think my younger sis is crooked
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its different when its your younger sis in question. i have gone through that phase before and lets just say it was not a pretty sight. my parents were very heart broken and many tears were shed.
i just want to do the right thing. IF she never change...how? should i leave her alone and let her deal with it and come out wiser. Or should i be a prick and interfer so she doesn't fall deeper. I know frenz who are still crooked till today and are not exactly having the time of their life. (early twenties) Nevertheless, some pointers are excellent.thanks! -
would u appreciate it if your sis decided to intefere and make u lesbian, because she thinks it is wrong of u to be straight?Originally posted by shopgirl:its different when its your younger sis in question. i have gone through that phase before and lets just say it was not a pretty sight. my parents were very heart broken and many tears were shed.
i just want to do the right thing. IF she never change...how? should i leave her alone and let her deal with it and come out wiser. Or should i be a prick and interfer so she doesn't fall deeper. I know frenz who are still crooked till today and are not exactly having the time of their life. (early twenties) Nevertheless, some pointers are excellent.thanks! -
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I am Croco, Croco am I -
hello she is 14...the point here is not about whether its right to be a les or not. Point being, should it not be about guidance and support esp now when she is at such a vulnerable age.Originally posted by HENG@:would u appreciate it if your sis decided to intefere and make u lesbian, because she thinks it is wrong of u to be straight? -
im not talking about right or wrong to be les or not. im talking about, with regard to something so personal, is it right to interfere in any way? irregardless of age.Originally posted by shopgirl:hello she is 14...the point here is not about whether its right to be a les or not. Point being, should it not be about guidance and support esp now when she is at such a vulnerable age. -
not to say interfere. but its good to always provide guidance. they may not feel comfortable to take the initiative to ask, but older siblings shud feel responsible enuff to take the initiative to ask them and guide them, o cos tactfully.Originally posted by HENG@:im not talking about right or wrong to be les or not. im talking about, with regard to something so personal, is it right to interfere in any way? irregardless of age.
jus imagine if its ur own siblings whom u care for alot, wat would u do or not do?
o cos this varies wif the individual. this is jus wat i would do if i were the one. -
guidance is a subjective word. while it may seem like guidance to u, it may seem like distrust, and interference to someone else. u could advice, but u cannot force, and u cannot be overbearing. if it was my brother, i'd let him sort it out himself. i did fine myself, who gave me "guidance"? and the only time someone offered "guidance", it was more like, being forced to do something against my will, at a time when i was still too young to know how to handle things other than to simply accept being forced. the result? my life got turned upside down. so when i say do not interfere, i say from a 1st hand experience of being a victim of "guidance".Originally posted by wuming78:not to say interfere. but its good to always provide guidance. they may not feel comfortable to take the initiative to ask, but older siblings shud feel responsible enuff to take the initiative to ask them and guide them, o cos tactfully.
jus imagine if its ur own siblings whom u care for alot, wat would u do or not do?
o cos this varies wif the individual. this is jus wat i would do if i were the one. -
yah.. i noe wat u mean. but u would noe ur sibing best lor. so wat kind of guidance wil be up to u. o cos he/she may not need any at all. den it wil be the best.Originally posted by HENG@:guidance is a subjective word. while it may seem like guidance to u, it may seem like distrust, and interference to someone else. u could advice, but u cannot force, and u cannot be overbearing. if it was my brother, i'd let him sort it out himself. i did fine myself, who gave me "guidance"? and the only time someone offered "guidance", it was more like, being forced to do something against my will, at a time when i was still too young to know how to handle things other than to simply accept being forced. the result? my life got turned upside down. so when i say do not interfere, i say from a 1st hand experience of being a victim of "guidance". -
Talk to her... Be her friend... Don't stop her but monitor her from there... You can't guide if you don't even know her... And you can't know her unless she allows herself to... (but you must make her see at least a reason to in the 1st place?)Originally posted by shopgirl:its different when its your younger sis in question. i have gone through that phase before and lets just say it was not a pretty sight. my parents were very heart broken and many tears were shed.
