sex wid ex
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i fully agree wif yunhaier and rainbowprincess.
no such thing as "dunno what happened until he penetrated me". it takes 2 hands to clap.
if u r unwilling, u wud have ask him to stop or push him away when he started his campaign. no matter how sleepy a person is, i dont believe she will not feel a thing when anyone started to remove her clothings.
and of all the places, u chose to sleep in his house. and where? on his bed?
anyway, what has been done is done, period. -
you were probably drugged by that creep. here's a tip. never allow yourself in a room alone with a guy who is not your husband. anyway, don't worry about what happened. any guy who deserves you won't mind it a bit.Originally posted by e_d_ot:ex = B
ex,ex = A
i didn noe wat happened...i was havin a nap...cos i was feeling tired...
by the time i was clear on wat was gg on...it happened...
rite now, i'm thinking of B.....but i dunno how to face him..i did even told him wat happened... -
Seriously, who are u kidding when you say that you only realised it after your ex's dick penetrated you?? Obviously, you were aware of what was going on and you had the CHOICE to refuse sex even after the initial penetration. But you did not... Therefore, you were as much a willing party as he was. You parted your labia majoras, he pumped you with his rod. Both of you just wanted sex. Simple. Hormones isn't it? Just do it like they do on the Discovery Channel, That was loveless sex and you didn't think about the consequences. Zham 1st, think later...Now you feel guilty after all that humping... Don't blame it on the guy, you'll do better putting the blame on hormones.
If you still want your previous relationship to continue, (I think) you should let your ex know about what happened, but I wouldn't want to predict his reaction.... -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
I dunno, I always read randomly. A good start would be Relationship from Dummies.
Cheers
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are you 100% sure that you were so barely conscious as to mistake his identity and lose your orientation? did you accept any of his drinks or food? because he probably spiked it with some dope. did he request for sex? and did you say yes or express consent? if no, please call the cops and get his sorry ass into some major shiat, man!Originally posted by e_d_ot:i did not say it's not my mistake....
i forgot where i was, and being sleepy...i thought he was my bf...
as for the other guy, no point telling him. i mean what's the purpose? he can't change anything. but for your info, the correct way for him to behave is to always side the victim, namely you. but you may not wish to find out the hard way. -
What is done cannot be undone.
Don't think any guy will feel good knowing his gf has sex with other gals, likewise for gals.
Its kind of hard to believe that you have no idea whats going on even when you are asleep. You did not reject the advancement from your ex ex bf. Nothing will happen if the opportunity for things to happen is not given.
What will your bf (ex bf?) think?
Best wishes -
If you have decided to leave him, than just walk away, you don't have to feel guilty... you only feel guilty if you are still with him and he is kept in the dark... why let him have the chance to destroy your future? you see some guys will go telling about you and before you know it, everyone is speaking ill behind your back. People gossips esp in a case when the blow is too much for he/she to take, esp when they feel that they are the victim... they might just end up saying.. what have i done wrong in the relationship that my partner sleeps with another person? and you end up being condemn.. trust me.. people can say one thing at this time but when the real thing takes place.. you will be surprised their words differ from what they told you initially.. and i can also tell.. no one in the world is going to accept that.. we are humans not animals that after mating, forgotton about their mate.
you should just let go
1st scenario:
you choose to keep quiet and you feel guilt tearing at you, one day you will be in the ayslum by thinking and fearing and feeling guity everyday
2nd scenario
you tell him, you feel peace at heart that he knows the truth but another fear that he cannot accept comes in. ok assume he cld accept... he is going to treat you real diff and i can say that kind of life he is going to give you after he knows it = HELL. everyday, you will be metally emotionally abused by him.. you cant really confront him, he will use what you told him on you and I can tell since its your fault in the first place, you will be speechless upon his confrontation. he might go around spreading what you did to him.
3rd scenario
you let go.. don tell him anything and move on.. give yourself time to be release from this guilt before you attempt another relationship, which can say... the guilt wont b long since the person isnt going to be him. you feel guilt because you cheated on him. Make aure you dont ever repeat the mistake again and you live in bliss.
if you try continue this relationship, your life might be in terror, nightmares... guys... their actions and words can go beyond your imagination esp if they aint the one at fault.
I have analyse it for you... the situations you might get into and sis yun had also advice you... many people had... you still eventually have to make the choice yoursef.. make a wise one, cos a wrong one = disaster. love yourself before others could love you.
cheers
may god bless you -
Whoops! Edit liao.Originally posted by Devil1976: 
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If I am you, If I still want to be with my ex, I will tell him the truth and let him decide if he wants to continue the relationship.
If you decide not to continue the relationship, then, dun tell him anything! I mean, it doesn't mean anything to him liao... -
hey gal... don't wreck yourself over one moment of weakness. forget about both of them... i know some of the forumites will accuse of me teaching u to escape but seriously, wat is the point of dwelling in this issue. there are better men out there who would accept u and love u no matter wat you have done (but provided u repentant hor...)
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E-d-ot, i guess i believe you. It was non-consensual but when you got aroused you stopped struggling and participated in the sex as a willing partner.
Once you got aroused all is lost. The senses only return when the guy has had his fill or rather his spill.
Notwithstanding that, i think it is still rape if he had drugged you or whatever. He is a monster!
If he had merely succeeded in seducing you, both of you are to blame. -
I'll find it hard to accept and trust U all over again if i'm ur ex...
Gal....i think can find someone new le....
