Some questions on BGR
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Originally posted by bus:To Yunhaier:
Will there be cases where a woman cannot accept a guy (for whatever reasons) for the time being but in the end, she still comes back to the guy?
Something to add on: She is not only pledge by her sorry past but also her family problems which I am not that sure as well. She had very negative view about family/HOME. There is a time where I mentioned to her that I and my family members are close and we had dinner togther most of the time, when she hears this, she is annoy and said " what so good about HOME??"
This make me feel that because of her 2 main problems
1. Her Bad Past with guys
2. Her Family Problems
Might already make her give up long before I knew her!!!!!
What are your views? Hear from U again.
In the end, it still boils to to one thing: suitability. I understand that you are attracted to this lady over here, but somehow, this friendship didn't moved onto a relationship, yet. You have been plague by this problem for quite some time already and I have a question for you - don't talk about whether she can be with you or not: do you seriously think she is suitable as a mate? Someone that you could see yourself in long term and be happy with?
Seriously speaking, if she ain't suitable, I advise you to keep other options open, free and focus on them because if you don't have the time, patience and everything else to get her. A potential contributes one side of the story - whether she is suitable speaks for the other half.
And to answer your questions, yes it does happen in reality. However it differs from case to case on whether the couple can really be together anot.
Cheers -
Don't depend on horoscope too much... Some maybe accurate, some not... best to understand a person through true-to-life accounts.
Horoscope is only there to let you read and feel good about yourself, don't let it take charge of your life. Unless you wan to b a professional fortune-teller.Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Ok, a virgo - a woman whose love is stimulated through the use of mental energy. Mercury her ruling planet, tend to make much more rational usage than emotional ones. She is the kind woman where there are conflicts between the mind and heart because they show different directions. Her inability to answer your question is because of her inability to make a decision to follow which side of her soul.
To explain the whole chunk of astro-like rubbish above: She demonstrate an unique quality that I would like to bring explain in details. You mentioned that she had undergo a bad relationship crisis which direct reduce her faith and morale in love. She is unable to release herself from her rigid form of experience, yet when you appear, she is not willing to let you vanish because you seemed like an opportunity into the future.
Future will seemed dark until you venture and seek the source of light. She is unable to leave the shores, yet she hates her present situations. (If she has Saturn affliction Moon - she will feel that love is a form of suffering. Worst if it's in sign of Pisces. Mental and emotional state will constant receive this message: To love is to suffer)
I can't remember what possible solution I had posted the previous time - I can only say this: if one method don't work, try something else. It seemed to me that you have always been employing pressuring-making-her-LL way of communication when it comes to her. You had already knew what's her problem - keep 'testing' or even asking question that you know she cannot answer will bring you nowhere. [b]In fact, she will sink deeper into her emotional haven and you will never get the answer/result you desire.
Do this: Do what she wants minus those questioning. If she wants to be friends, then remain as one. Mentally, always presume that you both are friends irregardless of what may happen in the future UNLESS she confess to you about her liking and probably you may like to post it here or PM me. How she wants to define your relationship with you, how she sees love, etc - don't matter here. By being with her like a normal/good friend - you will gradually shape, influence and change her thinking.
You don't even have to directly mentioned anything.
Tension will brew if her liking for you is there.
Of course, during these period, you are free to date other ladies as well. No promise, no liability, no relationship, no nothing. BTW: You don't have to tell her that.
Cheers[/b] -
Originally posted by Boo777:Don't depend on horoscope too much... Some maybe accurate, some not... best to understand a person through true-to-life accounts.
Horoscope is only there to let you read and feel good about yourself, don't let it take charge of your life. Unless you wan to b a professional fortune-teller. I don't use horoscope to make my decision, even though my knowledge for astrology goes a little more than sun sign or your astrological sign.
Its merely just one tool to understand.
Maybe you ain't a regular reader at AA - don't worry, you will get used eventually. Welcome.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
To Yunhaier: In the end, it still boils to to one thing: suitability. I understand that you are attracted to this lady over here, but somehow, this friendship didn't moved onto a relationship, yet. You have been plague by this problem for quite some time already and I have a question for you - don't talk about whether she can be with you or not: [b]do you seriously think she is suitable as a mate? Someone that you could see yourself in long term and be happy with?
Seriously speaking, if she ain't suitable, I advise you to keep other options open, free and focus on them because if you don't have the time, patience and everything else to get her. A potential contributes one side of the story - whether she is suitable speaks for the other half.
And to answer your questions, yes it does happen in reality. However it differs from case to case on whether the couple can really be together anot.
