Advice Needed.....
-
Angles.
Thanks alot for the reply,fyi , i cook alot better den her, she can only cook maggi mee, fry egg, boil vegatables den pour oyster sauce over it. i dare to say for 5 yrs, i never eat her cooking more den 10 times........while i cook for her more den her, at least say few hundred times...
i love her from te day till now, i;m a loyal guy, cos i dun lik to let other cheat, so i dun cheat her.i'm tat kind, tat will"know enough if i hv 1"
True, i really headache on tinking bout keeping her but i "ren bu xia xin" to leave,tink is i'm use to her liao...actually she go night life i dun really comment much,its only when she say she at fren house den somehow turn into singing session..i hate to be cheated..den i face black,grumble here & there lor...
Well, if u know how to see ppl base on looks, den u go to the friendster.com..u find Dennis,tats me, u will see me & her in a photo, i never use single ppl photo even that acc is mine, i believe in sharing wid my parthner... -
Yunhaier.
more den 1 time liao..tink i headache tis time liao...
got effect lea...i say dun wan when the brake off thing,she though about it when she cool off she lik noting happen....but i feel she remember in deep in her heart. Jus lik few days ago, when she say the she got ai but no qing thing,she wanted brake up,i ask if she feel better tat way she agreed, den i hold back tears,& agreed,den i very sad very sad,,,till 3 days ago,when i help her apply medicent on her i accidentally spray into my eyes, she very kan jiong,& ask me go wash eyes,i say nvm, dun hv u liao, the eyes pain is not as pain as my heart....den she hug me den say patch...i feel is lik she dun want to see me suffer den she patch...somehow lik pity me already liao...
She is job hopper,i tahan her for 2 yrs den till i cannot tahan liao...she go work but always late,den soon never work,she work in mount elizerbirth hospital for bout 1 week den also stop liao...den she go KTV pub work ,theres where i stress...cos she very socible mah....tat type can play till siao tat time but she still know her limits...
u tink i lik her to work tat type of place mea....no guys wil lik their gf to work there mah...den got a guy wan to sian her...which i caught her secretly mes to him also...i never scold her only ask her why,oh-yes....it happen liao den she say the Got Ai No Qing thing...
i also hope to hv a good talk wid her to see wat had happen,but every time she say, she very stress up wid me, when i ask why,she say she dunno...(i tink is mayb my jackpot flaws & mayb wanted to leave but dun wan to see me sad)so she is lik forcing herself to be wid me...possible???u seems to be very god in the astrology, do u know how to see face to tel charector? if yes,mayb if u wan,u go to the frienster.com, u serch Dennis,tats me, den u see the photo of me & her together.den mayb u can gv tips & advice..thanks a lot... -
Originally posted by bo liao:Yunhaier. more den 1 time liao..tink i headache tis time liao...
got effect lea...i say dun wan when the brake off thing,she though about it when she cool off she lik noting happen....but i feel she remember in deep in her heart. Jus lik few days ago, when she say the she got ai but no qing thing,she wanted brake up,i ask if she feel better tat way she agreed, den i hold back tears,& agreed,den i very sad very sad,,,till 3 days ago,when i help her apply medicent on her i accidentally spray into my eyes, she very kan jiong,& ask me go wash eyes,i say nvm, dun hv u liao, the eyes pain is not as pain as my heart....den she hug me den say patch...i feel is lik she dun want to see me suffer den she patch...somehow lik pity me already liao...
She is job hopper,i tahan her for 2 yrs den till i cannot tahan liao...she go work but always late,den soon never work,she work in mount elizerbirth hospital for bout 1 week den also stop liao...den she go KTV pub work ,theres where i stress...cos she very socible mah....tat type can play till siao tat time but she still know her limits...
u tink i lik her to work tat type of place mea....no guys wil lik their gf to work there mah...den got a guy wan to sian her...which i caught her secretly mes to him also...i never scold her only ask her why,oh-yes....it happen liao den she say the Got Ai No Qing thing...
i also hope to hv a good talk wid her to see wat had happen,but every time she say, she very stress up wid me, when i ask why,she say she dunno...(i tink is mayb my jackpot flaws & mayb wanted to leave but dun wan to see me sad)so she is lik forcing herself to be wid me...possible???u seems to be very god in the astrology, do u know how to see face to tel charector? if yes,mayb if u wan,u go to the frienster.com, u serch Dennis,tats me, den u see the photo of me & her together.den mayb u can gv tips & advice..thanks a lot... I truely fear for you, but don't worry - its never easy trying to lead a relationship 'right'; we just do what we can here.
