple to comment on
RP -
duplicate
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hmm for my current r/s.. met some rocky patches.. me talked to my boi and he immediately wans a cool off.. was really hurting.. and he told me to wait for his call if i trust him.. but next day he called... and he was normal.. he told me he didnt slep the previous nite.. think thru alot.. and things kinda got better..Originally posted by Coco_Coco:'cooling off'... 'cooling off'....
sometimes really cool till totally cold ahz... ha...
but anyone know of any cases where cooling off leads to positive results and the heat is rekindled instead?
but i admit after that we still meet probs.. i guess r/s is a roller coaster ride.. got its peak and its lowest point.. 
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Originally posted by Coco_Coco:marriage is another different thing already... other than the couple themselves, it uso involves many other parties, esp the couple's immediate families..
tink the big mistake people always make is tinking love alone can sustain a marriage... it's never the case... They alone cannot help substain - I believe you are mentioning about couple constantly looking at each other whispering how much they love one another and likes. (Usually happens in teenage love.)
Love cannot advance when both are looking at each other - they must look towards one simiiar direction.
Seven Law of Love state that 'Love always wants more of itself and love always brings up everything unlike itself.' Although this theory simply states that it brings reality into love - 'Love alone cannot sustain a marriage.' is only true if you see love by itself - No form, cannot use to buy anything, cannot eat, etc. BUT one important note is that its magical effect can only work through a soul. And through it's effect, it can brings tremendous result because when you love and wished to see the better of your other half and that's how miracle can happen.
Without love, its almost certain the marriage will fall. Responsibility is man's effort to upkeep the marriage because responsibility is a self-imposed liability. With love, it automatically brings responsibility due to seven law of love (it brings up everything unlike itself) - but responsibility itself cannot foster love. The relationship will generally be stagnant.
In simple about what I had posted above: E.g: I am be poor and may not be capable to give my wife a good life. But I truely loved her; what little I have, we share and I gave her the lion's share. I look long-term and strive for my future because I want her know that she had made a right choice in sticking with me.
Do you possibility think this is possible for a marriage where love is non-existance? The thinking, preception, desire and determination? Probably enough for the wife to substain life and decent living - but anything more than that would be kinda difficult. There is no motivation nor cause to work towards.
P.S: In fact, people these days don't feel that love alone can substain a marriage - It is the lack of it that makes it such a difficult process to go on. When I say lack, it doesn't mean non-existance, what I meant is that it's level is too weak/immature to enter into marriage.
Cheers -
Cooling off period = thinking of a gd reason to break up . !!
BEWARE ! -
*nodz* There're certainly cases which u've described, abt couples being totally unhappee in their r'ship, but divorce was more frowned upon then than it is now. However, we shdn't discount the fact tt there're oso couples then, who DO understand the true meaning of love & commitment better than us now.
My grandparents had the most loving marriage ever, & I remember I asked both of them before my granddad's death wat their secret was. And wat they told me, is wat I use to help pple here : )
I'm Not totally refuting u tho, Yunhaier, cosh my knowledge on subjs related to love r Not professional, neither haf I done any academic research. Wat I use r experiences, thgs I've discussed wif frens, personal thots, etc etc etc : ) So I do respect wat u hafta sez : )
RPOriginally posted by Yunhaier: Actually, according to my personal studies - divorce rate ain't high now; it has always been so high IF OUR SOCIETY in the past were to accept the notion of divorce. People of the past, many married couples, were totally unhappy with their marriage but that option wasn't available, therefore it seemed that divorce rate was non-existence.
And yeah, can only minimize the chance of having a bad relationship. For me, apart from the 'usual' tactics/methods/style - I employ astrology in addition, for fun.
Cheers -
Hehehehe... when i was single, i used to go to this pub near my hosue with my girlfriend. We were walking slut mobiles. HHEHEH.. anyway, i met John there and haven't really been back. Well i went again last week and there were complete losers lurking in there. Not to mention the airheads that were probably only 18.Originally posted by RainbowPrincess:U r absolutely RIGHT.
