what should a counsellor do...
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yes... and now, after working with my charge, i realise how much the little things my parents done for me when i was young - opening a posb ac, giving me a piggy bank, getting me to save etc - had influenced me.Originally posted by RainbowPrincess:Money mgt actually has to be instilled in children from young. It gets tougher & tougher as the child grows up.
I think I got my reality check when I started working, & tt was when I realised tt $ was really difficult to earn. That's when I started to really manage my $.
RP
but my charge is a teenage who did not have the luxury of wat we deem as "normal" parenthood. hence he was not instilled with the values and virtues of savings since young. so wat can i do for him to make him realise it now? -
There's one method, it's called the 'fright effect'... Not sure if I should recommend this on a child?Originally posted by wuming78:i got it - tks! am mulling over it right now.
actually do u mind sending back to me the 2 pm i sent to u? i forgot wat exactly i asked. tks!
Have someone posed as a policeman (or better still.. Get someone you know quite well who's actually a policeman...)... Create a situation whereby he's actually 'caught' and you've decided to 'give up' on him.... The idea is to scare the WITS out of him so that he'll not repeat himself (at least not in the near future?) and REALLY wake up his ideas... -
Devil, been there and done that with dope-smoking teenagers. Got two cops to come in and search the premises - the shorter one was 6-foot-four.
One kid got his act together, but the other one didn't - oddly enough, both their mothers had served prison stretches for dealing drugs. -
my charge had been thru it b4 - real one.Originally posted by Devil1976:There's one method, it's called the 'fright effect'... Not sure if I should recommend this on a child?
Have someone posed as a policeman (or better still.. Get someone you know quite well who's actually a policeman...)... Create a situation whereby he's actually 'caught' and you've decided to 'give up' on him.... The idea is to scare the WITS out of him so that he'll not repeat himself (at least not in the near future?) and REALLY wake up his ideas... -
Juz a suggestion, but I can't guarantee whether it'll work.
Ask ur charge to open a Savings a/c. Tell him tt when he saves enuff, both of u will go on a trip to M'sia as a treat. Or, set smaller [insert the word "targets"] tt r ezier to achieve so tt he associates saving wif being ez. For e.g. if he wans a new mobile fone, ask him to set aside S$10~20 each wk for it. If a mobile fone is S$200 (wif a telco subscription plan), he'll be able to buy it in 10~20 wks. Nokia mobile fone prices drop quickly, so he might be able to get it sooner too.
Perhaps teach him how ez it is to save 1st?
RPOriginally posted by wuming78:yes... and now, after working with my charge, i realise how much the little things my parents done for me when i was young - opening a posb ac, giving me a piggy bank, getting me to save etc - had influenced me.
but my charge is a teenage who did not have the luxury of wat we deem as "normal" parenthood. hence he was not instilled with the values and virtues of savings since young. so wat can i do for him to make him realise it now? -
setting up an acc is actualli one of the things i wanted to do for him. i was thinking of asking him and his mother set up a joint acc. since he is below 21, there wont be a need to maintain the $500 minimum.Originally posted by RainbowPrincess:Juz a suggestion, but I can't guarantee whether it'll work.
Ask ur charge to open a Savings a/c. Tell him tt when he saves enuff, both of u will go on a trip to M'sia as a treat. Or, set smaller [insert the word "targets"] tt r ezier to achieve so tt he associates saving wif being ez. For e.g. if he wans a new mobile fone, ask him to set aside S$10~20 each wk for it. If a mobile fone is S$200 (wif a telco subscription plan), he'll be able to buy it in 10~20 wks. Nokia mobile fone prices drop quickly, so he might be able to get it sooner too.
Perhaps teach him how ez it is to save 1st?