You see, now breaking and patching has devalued its meaning. It's no longer serious anymore, it's a phrase based on feelings and at-the-time-of-mood. So when you break off this relationship, somewhere in your subconscious, you knew you could get back this relationship somehow when you say/did the correct thing. The relationship will suffer in the long run because of the break-patch phenomenal theory.
I dunno chinese astrology. I only know western astrology. You can consult zacken if you need such services here
Cheers -
after reading old post "dedicated to Yun & Devil" tat post den i know u'r a lady....well,better still, got professional help.
Sister Yun yi rite?
i ever let 1 of my father's friend tat know chinese astrology count "zi wei do shu" on me & my gf, his prediction is lik so true lea...really happen during the time he say...meaning now...
Ok,sorry got to do tis once again...(if u my gf) (sorry) den me & u already reach a stage where u take me as a gd close friend but in name i'm still ur bf,mayb cos u dun wan to hurt me or pity me,what can i do den can rectified the problem other then talking?er...i will definatelly talk to her jus that i hope for other plus point & ways to get on to the more advantages side...
meaning is there any small little things which u ladies take note that gtheir bf do & things that u wish ur bf wil do for u that will melt ur heart?
Thanks a lot, sorry to put you in such a position to get advice/ans....very sorry.......
i used to be a very "sa tuo" guy,mayb cos last time teen ,i feel lik when i become more mature in thinking,the more i wanted to "wan lui" the relationship, i dunno why...i ever hv a ex wid me for also 4 yrs,but sadly she's dead.....i still can let go,but in subconcious mind, still hv thoughts on her., but now wid tis lady tat been wid me for this yrs,i can't seems to let go,my friend say,"ai-ya...get a new gal can hv sex sure can 4get the current gf" i tot of it,no lea,if there r 2 rooms wid 2 ladied,1 room is my current gf,another room is also a normal looking lady...i wil still choose my current gf,she also not say look lik fairy or wat...normal looking,some friend even say ugly,is it bcos of emotion bond?...if really leave & start a new relationship al over again very tiring...lik dun bear to destroy the relationship that was built... -
either both of u try to work it out, or else its the end liao... so try ur best to get her to sit down n tink abt ur relationship... bobian it may hurt but no point keeping a relationship when the heart is not even there...Originally posted by bo liao: after reading old post "dedicated to Yun & Devil" tat post den i know u'r a lady....well,better still, got professional help.
Sister Yun yi rite?
i ever let 1 of my father's friend tat know chinese astrology count "zi wei do shu" on me & my gf, his prediction is lik so true lea...really happen during the time he say...meaning now...
Ok,sorry got to do tis once again...(if u my gf) (sorry) den me & u already reach a stage where u take me as a gd close friend but in name i'm still ur bf,mayb cos u dun wan to hurt me or pity me,what can i do den can rectified the problem other then talking?er...i will definatelly talk to her jus that i hope for other plus point & ways to get on to the more advantages side...
meaning is there any small little things which u ladies take note that gtheir bf do & things that u wish ur bf wil do for u that will melt ur heart?
Thanks a lot, sorry to put you in such a position to get advice/ans....very sorry.......
i used to be a very "sa tuo" guy,mayb cos last time teen ,i feel lik when i become more mature in thinking,the more i wanted to "wan lui" the relationship, i dunno why...i ever hv a ex wid me for also 4 yrs,but sadly she's dead.....i still can let go,but in subconcious mind, still hv thoughts on her., but now wid tis lady tat been wid me for this yrs,i can't seems to let go,my friend say,"ai-ya...get a new gal can hv sex sure can 4get the current gf" i tot of it,no lea,if there r 2 rooms wid 2 ladied,1 room is my current gf,another room is also a normal looking lady...i wil still choose my current gf,she also not say look lik fairy or wat...normal looking,some friend even say ugly,is it bcos of emotion bond?...if really leave & start a new relationship al over again very tiring...lik dun bear to destroy the relationship that was built... -
Hi,
Always wanted to reply to this thread but no time to do so.
