cant live with my family any longer
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it seems i keep getting blame for their screw-ups again and again.
this morning my mum scolded me for placing her phone number on the yahoo auctions website after she got a phone call frm a buyer.
the reason why i placed her number on the net is because she wanted me to reply the bidder with her number and asking him/her to call my mum for a fast deal. she specifically asked me to reply the buyer thru the yahoo auctions questions and answers to give him/her the number.
i taught her how to use the yahoo auctions since last year at least, if not earlier. after that (since late last year) i let her run the auctions on her own since it was registered under her name and used her credit card to verify the seller and she succesfully sold several things. she shld have known that by answering a question posted , yr replies and the question can be seen by anyone. i personally tested this myself. i logged in using my current yahoo account, her account and unlogged in. on all 3 occasions i can see her phone number. only using her account then i can see another question which was unanswered.
i called my dad and mum and they told me to immediately del the reply without even listening to my explanation. yes i know the privacy is impt but what i am afraid is that when i get home they will start scolding me all over again.
everytime something happens and i make my stand i get scolded for making noise etc. -
stay calm mate. it's common to have some conflicts when you are staying together with your parents. who doesn't grow up with some heated arguements with their parents? however, end of the day, you will find that home is still the warmest place and your parents are still the ones you can trust and rely on.
always remember that you are who you are now because of them. no matter how unreasonable they are, they are YOUR parents, who took the pain of bringing you up. their thinking might be outdated, they might have a hot temper, but i'm sure they really care abt u.
this auction thing is quite a small issue. let them nag all they want, just dun take it to heart. cheer up ok. -
cool it...dun let small misunderstandings spoil family ties....
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i believe it is not just this incident...it has probably been cummulative... lots of little/small incidents...
Well, cool down man...
Take care
From Croco
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Baby sgboy2004 -
wha...using the new name liao ah?Originally posted by sgboy2004:i believe it is not just this incident...it has probably been cummulative... lots of little/small incidents...
Well, cool down man...
Take care
From Croco
_______________
Baby sgboy2004
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hmmmmmmmm........
Maybe a little Fengshui might help......maybe... -
parka...that was crap...come on man.. this guy is really havin problems.. i mean when i'm pouring my heart out u can ridicule me cause my problems can be nonsensical.. but puhhhleeezzzeee la.. this guy really is distraught..haha.. ok
as all those ppl up there said, relax...first how old are u?
if you're still young, you're prob thinking of this at the spur of the moment...
my younger bro was once damm upset the youngest brother seemed to be under too much protection from my parents. he felt that everytime there was a quarrel between them, no matter how right he was, the youngest would always win. so he got really upset and wrote a letter to my parents..(me?i just didn't bother hahaha...my family's not big on talkin about their feelings anyway..so it was a big thing when i saw the letter...*heart wrenching*) after that...my parents talked to him and straightened things out and from that day on peace reigned and everyone lived happily ever after...except for me..LOL
anyway my point is... u need to let them know how u feel... keep us update yah? -
nvm abt the part using fengshui,
i mean i noticed as i grow older i am having more and more conflicts with my family with greater frequency and with each quarrel it often involves shouting matches with my parents, especially with my dad.
i am hoping 1 day my address on my IC is different frm theirs.
alot of times i am so happy htat i have classes all the way till 6pm ?
or i am so eager to be involved in sch activities because i wont need to see them so often and not because i am loyal to my sch.
we have a fight every few days over different things each time round.
many times i complain to them i seem to have problems with my knees, like just now i was walking down the steps in my lecture theatre to hand up a paper then on the last step i believe 1 of my knee gave way and i nearly tripped over a step. in order to avoid falling down i stomped on my the other leg, so my teacher said " chill man chill man...easy ok?"
then my classmate also said it was my knee that was giving me problems...
till now they dont care.
it seems that frm these incidents i am ever more eager to migrate to melb for good and if i ever get the chance to go there to study, i wont even want to come back until i am FORCED to.
