Just needed to speak my heart out...
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7/22/02 Me and a girl became one.
We see one another almost everyday, send her home everyday after school, went to Australia together with her, was really close physically as well...
For the past few months, things became shaky... sometimes she PMS, I also PMS... and I made her sad a number of times... She made me promise not to make her sad, i did... only to break it.
2/29/04 The message came... it's about breaking up... During the unstable period, she began to be close to her good friend who has been trying to court her for years. A week before we broke up, it already felt like the end, so that guy went to her house to console her. I didn't know, I went over as well only to see him. I was pissed and walked off. She ran after me and said "He's not my bf! It's impossible between him and me! Let's not break-up. I still care for you as my bf"
The whole week was awkward but I never do anything to upset her. I even surprised her with a gift. On 2/28, we even kissed.But on 2/29/04... the message came...
She said she made up her mind. When asked about that guy, she says she doesn't like him.
The following 2 days, they went out together... she rode on his bike... ignored my call... It was during my common test week. I felt she was a totally different person.
3/3/04. He went for BMT (NS). Me and her kept contact, like close friends. When asked about how she felt about the current situation, she say it's still good between us as good friends.
Today, 3/6/04. He called her, says he doesn't like her talking to me... and she listened. However, when I was still with her during that shaky period. I told her i dislike her talking to him or going out with him even as a group. Nothing went in...
I'm pissed now... really don't know what to do... I still see her in school everyday, same lecture and same class for one module. We still have 2 projects that is to be done between us. I still love her alot... I'm very lost...
Why is my break-up always so screwed up... why can't it just be a normal one where we walk our own way... in that way I'll only be sad.
But for this ex and a previos ex, the instant the relationship ended, the girl's with another guy. That makes it difficult to be even friends. And both are serious relationships that lasted for more than a year. -
Regarding the part that I'm upset about now.
She said that I broke my promise ( not to make her sad ), why can't she break hers ( talking and going out with him ). It's really unlike her to say such things. If a relationship is about revenge/ an eye for an eye. What's the point? I've always thought I'm the cause for this ending. But to think of it, if she had listened to me, I wouldn't be jealous and get pissed and she wouldn't be sad. But even if I were to talk to her about this now, she'll just give me an arrogant reply like "Okay lor, my fault lor" and ignore me. Is there really no way to make things clear? A reflection maybe?
It was really nice being a good friend with her until just now. Good for her she has a new love so soon... no need to feel sad. I'm stuck here in my own sorrows. All she can say is move on. It's alot easier to say.
Doesn't she feel anything now? Except being in love with another guy? -
All these while, I didn't make her uneasy. I didn't ask for a patch back. I really love her and willing to let her go. But she keeps thinking it's because I don't wanna give up. All I did was to treat her nicely as to make up for the way I've treated her and talk to her like I would to my buddies. Is there really no room to be good friends?
And also, after this relationship and past experience... I felt that anything said in a relationship has no meaning. I feel that it would be better to love my next gf one day at a time. Is it wrong to do that? I've lost my trust...
Everytime I question her about talking to other guys, especially 'him'. She would reply "No, don't you trust me?" I did... I really did... but now that we've broken up. It seemed that she lied... -
i'm sure u need not advice already. what advice ppl gave here is gonna turn into deaf ears to u.
juz trying to visualise myself if i were to be u, how wud i feel...
yeah, i will feel like sh|t. at a loss of dunno what to do. although a rational mind will tell myself that i shud let go and move on, but i know it's difficult... very difficult. esp to know that there's another guy trying to "interfere".
and the worse thing is that she's trying to somehow "one leg step two boat", wants the attention from both sides. i will feel damn pissed off, of course, but heart still stuck wif her...
argh! what is she trying to do? does she feel good this way? does she do this to boost her ego that there r more than 1 guy giving her the attention?
tamade, dunno what to do, man! it's really affecting my work or my studies. hardly can sleep, hardly can eat. sometime really feel like crying but no tears come out.
it's more anger than sorrow, to state the fact.
now can't help but to think back all the wonderful memories on the moments i had wif her... and told myself, "fark, man! why wud things turn out to be this way?"
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get a spare girlfriend for back-up. your current one is no longer reliable. and don't tell her about your new girlfriend. treat them both equally well but never declare that you are their boyfriend. observe which one of them produces better returns. then tell the other one, you are just close friends.Originally posted by GwenSilvz:All these while, I didn't make her uneasy. I didn't ask for a patch back. I really love her and willing to let her go. But she keeps thinking it's because I don't wanna give up. All I did was to treat her nicely as to make up for the way I've treated her and talk to her like I would to my buddies. Is there really no room to be good friends?