I didn;t really read thru every post I simply go thru so if I happen to miss out anything pls tell me alright? Okie 5 years of r/s. Many times of breaking up n patching up. She mentioned that she has Ai but no Qing for u anymore. She may be tired of the cycle. To be honest and from my view of point as a women, she might implying -> I can't bear to leave you but I can't stay with you anymore
or
she just can't bear to hurt u by saying those really hurting words.
In a long term r/s, what usually might take place is continuing the r/s due to obligations. In another words, this is when responsibility takes place.
From what you have mentioned abt she is living on you, the percentage of tied down to you due to obligation is more like to happen on the both of you.
I suppose you should be quite possessive in the way that you have tried to control her way of living. Meaning you don't like to her to go the place u dun like and I ASSUME you don't mix well with her friend do you? and I believe you should put urself in her shoes when you forbids her to hang ard/go out/ do sumthing she likes. when u try to forbids her it just simply implies you don't trust her enuff.
How would u feel when you just wish to have a simple date with a fren and you have ta explain where, what, why to ur partner? sounds irritating right? you might feel that you are actually giving in to her, but in the fact I will say she will be the one who is giving in to you.
okie now to ur stand, you are thinking that you actually wanted to protect her more than forbidding her. But forbidding takes place when you sense that she has many suitors ard her right? Trust me, allow her to have some space of her own. It does help a little to improve on the r/s.
At this moment of the r/s, what you can do is try to make her feel loved instead of being controlled. Plan a day special for her Let say gif her a little surprise by sending her some little sweet pressies. I believe she will appreciate if she still have feelings for you.
And also find sumtime to have a really gd tok abt things between u guys.
anyway, hope everything goes fine for ya. above mentioned is based on my experience with my bf.. so hope it helps in a bit.
cheers
Angeline -
hmm... I can say you cannot judge a person by the cover (appearance). Its her actions tt really signifies her character.
Normally there are two types of wild girls (who like to chiong ktv etc)
1. one who goes wild w/o bf
2. Together with bf
Normally, girls will not play to tt extent even though their bf is not by their side. They will recognise tt the had a bf and a good gal will know her limits. . They is no need to lie about what she is doing even though she fear tt u might b upset. If tt's the case, than don't do. Although not a must but when in relationship many thinks are pretty restricted. She should just be herself. Lying over small things can lead to bigger lies in the future. Even if someday if she cheated on you, u might not know. (hopefully she aint tt kind of gal).
You 2 really ought to talk and think of a solution. If not matter wil jus get worse. Love is not sympathy or getting used to. Is being happy being with the person. Are you happy with wat she is doing to u? Is she willing to solve the problem? If ans is no, it will get u nowhere.
Just feel tt 2 are being still together out of fear not to hurt each other and bu ren xin tt kind of tink. Maybe both of you have reach a point whr the love is not longer thr but stayed becos of personal reasons. Tts wat she could have mean Qing is gone. Love come in many forms. She might still love you but the kind of love she had might have changed oreadi. tts whr the qing is gone. its just like a brand new vase and a broken one. The feeling u had for it will nv b the same again. -
Honestly do you really love her or just get used to her oreadi? U must be very clear of your own feelings. Don't stayed because of bu ren xin or getting used to her, stay because you truly love her.
Given tt she doesnt cook and laze ard, you must be able to tahan her attitude like tt even u had a family with her someday. Settling down with her forever as a family, things would be diff le. If you cant solve it now, next tm when u n her had a family it will b even harder esp u cos u hav to financially support the whole family and with the bills and burdens tt comes along, you might not be able to take it.
Still, a chance is impt.
Do your best but not neglecting yourself too.
You can only love others if you learn to love yourself -
Don't let laurance82 affect you.Originally posted by bo liao: after reading old post "dedicated to Yun & Devil" tat post den i know u'r a lady....well,better still, got professional help.
Sister Yun yi rite?
i ever let 1 of my father's friend tat know chinese astrology count "zi wei do shu" on me & my gf, his prediction is lik so true lea...really happen during the time he say...meaning now...
Ok,sorry got to do tis once again...(if u my gf) (sorry) den me & u already reach a stage where u take me as a gd close friend but in name i'm still ur bf,mayb cos u dun wan to hurt me or pity me,what can i do den can rectified the problem other then talking?er...i will definatelly talk to her jus that i hope for other plus point & ways to get on to the more advantages side...
meaning is there any small little things which u ladies take note that gtheir bf do & things that u wish ur bf wil do for u that will melt ur heart?
