long distance relationships - anyone been in one?
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Hi all,
I would like to hear from anyone who has been in, or currently are in, a long distance relationship. I was wondering if you could comment on how difficult has it been and what you do to keep the relationship going?
I am in a long distance relationship with a japanese girl and want to know what I need to do to make it work.
What worries me about our relationship is not just the distance, but also the cultural differences we have. I cant speak any japanese and our relationship is based only on her ability to speak english (which is only at basic level).
I know that communication is the most important thing in a relationship and it worries me that this thing we have going isnt going to make it.
Anyones thoughts and opinions welcomed. -
hard to understand her without proper communications..
im sure you know about this right?
well, body language lor
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We have been in a relationship togeather for one year now. she has visited me here once and I have gone to japan twice to see her.Originally posted by ^sylvia^:hard to understand her without proper communications..
im sure you know about this right?
well, body language lor
shes planning to come here in six months time for another visit but I am wondering whether this relationship is doomed because of both the cultural differences and the distance problem. She wants to quit her job to come here to be with me but I think that represents such a big commitment and I'm not ready for her to do that....
When are together we are inseparatable but when distance becomes a barrier i start having doubts again..... -
believe in your faith big kor kor.Originally posted by Aargon:We have been in a relationship togeather for one year now. she has visited me here once and I have gone to japan twice to see her.
shes planning to come here in six months time for another visit but I am wondering whether this relationship is doomed because of both the cultural differences and the distance problem. She wants to quit her job to come here to be with me but I think that represents such a big commitment and I'm not ready for her to do that....
When are together we are inseparatable but when distance becomes a barrier i start having doubts again.....
isn't that much better when shes making such a big commitment to you? it represents you stands a big place in her heart right?
and i guess shes trying very hard to get to understand you, so communication isn't a big problem for both of you now.
cultural differences makes no big deal if both of you willing to have some knowledge in it.
guess you can buy some English books for her to learn to speak more fluently, as for you you could try to borrow some books regarding to japan whatever to improve your knowledge
and thats it.. you will be a loving couple without any big gaps occuring hee
jia you jia you!!
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Currently in one. Its very hard to maintain. But so far so good. Went thru quite alot of rough patches and I mean a lot.
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start learning jap NOW. also go borrow some books to learn about their culture, festivals etc... jap have a lot of this type of things.
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And, communication is impt but not most impt thing in your case, its the faith and trust!Originally posted by Aargon:I know that communication is the most important thing in a relationship and it worries me that this thing we have going isnt going to make it.
Anyones thoughts and opinions welcomed.
trust yourself and have a trust in her.. shes trying so hard, why don't you start taking some actions to it rather than worrying -
ya.. learn some japanese... go for some lessons, will be much better if u know how to speak, can impress her parents.. well, when it comes to true love, distance doesnt matter... cos the hearts are close enuff..
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well spoken.. wooo hoooo~Originally posted by shifeng:ya.. learn some japanese... go for some lessons, will be much better if u know how to speak, can impress her parents.. well, when it comes to true love, distance doesnt matter... cos the hearts are close enuff..
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Yeah i meet her parents when i was last in japan. They couldnt speak a word of english so she was like a translator. They were really nice to my surprise....Originally posted by shifeng:ya.. learn some japanese... go for some lessons, will be much better if u know how to speak, can impress her parents.. well, when it comes to true love, distance doesnt matter... cos the hearts are close enuff..
The worry is also that i am not sure if I love her... I mean we really dont even know each other very well yet shes prepared to quit her job to come here? its such a big commitment to make and I will feel repsonsible for her.... I just dont know her well enough to want her to do this.
I dont believe in love at first sight and think that true love has to grow and develop. If it all goes wrong then what happens?? she is 24 and i am nearly 30 and i think she has long term plans ie marriage but i'm not ready to consider than yet although i realise that my time clock is ticking.
I know with japanese girls that they want to marry by the time they are 25 so that is also playing on my mind.... ie is it love or convenience? -
well, shes doing all those things becos of wat? think abt it.. only u shd know whats her attitude towards u... love is a v strong things, it if u are deeply in love with some1, u wouldnt mind giving up anything for it (of course mayb not every1 think this way)..Originally posted by Aargon:Yeah i meet her parents when i was last in japan. They couldnt speak a word of english so she was like a translator. They were really nice to my surprise....
The worry is also that i am not sure if I love her... I mean we really dont even know each other very well yet shes prepared to quit her job to come here? its such a big commitment to make and I will feel repsonsible for her.... I just dont know her well enough to want her to do this.