And also, after this relationship and past experience... I felt that anything said in a relationship has no meaning. I feel that it would be better to love my next gf one day at a time. Is it wrong to do that? I've lost my trust...
Everytime I question her about talking to other guys, especially 'him'. She would reply "No, don't you trust me?" I did... I really did... but now that we've broken up. It seemed that she lied... -
Sounds like she wants to give it up.. but she can't bear to let the past go.. Obviously you guys have done everything together for like a few years. With all that sweetness and cream rubbish, she can't bear to let it go.. what if it doesn't work out with the other guy. What if..you 'improve' yourself and she missed out. I dunno, just seems to be the case that she can't bear to let it go.
But in actual fact, the problem is dragging it for longer doesn't help anyone else. You need to get her it's over and not talk to her at all if you feel like you're in despair all the time.
Hmm.. that's all i can say.. personal experience.. dragging it for longer was the worst thing i could have ever done. It is the one regret in my life for messing around with him for so long. -
this guy is the source of your troubles. your presence even as a normal friend to her will cause him great discomfort. so if you really must have her as your girlfriend again, you must first remove him from existance. remember to make it look like an accident. but is she really worth all that risk? i mean, it's alright if he dies. but what if you get caught?Originally posted by GwenSilvz:Today, 3/6/04. He called her, says he doesn't like her talking to me... and she listened. However, when I was still with her during that shaky period. I told her i dislike her talking to him or going out with him even as a group. Nothing went in... -
i can only read and can't give any advice
gd luck : time will heal your wound
wonder when my turn
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i was really really thinking hard what to say then i read weeeeee's post. there's nothing much anyone of us here can say. first of all, i never like to comment if i only hear one side of the story. well assuming everything u said is in fair unbiased honesty, its not fair to blame her for anything.Originally posted by weeeeeee.....:i'm sure u need not advice already. what advice ppl gave here is gonna turn into deaf ears to u.
juz trying to visualise myself if i were to be u, how wud i feel...
yeah, i will feel like sh|t. at a loss of dunno what to do. although a rational mind will tell myself that i shud let go and move on, but i know it's difficult... very difficult. esp to know that there's another guy trying to "interfere".
and the worse thing is that she's trying to somehow "one leg step two boat", wants the attention from both sides. i will feel damn pissed off, of course, but heart still stuck wif her...
argh! what is she trying to do? does she feel good this way? does she do this to boost her ego that there r more than 1 guy giving her the attention?
tamade, dunno what to do, man! it's really affecting my work or my studies. hardly can sleep, hardly can eat. sometime really feel like crying but no tears come out.
it's more anger than sorrow, to state the fact.
now can't help but to think back all the wonderful memories on the moments i had wif her... and told myself, "fark, man! why wud things turn out to be this way?"
both of u are at wrong here. which is why the inevitable happened. she just happens to move on quicker cause she's got someone there waiting in the wings. i bet she's equally confused right now unless she doesn't have a concience. i know all your buddies will be telling u to forget that b*tch, she's not worth it blahblahblah..
but that's just a whole load of crap that you probably wanna hear right now. life throws u weird curveballs all the time. this is prob just one of the many things that could drive you to eventual desolation. have no fear, we all have to accept these things in life. they just come and go. so dun worry too much. if u feel upset, angry or just plain sorrowful, just log on to sgforums and read every single thread. who knows you might end up havin to give advice to people and somehow that helps a broken heart (hee hee...i know it helped me) the amount of nonsense in this forum could prob bring a smile or two to your face as well (am i hearing whoops and cheers from other forumites in the background??)
there's no explanation to how matters of the heart works. you just accept it. take care dude. the sun still shines tomorrow...live for that -
Originally posted by GwenSilvz:7/22/02 Me and a girl became one.
We see one another almost everyday, send her home everyday after school, went to Australia together with her, was really close physically as well...
For the past few months, things became shaky... sometimes she PMS, I also PMS... and I made her sad a number of times... She made me promise not to make her sad, i did... only to break it.
2/29/04 The message came... it's about breaking up... During the unstable period, she began to be close to her good friend who has been trying to court her for years. A week before we broke up, it already felt like the end, so that guy went to her house to console her. I didn't know, I went over as well only to see him. I was pissed and walked off. She ran after me and said "He's not my bf! It's impossible between him and me! Let's not break-up. I still care for you as my bf"
The whole week was awkward but I never do anything to upset her. I even surprised her with a gift. On 2/28, we even kissed.But on 2/29/04... the message came...
