The pain of love .....
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Originally posted by archie84:yea i always seems to be joyful, happy ,cheerful but deep inside of me i am a lonly , empty , low confident kinda guy . i seldom share my problems with my friends or family cause everyone have his/her problem so why wanna burden others .
my heart cant cry anymore maybe its numb but i still have the pain . even i leave her now , maybe next time she come back again then again i will step into this trap again. what sure i do ?
Usually, you 'die worst' by having to keep everything to yourself because you don't even have the wisdom to handle such matters of the heart and you only consider your own opinion, be it whether it is right or wrong. If you were my friend in reality, I would have literally nag you to hell.
Once you have decided to leave, never look back. Because if part of your mind knows that you will return if she were to come back - you ain't ready. Don't make decision half-heartedly, you wanna do something, do it right. Don't keep making the same mistake over and over again - gosh, life is too short to be learning the same lesson over and over again. As again: What will it takes to make you wake up?
Cheers -
No probs my friend.Originally posted by archie84:Thanx mc+square ! your story really so meaningful i can feel it .
I have been in one-sided affection thru-out my stay in primary(5,6) till Secondary education.
This fiction is very much from my heart.
And maybe it could be of your scenario too.
This is just a point of your life...there are more challenges awaiting for you few steps ahead. And it'll be better then this round.
Maybe the Old man is Grand Master Yun?
Take Heart! And Live Well.
Cheers -
ok tell me master Yunhaier tell me what should i do . what are the step . what should i told her and how to deal with her ?
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Originally posted by archie84:ok tell me master Yunhaier tell me what should i do . what are the step . what should i told her and how to deal with her ? If love had a series of answer in a structured form, just do the way you need to do well for your exam; follow the format, memorised and perform exact - nobody would have any love problems at all.
What's the use of me telling you what to do when in fact you failed to realise why you should leave her? It's not matter of leaving as in just plain leaving - there is a good reason for it. Until you know why before you can proceed onto this:
I) Find her, date her, confess to her, tell her, express to her, say what you want as if tomorrow you are going to perish in war and lose your life. Do what you can to get her. If you succeed, you can close this post.
II) If you do fail in your attempt - forget about this whole thing. Release your past and learn to walk forward. Walking forward is much more relax and easier than trying to steer your course backwards. Forever, she is out of the picture regardless of situations. She can one day come back to you, cry, tell you how much she loved to be with you - all is over. Chances given, time vanished. By then, you can also close this post.
Don't attempt with half-hearted effort and tell me you can't do this, can't do that. As again, only do things if you have decided that you want to change your current situations. If not, continue to be her fan, until one day when you grow up and mature.
P.S: Do you think this is chi qing? I rather be the baddie to tell you it's not.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
well done..u made damn alot of sense..wonder what u study? psychology?..or sociology?...haha What will it take to make you realise[b] you never stood a chance right in the beginning?
YOU ONLY THOUGHT YOU HAD CHANCE. That's a fatal illusion that keeps you going for years. And you will keep going because you have fallen right under her art of seduction and that you never able to pierce through.
Like all common man, your mistakes are the following few: (Somehow if others were to read this, it seemed that I had posted this before. Yes, I am damn naggy and I will continue to repeat myself):
You worshipped her like a goddess. You regarded her as an entity out of reach and so, you crave for her attention like a zealous devotee. You save money to get her presents and offer them to her even if you stave/work like hell. And so you thought that gifts can demonstrate your affection? Oh please, if she a sucker for gifts - imagine how many possible 'devotee' she could have and what makes you think your gifts are more valuable than the rest? (Gifts can be measure in value)
In the first place, if you thought that gift could win her heart, you are on par with men who thought that money could buy love.
And the best part - after spending so much time and effort, you never had the strength to tell her that you like/love her in her face. Do you know why? Let me explain using the Joho theory: In crush, we see our target as an entity higher than ourselves. In love, we see them the same as we see ourselves. The reason why you never able to do that is because she is like an idol and you are the fan. The image she has PROJECTED and marketed into you is mind-shocking awesome and even being near to her physically, you would literally faint. Look at the screaming female fans of F4 and such. These actually people cry after a handshake with them. To you, she is forever an idol, while to her, you are merely a fan.
So how does an idol keep their fans excited and keep worshipping them? Simple: Make them think they have chance to get close, let them be updated about her life and send occasional positive message to make you think she cares/remember/etc you... but....
