Problems Arising From An Age Gap Between You & Your Partner
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Age gap?
I wanna say that if both can cpmmunicate well and understand each other can liao
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I'm sorry, i've not been attentive towards you. I promise to treat you better ok darling???Originally posted by Yunhaier:I do ask occasionally my dear MC.
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Yes, I insist.Originally posted by M?square:I'm sorry, i've not been attentive towards you. I promise to treat you better ok darling??? 
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
yup i admit we are all not perfect, no one can say that they are always rational in thinking all the time. Humans have emotions and alot of times we are governed by them, thats when the line between right and wrong gets blurred.
A good effort on your part and continue them.
Her action never says that she don't love you - it's merely her personality that 'spice' up your relationship. There are three things you have to do:
I) [b]Recongise the land mines; namely the areas where you will blow your top when she persist in her behavior during such situations/timing/events/etc. She has to know, so she will know when and where to avoid stepping onto your temper.
II) Realise that changing a person will not work, because in the end, she will not be herself and you will lose feelings gradually. Don't attempt change - attempt improving. She has to know specifically the issue before you can exercise improvement upon that area. By telling her 'xxxxxxx' will not work - guide her, the way you want her to learn.
III) Learn to beauty of compromising. If you noticed, II and III has to work hand-in-hand. Her behavior may have flaws, but so are yours. Patience is the key to these three points and with patience, you will develop a kind of compromising.
P.S: She still loves you - that's most important. Think about it.
Cheers[/b]
Here are 2 examples I encountered with her over the weekend.
Eg.1 We were watching the Taiwan presidential protest, I commented that those protesters didn't know that they were doing their economy more harm than good by their massive demonstrations (business point of view) she argued back that the people needed change as their current president isnt a good president and said they were doing the right thing in campaigning. (sympathetic and emotional p.o.v) this sparked off a heated debate. Needless to say she got very worked up, kicking up a fuss on how I failed to understand the feelings of the average taiwanese, whilst for me I was taken aback on how emotionally charged she got just from watching a protest thats a few thousand kilometres away. I backed off before it esculated into yet another arguement.
Eg. 2 This time we were watching the Taiwanese talk show Generation (the guy with a crow on his shoulder) topic of the show was "People who 2-time" In this programme people who 2-timed came out to be asked questions by people who have been 2-timed before. Of course temperatures raised as the people who have been cheated blasted the perpertators. My gf too joined in the fray of openly bashing them, I was once again just giving the 2-timers a the benefit of the doubt by reasoning with my gf that might be underlying causes to what they have done. (BTW the 2-timer was a guy) I thought i spoked in a very diplomatic way, but my gf didnt think so, she snapped back and thought i was supporting him and asked "why? u wanna 2-time oso izit?" I kept quiet and let out a huge *sigh.
Perhaps it is her teenage angst? too emotionally charged? I've been trained to question everything I see and always look at things that go against the flow of people's view its in my job to do so. perhaps leaving this trait back in the office is the thing to do.
As to what Yun said, thanks for the advice! I like the idea of "improving her" instead of "changing her" sure sounds very politically correct!!!
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She has told me before she isnt well liked by her classmates especially girls because of her ability to Sa Jiao She's in poly.Originally posted by Lingos:Yes Dude, i so totally agree!
Teh teh is not a good look for anyone.
HAHHA.. I think it's called Sa Jiao in chinese, it's irritating and very annoying. HAHA..Some women at 18 are already mothers.
Ok.. i know there are exceptions to this. But lots of girls from Singapore, those who have it easy in life. Can't understand how hard it is to bring in the dough.
She also could be trying to get back at you because you work long hours and can't be with her all the time as she is obviously (i assume she is not working full time.. not from the sounds of it) leading a leisurely life.
Guys have a weakness though to girls who can do it, I'm a prime example haha
Your 2nd para. really got me thinking...u raised a probable reason too...I'm seldom there with her only during the night and on weekends. She ever said this to me before when we were out on a weekday (i was on leave tat day) she commented while i was driving, "this is so nice, for once when we go out there is sunlight" I didnt think much of it then, but since you brought up the point..yes it does makes alot of sense why she does what it... -
HEheh.. so you admit that you love it when she sha jiaos but she overdoes it and stretches you to the limit?Originally posted by L@gSoN:She has told me before she isnt well liked by her classmates especially girls because of her ability to Sa Jiao She's in poly.
Guys have a weakness though to girls who can do it, I'm a prime example haha
Your 2nd para. really got me thinking...u raised a probable reason too...I'm seldom there with her only during the night and on weekends. She ever said this to me before when we were out on a weekday (i was on leave tat day) she commented while i was driving, "this is so nice, for once when we go out there is sunlight" I didnt think much of it then, but since you brought up the point..yes it does makes alot of sense why she does what it...