She said she made up her mind. When asked about that guy, she says she doesn't like him.
The following 2 days, they went out together... she rode on his bike... ignored my call... It was during my common test week. I felt she was a totally different person.
3/3/04. He went for BMT (NS). Me and her kept contact, like close friends. When asked about how she felt about the current situation, she say it's still good between us as good friends.
Today, 3/6/04. He called her, says he doesn't like her talking to me... and she listened. However, when I was still with her during that shaky period. I told her i dislike her talking to him or going out with him even as a group. Nothing went in...
I'm pissed now... really don't know what to do... I still see her in school everyday, same lecture and same class for one module. We still have 2 projects that is to be done between us. I still love her alot... I'm very lost...
Why is my break-up also so screwed up... why can't it just be a normal one where we walk our own way... in that way I'll only be sad.
But for this ex and a previos ex, the instant the relationship ended, the girl's with another guy. That makes it difficult to be even friends. And both are serious relationships that lasted for more than a year.
The minute you decide to get involve with a relationship with a classmate/office relationship - you knew something like that would pop out after you two break-up. I never support going after people you are working with (be it project mate/classmate/colleague, etc). If there is a must, then consider your options and consequences well.
So you are sad because you can't remain decent friends with her? The existence of her bf make things difficult for you? Knowing that the rose has thorns, you still try walk through a bush full of roses? Firstly, is there a must to remain contact when remaining contacts signfiy and suggest more suffering, more hurts and more to torments?
You said you wanna walk away but are you truely walking away? Or you merely move off somewhere safe and try to peep as you follow her?
Regarding to the promises she gave to you - all I know is such promises can almost never be kept. Promise to never make her feel the blues? Name me someone - anybody whom you deemed has a successful relationship without experiencing any sorrow phrase throughout the course of their relationship over say one year? Such love utopia never exist.
You said you wanna move on, but can't because you wanna to treat her like a buddy, the way you always did before this relationship was born - seriously speaking, do you think things can revert back to what it was? No right? Then it remaining friends is difficult - why not learn to let them go? Your speech is contradicting - even if you see her in school, so be it. You can CHOOSE to lead your own life and ignore her - but you don't want that option. I am telling you it's going to be difficult - but it's a way to leave the ruin village.
P.S: Not every relationship will revert back to friendship. I suggest you give yourself some time. Don't force a friendship to appear just because you want it to be. Let fate do it's job - if truely, nothing can salvage what you desire, then so be it.
Are you a Libra?
Cheers -
What makes you think that way? Anyway... like I've said, we've broken up and she's with another guy...Originally posted by Lingos:Sounds like she wants to give it up.. but she can't bear to let the past go..
About the part where I said her bf doesn't like her talking to me and she just obliged to it just last night... this morning she became another person again... She said we'll still be friends like the past few days which I find it okay and sent me an sms stating "Yesterday actually you did nothing wrong ar... Sorry... Morning"
When I called her and ask what's going on, she just say it's PMS...
I'm even more confused now... even my dreams are toying with my feelings... don't know why last night I dreamt of a patch back... was so happy. -
I'm a Taurus born in the year of cow... while she's a Sagittarius...
Don't believe in horoscope though -
Weee.... Farmer & Yun... nice one there...
Agreed wif posts that was made
im single for ~7 yrs trying to figure out what this thing called "love" is... and still trying... hahaha
Advice is useless, u noe the options available to u...
But noe that life has to carry on, just dun make silly
decisions...
Anyway, really no mood to talk abt these...
its been a long time since i poured my heart out,
and this ain't the place... yet...
~I feel happy for couples out there and wish them happiness from deep inside~
~I feel sad for couples breaking up only to think y they came together in the 1st place~ -
ha ha ha.... u really makes me laughOriginally posted by Farmer Brown:i was really really thinking hard what to say then i read weeeeee's post. there's nothing much anyone of us here can say. first of all, i never like to comment if i only hear one side of the story. well assuming everything u said is in fair unbiased honesty, its not fair to blame her for anything.
both of u are at wrong here. which is why the inevitable happened. she just happens to move on quicker cause she's got someone there waiting in the wings. i bet she's equally confused right now unless she doesn't have a concience. i know all your buddies will be telling u to forget that b*tch, she's not worth it blahblahblah..