Cheers [/b]
Well, a good question from U. "Is she suitable for me"?
OK, I shall answer that: She is a few years my sENIOR and actually my close friend ask me to forget her as she will aged faster than me etc and in the long run, she is not really worth my time. I admit there are time where we share different views about things..Maybe due to her educational level, the type of people she mixed around?
For the time being, I can forgo all these as what I need is chances to go on a relationship to see what happen. If we can click in the end, I feel that it is OK for the 2 of us but given the current situation, it looks very difficult and I told U I already opening up myself to more options 2 months in advance as I forsee she cannot get over herself and will come out with a lot of excuses to make me move on while she just sacrifice and still wants me to keep in contact with her(Do not understand what she wants actually).
During the last argument, there are a lot of loopholes and contradictions in her speech and well, this made me more eager to give myself a chance (not putting too much effort as well) because after 6 months, she still the SAME as before.
As for that horoscope predictions: What U said MATCHED what she had been doing/thinking.
Just a question for U: She had been saying negative things about guys and when I asked her "U cannot get over your past based on those negative remarks" She denied by saying " I just mentioned to U but I already moved on".... Do U believe her Yunhaier?
For me, the answer is a FLAT NO as the reasons are if a person keep telling all these thing to U at a rather frequent basis..more or less it is TRULY from her heart and she will never recover. There is another clue to this :She told me she "regret" telling me about her past.....she does not want me to use it as a weapon/keys to the door of her heart. Am I right? It already sunned up the whole story and the question which she cannot answer me (Thanks for givig your anlaysis in the previous posting)
If she ONLY treat me as a friend since DAY 1, she WILL NOT have any difficulties in answering that simple question in the 1st place. What so special about a YES or NO? The more she hesitate, the more your prediction is true (refer to your previous posting) and the more she tries to escape, the more she valued me in her heart. What she FEARS is I VANISH in front of her which she does not want to see that.
OK, to cut thing short, Whether I am suitable for her is another issue..she can say whatever she likes but deep inside her heart, she had other thinking..This is also a trade mark about Virgo ladies.
Virgo ladies like to keep secrets which she does not want other to find out ....She told me she regrets telling me about her past is also a clue. Agree with me?
Meanwhile I just SMS to her telling her I still keep in contact with U....Yunhaier, I am doing what she wants minus all those questionings as what U want me to do currently.
Any comments from Yunhaier? -
To Yunhaier and the rest:
Virgo ladies VALUED old feelings.....remember that. I believe it is also because of this characteristics that she had a hard time to think which should she follows: her mind or her soul. thanks -
Originally posted by bus:To Yunhaier:
Well, a good question from U. "Is she suitable for me"?
OK, I shall answer that: She is a few years my sENIOR and actually my close friend ask me to forget her as she will aged faster than me etc and in the long run, she is not really worth my time. I admit there are time where we share different views about things..Maybe due to her educational level, the type of people she mixed around?
For the time being, I can forgo all these as what I need is chances to go on a relationship to see what happen. If we can click in the end, I feel that it is OK for the 2 of us but given the current situation, it looks very difficult and I told U I already opening up myself to more options 2 months in advance as I forsee she cannot get over herself and will come out with a lot of excuses to make me move on while she just sacrifice and still wants me to keep in contact with her(Do not understand what she wants actually).
During the last argument, there are a lot of loopholes and contradictions in her speech and well, this made me more eager to give myself a chance (not putting too much effort as well) because after 6 months, she still the SAME as before.
As for that horoscope predictions: What U said MATCHED what she had been doing/thinking.
Just a question for U: She had been saying negative things about guys and when I asked her "U cannot get over your past based on those negative remarks" She denied by saying " I just mentioned to U but I already moved on".... Do U believe her Yunhaier?
For me, the answer is a FLAT NO as the reasons are if a person keep telling all these thing to U at a rather frequent basis..more or less it is TRULY from her heart and she will never recover. There is another clue to this :She told me she "regret" telling me about her past.....she does not want me to use it as a weapon/keys to the door of her heart. Am I right? It already sunned up the whole story and the question which she cannot answer me (Thanks for givig your anlaysis in the previous posting)
If she ONLY treat me as a friend since DAY 1, she WILL NOT have any difficulties in answering that simple question in the 1st place. What so special about a YES or NO? The more she hesitate, the more your prediction is true (refer to your previous posting) and the more she tries to escape, the more she valued me in her heart. What she FEARS is I VANISH in front of her which she does not want to see that.
OK, to cut thing short, Whether I am suitable for her is another issue..she can say whatever she likes but deep inside her heart, she had other thinking..This is also a trade mark about Virgo ladies.