So she does feel that you are not around her enough? Good to know that i've helped. This usually happens when one partner is not around enough. The other starts doing silly things to 1) get attn
2) get even. From what you said.. snatching your food and ignoring you and stuff.. Sounds like you need to talk to her. -
hmm... u accepted her love without knowing u will one day be unable to accept her "nonsense"? seems like u are wasting ur time, and hers, by continuing to be with her... theoretically, we should be able to accept our own partner's flaws or behaviour.. Perhaps u and ur gf really are not on the same wavelength.... maybe another guy will find ur gf attractive and be able to accept her better than you do? give her up then...
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she definitely sounds like she needs improving, in particular her views on things because it all seems so one-sided....Originally posted by L@gSoN:yup i admit we are all not perfect, no one can say that they are always rational in thinking all the time. Humans have emotions and alot of times we are governed by them, thats when the line between right and wrong gets blurred.
Here are 2 examples I encountered with her over the weekend.
Eg.1 We were watching the Taiwan presidential protest, I commented that those protesters didn't know that they were doing their economy more harm than good by their massive demonstrations (business point of view) she argued back that the people needed change as their current president isnt a good president and said they were doing the right thing in campaigning. (sympathetic and emotional p.o.v) this sparked off a heated debate. Needless to say she got very worked up, kicking up a fuss on how I failed to understand the feelings of the average taiwanese, whilst for me I was taken aback on how emotionally charged she got just from watching a protest thats a few thousand kilometres away. I backed off before it esculated into yet another arguement.
Eg. 2 This time we were watching the Taiwanese talk show Generation (the guy with a crow on his shoulder) topic of the show was "People who 2-time" In this programme people who 2-timed came out to be asked questions by people who have been 2-timed before. Of course temperatures raised as the people who have been cheated blasted the perpertators. My gf too joined in the fray of openly bashing them, I was once again just giving the 2-timers a the benefit of the doubt by reasoning with my gf that might be underlying causes to what they have done. (BTW the 2-timer was a guy) I thought i spoked in a very diplomatic way, but my gf didnt think so, she snapped back and thought i was supporting him and asked "why? u wanna 2-time oso izit?" I kept quiet and let out a huge *sigh.
Perhaps it is her teenage angst? too emotionally charged? I've been trained to question everything I see and always look at things that go against the flow of people's view its in my job to do so. perhaps leaving this trait back in the office is the thing to do.
As to what Yun said, thanks for the advice! I like the idea of "improving her" instead of "changing her" sure sounds very politically correct!!!
one has to learn to see both sides of a coin and more often than not, there are no absolutes in reality. -
get her to voice up in the forum too....then we can see from both sides....
my ex...was unhappy with me but he never say anything abt it to me before. we hardly quarrel. then suddenly broke off
have you spoken to her? dun expect her to improve on her side. it is easy to fall in love but a relationship is hard to maintain and problem arises from both parties not one. a relationship fail because of both parties not just one individual. my ex claim it all my fault tat our relationship fail. so childlish of him.
Try to compromise or come to a decision both of you can accept. dun try to change a person else u come to realise that she is no longer the same person that attacts u in the first place -
Originally posted by L@gSoN:yup i admit we are all not perfect, no one can say that they are always rational in thinking all the time. Humans have emotions and alot of times we are governed by them, thats when the line between right and wrong gets blurred.
Here are 2 examples I encountered with her over the weekend.
Eg.1 We were watching the Taiwan presidential protest, I commented that those protesters didn't know that they were doing their economy more harm than good by their massive demonstrations (business point of view) she argued back that the people needed change as their current president isnt a good president and said they were doing the right thing in campaigning. (sympathetic and emotional p.o.v) this sparked off a heated debate. Needless to say she got very worked up, kicking up a fuss on how I failed to understand the feelings of the average taiwanese, whilst for me I was taken aback on how emotionally charged she got just from watching a protest thats a few thousand kilometres away. I backed off before it esculated into yet another arguement.
Eg. 2 This time we were watching the Taiwanese talk show Generation (the guy with a crow on his shoulder) topic of the show was "People who 2-time" In this programme people who 2-timed came out to be asked questions by people who have been 2-timed before. Of course temperatures raised as the people who have been cheated blasted the perpertators. My gf too joined in the fray of openly bashing them, I was once again just giving the 2-timers a the benefit of the doubt by reasoning with my gf that might be underlying causes to what they have done. (BTW the 2-timer was a guy) I thought i spoked in a very diplomatic way, but my gf didnt think so, she snapped back and thought i was supporting him and asked "why? u wanna 2-time oso izit?" I kept quiet and let out a huge *sigh.