It's abit too much coz U're in a relationship wif someone le...unless U dun tell him....but u'll live in guilt. Tell him, he will lose his trust in U N in Ur relationship..
Best way is try to 4get him... -
Hi,
I know its probably difficult at the moment to think straight as to what to do but one of the better thing to do at this moment is to just try and cool down so that you can get your emotions and mind straight again. otherwise, the guilt and all the different and conflicting advise floating in your head will only cause you to become more confused and not know what to do, how to think and consequently how to feel.
It is only natural to feel guilty since that is a reactive protective mechanism that each and everyone is given and born with. It is normal. The issue for you is to decide what to do with how you feel.
Destructive way to handle guilt is to let it simmer and eat you up. The better way is to use this powerful emotion to change your behaviour and learn from it and not repeat the mistake that you made.
Yes you do have some soul searching to do but at this juncture, there is little point getting into the "you are to be blamed" or "takes 2 hand to clap" game etc. Sure everyone makes mistakes but more importantly after a mistake, of course you will feel horrible and lousy etc but instead of staying there, use that feeling as the basis and determine in your mind what you do not want to repeat. That is what this guilt mechanism is for! you can use it as a tool. So use it properly, it can be used to make us just a little better as a human being. By using this powerful tool properly, you can avoid hurting youself and hurt those you love in the future bec it will alter your thinking and behaviour for the better.
As to the whys you got into the situations, well only you can tell and analyse what went on, it may be as some had suggested that in a momentary lapse you had let your guard down and allowed the desire for sex/intimacy to carry you through and only to wake up after it is done. That happens. This is why so many people often regret after that. But many just let guilt eat them up until they become numb and not take an active determined selfwilled step to change their thinking and behaviour. So they continue to perpetuate the problem and feel guilty until they are so numb that it becomes "normal"! Its just like alcohol or tobacco tolerence etc... the more you drink the less it affects you.
But on the other hand, if you think that you may have been drugged then you would want to reassess what your next course of action would be.
Do you know what went on? Are you conscious of what actually went on? The problem is that if you had engaged in heavy petting willingly then to go further, it is just another step in the process, something that is usually natural (probably something that you are used to already with him) so the mental and emotional barrier would not be as high since its the next step. But if you had not consented to him having sex with you, then he has violated you even if you had engaged in heavy petting.
So if "you didnt know what happened until he penertrated you" meant that you had not anticipated having full intercourse but had been willing to pet with him, then you need to determine in your own mind what happened, whether you crossed the boundary automatically like before and only woke up to it when he penertrated you or that he had just taken advantage of the situation. If it is the latter, he has violated you. That is the same principle in law that got Shangkar Aiya-ed.
if you didnt willingly engaged in petting etc and only realised as in woken up to it and actually noticed that he is having sexual intercourse with you, then he has violated you!!!
As to why a guy will have sex or not have sex with you and your desire for him etc, that is another thing altogether, may be you should focus on your current state of mind first and clear out the doubts and guilts and analyse what happened first before you go on. otherwise, you will be too muddle headed and confused emotionally to be able to handle anything else ahead.
Take care
franzx -
e_d_ot,
i believe you're an adult already.Dont run away from things.You're hiding cause you're afraid to face it.When you've done sth wrong,it's not easy to admit it.But sometimes,when you tell the truth and face the fact,you will live a better person.Tell him face to face.
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Originally posted by e_d_ot:my ex: when we use to be together...he's the one refusing sex...tt's y i thought he's not so into sex...tts y i thought it was safe...
i regretted my actions cos i did not go there thinking tt i wanna hav sex wid him...if that were to be the case, i would not be regrettin now....
i did thought of wat i would do, and how i would feel if my bf had sex wid another girl outside...i tink i would feel ok, as long as he doesn let me noe...
which led to my decision to not let him noe y i wanted to break off wid him...and, he didn ask as well....so frm wat ditzy interpretated, he doesn give a damn abt me...
wat should not have happened, has happened....i tink rite now, i should move on, n prevent this kind of stuff frm happening again...
the guilt is horrible...hav never felt so guilty b4....
well, come to think of i, i can't even stand other guys making close physical contact with my girl loh.. if i noe another guy screwed my girl... i wud feel intense feeling of being betrayed
and betrayal is not sumthing that is taken easily loh.
the more u luv and trust a girl
the deeper the pain if u noe she failed ur trust.
the more severe the cut when u find out she let u down.
not trying to burst ur bubble, but i think you've really lost him.
but varies from person to person, wad i said may not be100% true -
Originally posted by paradize:
can ask u a qn? other guy cannot screw yr girl, but u can screw her?i juz wonderin... no offence
well, come to think of i, i can't even stand other guys making close physical contact with my girl loh.. if i noe another guy screwed my girl... i wud feel intense feeling of being betrayed
and betrayal is not sumthing that is taken easily loh.
the more u luv and trust a girl
the deeper the pain if u noe she failed ur trust.
the more severe the cut when u find out she let u down.
not trying to burst ur bubble, but i think you've really lost him.
but varies from person to person, wad i said may [b]not be100% true[/b] -
u shld ask yrself y u hav sex wif him, u hav e ans wif yrself actually..Originally posted by e_d_ot:i went to my ex's place and somehow we ended up havin sex....while being in a relationship wid this guy
wat should i do..i feel so jian4...
i hav since broke the relationship wid him...cos i couldn stand facing him, cos i betrayed his trust....
but i really love him alot....i dunno wat got into me at that time...