Virgo ladies like to keep secrets which she does not want other to find out ....She told me she regrets telling me about her past is also a clue. Agree with me?
Meanwhile I just SMS to her telling her I still keep in contact with U....Yunhaier, I am doing what she wants minus all those questionings as what U want me to do currently.
Any comments from Yunhaier? Age faster, education level, etc - all that contributes to first level suitability. There are higher forms which are critically more essential such as for example: the ability to be around with, the comfortability with thoughts and speech with each other, the level of mental and emotional networking, etc.
Can you see yourself being with her in the long run without the reoccurance of these repeated problems even if she were to agree to enter into a relationship with you? This part is about you, not her. Don't attempt a relationship to seek suitability test - discover them before you enter to minimize possible unfulfilling relationship.
I always like to say this: Words are simply words. Even if she can't answer you - it's mere conflict with mind, heart and soul. What she want to say is restricted by promise/committment phobia - so therefore its natural for her to behave this way.
She hasn't come up with the decision she wants to make for her love life and if you vanish, she might have regret not doing anything. My advise to banish pressuring tactic is to allow room for her to make decision. But allow me to tell you this: do not stall unneccessary and give up potential mates just because of her. In love, we can't always have win-win solution. If she feels more secured in not having to make any decision, then go on with your life. (Mantaining friendship has nothing to do with decision of chase - you can remain as friends, at the same time you can chose to give up the chase).
Even if one day regrets were to sink in, so be it. She has a lesson to learn. We can't be holding ourselves back because of one particular person. Can you imagine how many possible others we are holding back as well?
P.S: There are different reasons why people come into our lives. Many ain't for BGR reasons - in fact, majority leaves a valuable lesson for us to catch. If you are the lesson during this phrase of her life - at least you knew you made an impact in her even you didn't enter into a relationship with her physically.
Cheers -
I believe she may be avoiding the problem.. not so much of face... maybe she's trying to fool herself into thinking that she doesnt care about the guy anymore?
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Hi, Yunhaier: Age faster, education level, etc - all that contributes to first level suitability. There are higher forms which are critically more essential such as for example: the ability to be around with, the comfortability with thoughts and speech with each other, the level of mental and emotional networking, etc.
[b]Can you see yourself being with her in the long run without the reoccurance of these repeated problems even if she were to agree to enter into a relationship with you? This part is about you, not her. Don't attempt a relationship to seek suitability test - discover them before you enter to minimize possible unfulfilling relationship.
I always like to say this: Words are simply words. Even if she can't answer you - it's mere conflict with mind, heart and soul. What she want to say is restricted by promise/committment phobia - so therefore its natural for her to behave this way.
She hasn't come up with the decision she wants to make for her love life and if you vanish, she might have regret not doing anything. My advise to banish pressuring tactic is to allow room for her to make decision. But allow me to tell you this: do not stall unneccessary and give up potential mates just because of her. In love, we can't always have win-win solution. If she feels more secured in not having to make any decision, then go on with your life. (Mantaining friendship has nothing to do with decision of chase - you can remain as friends, at the same time you can chose to give up the chase).
Even if one day regrets were to sink in, so be it. She has a lesson to learn. We can't be holding ourselves back because of one particular person. Can you imagine how many possible others we are holding back as well?
P.S: There are different reasons why people come into our lives. Many ain't for BGR reasons - in fact, majority leaves a valuable lesson for us to catch. If you are the lesson during this phrase of her life - at least you knew you made an impact in her even you didn't enter into a relationship with her physically.
Cheers[/b]
As regards to your question: I am ready for a relationship and well, there bounds to be problems among couples and the 2 will have to sit down to iron out all the problems. Currently, it is she who does not have the faith in me (I understand all these) and I alone also cannot do much. Life is unpredictable and no one can predict the future and if I were to go into a relationship, I am also taking the risks of a breakup etc.. it hurts but this is part and parcel of life that everyone had to go thru. If she is to stay at her "comfort zone"..she is getting to NOWHERE and escaping from reality which I will not give myself a chance if the potential ones come by.
Yes, I am opening up myself to more openings
Yunhaier's comments:
I always like to say this: Words are simply words. Even if she can't answer you - it's mere conflict with mind, heart and soul. What she want to say is restricted by promise/committment phobia - so therefore its natural for her to behave this way.