I dont believe in love at first sight and think that true love has to grow and develop. If it all goes wrong then what happens?? she is 24 and i am nearly 30 and i think she has long term plans ie marriage but i'm not ready to consider than yet although i realise that my time clock is ticking.
I know with japanese girls that they want to marry by the time they are 25 so that is also playing on my mind.... ie is it love or convenience?
what she had done for u, shows that she loves u very much and wants to be with u... u shd feel fortunate to have such lady doing tat for u... of course if u love some1, u would like to spend more time with him/her... but like what i said, her attitude towards u, only u can feel it... we cant.. if u feel that she is very sincere towards u... go ahead.. time and tide wait for no man.. u are 30 already, shd know that time pass v quick, just a blink of the eyes, 10 years gone... -
big kor kor, you wouldn't post this and seek for help if you don't love her..Originally posted by Aargon:Yeah i meet her parents when i was last in japan. They couldnt speak a word of english so she was like a translator. They were really nice to my surprise....
The worry is also that i am not sure if I love her... I mean we really dont even know each other very well yet shes prepared to quit her job to come here? its such a big commitment to make and I will feel repsonsible for her.... I just dont know her well enough to want her to do this.
I dont believe in love at first sight and think that true love has to grow and develop. If it all goes wrong then what happens?? she is 24 and i am nearly 30 and i think she has long term plans ie marriage but i'm not ready to consider than yet although i realise that my time clock is ticking.
I know with japanese girls that they want to marry by the time they are 25 so that is also playing on my mind....
well i can only say, think before taking action, don't waste her time lor.. to jap girls, marriage at young is very impt, maybe you should tell her that you don't plan to marry her so soon as she thought, ask her give you some time to understand her more lor..
i think lidat will work out for both of you and so you will not have to stress or over worrying liow.
responsible for your partner is very impt, and shes so young only.. wah kaoz. a few years older than me nia..
either tell her that you don't have such early plans about marriage or tell her that you don't love her lor
very catchy problem
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hmm.. personally i feel that the right age to marry is 25 or 26.. not too old and young... having kids will be ard 29 years old... in between 3 yrs of building love for each other..
my dream is to marry my love 1 on a cruise... hehe -
wow.. sooo romantic.. for me i wish to wear my bridegown and sit on a beautiful cool bike with my groom riding me and some bikes escorting! heeee!!Originally posted by shifeng:my dream is to marry my love 1 on a cruise... hehe -
she love me? thats what i dont understand.Originally posted by shifeng:well, shes doing all those things becos of wat? think abt it.. only u shd know whats her attitude towards u... love is a v strong things, it if u are deeply in love with some1, u wouldnt mind giving up anything for it (of course mayb not every1 think this way)..
what she had done for u, shows that she loves u very much and wants to be with u... u shd feel fortunate to have such lady doing tat for u... of course if u love some1, u would like to spend more time with him/her... but like what i said, her attitude towards u, only u can feel it... we cant.. if u feel that she is very sincere towards u... go ahead.. time and tide wait for no man.. u are 30 already, shd know that time pass v quick, just a blink of the eyes, 10 years gone...
We have been in this relationship for just under a year now and during this time, we have actually only been togeather in total 5 weeks.
How can you be in love with someone from only being with them for a total of 5 weeks? I'm worried its not really love but more a fixation
with me.
I have to admit when we are together she shows nothing by total attention to me. she asked me to stay at her house when i was visiting her in japan (i declined because I hadnt met her parents and it was just too uncomfortable), and she has introduced me to all her friends and shown photos to them of me. When I am with her I do feel very comfortable and complete.... I'm just scared we havent been through enough to even consider her coming here to live.
She has asked me what I planned to get married. I said not for another 2 years and she said the same for her too. BUT, by quitting her job and coming here that's practically married already... and plus I know that she will miss japan because she was actually home sick when she visited me here.... -
oh... 5 weeks ah.. well thats kind of little, perhaps she feels its little too, and thats why shes coming over to spend more time with u?Originally posted by Aargon:she love me? thats what i dont understand.
We have been in this relationship for just under a year now and during this time, we have actually only been togeather in total 5 weeks.
How can you be in love with someone from only being with them for a total of 5 weeks? I'm worried its not really love but more a fixation
with me.
I have to admit when we are together she shows nothing by total attention to me. she asked me to stay at her house when i was visiting her in japan (i declined because I hadnt met her parents and it was just too uncomfortable), and she has introduced me to all her friends and shown photos to them of me. When I am with her I do feel very comfortable and complete.... I'm just scared we havent been through enough to even consider her coming here to live.
