disheartened

• misery=(

  30 Mar 04, 17:12

  i dun quite get u...
  do u think i should attempt to salvage or adopt a wait-and-see attitude?
• Yunhaier

  30 Mar 04, 17:15

  Originally posted by misery=(:

  i dun quite get u...
  do u think i should attempt to salvage or adopt a wait-and-see attitude?

  This friendship was never broken. The stress and tension cause by the you made it difficult to breathe.
  
  Go apologise to her and everything else logical for an apology.
  
  Then learn to change your mindsets and try to walk on your own instead of relying too much on external support.
  
  Cheers
• misery=(

  30 Mar 04, 17:21

  how come i suddenly hestitate abt calling her to patch back? why is that so?
• Yunhaier

  30 Mar 04, 17:24

  Originally posted by misery=(:

  how come i suddenly hestitate abt calling her to patch back? why is that so?

  Is not about calling.
  
  In the first place if you call, apologise and still behave the same way you do - you are back to square one.
  
  This call has to be one that you know how to make the friendship easier for the both of you.
  
  Do you know, yet? I don't think so.
  
  Before you dial that number - discover that aspect first.
  
  Cheers
• misery=(

  30 Mar 04, 17:32

  sometimes i really feel that i should leave her alone so that she will be happier
• Devil1976

  30 Mar 04, 18:40

  Originally posted by misery=(:

  i felt so disheartened and disappointed in my best friend. so disappointed that i feel like not seeing her ever again. it really hurts to know that your best friend can't be there for you when you need her most.
  
  this thing is affecting me so much that i can't eat nor sleep nor work properly. i feel myself disintegrating slowly...

  Don't worry... Been through that stage myself... What i did finally was to have a good heart to heart talk with my buddy... Of course, that was after I'd thought things through? Years back... He apologised to me instantly... And I told him what was the point of my sharing the whole story with him... I can't accept his apology... Instead I apologised to him... I treats him as a GOOD BUDDY and YES... A BEST friend? And I thought what I was thinking back then and all the negative things were really degrading of me... And the FRIENDSHIP between us... I told him I was TRULY ASHAMED of myself and asked for forgiveness...
  
  Till this day, he has proven to be MORE than WORTH IT... Can you see your FRIENDSHIP with this friend of yours in years to come? A friendship where 2 should hold hand in hand to FIGHT FOR? Have you GIVEN UP already? If you have given it up then I think you should? For that's probably just how much the friendship is worth to you?
• Devil1976

  30 Mar 04, 18:42

  Originally posted by misery=(:

  she said that she's sorry. i feel very hurt so i told her that i lost faith in her

  How DEEP do you think your friendship is? Maybe you should just GIVE IT UP?
  
  If your friendship is really that DEEP? Can you IMAGINE how she could have felt (though she might not have shown it) when you said those words to her?
• Devil1976

  30 Mar 04, 18:49

  Originally posted by misery=(:

  i am a Leo.
  if one can't even rely on best friend then who can i count on?
  
  i can't communicate with my mum and my dad is overseas. there's nobody i can turn to
  
  i cant communicate with my siblings either
  
  i have mixed feelings. on one hand, i wanted to give up because of the hurt. on the other...guess i am really a pathetic empty soul. can anyone help me?

  Take Yun's advice. Expand your social circle. Having a best friend is not all about sticking to her or relying on her. Some might say you'll better find these in a BGR. I'll say they might not even apply there.
  
  Join more social activities...
  
  If you have problems getting some friends at where you are now, you can start online? Some healthy ones like forums or IRC gatherings and such?
  
  If you're not that open, just try to keep a few e-mail pals for a start or something? Slowly expand your circle from there?
  
  
• Devil1976

  30 Mar 04, 18:52

  Originally posted by misery=(:

  in all relationships, i always put in my best but i feel that i dun get what i deserve

  Are you talking about BGR, family / relative relationships as well? In relationship, don't always expect a RETURN... You're not doing an 'investment'....
• Devil1976

  30 Mar 04, 18:54

  Outing... falls on 02/04/04 this Friday... I've checked, it's pretty safe? Should it have fall on one day before then you'll have to be careful?
• RainbowPrincess

  30 Mar 04, 19:34

  Piscean again
  
  RP
  
  

  Originally posted by Yunhaier:
  
  
  You wished she was by your side, but when she can't, so it means she is not fulfilling the obligation of a best friend?
  
  So a best friend means you have to do all that?
  
  You said you are jealous -[b] I hope you notice the problem is not about her, its more about you.
  
  You can't expect a best friend to substitute duties like a bf - like many things in life you want to involve her with you. (I am pretty sure you are single?) This can be done for a period, but not forever. Eventually, your fantasy will still be shattered because she has her own life to lead and cannot cater to every details in your life.
  
  Yes, when you are hitting rock bottom of your life and she cannot be there - it really wonders how this friendship came about. But are you?
  
  I have many best friends (or good friends if you feel that one cannot have more than one best friend - both brothers and jie mei). They are not always there - but when I critically need them, everyone pops out.
  
  P.S: Friends are like relationship as well - they need their personal space and attention.
  
  P.S: Are you Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces or Taurus?
  