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i agree with yr first 2 paragraphs but i feel that sometimes they are being overbearing, just like " getting too proud "Originally posted by Paperboat:stay calm mate. it's common to have some conflicts when you are staying together with your parents. who doesn't grow up with some heated arguements with their parents? however, end of the day, you will find that home is still the warmest place and your parents are still the ones you can trust and rely on.
always remember that you are who you are now because of them. no matter how unreasonable they are, they are YOUR parents, who took the pain of bringing you up. their thinking might be outdated, they might have a hot temper, but i'm sure they really care abt u.
this auction thing is quite a small issue. let them nag all they want, just dun take it to heart. cheer up ok.
sometimes i question why my dad can do it and why i cant in an arguement, he simply says " because i am yr father"
care ? nope. check out my previous post.
my debate with my dad on buying a camera is getting nowhere, a testament of his thinking. his points are based on 20years ago and he is arguing with me on a 21st century invention?
he thinks hp/net/tv are a waste of time. then why is he always surfing the net for recipies? why is he ALWAYS in frnt of the tv ?
whenever i step out of my room to ask him something i always know where to look, in front of the tv set.
sidetrack a little bit, once i woke him up when the movie on tv ended and it was 11+pm and the moment he woke up he shouted at me for waking him up. i was thinking if he wanna sleep, go to his room. that time was young and i was in tears immediately and for months i didnt bother abt him when he fell asleep watching tv. i just went to sleep on my own. -
bismarck.. *pat pat*
everyone will have clashes with parents at some stage in their lives.. i had my fair share with mine until only recently they finally realised that I've grown up, whether they like it or not.... and nearly 3 decades is a long time for them to realise that a child will grow up.
Sometimes parents can be a little unreasonable and overbearing because they can't seem to let go and believe in the fact that we will grow up and have our lives too... that they will always think of us as their kid, instead of an adult able to take care of ourselves, have our own aspirations and life.
It takes time and lots of patience... really LOTS of patience ... but things will eventually work out. Don't think too much about it and hang in there...
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alot.Originally posted by KittynMeow:bismarck.. *pat pat*
everyone will have clashes with parents at some stage in their lives.. i had my fair share with mine until only recently they finally realised that I've grown up, whether they like it or not.... and nearly 3 decades is a long time for them to realise that a child will grow up.
Sometimes parents can be a little unreasonable and overbearing because they can't seem to let go and believe in the fact that we will grow up and have our lives too... that they will always think of us as their kid, instead of an adult able to take care of ourselves, have our own aspirations and life.
It takes time and lots of patience... really LOTS of patience ... but things will eventually work out. Don't think too much about it and hang in there...
thanks but i am really so stressed up by all these, plus i have to handle ever increasing workload, bad relations with classmates,
i cant take it anymore and i have no idea how long i can bear with it. i have never been this stressed up in life.
throughout the day i am having headaches and i cant sleep well. never fail to wake up in the wee hours.... -
parents realize that you've grown up, especially when u start working. i had exactly the same problems with you, which was not too long ago.
it all stopped when i started working, and proved that i could take care of myself even away from home.
it's a phase. both the parents and the kids are learning to adapt. they're used to having their kid listen to them for everything. and all of a sudden, this lil' boy of theirs' is starting to have his own opinions and arguments.
give both sides some time ..... and pls avoid passing remarks that have a lasting effect. you'll regret it later ...... you must also acknowledge that you are changing, and your thinking will seriously change in yrs to come.
in fact, you're the one changing the most. your parents may change, but only a lil'. they are already there, and for you? you are only just starting your walk in life ......... as with all beginnings in this world, the most change / results can be seen in the first part. the change will become less over time. -
read what eutjin has writen slowly, he is very right. conflicts are inevitable in all families. the important thing to bear in mind is that they are your family, not enemy. from what you've writen, your parents are those very conservative and traditional kind of pple. but do not think of your problem as an isolated cases. ask any forumites here and i'm sure some of them have similar parents too.
i used to quarrel a lot with my parents too. i felt how you feel now, that they dun care a lot abt me. however, when i was struck by an acute appendicitis when i was 18, they are the ones who showed the most concern. but after i have recovered, they were back to their old selves. thus, it's not true that your parents do not care abt you. of cos, i really do not wish for something bad to happen to you in order for you to understand how noble parents are.
