i need advice desperately...breakup with best friend
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she once told me how much she wish that we can be together. we would probably be married with kids now if we had been together. we would have been so happy together. these words keep flashing in my mind.
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those "what if"s are ruining your life. don't dwell on the "what if"s. u are already in your mid-20s... learn how to deal with things like that already! whats the point of thinking of all that?Originally posted by misery=(:she once told me how much she wish that we can be together. we would probably be married with kids now if we had been together. we would have been so happy together. these words keep flashing in my mind. -
omg that sounds so corny and theatrical.. REPENT!!!Originally posted by HENG@:maybe you do.
and maybe u've never thought about this, but maybe u are definately NOT the best guy for her. maybe in fact, you are behaving so badly that she hardly even considers u to be on her top 100 list for "guys i can have a r/s with"
repent, or the end is near.
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poor guy.. reality must hv hit u like a 10 ton brick.Originally posted by misery=(:she once told me how much she wish that we can be together. we would probably be married with kids now if we had been together. we would have been so happy together. these words keep flashing in my mind.
hey.. seriously.. she ain't considering u now.. and i can't believe she has u for a "best friend".. u sure she considers u a friend or not.. or u just self declared again -
u commited suicide yet?Originally posted by dumbdumb!:firstly. if u are smitten by her, admit it, instead of being hypocritical and calling her "best friend" it appears she doesn't treat u as a friend anymore anyway
2ndly, loosen up, not loosen your jaw by impacting it from a 20 story jump in toa payoh or smth. be courteous, its not an easy chore to clean up a pile of dead flesh ok..
3rdly, u should seriously stop discriminating others like "oh this guy isn't good for her.." etc, cuz if u know u are smitten, every guy she goes out with, to you will be "not good for her" cuz u want to be the guy she is holding hands with. so seriously, stop being hypocritical and delusional..
4thly. is there a 4thly? u should evaluate your actions, for the upteenth time... u better change your attitute b4 u end up an old virgin.. seriously, no one likes being told what to do.. and yes, it hurts to be taken for granted then when she gets into trouble she runs back to you, then later runs off with another guy, thats what a platonic "best friend" is for.
cheerio 
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Ahem...Originally posted by dumbdumb!:u commited suicide yet? -
wei... later become real then jialat ahOriginally posted by dumbdumb!:u commited suicide yet? -
Originally posted by misery=(:i have lost the person i love most. life will never be the same again. it hurts deep. please tell me how do i move on from here. i am toying with the thought of going overseas to work to escape this.
Getting a little busy these days, but hope I am not too late.
AA mode on.
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Forbidden love? A love that you will never have; you pinned on it and the things you do is like trying to push as far as you could but never to bypass that invisible line. No matter how much you want to bring yourself close to that forbidden line - that is the maximum you can go. Seriously what for? Because you are like learning Piano with a restiction that says 'no going beyond grade 2.' No matter what you do, you are stuck at that level, even if you are the best grade 1 player in the world - you are still grade 1.
You liked her for so long, yet it never occurs to you that you should have woke up long ago. You kept pinning on the hope of being together, making use of the status of 'best friend' to get you closer to her. It never work because if it does, you have already succeed long ago. You are like a shadow - you will never be a main player. But you remain where you are because you felt that it is your only way to have her emotions connects with you.
So you are telling me that you are bleeding? Then I am here to tell you that you should have recovered LONG ago. You kept peeling old scars with your bare hands and so how do you expect your wounds to heal? The wounds grew bigger because your desire expands - and so will your disappointment when you cross the forbidden line and 'WHAM!' - you were hit in the face by the ultimate truth again - you are just a grade 1 player, never a grade 2. A love karmic cycle.she once told me how much she wish that we can be together. we would probably be married with kids now if we had been together. we would have been so happy together. these words keep flashing in my mind.
ONCE!
WAS!
PROBABLY!
These three words speaks a whole lot of truth in your illusionary paragraph.
ONCE: When I was young, I loved Lego - as I grew older, this liking vanished, not into thin air, but into good childhood memories. ONCE was a promise in the past - not a statement of the future. You lived in the past - you perish and sacrifice in your future. You don't bother and continue your own way, your own thinking - she already moved futher than you can imagine. You are just holding her picture in your hand, stagnant since the day you meet her and fell in love. Did I tell you she is happily living in urban areas while you are farming in rural towns, thinking that she will return to the past. So do you think she would, namely, be a farmer with you again?