Perhaps it is her teenage angst? too emotionally charged? I've been trained to question everything I see and always look at things that go against the flow of people's view its in my job to do so. perhaps leaving this trait back in the office is the thing to do.
As to what Yun said, thanks for the advice! I like the idea of "improving her" instead of "changing her" sure sounds very politically correct!!! As for the similiar wavelength, all I can say is never to worry - seriously, a good relationship should have different viewpoints because if both of you shared same view on EVERY single thingy - it's hell of a boring.
Debating stimulates the mind mentally. Just take care never to leap into argument because of that.
Cheers -
Mayb it isn't abt age gap here, sounds more like the maturity of ur gal isn't of the same maturity as & we may as well as narrow down to the gal of your expectation.Originally posted by L@gSoN:yup i admit we are all not perfect, no one can say that they are always rational in thinking all the time. Humans have emotions and alot of times we are governed by them, thats when the line between right and wrong gets blurred.
Here are 2 examples I encountered with her over the weekend.
Eg.1 We were watching the Taiwan presidential protest, I commented that those protesters didn't know that they were doing their economy more harm than good by their massive demonstrations (business point of view) she argued back that the people needed change as their current president isnt a good president and said they were doing the right thing in campaigning. (sympathetic and emotional p.o.v) this sparked off a heated debate. Needless to say she got very worked up, kicking up a fuss on how I failed to understand the feelings of the average taiwanese, whilst for me I was taken aback on how emotionally charged she got just from watching a protest thats a few thousand kilometres away. I backed off before it esculated into yet another arguement.
Eg. 2 This time we were watching the Taiwanese talk show Generation (the guy with a crow on his shoulder) topic of the show was "People who 2-time" In this programme people who 2-timed came out to be asked questions by people who have been 2-timed before. Of course temperatures raised as the people who have been cheated blasted the perpertators. My gf too joined in the fray of openly bashing them, I was once again just giving the 2-timers a the benefit of the doubt by reasoning with my gf that might be underlying causes to what they have done. (BTW the 2-timer was a guy) I thought i spoked in a very diplomatic way, but my gf didnt think so, she snapped back and thought i was supporting him and asked "why? u wanna 2-time oso izit?" I kept quiet and let out a huge *sigh.
Perhaps it is her teenage angst? too emotionally charged? I've been trained to question everything I see and always look at things that go against the flow of people's view its in my job to do so. perhaps leaving this trait back in the office is the thing to do.
As to what Yun said, thanks for the advice! I like the idea of "improving her" instead of "changing her" sure sounds very politically correct!!!
As according to you, simple discussions turned debates over the Taiwanese protest and the "2-timing" talkshow, i guess it's pretty common sight among couples or even frenz or colleagues at work. I'd like to suggest that you might have felt something more than mere frustrations to point out these 2 situations.
I guess you like ur gf pretty much, thus you have bothered to write in to share your story. Try to accept your gf for who she is I'd say. Try to draw her nearer to the gal of your expectations or even better, see her as someone real, so may not be so realisable of the someone you'd love to have reacted in these 2 situations. -
there is such a phase known as honeymoon period, whereby bith parties are so blinded by love they fail to see each other's shortcomings...after 3months or so u start seeing each other's faults. I didnt start this thread saying i wanted to dump her, I juz wanted to know if anyone has similar experiences wif a younger gal as their gfOriginally posted by frank_person:hmm... u accepted her love without knowing u will one day be unable to accept her "nonsense"? seems like u are wasting ur time, and hers, by continuing to be with her... theoretically, we should be able to accept our own partner's flaws or behaviour.. Perhaps u and ur gf really are not on the same wavelength.... maybe another guy will find ur gf attractive and be able to accept her better than you do? give her up then... -
I tried askin her to blog but she doesnt like sharing her relationship experiences with people not even her closest gal frenzOriginally posted by jusgal:get her to voice up in the forum too....then we can see from both sides....
my ex...was unhappy with me but he never say anything abt it to me before. we hardly quarrel. then suddenly broke off
have you spoken to her? dun expect her to improve on her side. it is easy to fall in love but a relationship is hard to maintain and problem arises from both parties not one. a relationship fail because of both parties not just one individual. my ex claim it all my fault tat our relationship fail. so childlish of him.
Try to compromise or come to a decision both of you can accept. dun try to change a person else u come to realise that she is no longer the same person that attacts u in the first place
her belief is that in a r/s its only me and her. -
yup agree wif the debating part...if we were to agree wif everything i might as well be brain dead....Originally posted by Yunhaier: As for the similiar wavelength, all I can say is never to worry - seriously, a good relationship should have different viewpoints because if both of you shared same view on EVERY single thingy - it's hell of a boring.