RP
as for how much he can save, of course i can persuade him to save abit a day. but his family financial situation is bad, and he doesnt get much pocket money each day. so ... it might be hard for him to save much.
in fact he jus told me todae he is thinking of buying a new mobile phone. so i was trying to dissuade him, by saying the other thngs may be more important, and handphones can wait, and even i myself havent changed my handphone for almost 2 yrs...
i dunno if it was effective... sigh...
i oni fear tt asking him to save and save may lead him to haf expectations wich he might not be able to meet... when tt happens he might jus stop saving altogether....
i mean for him, i think there is a need for a short term result, something he can achieve quickly; and with tt "success" he may then be motivated to save for longer, for bigger goals... -
Yeah, this occurred to me except I can't think of any solution rite now. I'll think abt it, & if I do come up wif somethg, I'll let u noe...
RPOriginally posted by wuming78:setting up an acc is actualli one of the things i wanted to do for him. i was thinking of asking him and his mother set up a joint acc. since he is below 21, there wont be a need to maintain the $500 minimum.
as for how much he can save, of course i can persuade him to save abit a day. but his family financial situation is bad, and he doesnt get much pocket money each day. so ... it might be hard for him to save much.
in fact he jus told me todae he is thinking of buying a new mobile phone. so i was trying to dissuade him, by saying the other thngs may be more important, and handphones can wait, and even i myself havent changed my handphone for almost 2 yrs...
i dunno if it was effective... sigh...
i oni fear tt asking him to save and save may lead him to haf expectations wich he might not be able to meet... when tt happens he might jus stop saving altogether....
i mean for him, i think there is a need for a short term result, something he can achieve quickly; and with tt "success" he may then be motivated to save for longer, for bigger goals... -
thanks...Originally posted by RainbowPrincess:Yeah, this occurred to me except I can't think of any solution rite now. I'll think abt it, & if I do come up wif somethg, I'll let u noe...
RP
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A counsellor isn't supposed to give advice!
The job of a counsellor is to guide his client think and reflect on the problems he has, or what the next step he should take!
A counsellor can never give solutions to his client. He should never tell his client what to do!
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Yes, yes, yes - now can we get back to what he should do?Originally posted by donjng:A counsellor isn't supposed to give advice!
The job of a counsellor is to guide his client think and reflect on the problems he has, or what the next step he should take!
A counsellor can never give solutions to his client. He should never tell his client what to do! -
I think the main thing lies with whether he's numb to it? Meaning is he too used to getting caught (which would diminish the 'shock effect') or is he numb to the extent that he can no longer be bother with things?Originally posted by Gedanken:Devil, been there and done that with dope-smoking teenagers. Got two cops to come in and search the premises - the shorter one was 6-foot-four. One kid got his act together, but the other one didn't - oddly enough, both their mothers had served prison stretches for dealing drugs.
Either case, if he's sort of 'numb'... He'll probably be a 'softer' case which requires long term conditioning and counselling... If he's a rebel, chances of the method striking an odd could be rather high?
I think for Wuming's case... The main thing is not to drive the boy to a dead end... The main issue is to HELP him.... And fancy mentioning his confession to Wuming... It either reflects on the nature of this child or if not, a sign that there's a part in him seeking for 'help'... He might be subconsciously aware... Just needs to bring that out of him? -
i agree...Originally posted by Devil1976:I think for Wuming's case... The main thing is not to drive the boy to a dead end... The main issue is to HELP him.... And fancy mentioning his confession to Wuming... It either reflects on the nature of this child or if not, a sign that there's a part in him seeking for 'help'... He might be subconsciously aware... Just needs to bring that out of him?
but i also realise one thing...
i feel so much like jus helping him out everytime he calls me for help. but i also realise that this is not helping him in the long run.
so there is a balance to strike: not driving him to an end, but not helping him at every turn.
to instil life skills, problem solving skills and management of his own life kind of skills will be paramount..
but its sad cos his family has not been and is still not a place where he can learn all these, while i myself haf limited contact with him.
sometimes i feel so helpless... as though i am simply witnessing someone going to the deep end while not being able to do anything...
but i also realise tt had we not met at all, perhaps he could be even worse off now... but then i won't noe tt even rite...?
sigh...
all the sadness in this world.. how many of us r distinctly aware tt they exist? -
Oh, wuming, don't get me started - the horror stories I collected over 4 years are astounding. Drugs, incest, abuse - you name it, it's happened.