I started to remember that I did mention to her before that I need to go back for my reservist (Provided Yunhaier and the rest are local Singaporeans who understand this term) and she sounds anxious. the same goes to I had plan to further my studies and she quickly asked "Are U leaving Singapore"?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Leaving seems to be the word she HATES and well, I am the main Actor in this drama. My close lady friend did mention that "This gal is a bit selfish as she wanted to keep U by her side and yet do not want to commit". I told my close lady friend that "Well, she is in a dilemma and it is so clearly seen that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEN, she still wish I am around in her life.
Thru this association with her, I really seen/experience the sadness of someone who can't make decisions for herself. It is definitely a lesson learnt for me. -
To torx:Originally posted by torx:I believe she may be avoiding the problem.. not so much of face... maybe she's trying to fool herself into thinking that she doesnt care about the guy anymore?
Hello. What U say is TRUE. She is avoiding a lot of things in this life. How sad if U got to live your life in such a state. I will be TRUTHFULLY to myself and I will choose the type of life I feel is FAIR to me to live. Cheers
Life is so short, why bluff yourself and also trying to bluff the others? -
Originally posted by bus:Hi, Yunhaier:
As regards to your question: I am ready for a relationship and well, there bounds to be problems among couples and the 2 will have to sit down to iron out all the problems. Currently, it is she who does not have the faith in me (I understand all these) and I alone also cannot do much. Life is unpredictable and no one can predict the future and if I were to go into a relationship, I am also taking the risks of a breakup etc.. it hurts but this is part and parcel of life that everyone had to go thru. If she is to stay at her "comfort zone"..she is getting to NOWHERE and escaping from reality which I will not give myself a chance if the potential ones come by.
Yes, I am opening up myself to more openings
Yunhaier's comments:
I always like to say this: Words are simply words. Even if she can't answer you - it's mere conflict with mind, heart and soul. What she want to say is restricted by promise/committment phobia - so therefore its natural for her to behave this way.
I started to remember that I did mention to her before that I need to go back for my reservist (Provided Yunhaier and the rest are local Singaporeans who understand this term) and she sounds anxious. the same goes to I had plan to further my studies and she quickly asked "Are U leaving Singapore"?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Leaving seems to be the word she HATES and well, I am the main Actor in this drama. My close lady friend did mention that "This gal is a bit selfish as she wanted to keep U by her side and yet do not want to commit". I told my close lady friend that "Well, she is in a dilemma and it is so clearly seen that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEN, she still wish I am around in her life.
Thru this association with her, I really seen/experience the sadness of someone who can't make decisions for herself. It is definitely a lesson learnt for me. You have a good analysis of your own situations and even if it doesn't work - good work because you gain insights about some issues in love.
I am sure you know what to do.
Cheers -
Originally posted by bus:
she's not ready for bgr with anybody. so you don't have to worry about being intercepted by other guys. you can help her with her problems as a close friend but stop asking her difficult questions because it will ruin your friendship even. meanwhile to be fair to yourself, get to know other female friends and keep your options open. but do not let her know that. even though she told you to got own with your life.
To torx:
Hello. What U say is TRUE. She is avoiding a lot of things in this life. How sad if U got to live your life in such a state. I will be TRUTHFULLY to myself and I will choose the type of life I feel is FAIR to me to live. Cheers
[b]Life is so short, why bluff yourself and also trying to bluff the others?[/b] -
To Yunhaier and all who responds
Well, I matured a lot after 6 months while associating with her. Yes, I can still keep in touch with her but at the same time I am looking out for potential mates for myself (must be fair to myself) currently.
As for her case, some suggested that she had already given up in life and is just cheating herself (her heart) that she had get over the past etc... Well, I can only do that much (I had done so) and it is up to her to decide. If by the end of the day she chose to remain at the shore (as mentioned by Yunhaier), NO ONE can helped her and she got to carry this "burden" thru-out her entire life.
That's about all. Anything else to add on/discuss on this issue? anything U all find "suspicious" etc? Hear from U all again. -
Even though people often say gals and guys r different but the fact is many tinks guys and gals tink alike. Try putting yourself in her shoes, maybe you can understand her better. Imagine if you had also once be hurt by countless of girls, you will have the fear in you too, when it comes to committment or involving in a new relationship. I believe the same goes for her, Of course, another alternative will be hurting other innocent people who come into their life for the hurt they once suffered. People live because of motivation and because of love. With your repetition of questions only adds pressure to her. I believe you do not like to be pressed for an ans too. This is just going to trigger the anger or perhaps the hatred she had in her.
1) Her expectance of wanting to stay but afraid to be with you
her past relationship was prob first sweet followed by tears so she worried in your case, history will repeat itself. however, part of her stills hopes for a miracle to happen but afraid to try or believe.