i just want to do the right thing. IF she never change...how? should i leave her alone and let her deal with it and come out wiser. Or should i be a prick and interfer so she doesn't fall deeper. I know frenz who are still crooked till today and are not exactly having the time of their life. (early twenties) Nevertheless, some pointers are excellent.thanks! -
don't be so sure.Originally posted by wuming78:yah.. i noe wat u mean. but u would noe ur sibing best lor. so wat kind of guidance wil be up to u. o cos he/she may not need any at all. den it wil be the best.
one would expect the parents to know their child best. and guess what. the lousy "guidance" i got was from my parents. and so there. -
u have heavy respondsiblities man.. u cannot control her, coz if u do, she is sure to rebel, u wont have results from it man.. talk to her like her friends thats the way to get close to herOriginally posted by shopgirl:major prob here. suspect 14 year old sis is lesbian. wat should i do. currently super rebelious and might scream if i asked her abt it, worse still shut herself from me. HELP! she is in a all girls school and parents aren't here, so i am in charge -
Farmer,
U're the 1st person in SG whom I noe, to ans in this manner, & it gives me hope tt 1 day, SGreans will be more accepting of others : )
I haf Nothg more to add, this is a gd reply : )
RPOriginally posted by Farmer Brown:so what if she's lesbian. u should be supportive no matter what. if i had a sister and she chose to be lesbian, i'm gonna support her all the way. its her life and its her choice. the fact that society already frowns upon these people and look at them as freaks.. u as an older sibling should stand by her side.
talk to her nicely and try to understand her. i'm sure she'll appreciate your efforts and she'll def not close herself to you. who knows, she might just make u her confidant and tell u all her probs, that way, u can look out for her and thats what you really want don't u? -
Mebbe its a good sign that we are evolving to being people with more empathy and less narrow-minded in thinking
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juz accept it...my sis also a les...cant do much abt it.. juz gotta accept it lor. i tink she might not even have the chance to turn straight....well guess it's life accept her for who she is...if she wanna to change she will change but if she cant, she wont change one lor..
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Originally posted by shopgirl:major prob here. suspect 14 year old sis is lesbian. wat should i do. currently super rebelious and might scream if i asked her abt it, worse still shut herself from me. HELP! she is in a all girls school and parents aren't here, so i am in charge
Soul's energy and biological genes are two different thing. So therefore Lesbians are natural, although her love life will be almost guaranteed tormenting, conflicting and difficult - more than your usual couples. (Unless Higher Twin Self or karmic love cycle is hidden somewhere).
I shall say: let her source for her own path in life. She is the mistress of her own fate.
Cheers -
You're right - there is a problem here. However, it's not with your sister being possibly lesbian - it's with the fact that you are in a position to think this way.Originally posted by shopgirl:major prob here. suspect 14 year old sis is lesbian. wat should i do. currently super rebelious and might scream if i asked her abt it, worse still shut herself from me. HELP! she is in a all girls school and parents aren't here, so i am in charge
To clarify that last sentence, it appears that there might be a two reasons for you to think that there is a major problem:
1) you believe that your parents will see lesbiansim as a bad thing, and that you will ultimately be held accountable by them for any outcome
2) you yourself believe that lesbianism is a bad thing
In the first case, you have been put in that position, and in the second case, you have taken that stand up by your own volition. Whoever is responsible needs to realise that at the end of the day, they're really not in control of such things anyway and passing judgement on it will do more harm than good. -
Gedy's point is actually my point but from another angle... are YOU personally against her lesbianism?
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or are you(the thread starter), against lesbianism as a whole?Originally posted by Farmer Brown:Gedy's point is actually my point but from another angle... are YOU personally against her lesbianism? -
haha bro heng.. actually that was a typo on my part...American Idol just started as i was finishin it so i just sent it without reading what i wrote..WOOPS!! haha
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no i am not against lesbians...i repeat...i am not against lesbiansOriginally posted by HENG@:or are you(the thread starter), against lesbianism as a whole?
its simple, i do not want my sis to go thru the same thing i did...i was sent to singapore to study in an all girl's school...i was crooked once...and when my parents found out, they were devasted...they didn't blame me ...in fact they blamed themselves...apologising for not being there for me...that its their fault i turn out this way due to work obligations (ALWIZ overseas). it really broke my heart to see my mum and dad cry.
they pulled me out of school and sent me to boarding school in Oz so that i stop hanging out with , well, my crooked friens in sg. it was a very difficult phase for me.... to start life agin in a foreign country again!!!but thats how my parents deal with it, they do what they think is best for the kids. i my parents are awesome, the unconditional love they give their kids...