She has asked me what I planned to get married. I said not for another 2 years and she said the same for her too. BUT, by quitting her job and coming here that's practically married already... and plus I know that she will miss japan because she was actually home sick when she visited me here....
shes so sweet... perhaps when she came over, u can spend more time with her... but as wat u said she will miss japan, so mayb u shd do something in return for her? like mayb 6 months in singapore, 6 months in japan? of course travelling expenses will be high though...
if there is some1 doing such a sweet things to me.. i will appreciate her and cherish her very greatly.. nvr let her go...
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5 weeks can actually produce deep love for each other. thats girl's deep feelings. we are sensitive creatures and guys should know about this
and staying together doesn't means your married okay...
my bf and i staying together for 3 years plus and we doesn't consider us as married couples.
don't like that la.. you know you love her too right?
why not starting out early rather than thinking unduly and come out with nothing? -
hehe... ya its my dream.. then night time can view the stars with my love 1... cos i really love the galaxies... well, but its a dream mayb.. lolOriginally posted by ^sylvia^:wow.. sooo romantic.. for me i wish to wear my bridegown and sit on a beautiful cool bike with my groom riding me and some bikes escorting! heeee!!
hope ur dream of ur groom riding bike with u comes true.. -
yeah.. i agree.. and you may go to jap with her when she miss home right?Originally posted by shifeng:oh... 5 weeks ah.. well thats kind of little, perhaps she feels its little too, and thats why shes coming over to spend more time with u?
shes so sweet... perhaps when she came over, u can spend more time with her... but as wat u said she will miss japan, so mayb u shd do something in return for her? like mayb 6 months in singapore, 6 months in japan? of course travelling expenses will be high though...
if there is some1 doing such a sweet things to me.. i will appreciate her and cherish her very greatly.. nvr let her go...
like travelling isn't uncommon nowadays .. love her and do something for her.
my parents were long distance couple too.. now still together right. my dad nv regret about this too,, well i dunoe about my mum
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thanks.. i do hope your will come true too..Originally posted by shifeng:hehe... ya its my dream.. then night time can view the stars with my love 1... cos i really love the galaxies... well, but its a dream mayb.. lol
hope ur dream of ur groom riding bike with u comes true..
we will ride till night.. to somewhere gazing stars..
till latenight.. and keep the memories deep in our heart.. isn't that good? -
ya.. and it will be an unforgettable night... tats wat i gona do...Originally posted by ^sylvia^:thanks.. i do hope your will come true too..
we will ride till night.. to somewhere gazing stars..
till latenight.. and keep the memories deep in our heart.. isn't that good? -
wahahaha we are getting outta topic.. heeOriginally posted by shifeng:ya.. and it will be an unforgettable night... tats wat i gona do... -
I cant just do six months here, six months there.. i have a job and career here to think about.
Yes, think i am insecure and scared of commitment. I have a girl who is pretty, smart and willing to give up her job in Japan to come over here to live with me..... I just find it hard that a girl would do all this for me.
And plus, Japanese culture is very different from chinese culture.
And the reason I dont learn japanese is because I am trying to learn mandarin and more about my own chinese history ( I was born and breed in Australia).
I think women give their hearts away too easily, that is why they are the ones often hurt in a relationship when it goes wrong. -
we are sensitive but we don't give our hearts away easily, she give her heart to you because she thinks your the man she loves only!Originally posted by Aargon:I cant just do six months here, six months there.. i have a job and career here to think about.
Yes, think i am insecure and scared of commitment. I have a girl who is pretty, smart and willing to give up her job in Japan to come over here to live with me..... I just find it hard that a girl would do all this for me.
And plus, Japanese culture is very different from chinese culture.
And the reason I dont learn japanese is because I am trying to learn mandarin and more about my own chinese history ( I was born and breed in Australia).
I think women give their hearts away too easily, that is why they are the ones often hurt in a relationship when it goes wrong.
you can try to learn more about jap rather chinese first ya?
do something for your love ones rather than your knowledge lor..
very jia lat lei you.. bth..~ love her more and understand her more bah big kor kor. im so much younger than you wor. -
thanks for your thoughts sylvia and ShifengOriginally posted by ^sylvia^:we are sensitive but we don't give our hearts away easily, she give her heart to you because she thinks your the man she loves only!
you can try to learn more about jap rather chinese first ya?
do something for your love ones rather than your knowledge lor..
very jia lat lei you.. bth..~ love her more and understand her more bah big kor kor. im so much younger than you wor.
I've given my heart away before and its been bashed to a pulp.
It was the worst feeling in the world and I'm scared of either breaking her heart or mine.... we havent been through enough rough times to know how strong our relationship is... I think that is my main problem... will she leave me on our first argument? or vice versa....