Actually anyone with a bad encounter can change their lives totally for the future. What she might had suffered through might not be what you or anyone esle can understand the pain she had been through esp if she had once been physically hurt by guys, there is already a breech of trust . And trust, even for other people takes a very long time to build it back and for some people, this might not even be the case even they ascend to heaven.
She is prob engaging in her world, too afraid to step out for fear of being hurt but she hopes for love, concern and understanding in her own way.
By pushing her, you already show the lack of concern(maybe to her point ). try it doing her way. Even though it might require alot of patience to all the tantrums she might throw but if you are determined to change her, you have to use the soft way perhaps? She will slowly grow to change her concept.
I used to be like her, even till today. I am still afraid. Cause the hurt is too much to bear. My bf could repeat the questions I don know how to put in words again and again and it drives me crazy. words can be misleading and lead to a misunderstanding. Trying to explain may detoriate the situation. So i rather keep quiet. When he nice, I suspect he is entertainig me... Well, when you are too hurt.. any imaginations might surface w/o ur knowledge. But I still feel warmth even i verbally denies when he gives me love and concern and understading and metally support. Its alot of hard work on his part. and that sometimes triggers his temper I cant really take.
If she is really hurt give her some time, don push it too hard because even if she nods her head to be with you you might end up slashing each other throats because she hasnt move on. -
Actually this cases are common, for some reasons, a women cant this particular guy and decided nt to b with him might come back to him because she cant find someone better. Basically, she opening up her choices and choose the ideal one
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people can say if she aint willing to move on herself there is nothing much one can do but ask yourself again if you have been as hurt as her can you really move on as easy as said than being done? you dont to put all your time on her. She is not needing a boyfriend she just needs constant care. it can be from anyone even as a friend.
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To Angles, Yunhaier and all who responded to me without fail:
Yes, Thanks for your reply. I understand her problems and the problem is she DENY. She told me she had already moved on....If she does, must she wait till today??? (loophole again). Her friends had introduced her to many guys before me but all she cannot accept and the only reason she can give is: the 2 CANNOT Click...it is a LAME excuse...The TRUTH is she can't forget her EXs, the hurt from the Bad Relationships with guys...and the problems she had with her family...Why can't human Beings faced reality?? Why choose to escape from the real problems and keep bluffing others??
She told me although she keeps saying/mentioning negative views about guys but SHE DOES NOT MEAN IT...All of U believe this statement? I won't believe it even if I was beaten to death as the loopholes lie on she even tell all these statements to her close lady friends and by the way she is very close to those friends as she trusted them more than her own family members!!! How pathetic.
She used to tell me the 2 of us (me) can click but during the last argument, she told me can click does not mean can accept me and when I probe further...she cannot answer me and insists I keep in contact with her. My close friend told me to ignore THIS Request and move on so that I can get over and recover. She basically does not know what she wants after 6 months..... I understand she still have no confidence in me and scare I DISAPPOINT her again and chose to remain on the safe side (As what Yunhaier had mentioned) so that she will not be hurt but indirect she is getting to NOWHERE. This is the PRICE to pay
My close friends indirectly hinting me that I am WASTING MY TIME..she is not worthy of my time and why spend efforts on a person who had already given up in the 1st place?
My friend's email to me:
Don't you know that life itself is dramatic. Lots of people goes round
denying their true feelings. Thought that they are protecting the other party but in fact only hurting each other more. If your lady friend is forthcoming, you wouldn't have all this problems now right would you.
If you don't mind me saying, do not try to use your concept and ideas and think that it will work for her. Different people have different circumstances. She might think that by not answering you, she is doing the right thing. She is of a mature age, she should know what is good for her and what is not. I know you think that is a
waste that this relationship doesn't bloossm. But don't you think that even if she accept you, there will be constant comparison between you and her ex (by her). I'm sure you will not stand it. Haven't we come to a conclusion that she just wouldn't move on. Pity...... only if she could let go......
Like you say, time will heal, I mean you... not her, she seems to dwell to much into the past. You tried but fail to move her. Look from the other point of view, you and her are not meant to be......I know some things are easily said than done, but i'm sure you can prove to her that you can move on.And maybe by than she would be able to realised that she can move on too.
Well, I had done my best and each time whenever the result is not in my favour, I will be very sad..........Sian. This incident had taught me a lesson - A lady's heart is very complicated..very difficult to understand.
Any comment? -
hmmm... i intially typed one whole chunk but was auto del away so nw i make it short.
firstly I am a girl NOT a guy.. u seems to mistaken me for a guy
she didnt wan relationship tt all tt does not mean she had not move on. Moving on in her theory could mean forgetting the bad past, that does not mean forgetting the bad past = must have a relationship now.