but that's just a whole load of crap that you probably wanna hear right now. life throws u weird curveballs all the time. this is prob just one of the many things that could drive you to eventual desolation. have no fear, we all have to accept these things in life. they just come and go. so dun worry too much. if u feel upset, angry or just plain sorrowful, just log on to sgforums and read every single thread. who knows you might end up havin to give advice to people and somehow that helps a broken heart (hee hee...i know it helped me) the amount of nonsense in this forum could prob bring a smile or two to your face as well (am i hearing whoops and cheers from other forumites in the background??)
there's no explanation to how matters of the heart works. you just accept it. take care dude. the sun still shines tomorrow...live for that
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eh...what did i dooo?? i hope its not in a bad way
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Hmm.. cos she still wants you in her life. As for me, i don't think it's possible to become good friends overnight. I mean, it takes about a year to move on and forget about your ex (well for me anyway).. i'm not a superwoman. Well.. cos when you asked for a clean break, she said that loved you blah etc..Originally posted by GwenSilvz:What makes you think that way? Anyway... like I've said, we've broken up and she's with another guy...
About the part where I said her bf doesn't like her talking to me and she just obliged to it just last night... this morning she became another person again... She said we'll still be friends like the past few days which I find it okay and sent me an sms stating "Yesterday actually you did nothing wrong ar... Sorry... Morning"
When I called her and ask what's going on, she just say it's PMS...
I'm even more confused now... even my dreams are toying with my feelings... don't know why last night I dreamt of a patch back... was so happy.
It's like.. when starting to see a new guy, she wants you as her security blanket. BTW, this is just from experience.. not that i know what she feels 110%.. it's beacause when the new relationship fails, she knows you are there on the sideline cheering for her, holding a tourch for her. You know what i mean? It's all about attention hun. If it's really torturing you so much to be at her whims and fancy. Just ignore her phone calls and stuff until she treats you like a real friend would do. Put you in the #1 position even though she has a boyfriend. If my friends rang me up and they are depressed and upset on the phone.. i would drive down and be with them and my boyfriend would understand.
Hmm.. are you catching my drift? -
FB, nah i really don't think it's bad.Originally posted by Farmer Brown:eh...what did i dooo?? i hope its not in a bad way -
Lingos: Yap...
=) -
I hope that makes sense and is relevant. I would hate to be rambling about negative things to something totally off tangent.Originally posted by GwenSilvz:Lingos: Yap...
=) -
GwenSilvz, my way of seeing things is probably going to seem oversimplified, but it's from being through the traps enough times to know how to focus only on the essentials.
You're putting effort in, and she's not. Not only is she not putting effort in, she's taking your effort for granted as and when she pleases.
Bottom line: in this relationship/friendship, you're the asset and she's the liability. Whatever positive energy there is, you're providing it, and she's draining it.
Her reasons, be it PMS, youthful idecision or what not, matter jack squat - the net effect is that you're in a losing situation.
Walk away and cut your losses. From the sounds of it, you'd be worth much more to yourself if you were with someone who actually gives a damn about what you put in, instead of paying lip service and playing games. Your effort's better spent looking for someone who deserves you, instead of bailing water out of this sinking ship. Life's too damned short to be agonising over some nickel-and-dime game like this - you owe it to yourself to be good to yourself. -
Glad to know that!
=) -
Accept that it's over and just move on with your life...Originally posted by GwenSilvz:Why is my break-up always so screwed up... why can't it just be a normal one where we walk our own way... in that way I'll only be sad.
But for this ex and a previos ex, the instant the relationship ended, the girl's with another guy. That makes it difficult to be even friends. And both are serious relationships that lasted for more than a year.
When there's a break up in a relationship. Chances are things usually ain't gonna be the way we expect and want them to be....
Regards. -
If only i can really feel that way...like you..... I mean be like you! hahahaha. It'll be great!!!!Originally posted by boy in blues:this guy is the source of your troubles. your presence even as a normal friend to her will cause him great discomfort. so if you really must have her as your girlfriend again, you must first remove him from existance. remember to make it look like an accident. but is she really worth all that risk? i mean, it's alright if he dies. but what if you get caught? -
Your turn to... erm... ah... something?Originally posted by karaokeaddict:i can only read and can't give any advice
gd luck : time will heal your wound
wonder when my turn -
Gwen.. no offence. BUt i don't understand why you would want to be friends with an ex.
I think both parties need time to get over the whole affair and start again as friends a few months.. even a year later.