WAS: A strong adjective here to further enhance and strengthen the quality that 'it was the PAST'.
PROBABLY: Its probably - probably means maybe and maybe means not sure and not sure means unlikely it would happen unless the right circumstances comes in. Married with kids, be happily ever after, blar blar blar... you are fooling yourself with this promise. She said WAS and ONCE - which means PROBABLY wouldn't have fulfilled because its not the right circumstance at all even in the past - therefore future wouldn't have them as well.
Nobody says moving on is easy. You would probably bleed and felt that you will die from the wounds, but trust me - you wouldn't. Recovery will taking place as soon as you tell yourself to wake up. Note: I didn't say move on first, I didn't say go know new girls first, I didn't say go focus on other stuff first, etc - I said learn to wake up yourself first. Acknowledge FIRST.
You have to acknowledge that it was over years back before you can do ANYTHING to try to move on. Your heart and mind must surrender to your karmic love. You must allow emotional pain to wash through your body and renew your soul, instead of resisting it and keep deluding yourself, thinking that there may be a chance, so that you wouldn't have to learn to grow. What does it take to make you see this?
P.S: Are you a Scorpio, Taurus, Aquarius or Leo?
Cheers -
Hi misery,Originally posted by misery=(:if i am smitten by her, it has been a good six years already. how to forget and let go just like that? it used to be just me and her, now it is him and her. just the thought of it hurts badly. even when i am posting this msg now, i feel as if i am bleeding inside. dramatic? no, it is the truth.
What is 6 years? There are ppl out there who had been waiting longer than u do. Dun always think u are the worse of the worst! Yes, it used to be just u and her, but she discovered u were not suitable as a lover for her. So she moved on and u stayed there. She found her loved one and u as a fren should be happy for her!!
People here are rite abt one thing in that u have absolutely no rite to control her everything. EVen her parents or bf dun do that, y should u? And if u are not going to change, things will bound to happen again.
U are feeling hurt but have u wondered: Ur actions hurt her more than u hurt urself??? So who is the one tt is more hurt? Its her! She wanted to be frens woth u but u time and time again hurt her through ur controlling actions. Pls do not see ur love hurt as the worst hurt in the world. There are other more hurting things. -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Yun!
ONCE!
WAS!
PROBABLY!
These three words speaks a whole lot of truth in your illusionary paragraph.
ONCE: When I was young, I loved Lego - as I grew older, this liking vanished, [b]not into thin air, but into good childhood memories. ONCE was a promise in the past - not a statement of the future. You lived in the past - you perish and sacrifice in your future. You don't bother and continue your own way, your own thinking - she already moved futher than you can imagine. You are just holding her picture in your hand, stagnant since the day you meet her and fell in love. Did I tell you she is happily living in urban areas while you are farming in rural towns, thinking that she will return to the past. So do you think she would, namely, be a farmer with you again?
WAS: A strong adjective here to further enhance and strengthen the quality that 'it was the PAST'.
PROBABLY: Its probably - probably means maybe and maybe means not sure and not sure means unlikely it would happen unless the right circumstances comes in. Married with kids, be happily ever after, blar blar blar... you are fooling yourself with this promise. She said WAS and ONCE - which means PROBABLY wouldn't have fulfilled because its not the right circumstance at all even in the past - therefore future wouldn't have them as well.
Nobody says moving on is easy. You would probably bleed and felt that you will die from the wounds, but trust me - you wouldn't. Recovery will taking place as soon as you tell yourself to wake up. Note: I didn't say move on first, I didn't say go know new girls first, I didn't say go focus on other stuff first, etc - I said learn to wake up yourself first. Acknowledge FIRST.
You have to acknowledge that it was over years back before you can do ANYTHING to try to move on. Your heart and mind must surrender to your karmic love. You must allow emotional pain to wash through your body and renew your soul, instead of resisting it and keep deluding yourself, thinking that there may be a chance, so that you wouldn't have to learn to grow. What does it take to make you see this?
P.S: Are you a Scorpio, Taurus, Aquarius or Leo?