1.might just want to enjoy life and not affected by the burdens she once had with relationships.
2. She is just testing your patience(guys who is out to play does not have much patience). but 6 mths...
3. could means she cant find someone better so she keeps u just in case she really cant find someone better?
Giving up on herself
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I dont tink she had given up on herself if she could go out with friends etc. (ppl who give up on themselves becomes solitude and some might even attempt suicide)
---> I am just irritated with repetition of questions and ans tt cant seems to satisfy.
When u hav a bad impression, ppl tend to group them together w/o excluding certain exception ( she saying bad tinks bout guys)
diff ppl diff tactics quite true but there is a limited amt of tactics one can used so u can find a grp of ppl using the same way to solve tinks.
not jus lady.. all human hearts are complicated.
being in a relationship means trying to understand the differences.
knowing too much might end up as friends.
realtionship is bout understand e plus n minus pts of each other, giving and receiving thats wat make a relationship lasting.
wat do u tink? -
Hi Angles. I know u are not a lady and so I reply this message.Originally posted by Angles:hmmm... i intially typed one whole chunk but was auto del away so nw i make it short.
firstly I am a girl NOT a guy.. u seems to mistaken me for a guy
she didnt wan relationship tt all tt does not mean she had not move on. Moving on in her theory could mean forgetting the bad past, that does not mean forgetting the bad past = must have a relationship now.
1.might just want to enjoy life and not affected by the burdens she once had with relationships.
2. She is just testing your patience(guys who is out to play does not have much patience). but 6 mths...
3. could means she cant find someone better so she keeps u just in case she really cant find someone better?
Giving up on herself
--------------------------
I dont tink she had given up on herself if she could go out with friends etc. (ppl who give up on themselves becomes solitude and some might even attempt suicide)
---> I am just irritated with repetition of questions and ans tt cant seems to satisfy.
When u hav a bad impression, ppl tend to group them together w/o excluding certain exception ( she saying bad tinks bout guys)
diff ppl diff tactics quite true but there is a limited amt of tactics one can used so u can find a grp of ppl using the same way to solve tinks.
not jus lady.. all human hearts are complicated.
being in a relationship means trying to understand the differences.
knowing too much might end up as friends.
realtionship is bout understand e plus n minus pts of each other, giving and receiving thats wat make a relationship lasting.
wat do u tink?
The email that U read is from my LADY friend who helped me to analyse the situation.
If U think moving on in her theory means forget about the bad past, then U are wrong. Do U think she had forgotten the bad past?
1. she read those romantic sad novels to remind her that those ladies in the olden days suffered a lot...she is reminding herself of her sad past and NOT TO GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP again!!!!
Yunhaier analysed it for me and after I associated with her, I discovered that what Yunhaier that told me thru this forum is rather applicable. I told a story(true one) about a guy cheated a gal and before I could finish it, she quickly said "It is all guy's fault"!!!
She is VERY NEGATIVE about guys and this secrets she had successfully hidden away from many people until she met me and I some sort of knowing some clues about it after associating with her.
Few Questions/statements to ask U/let U know:
1. She told me personally" If a relationship goes wroong, it is all guy's fault"!!!!
2. She told me "Guy's promises cannot be trusted"!!!!
Do U think if a gal keep saying all these negative remarks, she is READY for any R/S?
Do U know she did mention to me her EX will do this ...do that for her etc etc.............?
The TRUTH is her memory about her past (I do not know how long from 2004) is still as fresh as today....
A person who is pledge with this mentality is NOT READY for anything.
My LADY friend who wrote the email tells me that she "might" compared U and her EX if the 2 really get togther which she feel is very unfair to me..........Put yourself into my shoes and think" How would I feel"?
She had some problems with her Dad at home which I don't want to mention her...... it is all becuase of a woman. (Clue liao)
She told me she had a regular beautician who is a lady and she told me she DON'T WANT TO BE TOUCH BY GUYS!!!!! How jia lak...
LOOK HOW SHE SHUNT HERSELF FROM GUYS......LOOPHOLES AND PROOF AS WELL.... No way to deny
Giving herself here means "No longer interested in a R/S".
Yes, she is very close with her lady friend which I know.
Like what U say: "keep me by her side" is that she can't find someone better......... How would I feel?
She is few years my senior and till today she still can't think??
To summarise all these:
1. She had very negative views about guys and given by this fact, Do U think her heart is ready?
2. Her bad past had already get the better of herself that she is now living in her own world becuase of that
3. Her negative views about HOME has already made her feel that there is NO WARMNESS at all in HOME.
My lady cousin mentioned that since she is from a HOME where there is no warmness, do U think she DARE TO build her own family in future?--don't forget her lack of confidence in guys --- A Good Point.