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Originally posted by Gedanken:Oh, wuming, don't get me started - the horror stories I collected over 4 years are astounding. Drugs, incest, abuse - you name it, it's happened.
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Like what people used to say... Teach him to fish, don't give him a fish....Originally posted by wuming78:i agree...
but i also realise one thing...
i feel so much like jus helping him out everytime he calls me for help. but i also realise that this is not helping him in the long run.
so there is a balance to strike: not driving him to an end, but not helping him at every turn.
to instil life skills, problem solving skills and management of his own life kind of skills will be paramount..
but its sad cos his family has not been and is still not a place where he can learn all these, while i myself haf limited contact with him.
sometimes i feel so helpless... as though i am simply witnessing someone going to the deep end while not being able to do anything...
but i also realise tt had we not met at all, perhaps he could be even worse off now... but then i won't noe tt even rite...?
sigh...
all the sadness in this world.. how many of us r distinctly aware tt they exist?
Other than the things you've mentioned in blue, it's also important for you to change his mentality not by force but by teaching him... And that's really the main essence of most counselling...
And your willingness to teach and guide him balanced off by his own willingness to change for the better... Only when he realise the importance of it all and has become a party who is active in seeking for the better of his life would your counselling truly pay off... And even if you don't have time for him, he'll come look for you or other avenues of keeping himself afloat... -
yes.. as my peer said to me too during the past few days of difficulties: im here to help him, but in the end he has to make his own life choices.Originally posted by Devil1976:And your willingness to teach and guide him balanced off by his own willingness to change for the better... Only when he realise the importance of it all and has become a party who is active in seeking for the better of his life would your counselling truly pay off... And even if you don't have time for him, he'll come look for you or other avenues of keeping himself afloat...
it sounds too obvious and simple, somehow its quite hard to accept. cos it may mean one has failed as a mentor, or it may also mean the person is a tough nut to crack.
and how does a mentor feel when, after all that he has done, the mentee still chooses to go down the deep end? its like watching someone drown while not being able to do anything about it...
i guess i just have to learn to accept this as a possibility. -
Originally posted by wuming78:
yes.. as my peer said to me too during the past few days of difficulties: im here to help him, but in the end he has to make his own life choices.
it sounds too obvious and simple, somehow its quite hard to accept.
You can't decide for what a person wants in his / her life. You can only guide?
cos it may mean one has failed as a mentor, or it may also mean the person is a tough nut to crack.
Understand that it's not about ego? It's not about 'cracking a case'.... But 'helping someone'...
Failures are inevitable parts of life... As long as you've truly put in your efforts and sincerity, the issue's not really there anymore. Of course, you can try to upgrade your 'skills' to hold a higher chance of helping someone?
and how does a mentor feel when, after all that he has done, the mentee still chooses to go down the deep end? its like watching someone drown while not being able to do anything about it...
If you wanna save someone from drowning, 1st of all you'll need to know how to swim? And probably, you'll need to be a good swimmer?
From that on, you'll probably need the person's cooperation too? If the person struggles so that you can't him, it'll be difficult? And even if you're so fantastic and managed to save him from drowning, if the person's intention is to drown himself or 'allow himself to drown' every time he swims, you cannot always be around to save him?
i guess i just have to learn to accept this as a possibility.
As much as I have to say that the person you're counselling's mentality is important... Usually it's a vital part of your duty to cultivate a certain form of mentality or belief into this person... Or through other means of changing his / her belief or mentality if you have to? Especially when it comes to a young individual or someone who's largely 'misguided' or 'delusioned'.
Another method you can try is 'cross-counselling'. Though it's always better for focus that one counsellor should be assigned to an individual. When you feel that you're really at wits... Rather than giving on on an individual, you can expose him to your peers and take a look at what are the chances of them guiding him? Because usually different people would have different capabilities in handling certain types of people.... In a more organised community, there'll usually be a 'overall' or higher in-charge to run through the 'runaway cases'....