even when i was in uni, the quarrels still continue. the quarrels lessened (to almost nil) when i started working, exactly what eutjin has mentioned. that's when your parents know that oyu've grown up. by often quarreling with them, you are not doing yourself any good in proving that you have matured. learn to settle quarrels in an amicable and matured manner. you shd see the difference in their behaviour
pls dun say things like staying in Melbourne and not coming back. that again shows certain degree of immaturity in you (no hard feelings ok). u dun run away from problem. face them and overcome them. in any case, i have stayed in Mel for 2 years, and while it can be fun, i feel that singapore is still the place to call home.
cheer up ok. do not be so stressed up because there are much bigger obstacles (and rewards) in life awaiting you. speak to professional counselor if you need to. wish you well mate. -
the main reason why i am unhappy is i have to bear the scoldings when someone else in the family cock-up
there's a feeling of injustice u know ? -
i know exactly what you mean. simple example ..... younger sis snatches older bro's toy. older bro retaliates. older bro gets scolding for not sharingOriginally posted by bismarck:the main reason why i am unhappy is i have to bear the scoldings when someone else in the family cock-up
there's a feeling of injustice u know ? well ...... what can we say?
ok, this problem will cease as soon as your parents realize that you've grown up and is more independant, etc. then, you will have a "voice" in the family. becoz, prior to this, you've always been a lil' child to them. just listen to what daddy and mummy says, becoz daddy or mummy knows best. almost 20 yrs of treating a person in that manner, and then all of a sudden he's grown up. they've become too accustomed to treating you in that way. everyone needs time to change their mindset.
they need some time to acknowledge that their son has grown up and they need to give him that "voice" in the family. afterall, parents are just normal ppl like us, having gone through the same phases in life, but some tend to forget what it was like to be growing up. it was probably too long ago.
well, for me, my dad was the fierce one. he was a discipline master in school. i can't even remember how many times he had whipped me with either a cane or a belt. imagine going to school with short pants and having those red cane marks on your legs. but, nowadays, the story has changed. i manage my own life, with advice from them, of coz. but, it's also becoz i ask them for advice (hmm, i've changed ..... a lot ..... anyway). you'll grow up to recognize the many times they were right. things like, "why spend so much money on this and that (branded clothes, etc.). you'll know what the feeling is like when you try to earn your own money." you will come to realize that they were right.
i wish someone told me this earlier. but, then again, i won't believe them becoz the anger and frustration gets in the way. PLUS, i won't be matured enuff to think that way at that time ........ too many factors ...... just too many. and trust me when i say i know what you feel. afterall, all these things happened for me not too long ago.
and nowadays ..... "you going to penang? want to take the car? alright, drive safely and sms us when you get there. the car has been serviced recently, so there shouldn't be any problems. enjoy yourself."
just a short 3 yrs ago, the answer would have been, "you going to penang? no need to ask us first is it? no, cannot". that would have been the end of the conversation. my dad is not a person to argue with. always the one with the last say.
in the recent yrs, he has learnt to change and he has acknowledged the changes in me too. but, one thing i'm not too happy about ....... my younger sis is now reaping the benefits of the change in my dad! he's not as strict with her as he was with me (flowing with the times lolz) just kidding!! i luv my sis
(though i used to hate her so much when i was young, but that's a totally diff story) -
2 things u can do.. pray to God to settle it. which he will. or u can everyday go home. close door. lock door and distant yourself from your family
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injustice is too strong a word to use my dear friend. what's there to lose when you are talking abt your immediate family members? if this scenario had happened in a workplace, then that is injustice and your anger could be justified.Originally posted by bismarck:the main reason why i am unhappy is i have to bear the scoldings when someone else in the family cock-up
there's a feeling of injustice u know ?
like i have said, dun take the naggings to heart. be more magnanimous, be it to parents or to friends. you will reap the fruits. -
Communication is the key word here. Being able to communicate with your parents like an adult will solve your problem. What eutjin said is very correct... give your parents time to see that their child has grown up.Originally posted by bismarck:the main reason why i am unhappy is i have to bear the scoldings when someone else in the family cock-up
there's a feeling of injustice u know ?