  Cheers[/b]

• misery=(

  30 Mar 04, 21:27

  in my heart, i havent given up. she still matters to me. problem lies with me. we used to be very close, used to do everything together, see each other everyday...i am finding it very hard to get used to life without her. all of a sudden, i feel lost. it's like losing the pillar of your life. i have other close friends too. but i dun like the idea of "falling on them for support" when i feel lonely. it's just not very nice thing to do...
• boy in blues

  31 Mar 04, 01:59

  Originally posted by misery=(:

  in my heart, i havent given up. she still matters to me. problem lies with me. we used to be very close, used to do everything together, see each other everyday...i am finding it very hard to get used to life without her. all of a sudden, i feel lost. it's like losing the pillar of your life. i have other close friends too. but i dun like the idea of "falling on them for support" when i feel lonely. it's just not very nice thing to do...

  as your friendly neighborhood insurance dude will tell you. dun put all your eggs in 1 basket but diversify your investments instead. no 1 person, not even your spouse can be there for you all the time. get more pillars to support your life so you don't fall when 1 of them buckle.
• KittynMeow

  31 Mar 04, 02:15

  Originally posted by misery=(:

  in my heart, i havent given up. she still matters to me. problem lies with me. we used to be very close, used to do everything together, see each other everyday...i am finding it very hard to get used to life without her. all of a sudden, i feel lost. it's like losing the pillar of your life. i have other close friends too. but i dun like the idea of "falling on them for support" when i feel lonely. it's just not very nice thing to do...

  then do you think its a nice thing to do for your friend to bear the burden of your loneliness?
  
  take Yun's advice. Take time to discover and love yourself... find out who you are, be independent.. and live your life. Not depending on others to live your life for you. And in any relationship, whether friendship or BGR, it's all about giving.... and giving sincerely without expecting return because ultimately, what is important is how you can help make the other party happy. If you keep count of what you have given and what you are expecting in return, you haven't learned the very basics of relationship yet.
  
• Yunhaier

  31 Mar 04, 10:39

  Originally posted by misery=(:

  in my heart, i havent given up. she still matters to me. problem lies with me. we used to be very close, used to do everything together, see each other everyday...i am finding it very hard to get used to life without her. all of a sudden, i feel lost. it's like losing the pillar of your life. i have other close friends too. but i dun like the idea of "falling on them for support" when i feel lonely. it's just not very nice thing to do...

  You never lose that support - you OVERLY depended too much. Your best friend merely return to where she had to stand - it's you who kept pulling her nearer and nearer. The rope snap and she returned to her position again.
  
  If you keep doing the same thing over and over - let me reassure you that this friendship is difficult to breathe and you will lose it sooner or later.
  
  Realise this point. If you don't, you never know what's wrong.. In the end, you kept doing things that ultimately hurt yourself.
  
  Cheers
• Devil1976

  31 Mar 04, 12:32

  Originally posted by misery=(:

  in my heart, i havent given up. she still matters to me. problem lies with me. we used to be very close, used to do everything together, see each other everyday...i am finding it very hard to get used to life without her. all of a sudden, i feel lost. it's like losing the pillar of your life. i have other close friends too. but i dun like the idea of "falling on them for support" when i feel lonely. it's just not very nice thing to do...

  Hmm....
  
  Well...
  
  To think of it, you're probably in a 'manifest lock'?
  
  1st of all, take Yun's advice... Try to be more independence... On top of that, try to develop a few (at least one) skills which you can master and specialised in.
  
  People come and people go... Parting is part of life and drifting apart (or seemingly so) in a relationship occasionally is not uncommon. 1st thing is your own mentality towards it. And see if you're just overreacting or is there a way to work things out?
• donjng

  31 Mar 04, 12:37

  Originally posted by misery=(:

  i am a Leo.
  if one can't even rely on best friend then who can i count on?
  

  You can count on yourself!
  At the end of the day, you can count on no one but yourself!
  Be more independent!
  
• RaTtY81

  31 Mar 04, 22:35

  Er.. dun mind me for saying tis but i feel tat u r treating ur bestfren for boyfren. Frens should have abit of space between them to keep their little secret. Every1 has a dark side. Mayb u should start a hobby to spend away ur time(ta fa shi jian). There should b mutual understanding n respect between frens.
• Yunhaier

  1 Apr 04, 00:03

  Originally posted by RainbowPrincess:

  Piscean again
  
  RP
  
  

  
• misery=(

  1 Apr 04, 00:19

  i admit that i am overly dependent on my best friend. too high expectations so i get very upset when she cant meet them
• Devil1976

  1 Apr 04, 11:32

  Originally posted by misery=(:

  i admit that i am overly dependent on my best friend. too high expectations so i get very upset when she cant meet them

  Things ain't really that bad... Try to loosen up a bit... Just slowly expand your social circle and learn to be more independent and you'll see that it's really all no big deal? It'll be better for your friends and also beneficial for yourself on the long run?
• RaTtY81

  1 Apr 04, 13:15

  Learn how to cherish things. Often we only know to cherish things when its gone.
• Sir_Horny

  1 Apr 04, 13:41

  Originally posted by misery=(:

  i dun quite get u...
  do u think i should attempt to salvage or adopt a wait-and-see attitude?

  i made a mistake too, i thought its time to bring our relationship to the next level n in the end, she misunderstood my intention, n now my best fren try to avoid me. hey buddy, let us both retreat n take a step backward n c how things go from here
• sillyme

  1 Apr 04, 13:48

  you should try to make more friends
  
  it'll put a great stress on her if you depend solely on her to feel up your emptiness.
• misery=(

  5 Apr 04, 00:04

  the problem is i no longer have the heart and energy to know new friends...i am tired...