You will never be able to get her.
Cheers [/b]
anyway i am editing the post now..cos i replied only after reading the first reply by our yunhaier...yeah..what he has suggested is correct...i have faced something similar too and i went to talk to the girl and yeah..i was rejected..and i decided to move on..life carries on and earth still rovolves around the sun...no point losing everything else because of one person -
The depth of effort put in and each person's character, duration of incident...and self reality check is the variable here.
There could be similiar situations faced by two or more. But each will go thru different depths/degree of pain/lessons.
Similiar incidents, different mindset = different endings.
Though it could have been what edith said....Originally posted by edieth:life carries on and earth still rovolves around the sun...no point losing everything else because of one person
Above:
Ideal statement.
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Originally posted by archie84:Thanx mc+square ! your story really so meaningful i can feel it . Luckily story never kena flamed...
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
If love had a series of answer in a structured form, just do the way you need to do well for your exam; follow the format, memorised and perform exact - nobody would have any love problems at all.
What's the use of me telling you what to do when in fact [b]you failed to realise why you should leave her? It's not matter of leaving as in just plain leaving - there is a good reason for it. Until you know why before you can proceed onto this:
I) Find her, date her, confess to her, tell her, express to her, say what you want as if tomorrow you are going to perish in war and lose your life. Do what you can to get her. If you succeed, you can close this post.
II) If you do fail in your attempt - forget about this whole thing. Release your past and learn to walk forward. Walking forward is much more relax and easier than trying to steer your course backwards. Forever, she is out of the picture regardless of situations. She can one day come back to you, cry, tell you how much she loved to be with you - all is over. Chances given, time vanished. By then, you can also close this post.
Don't attempt with half-hearted effort and tell me you can't do this, can't do that. As again, only do things if you have decided that you want to change your current situations. If not, continue to be her fan, until one day when you grow up and mature.
P.S: Do you think this is chi qing? I rather be the baddie to tell you it's not.
Cheers [/b]
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Yunhaier i cant decide . my mind in hella mess , one part of me i wanna continue but another part is i wanna leave her . i am in a dilemma.
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Wahahaha....cos not many people like to come AA mah.Originally posted by Devil1976: Luckily story never kena flamed... v -
I don't think you get what Yun is saying.Originally posted by archie84:Yunhaier i cant decide . my mind in hella mess , one part of me i wanna continue but another part is i wanna leave her . i am in a dilemma.
He wrote for nothing.....
If you would make a bloody choice.....he suggested number 1 first and then plan thereafter.
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i was thinking about this..
I think love shouldn't be painful at all.
If it is, seek to exit soon before it hurts more...
When you're with the right person, it shouldn't be painful at all. -
i understand what u r feeling now..a burning desire to find out whether she still like u or not(in short what her stand is)...yeah..therefore..instead of sitting down there and killing all your brain neurons thinking about it...u should go and talk to her. Zuo4 ge4 liao3 duan4...if not it's going to affect your studies or whatever other things u r doing now...anyway if u managed to win her heart, congrates.if not..just move on..tell yourself u have tried your best...plus..u can't lose what you never had
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Originally posted by edieth:well done..u made damn alot of sense..wonder what u study? psychology?..or sociology?...haha
anyway i am editing the post now..cos i replied only after reading the first reply by our yunhaier...yeah..what he has suggested is correct...i have faced something similar too and i went to talk to the girl and yeah..i was rejected..and i decided to move on..life carries on and earth still rovolves around the sun...no point losing everything else because of one person I study Love-relationship as an interest.
Cheers -
Your mind and heart speaks.Originally posted by archie84:Yunhaier i cant decide . my mind in hella mess , one part of me i wanna continue but another part is i wanna leave her . i am in a dilemma.
Your mind being the rational side - tells you its useless.
Your heart being the emotional one - tells you to love her.
Can't decide? Don't then. Keep suffering until you have entirely paid off your karmic debts you have on her. It won't take forever; it will stop the minute wisdom enters into you or love cosmic lesson ends. Have seen couples struggling with one another in unfulfilling relationship, yet unable to leave the shore of their suffering? They will suffer until their payment finished before their bonds with one another severe.
Your suffering will continue whether you decide to love or not because love expectations has blinded you, making you see nothing of the reason why you should leave.
I can tell (for example): This girl to leave her relationship with her bf and even site the most logical reason to do so. But she won't leave. WHY? Simple! Because she sees reason to stay. And my views don't stand a chance.