Debating stimulates the mind mentally. Just take care never to leap into argument because of that.
Cheers
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i wont say it was fustration, but more like, an overeaction on her part, i was merely passing casual comments (my 2 cents) she leapt up to their defence and shot me down. and she had anger in her eyes which i was taken aback...nevertheless opposites do attract i guess, Im kinda laidback and relaxed, she's fiery tempered and full of energy like a little chilli padiOriginally posted by reallieRAW:Mayb it isn't abt age gap here, sounds more like the maturity of ur gal isn't of the same maturity as & we may as well as narrow down to the gal of your expectation.
As according to you, simple discussions turned debates over the Taiwanese protest and the "2-timing" talkshow, i guess it's pretty common sight among couples or even frenz or colleagues at work. I'd like to suggest that you might have felt something more than mere frustrations to point out these 2 situations.
I guess you like ur gf pretty much, thus you have bothered to write in to share your story. Try to accept your gf for who she is I'd say. Try to draw her nearer to the gal of your expectations or even better, see her as someone real, so may not be so realisable of the someone you'd love to have reacted in these 2 situations.
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I am not saying that u must/should dump her of cos.... I juz feel u are wasting ur time, as well as hers.... of coz every couple has a honeymoon period as well as the period where they started seeing each other's flaws.... so what if u noe other ppl have similar experiences with younger gfs? can they solve ur problems? no doubt everyone is free to advise u and console u or even support u... I understand that perfectly. On the other hand, shouldn't u do something abt ur relationship instead of bearing wif her, giving in to her etc?Originally posted by L@gSoN:there is such a phase known as honeymoon period, whereby bith parties are so blinded by love they fail to see each other's shortcomings...after 3months or so u start seeing each other's faults. I didnt start this thread saying i wanted to dump her, I juz wanted to know if anyone has similar experiences wif a younger gal as their gf
anyway my bf is older than me by a few yrs too, but if i ever noe he feels so pek chek wif me yet doesnt let me noe I will be so hurt... I've been wif him for quite long anyway.. communicate wif her, friend. This is juz my opinion; That is if all methods, all, advises, all modes of communication wif her fail, let this relationship go....
U still love her a lot? do u love her so much that u can wait for years for her to "grow up" or change for u? ur tone sounds like u are very irritated by her daily actions oredi rite now... how to spend ur life wif her for many years to come? or u dun even dare to think of the future?
Hope ur relationship wif her improves or u solve this problem soon.. cheers! -
communication is the most important factor between both.
my relationship failed becos my ex dun wanna communicate his problems to meOriginally posted by L@gSoN:I tried askin her to blog but she doesnt like sharing her relationship experiences with people not even her closest gal frenz her belief is that in a r/s its only me and her. -
Hmm... How have ya been doing babe?Originally posted by reallieRAW:
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I'm not looking for a solution, coz that really isnt a definite one, Yun's got it down the closest, and been really helpful. Its how we look at the situation, besides everyone is different, what works for u might not for me. but i would like to share my experience here with people using the forum as an avenue to air my thoughts n grievences. Perhaps friends and family will have their own biases influencing their decisions but total faceless strangers are neutral hence the openess in my thread. Thanks for the input btwOriginally posted by frank_person:I am not saying that u must/should dump her of cos.... I juz feel u are wasting ur time, as well as hers.... of coz every couple has a honeymoon period as well as the period where they started seeing each other's flaws.... so what if u noe other ppl have similar experiences with younger gfs? can they solve ur problems? no doubt everyone is free to advise u and console u or even support u... I understand that perfectly. On the other hand, shouldn't u do something abt ur relationship instead of bearing wif her, giving in to her etc?
anyway my bf is older than me by a few yrs too, but if i ever noe he feels so pek chek wif me yet doesnt let me noe I will be so hurt... I've been wif him for quite long anyway.. communicate wif her, friend. This is juz my opinion; That is if all methods, all, advises, all modes of communication wif her fail, let this relationship go....
U still love her a lot? do u love her so much that u can wait for years for her to "grow up" or change for u? ur tone sounds like u are very irritated by her daily actions oredi rite now... how to spend ur life wif her for many years to come? or u dun even dare to think of the future?
Hope ur relationship wif her improves or u solve this problem soon.. cheers! -
i lost my ex to my buddy while i was doin NS. my "good friend" took real good care of her for me while i was in camp.Originally posted by jusgal:communication is the most important factor between both.
my relationship failed becos my ex dun wanna communicate his problems to me -
Im doing great!Originally posted by Devil1976:Hmm... How have ya been doing babe?
Ive RETURNED! -
Good for you...Originally posted by reallieRAW:Im doing great!
Ive RETURNED!