That's All I can say as the majority of my friends and cousin say it is not worth as she is basically finished in this life.
The only question is:
If I met my right one and say a few months down the road, "out of a sudden" she comes back to me... WHAT SHALL I DO?
My answer is it is no longer possible as I already met my right one and I do not wish to take the RISK to accept her if out of a sudden she regrets, I ended up with NOTHING. I do not wish that to happen. -
erm... really don't understand. Anyway I belong to the female species. Lady?perhaps.. my age should me ard thr.
Well, negativity towards guys does not mean she is has not move on or for whatsoever reasons. I known people who had fallen get into relationships stayed but if you asked them something abt guys(sth bad) their reaction will be same like hers.
Bus, some tinks are harder to understand when we are being third parties but do what you tink is best for yourself.
If she has been hurt so badly by guys and have such negative attitude towards them shows that she cant b the one initiating breakups. How can one be upset if they are the one who initiater the breakup? Maybe a little for some but that pass fast. So if someday she be with you, she will unlikely be the one who wants a breakup unless she those vengence kind who takes it out on other guys for the misdeeds she suffer.
you see, family education is impt, her father isnt showing her a gd example of gd guys plus her personal experiences, negative remarks aint surprising. Imagine if you had a mum like tt, wat wld u tink of lady? same tink isnt it?
if she is a person who had problem forgetting her past than why does she has so many past relationship? She will just have one, failed, dwell in it and refused to move on. Swear that she never want another boyfriend.
Third party can only give advice base on what we hear. We didnt experience wat u had been thru with her and words often can be misleading. People when complaining tends to pamper themselve more so when there is anger and frustration in u, u will see tinks diff, sometinks others might felt tt it is ok.
like you nv been thru wat she had been thru, so u won truly understand and feels y she is reacting in such negative manner.
Anyway, just do what u tink is best for urself.
If not, just tell her straight in the face that all her actions are making you pretty annoyed.Sort tinks out with her if you could. Tell her its her final chance. You cant do that to her forever. See wat she has to say. If she still keep quiet or watsoever. Than just focused to do ur own tinks and let nature take its own course before you turn mad trying to change her. -
Well, from what I know. She had 2 relationships and the last one she "claimed" the guy cheated on her by having another gal outside? She initiated the breakup and from there she always thinks guys are bad etc.
The main problem with her is she dare not accept another relationship because of FEAR that had installed in her for so long and her family problems, the bad example her dad had set etc... (To put things simple)
Well, whether she can recover or not is up to her as we can't help that much. Like what she claimed she had already moved on........wish that she can find someone whom she can associate with to prove us all wrong here ...especially to Yunhaier (just joking).
I dare to bet that she will NEVER recover...........she is bluffing all out there based on what I seen/analysed. Maybe I am wrong I don't know.
Any further comments? Yunhaier might have nightmares after seeing our threads. haha. -
To Angles:
I went back to your previous thread and find out that U used to be like that lady I know till now because of FEAR of HURT/DISAPPOINTMENT.
My advices
1. Try to step out from your fear and have some confidence in GUYS.
2. No matter how much hurt U received from those unfaithful guys..IT IS ALL OVER, NO POINT CRYING OVER SPILLED MILK, it is the FUTURE that matters. FIGHT FOR YOUR HAPPINESS IS MORE PRACTICAL.
Well, like what Yunhaier had told me: Do what she want... I have SMSed her saying I will still keep in contact with her. That's the only thing/support I can do at this moment/give to her. Anything more than that is up to heaven's will -
Nah... maybe in a way yes but I don treat all guys I met with negative attitude unless they prove to me that deserve my negative remarks.
Not all guys are bad I was always say just so happened those I know turn out to be a jerk
-
Hi Bus,Originally posted by bus:To Angles, Yunhaier and all who responded to me without fail:
Yes, Thanks for your reply. I understand her problems and the problem is she DENY. She told me she had already moved on....If she does, must she wait till today??? (loophole again). Her friends had introduced her to many guys before me but all she cannot accept and the only reason she can give is: the 2 CANNOT Click...it is a LAME excuse...The TRUTH is she can't forget her EXs, the hurt from the Bad Relationships with guys...and the problems she had with her family...Why can't human Beings faced reality?? Why choose to escape from the real problems and keep bluffing others??