Do you see, personally, reason to leave her? Obvious not. You don't understand why you have to stop all these and leave and therefore my job isn't to make you feel otherwise. WHY? Like above my view don't stand a chance because you don't see why you have to go.
For the fourth time, I emphasise again: What will it take for you to wake up? If you were to break up my sentence, the most important part of this phrase is 'What will it take...' which means: what factors or circumstances must happen before you would see the reason yourself that you will never get her and start moving on with your life, the option you should have already took years ago? You may defend yourself that may be 0.00000001% that you may get her and my challenge is: prove me wrong. You are already drained beyond imagination and tried all your means for the past six years and you still can't get her. What does it says?
P.S: Its easier to move on than to remain stagnant. Its astonishing to realise that you rather make use of so much energy to worship her, suffer and get nothing, then to make much less use of energy to attempt to move on completely. Before you can walk a mile, you have to begin your first step.
Cheers -
archie84 cheer up ... chose your decision wisely ,take some time to cool down .... i have a similar situation like your's two years ago ... in the end i chose to leave her ..
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hi..nice to know u.Originally posted by Yunhaier: I study Love-relationship as an interest.
Cheers
i hope u are good at practical too....
i used to be very good at theory...solving all my friend's problems and etc...but when it comes to myself..haha..suck at it. -
Originally posted by edieth:hi..nice to know u.
i hope u are good at practical too....
i used to be very good at theory...solving all my friend's problems and etc...but when it comes to myself..haha..suck at it.
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Woah! You can solve your friend's problems....so good. I also want to learn.Originally posted by edieth:hi..nice to know u.
i hope u are good at practical too....
i used to be very good at theory...solving all my friend's problems and etc...but when it comes to myself..haha..suck at it. -
Yunhaier where can i look for books abt this love-relationship thing ? any title to look out for ?
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Originally posted by archie84:Yunhaier where can i look for books abt this love-relationship thing ? any title to look out for ? There are many tons of books. You can try Relationship for Dummies as a start.
Cheers -
haha..i am not really a great problem-solver..just help to talk to the fren lo..works most of the timeOriginally posted by M?square:Woah! You can solve your friend's problems....so good. I also want to learn. -
well...this depends on the girl...Originally posted by archie84:The pain of Love .
Can anyone help me ???
i have been i love with this ger for a long long time about 6years +. i know she is attactive have a lots admirers . during this six year i done of things for her like give her everything she wanted , like discman , hp and lots more . even though i working part time earn a pathetic few hundred a mth i but i still try to give her whatever. i rather suffer then seeing here go hungry for lunch just to save the few doller. and theres times i want to forget her , for once i even mail back her everything she gave me . in the end still i always return to her (maybe its GODs will) . i cried , drunk myself , make a fool of myself . really all my friends see this going to nowhere , everythinks that she is making use of me . i have the same thinking but whenever i talk to her , the idea of it has gone to the back of my mind .
i did tell her i love her for a few times . everytimes always though sms or msn . i dont know i have the phobia of talking lovey dovey face to face . when i wanna say my heart beat so fast like wanna pop out and i am cowardly to express my love . i am a outgoing kinda guy but suffering from this .
ok resently i was MSNing with her , she said that last time she "reject me cause she still have one guy she like but now no more". ok then i say why not give me one more chance then she answer "let things happen naturally" then i was ok think that still got chance . BUT now the old flame ( another one ) has come back . everyday shes seems talking about him . then i was 'hey dont be the green eye monster ' so i thought , he would be friends with her . but its seems that thats not the case , he start taking action . giving her flower , driving her ard , TODAY he even take the medicine to her house when she is having fever . i was oh damm no chance already , i sure lose to him everyway . low on confident or should be NO confident . then today i ask her again , its appear to me shes running away from the fact that she have to chose me or another guy....
So guys what you all think ?????? do i stand a chance or WHAT ????
whether she likes u anot...if she really likes u then i think she won't hesitate to be wit u lor...if its what as u said...then i think she is not worth for u to make yourself so miserable for her lor...
take care dude... -
thanx for everybody the opinion . i know what to do already . now i just wanna be friend with her .
yea lingos you are right love cant be that painful . thats sucks man
thanx everybody i appreciate it and exp. Yunhaier thank you very much
btw i got the idiots guide to dating . so got any more good books ? -
The next great book shall be written by you.