I'd rather marry late than marry the wrong guy.
I'd rather be single than be stuck in a bad r'ship.
RP
Since I met him, every other guy i meet has been capital Ls (losers). Isn't that sick?!!? -
Its great ya. We certainly need a good heart that cares and has to be willing to share cum type long essays.Originally posted by RainbowPrincess:*nodz* There're certainly cases which u've described, abt couples being totally unhappee in their r'ship, but divorce was more frowned upon then than it is now. However, we shdn't discount the fact tt there're oso couples then, who DO understand the true meaning of love & commitment better than us now.
My grandparents had the most loving marriage ever, & I remember I asked both of them before my granddad's death wat their secret was. And wat they told me, is wat I use to help pple here : )
I'm Not totally refuting u tho, Yunhaier, cosh my knowledge on subjs related to love r Not professional, neither haf I done any academic research. Wat I use r experiences, thgs I've discussed wif frens, personal thots, etc etc etc : ) So I do respect wat u hafta sez : )
RP
Experience is your teacher - and you teach what you 'learn'.
/me pat pat RP. (For your grand-daddy's departure)
Cheers -
*laffs* Probably cosh he's someone u love & r the most comfy wif, & so No other guy measures up, or even comes close to how gd he is to u : )
Speaking of which, nowadays whenever I go down to clubs/pubs, it doesn't feel like my scene anymore Not my age grp
RPOriginally posted by Lingos:Hehehehe... when i was single, i used to go to this pub near my hosue with my girlfriend. We were walking slut mobiles. HHEHEH.. anyway, i met John there and haven't really been back. Well i went again last week and there were complete losers lurking in there. Not to mention the airheads that were probably only 18.
Since I met him, every other guy i meet has been capital Ls (losers). Isn't that sick?!!? -
Well, I certainly appreciate ur views on love matters, cosh they're v. interesting, & certainly, in many cases, v. true.
Wat's most impt is tt pple r helped, whether it's ur advice or mine, or both, it doesn't matter : )
I'm alrite, Yunhaier, thanx : )
RPOriginally posted by Yunhaier:
Its great ya. We certainly need a good heart that cares and has to be willing to share cum type [b]long essays.
Experience is your teacher - and you teach what you 'learn'.
/me pat pat RP. (For your grand-daddy's departure)
Cheers [/b] -
agree agree.... rs is indeed a roller coaster ride... esp in terms of the feelings and emotions u feel during the ride.Originally posted by xIaOzHu^:hmm for my current r/s.. met some rocky patches.. me talked to my boi and he immediately wans a cool off.. was really hurting.. and he told me to wait for his call if i trust him.. but next day he called... and he was normal.. he told me he didnt slep the previous nite.. think thru alot.. and things kinda got better.. but i admit after that we still meet probs.. i guess r/s is a roller coaster ride.. got its peak and its lowest point..
just dun fall off halfway... -
well, there are lots of things related to this. Cooling off is to allow both couples to seperate for a while to think over their relationship.
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I was in this situation too.
my ex wanted a 2mths separation so that she could think of what she realli wants.
i didn't like the idea of it as 2mths seems quite long for the fact that we've been together for 1yr++
therefore few days later i suggested that we go on separate ways as she seems to have changed and few days later she is attached with another guy whom she knew for about 1 wk.
its was so heart breaking when i found out abt it
conclusion is that a short term 'cooling off' period might be good but if its a long one then do be prepared for the worse. -
The cooling off situation normally always ends up in break up. Its just another way of saying "let's break up". Been there, done that. But i guess it varies from case to case.. MOST do though..
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agreesOriginally posted by sweetoof:The cooling off situation normally always ends up in break up. Its just another way of saying "let's break up". Been there, done that. But i guess it varies from case to case.. MOST do though..
i also been there done that
just be prepared when u encounter such situation -
haha for me ..i feel the colding off period..mostly mean the end of the relastionship