She told me although she keeps saying/mentioning negative views about guys but SHE DOES NOT MEAN IT...All of U believe this statement? I won't believe it even if I was beaten to death as the loopholes lie on she even tell all these statements to her close lady friends and by the way she is very close to those friends as she trusted them more than her own family members!!! How pathetic.
She used to tell me the 2 of us (me) can click but during the last argument, she told me can click does not mean can accept me and when I probe further...she cannot answer me and insists I keep in contact with her. My close friend told me to ignore THIS Request and move on so that I can get over and recover. She basically does not know what she wants after 6 months..... I understand she still have no confidence in me and scare I DISAPPOINT her again and chose to remain on the safe side (As what Yunhaier had mentioned) so that she will not be hurt but indirect she is getting to NOWHERE. This is the PRICE to pay
My close friends indirectly hinting me that I am WASTING MY TIME..she is not worthy of my time and why spend efforts on a person who had already given up in the 1st place?
My friend's email to me:
Don't you know that life itself is dramatic. Lots of people goes round
denying their true feelings. Thought that they are protecting the other party but in fact only hurting each other more. If your lady friend is forthcoming, you wouldn't have all this problems now right would you.
If you don't mind me saying, do not try to use your concept and ideas and think that it will work for her. Different people have different circumstances. She might think that by not answering you, she is doing the right thing. She is of a mature age, she should know what is good for her and what is not. I know you think that is a
waste that this relationship doesn't bloossm. But don't you think that even if she accept you, there will be constant comparison between you and her ex (by her). I'm sure you will not stand it. Haven't we come to a conclusion that she just wouldn't move on. Pity...... only if she could let go......
Like you say, time will heal, I mean you... not her, she seems to dwell to much into the past. You tried but fail to move her. Look from the other point of view, you and her are not meant to be......I know some things are easily said than done, but i'm sure you can prove to her that you can move on.And maybe by than she would be able to realised that she can move on too.
Well, I had done my best and each time whenever the result is not in my favour, I will be very sad..........Sian. This incident had taught me a lesson - A lady's heart is very complicated..very difficult to understand.
Any comment?
You know wat, u sound like a freaking big contradiction to me...For one you are not a freaking prosecutor trying to find loopholes in her arguments. The last thing she needs now is to have someone tell her she is in denial etc...So wat if u catch her contradicting herself? That makes u feel freaking good about yourself knowing that the reason the relationship is not working out is purely her fault??
The reason why u are complaining so much is because u too cannot move on...You yearn to be with her but yet she is non-committal....You too are ironic dun u think....you said u are opening up to the possibilities of other relationships, wat not crap etc...but is this true? If this is true, you would be following up on this thread endlessly.
Your words to her can hurt..the way u are pushing her just tells me how rite she is to be non-committal towards u...u deserve to undergo more "tests"... -
some pple cannot take no for an answer??Originally posted by bus:To Angles:
I went back to your previous thread and find out that U used to be like that lady I know till now because of FEAR of HURT/DISAPPOINTMENT.
My advices
1. Try to step out from your fear and have some confidence in GUYS.
2. No matter how much hurt U received from those unfaithful guys..IT IS ALL OVER, NO POINT CRYING OVER SPILLED MILK, it is the FUTURE that matters. FIGHT FOR YOUR HAPPINESS IS MORE PRACTICAL.
Well, like what Yunhaier had told me: Do what she want... I have SMSed her saying I will still keep in contact with her. That's the only thing/support I can do at this moment/give to her. Anything more than that is up to heaven's will -
Hi, raraninja:Originally posted by raraninja:Hi Bus,
You know wat, u sound like a freaking big contradiction to me...For one you are not a freaking prosecutor trying to find loopholes in her arguments. The last thing she needs now is to have someone tell her she is in denial etc...So wat if u catch her contradicting herself? That makes u feel freaking good about yourself knowing that the reason the relationship is not working out is purely her fault??
The reason why u are complaining so much is because u too cannot move on...You yearn to be with her but yet she is non-committal....You too are ironic dun u think....you said u are opening up to the possibilities of other relationships, wat not crap etc...but is this true? If this is true, you would be following up on this thread endlessly.
Your words to her can hurt..the way u are pushing her just tells me how rite she is to be non-committal towards u...u deserve to undergo more "tests"...
I am not trying to create any disharmony among the forumer but well, this is a forum for discussion and I am basically stating the problems I am facing.
Well, I am a bit impatience but on the other hand, it show I care for her or else will I spend my time with her?
Angles is the best person who understand my situation and well, having say all these, that lady STILL insist I keep in contact with her? Doesn't it also tell U that what I have done so far, she appreciated my effort and sincerity or else she can basically ignore me?
That's all I have to say. Thanks