Thanks a lot, sorry to put you in such a position to get advice/ans....very sorry.......
i used to be a very "sa tuo" guy,mayb cos last time teen ,i feel lik when i become more mature in thinking,the more i wanted to "wan lui" the relationship, i dunno why...i ever hv a ex wid me for also 4 yrs,but sadly she's dead.....i still can let go,but in subconcious mind, still hv thoughts on her., but now wid tis lady tat been wid me for this yrs,i can't seems to let go,my friend say,"ai-ya...get a new gal can hv sex sure can 4get the current gf" i tot of it,no lea,if there r 2 rooms wid 2 ladied,1 room is my current gf,another room is also a normal looking lady...i wil still choose my current gf,she also not say look lik fairy or wat...normal looking,some friend even say ugly,is it bcos of emotion bond?...if really leave & start a new relationship al over again very tiring...lik dun bear to destroy the relationship that was built...
It's a different thing when you could have someone to love and there for you then another to fulfill your lust. Lust could never reach to the stage where love would blossom and even if it seemed to, it's merely an illusion.
Yesh, talk things out. Things to do to melt her heart? I think what's essential is about knowing what's running and working around the core of your relationship, solve them before you dump in romantism. You can touch her, melt her heart and everything else later when you both could link each other and foresee a certain future together. She is a gemini, her need for mental speech, assurance is more important.
It's not matter of plucking the stars from the sky and she goes 'wow', then leave whatever problems there still. (Zi biao bu zi ben).
Here is a list of things to achieve, which will indirectly built the relationship, foster better harmony, trust and love - successfully done, it will also appear like elements of romantism.
I) Improve personal character. There is nothing more loving than this. We all evolve in the process of relationship, but some personality stays because of insecurity. Then again, shall we allow this flaw to remain when we know that it is damaging the relationship? No, we can't. But what we can do is to handle our source. Insecurity has to be handled. This is attributed to:
- Break-patch cycle, the fear for her to leave you. You fear therefore you hold tightly, only to lose again. Learn to realise those fear and work around it. Believe that if she has no reason to stay in the relationship - there is no meaning even if she were to remain. Always think for the other party - if she is happy with her choice, release them because only then if they remain, you know its for love and not for circumstances.
- Jobless contribute to financial insecurity. Work hard in career. Know what you want in life and strive. You don't have to be rich, but you have to be self-sufficient to support the both of you, without neglecting your relationship. Money can't win love - by the willpower and determination to strive and improve income - the quality you shown can't never be compared to 'princes' with loads of cash because if she goes for material gain forsaking a good love- I rather you lose her.
- Learn to observe little details in relationship. Learn to predict and forecast moods/pms/etc. Don't have to go all out to please her, reassure regularly to let her know you still love her and always will. Confidence should return when the above two are satisfied - when quarrelling, be tact on words. Avoid cold war for more than 24 hours. Don't focus on situations - learn to act on root of problems. Keep up the good work to ensure reason to stay in the relationship and be happy with it.
Cheers -
This is probably the last thing I'm gonna say regarding your thread...
Your relationship is / was probably OVER. She just drifted on with you. If my prediction is correct, it's a 'subconscious drift relationship'. Some time down the line she could have realised it somehow already.
Whatever is happening today somehow coincides with the 'there and not there' - Zombie Relationship... Meaning the relationship is already dead, people are just there for the sake of being there...
She just can't give up because there's 'ai'. And she matters much about how you feel...
Advice: If you REALLY love her, ask her what she really wants... (genuine concern and not a threat tone pls...) Painful it may be, dragging sometimes just don't mean anything...
PS. Let your ego down a little for the sake of love? -
ok.,tink mayb is the end cos if i ask wat she wan, she wil say leave...but hope tings wil turn out better when she come back from her holidays..
Thanks for al the advice ,no doubt i love her,but also can be the "use to factor" cos we overcome quite a lot of things b4... -
Originally posted by bo liao:ok.,tink mayb is the end cos if i ask wat she wan, she wil say leave...but hope tings wil turn out better when she come back from her holidays..
Thanks for al the advice ,no doubt i love her,but also can be the "use to factor" cos we overcome quite a lot of things b4...