i dun wan my parents to go through the same thing...and i dun wan my sis to go through the same thing.. its terrible. its a very terrible terrible situation to be in. my parents loves the kids so much, it hurts to see them work so hard.And i am the oder sister, i just wan to do whats right for my sis. its my sister we are talking about.
its not about my beliefs, my values....its a simple question, dun complicate it. -
Ever try telling all this to your sis?? If she's sensible enough, she'll understand and try not to hurt your parents again lor, but I think it's hard for a 14 yrs old to understand that lah. What i'll do is keep it from my parents and hope that she'll grow out of it fast lor.Originally posted by shopgirl:no i am not against lesbians...i repeat...i am not against lesbians
its simple, i do not want my sis to go thru the same thing i did...i was sent to singapore to study in an all girl's school...i was crooked once...and when my parents found out, they were devasted...they didn't blame me ...in fact they blamed themselves...apologising for not being there for me...that its their fault i turn out this way due to work obligations (ALWIZ overseas). it really broke my heart to see my mum and dad cry.
they pulled me out of school and sent me to boarding school in Oz so that i stop hanging out with , well, my crooked friens in sg. it was a very difficult phase for me.... to start life agin in a foreign country again!!!but thats how my parents deal with it, they do what they think is best for the kids. i my parents are awesome, the unconditional love they give their kids...
i dun wan my parents to go through the same thing...and i dun wan my sis to go through the same thing.. its terrible. its a very terrible terrible situation to be in. my parents loves the kids so much, it hurts to see them work so hard.And i am the oder sister, i just wan to do whats right for my sis. its my sister we are talking about.
its not about my beliefs, my values....its a simple question, dun complicate it. -
haha.....brother a gay b4?? jus jokinOriginally posted by Parka: signs of puberty. should grow out of it. -
lets put through a hypothetical question then.Originally posted by shopgirl:no i am not against lesbians...i repeat...i am not against lesbians
its simple, i do not want my sis to go thru the same thing i did...i was sent to singapore to study in an all girl's school...i was crooked once...and when my parents found out, they were devasted...they didn't blame me ...in fact they blamed themselves...apologising for not being there for me...that its their fault i turn out this way due to work obligations (ALWIZ overseas). it really broke my heart to see my mum and dad cry.
they pulled me out of school and sent me to boarding school in Oz so that i stop hanging out with , well, my crooked friens in sg. it was a very difficult phase for me.... to start life agin in a foreign country again!!!but thats how my parents deal with it, they do what they think is best for the kids. i my parents are awesome, the unconditional love they give their kids...
i dun wan my parents to go through the same thing...and i dun wan my sis to go through the same thing.. its terrible. its a very terrible terrible situation to be in. my parents loves the kids so much, it hurts to see them work so hard.And i am the oder sister, i just wan to do whats right for my sis. its my sister we are talking about.
its not about my beliefs, my values....its a simple question, dun complicate it.
IF your parents view being straight as unacceptable to them(dun ask me why the hell they would think this way, its just a hypothetical question), then would u be lesbian to please them?
while no doubt most parents in this world often want the best for their kids, have you considered that they often view things from their point of view, which may not neccessary be the best point of view for situations happening to YOU?
this here now, is the question of, would u go against your parents to stick to what u believe in, or value, or would you drop your freedom of choice to please your parents?
no doubt it is a tough choice, but who lives with the final consequences of their choice? you. everyone has the right to choose for themselves, because it IS everyone's right as a human being.
i would feel that if u are truely worried about your parents being heartbroken, hide your sister's lesbianism from them. give her time to sort it out herself, and if she chooses to be a lesbian, so be it. its her choice, its her life. respect it even if you do not approve. but for the time being, the best solution i feel, if u do not want to totally alienate yourself from your sister, and yet not upset your parents, is to simply hide it all from your parents, for the time being. -
double
damn lag -
i love my parents too and i do not advocate being unfilial to them, but the thing is i have experienced 1st hand, the effects of misguided, misinformed and biased "guidance" from them, and it near alienated me from them. Simply put, things are never black and white. If u decide to rule with an iron fist, regardless of your good intentions or your views and beliefs, then prepare for some really nasty fallout.