Cheers [/b]
BRAVO!
u somehow always manage to express very clearly what i am trying to put across.
no wonder u are AA Numero Uno
*applause*
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i wonder if he is still alive..
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thanks for all the encouragement and advice.
Yun, you really speak my innermost thoughts. it's so scary to know that you understand me so well. are you a psychiatrist?
i am a Leo. probably because i am a Leo, i remain very stubborn and steadfast to the one i love. you are right. it should have ended long ago, 5 years ago to be exact. but i held on, held on to being the best kind of friend to her, being the best god-sibling to her, hoping that one day, we may be together. i always have this thought that we may be husband and wife in our previous life. if not, how can we possibly meet up after more than 10 years of separation? if not, how can i possibly love her so much? i keep telling myself that this is fate. we will be together, even if not this life, we will be in our next life. so i strive harder and harder. i met with hiccups along the way but i never and could never give up.
i saw their photos in her wallet just now. my heart sank again. i told her that i fear to lose her. she told me that she still cherish this friendship. i wanted to cry but no tears fell. i guess all my tears has dried up. i will try to move on. it's very difficult. we used to do everything together. now, i have to do everything alone. -
dun worry. i won't kill myself though it has been on my mind on and off.
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better don'tOriginally posted by misery=(:dun worry. i won't kill myself though it has been on my mind on and off.
its a definate NO NO -
Originally posted by misery=(:thanks for all the encouragement and advice.
Yun, you really speak my innermost thoughts. it's so scary to know that you understand me so well. are you a psychiatrist?
i am a Leo. probably because i am a Leo, i remain very stubborn and steadfast to the one i love. you are right. it should have ended long ago, 5 years ago to be exact. but i held on, held on to being the best kind of friend to her, being the best god-sibling to her, hoping that one day, we may be together. i always have this thought that we may be husband and wife in our previous life. if not, how can we possibly meet up after more than 10 years of separation? if not, how can i possibly love her so much? i keep telling myself that this is fate. we will be together, even if not this life, we will be in our next life. so i strive harder and harder. i met with hiccups along the way but i never and could never give up.
i saw their photos in her wallet just now. my heart sank again. i told her that i fear to lose her. she told me that she still cherish this friendship. i wanted to cry but no tears fell. i guess all my tears has dried up. i will try to move on. it's very difficult. we used to do everything together. now, i have to do everything alone. I am unorthodox, not a psychiatrist.
Blame the media for giving false influence on people like you - a meet up after ten years of separation doesn't mean fate to be together, as portrayed by shows. Astrologically speaking, there are possible Pluto connections and other lasting bonds with one another, which you both have in each other and result in an unbreakable invisible cord.
There are two side of a coin to these effects - firstly, if your both are married, divorce cannot be an option. Secondly, if you two are not together for certain reasons, chances are: it's linked with your love cosmic karma - the villian that always delude people to think that 'this is true love' OR 'The One'....
... when in fact it's a test to see if you could realise some relationship are never meant to be there in the first place. How we handle our own love crisis will result in either growth or degeneration.
You want to live out your misery, you have to understand the source of your misery - you will realise that it never came from her, but it seeps from your preception, thinkings, emotions and actions.
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If you can't stand having just a simple friendship. Avoid. She can't give you the affection and adoration that a Leo would need in return for your love. You tried so many years to hold onto the moving truck - why wouldn't you try and release the tight grip? I would tell you, it's much easier. Yes, you will hurt yourself when you land, but that's about it.
Yes, that's about it.
Believe in respecting space, freedom, freewill and decision. You will gradually see the bigger picture. Be a driver of your own love, not a thief trying to fit in somewhere. You can't because all is taken up - there isn't a perfect place to put you.
Cheers -
How you know for SURE? If you wanna be certain, better SOBER UP SOON.... And don't hold stupid thoughts in your mind... I'm sure your mind can be used for much better things...?Originally posted by misery=(:dun worry. i won't kill myself though it has been on my mind on and off. -
haha...
nothing is certain in life. the only certain thing is perhaps uncertainty. -
actually, the only certain things are death and taxes.Originally posted by misery=(:haha...
nothing is certain in life. the only certain thing is perhaps uncertainty. -
The best way to get over it ....is to try to look for someone new.....
In time, U'll recover no problem... Dun dwell over....when the fact is no chance le...... Quickly find another target.