i need advice desperately...breakup with best friend
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Dear all
Today marks the 2nd day of my breakup with my best friend. i am feeling very miserable and lost. i have never want to let her go. i have never want to let go of this friendship. i cant bear to. i feel as if a major part of me has died.
she told me that she cant stand it anymore. i am a control freak. i expect her to tell me where and with who she is going out with. recently, she started seeing this guy which i feel that wasnt good enough and whenever she goes out with him, i would get very upset about it. my stand is that i want the best for her and i couldnt see why she doesnt view the same way.
these 2 days i have been doing lots of thinking. i know that it is all my fault that things turn out this way. i shouldnt impose my views on her but i cant help it. i just want the best for her and because of these differences, we quarrel almost everyday. i really dont know how to reconcile these differences and make myself change to "let go".
please help me. i really dont wish to lose her. -
yeah.. what right did you have to control anyone?
what to do?
apart from apologise to her?
change... change yourself... -
i have tried to change but to no avail. the same problem still persist cos it is very diffcult to change my thinking and perception of things.
she has forgave me time and time again but i think this time, she means it. what should i do? -
CHANGE!!
sheesh... is it that hard or is your friend not worth the effort?Originally posted by misery=(:i have tried to change but to no avail. the same problem still persist cos it is very diffcult to change my thinking and perception of things.
she has forgave me time and time again but i think this time, she means it. what should i do? -
i love my best friend. i want the best for her so much so that i become very paranoid when she takes a "different path" from what i perceive as the right one. she is like a very very dear sister to me. i really dont wish to see her being upset.
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Perhaps you want the best for her... and this is causing you to be over possessive...
Everyone needs a little breathing space... U can probably just advice her against her actions but ultimately, what path she chooses to take, its her own decision and as her best friend, you should respect it and not try to change it...
Cheer up... Let it cool down and then apologise and then constantly remind yourself that instead of controlling her, you should just be there for her...
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remember this:
since when does your way, mean the right way?
even if she is going the wrong way, it is HER LIFE! HER CHOICE! HERS TO LEAD!
if you truly love her, like you profess, just be there, supportive, unconditional... for her...
THAT, is love....
love is liberating, whatever you think is love, isn't...Originally posted by misery=(:i love my best friend. i want the best for her so much so that i become very paranoid when she takes a "different path" from what i perceive as the right one. she is like a very very dear sister to me. i really dont wish to see her being upset. -
sometimes... u need to slacken up a bit. got a friend whom i was a bit more bossy over... well... to the point he was scared stiff of me. so i kinda backed off and let him be. now hes not so frickin' afraid of me anymore. even calls me from his bunk now during his BMT... apart from his gal, im one of the few others he calls. haha...
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anyways, shes has her own independence. u have to respect her own thinking, her own rights.
how would u feel if she thought u had a lousy guy and was upset everytime u went out with him? -
things have reached such a stage that i dont know how to reconcile the differences anymore. there is much tension between us now and whenever we talk, we always end up quarrelling. now, she doesnt even want to see or talk to me. how?
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the hard way.. earn her trust again.. it's harder the 2nd time around...
but, in order to do that, again, that word you seem to avoid.. change...Originally posted by misery=(:things have reached such a stage that i dont know how to reconcile the differences anymore. there is much tension between us now and whenever we talk, we always end up quarrelling. now, she doesnt even want to see or talk to me. how? -
i share bear's sentiments... change...
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dude, back off a lil and give her some space to breathe ya? If u respect her as your best friend still, let her seek opinions as you are now doing and come to her own conclusions. There's really nothing wrong with differences, no one couple thinks, acts n behaves in exactly the same way. Besides, how do u know 'your way' is the best way?
step back a take a look at this situation from a new perspective maybe?
my 2 cents ... -
but she refuse to talk to me or see me
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let her cool down, just as you are upset, recognise the fact that so too is she, remember she juz broke up too y'know?Originally posted by misery=(:but she refuse to talk to me or see me
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well... shes human too. shes upset. give her awhile to cool off.
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do be prepared for the fact that she might not want to have anything more to do with you anymore, no matter what.
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upset? i dont think she is upset. she sounded very cold yest when i called her. she said that she was busy at work and hang up. bet she went out with that guy tonight. so how can i be convinced that she is upset about this breakup? it is just me this moron who is upset
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silly!Originally posted by misery=(:upset? i dont think she is upset. she sounded very cold yest when i called her. she said that she was busy at work and hang up. bet she went out with that guy tonight. so how can i be convinced that she is upset about this breakup? it is just me this moron who is upset
don't u get it?! shes upset with YOU!
and yeah she prob went out with him. so what's it to you??? do u see??? THAT is what caused her to decided to break off friendship with you! and u still continue on. i thought u wanted to change? -
sighz... get used to it lah...i also broke off with my best fren.. sighz... never contact for more than 1yr already. sadsadsad her bf think we are too close already.. and have to choose btw fren or bf... sighz.. she choose bf.. so i sadsadsad lor. haha...
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Originally posted by misery=(:Dear all
Today marks the 2nd day of my breakup with my best friend. i am feeling very miserable and lost. i have never want to let her go. i have never want to let go of this friendship. i cant bear to. i feel as if a major part of me has died.
she told me that she cant stand it anymore. i am a control freak. i expect her to tell me where and with who she is going out with. recently, she started seeing this guy which i feel that wasnt good enough and whenever she goes out with him, i would get very upset about it. my stand is that i want the best for her and i couldnt see why she doesnt view the same way.
these 2 days i have been doing lots of thinking. i know that it is all my fault that things turn out this way. i shouldnt impose my views on her but i cant help it. i just want the best for her and because of these differences, we quarrel almost everyday. i really dont know how to reconcile these differences and make myself change to "let go".
please help me. i really dont wish to lose her.
Don't act as a boyfriend when you are not - had a different case of an old friend who did the same thing (acting boyfriend) to another girl and it nearly ruin my friendship with him.
She is avoiding not because she hates you or what - but likely she feared you. Because in the first place, who the hell are you. Best friend is still only friend - good friend is still only friend. Causal friend is still only friend. Since you are only a friend, don't presume other roles.
Cheers -
i nv believe in platonic relationship wit the opp sex.......i think u should wake up ur idea liao....
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Misery,
I'm Not being harsh here, but u posted ur problem, asking for advice, & when The Bear advised u to change (which is v. gd advice, btw), u came up wif defensive excuses of ur own.
The problem stems from ur possessiveness of her, cosh she's obviously v. dear to u, but if u dun change, this is wat u're gonna end up wif, the loss of a best fren.
So it's up to u... Change, or face the loss & move on.
RPOriginally posted by misery=(:things have reached such a stage that i dont know how to reconcile the differences anymore. there is much tension between us now and whenever we talk, we always end up quarrelling. now, she doesnt even want to see or talk to me. how? -
well, all u can do now is to let her cool down, and do some reflections on yrself; need to change alrite; never never be over-possesive; even parents shouldn't be too possesive, let alone a fren.
one can never know what's best for another. what's best for oneself is very subjective...but what's best for frens is to respect one another...
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actually, got a bone to pick with you about this...
you're behaving just like misery... just because you do not believe in platonic relationships with the opposite sex, he cannot believe in it and must "wake up his idea"??Originally posted by nww16:i nv believe in platonic relationship wit the opp sex.......i think u should wake up ur idea liao....