Hang in there... I'm sure that things will work out after a while.
regards -
Bismarck, i didn't talk to my family for like one year.
My mum and gran were so upset about it.
And i regret all the times that I didn't choose to go back to SG when i had the chance. Always hanged around here in Melbourne thinking that i was better off here.
But how much time did i give up spending with my family all for what?
To go to hang around with this loser guy? To work in some stupid ticket box over the school holidays?
Bismarck when you don't have the chance to see them anymore. I'm sure you will regret it. -
Relax.. I'm pretty sure you'll be seeing more of 'injustice' in this society in the future...Originally posted by bismarck:the main reason why i am unhappy is i have to bear the scoldings when someone else in the family cock-up
there's a feeling of injustice u know ?
I believe what you're experiencing is a 'generation gap'.... Their form of mentality and thinking Vs yours....
You should understand that as much as it's hard for you to accept their kinda mentality, it's difficult for them to accept yours... No doubt, they could be outdated... In a world where parents command all respects and 'reasonings' are just secondary... Take a step backward... How many more years they'll get to have and enjoy as compared to your life? If it's difficult for you to accept their kinda thinking, I can only tell you it's probably much more difficult for them to accept yours.... Because they've been living on Earth much longer than you.. Not saying that they're much more experienced than you are... But probably they're suited longer with the mentality they're having now much longer than yours... It's kinda STUCK... Just kinda like stubborness... People who refuse to change their form of thinking... It's just that this is not exactly that... More of a subconscious thing....
You want better relationship with them? Give them good reasons to listen to you and believe in your words... Make them respect you and in turn respect them....
Regards... -
agree... treasure the time you have with your parents, while you still have it..... no matter what they say or do that makes you feel unhappy....Originally posted by Lingos:Bismarck, i didn't talk to my family for like one year.
My mum and gran were so upset about it.
And i regret all the times that I didn't choose to go back to SG when i had the chance. Always hanged around here in Melbourne thinking that i was better off here.
But how much time did i give up spending with my family all for what?
To go to hang around with this loser guy? To work in some stupid ticket box over the school holidays?
Bismarck when you don't have the chance to see them anymore. I'm sure you will regret it.
I kind of realised that I didn't want to move out and stay away from my parents at a certain stage when I start to pay for their medical bills... then it dawned on me that they are growing old.... the thought scared me... cos it means one day they'll be gone...sort of helps me to think before i respond whenever they start their naggings or micro-management... -
it's just scolding right?
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i do agree wif paperboat .....
jus learn not to take every of their words to heart
i do have the same experience like u too
i do oso thought of moving out when i'm young
i dun have any happy childhood like others...
i often kena scolded and bitten up by my mum
i feel tt i'm always the one kena the cruel treatment
and whatever i said they dun believe me at all
they cares and love my younger sibling alots than mi
i do feel tt i'm not thier fresh blooded child at times even nw.....
often i do hide at one corner and cried lonely.....
thought of committin sucide too
but as times goes by
i had used to it
i will not take their words to heart easily
i do whatever i think it's right
i live for my own sake not because of 'em
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hOW Old r u?....if u guy....tt mean u have not gone to army yet....to know wat is to miss u family........
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dun cry dun cry... anyway you're still young....Originally posted by jolin80:i do agree wif paperboat .....
jus learn not to take every of their words to heart
i do have the same experience like u too
i do oso thought of moving out when i'm young
i dun have any happy childhood like others...
i often kena scolded and bitten up by my mum
i feel tt i'm always the one kena the cruel treatment
and whatever i said they dun believe me at all
they cares and love my younger sibling alots than mi
i do feel tt i'm not thier fresh blooded child at times even nw.....
often i do hide at one corner and cried lonely.....
thought of committin sucide too
but as times goes by
i had used to it
i will not take their words to heart easily
i do whatever i think it's right
i live for my own sake not because of 'em