Do i still carry on>???
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There is this gal call N.she is 26 and i am 23. Me and N behaves like couple(holdings hands while walking, good night kiss...) and yet offically not. Some times she will ask,"Are we couple or friends". The ans from her will always be friends. And she will always say things like she can't be with mi, cos she dun want to hurt mi.Maybe i treat her too good, and she feel that she is not good enough for mi due to her past and not really able to be faithful to mi..some of her friends says that i am too young for her, some her friends say that i am very nice guy.
Recently we talk abt us.same thing happen..the same old topic, and reply comes out from her mouth...she will say, it's not possible, dun wan to hurt mi, go look for better gals, she's not worth for mi...etc....Then she said maybe she should not get so close to mi..but the next day, when we go out, we are still holdings hands...
Is she really speaking things off her mind(dun like mi at all, just flirting) or is she just trying to get away from mi(afraid of being with mi and scared might hurt mi one day).I know i am being silly, but still i can't control my feeligns.. I am trying to forget abt her, but i just can't. i need advice... pls help mi.. God if u are presense pls give mi advice.. i am really at a total lost... -
I'm frankly surprised you aren't annoyed enough to call it quits.
I don't mean to be mean, but it sounds like she's either not interested anymore and is just using you cos wants the companionship, or that she really doesn't know what she wants, and wants you to make that decision. Either way, it doesn't sound like a productive relationship...sorry mate. -
how long has it been like tt??
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we know for 3 mths liao.. close for abt 2 mths.Originally posted by BaByBoY:how long has it been like tt?? -
People said that you will regret if you never take risks. So just be myself , go for what you believe in. Remember , she is still single
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err....initially tot you 2 know each other for a long time and thus tot u dun wanna risk the friendship dat you 2 had built for a long time.Originally posted by C_boliao:we know for 3 mths liao.. close for abt 2 mths.
first hor, me no god. my personal advise is, go lah, go lah. better to find out early then regret later. but hope you are serious about your relationship and stop flirting
otherwise, continue as friends and find another tree. -
what is there to find out?? whether what she is really thinking?? she is the type that very hard on her words.. what she feels might be totally different from what she say.. I guess maybe should i wait for a while, let her think through slowly.. then i find out more from her again...Originally posted by starcom:err....initially tot you 2 know each other for a long time and thus tot u dun wanna risk the friendship dat you 2 had built for a long time.
first hor, me no god. my personal advise is, go lah, go lah. better to find out early then regret later. but hope you are serious about your relationship and stop flirting
otherwise, continue as friends and find another tree. -
about not being faithful to you, it sounds as though she just wants companionship as someone has said and she is flirting around at the same time, not ready to settle down yet.Originally posted by C_boliao:And she will always say things like she can't be with mi, cos she dun want to hurt mi.Maybe i treat her too good, and she feel that she is not good enough for mi due to her past and not really able to be faithful to mi..
umm and .. do you know what "past" she is referring to? if not, try asking. else, if you really dont mind her past, tell her so and ask whether she will accept you. (accept her past at your own risk though...)
if she says yes, then good for you. If she says friends only, then its best for you to save yourself the agony and go find someone else to settle down with, unless you want to wait for her, which is silly, i feel. (23 a kinda young to settle down though imho...)
take your time! pick and choose! she doesnt sound interested anyway! -
that time when we talk, she actually stop and hesistate and think abt what i said, telling her that i am serious and dun mind her past and all else..althought she keep telling not possible, but it's due to her hestation that's keeps mi beliving that there is a barrier in her, cos if it's a firm "NO" why she need to stop and lost in space... maybe i think too much and i'm wrong.. althought base on logic and on the surface she may seems not very worth for mi to waste time on, but i am serious abt her, that's why it's so hard for mi to convience myself to let go... I am be very naggy, sorry to all, pls forgive mi...
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Ask yourself this question? "Are you satisfied with just enjoying your moments with her?"Originally posted by C_boliao:There is this gal call N.she is 26 and i am 23. Me and N behaves like couple(holdings hands while walking, good night kiss...) and yet offically not. Some times she will ask,"Are we couple or friends". The ans from her will always be friends. And she will always say things like she can't be with mi, cos she dun want to hurt mi.Maybe i treat her too good, and she feel that she is not good enough for mi due to her past and not really able to be faithful to mi..some of her friends says that i am too young for her, some her friends say that i am very nice guy.
Recently we talk abt us.same thing happen..the same old topic, and reply comes out from her mouth...she will say, it's not possible, dun wan to hurt mi, go look for better gals, she's not worth for mi...etc....Then she said maybe she should not get so close to mi..but the next day, when we go out, we are still holdings hands...
Is she really speaking things off her mind(dun like mi at all, just flirting) or is she just trying to get away from mi(afraid of being with mi and scared might hurt mi one day).I know i am being silly, but still i can't control my feeligns.. I am trying to forget abt her, but i just can't. i need advice... pls help mi.. God if u are presense pls give mi advice.. i am really at a total lost...
If you do then don't question anymore... Just enjoy each other's company...
If you do have doubts... If you do think of a firm future... Then perhaps she could be partially right...? Probably because this she cannot promise you..... -
she is telling she feel n wad she thinks
it's unfair to u if it's only one sided love u understand
mabbie in the past u was hurt deeply tt y it's hard for her to start any other relationship she need time to heal her wound try to be with her show her tt u love n care for her with yr words than yr words
i believe one day u will touch her heart
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She's older...hence she knows what she wants more then you do.
All she wants now is a companion. There are many other factors why she told you that.
It could most likely because of material reasons.
2 months isn't a long. Some affairs i've seen lasted up to a year plus or longer. In the end, no strings attached.
If you're falling for her. Then don't go ahead, don't carry on.
Or else you'll be the suffering end.
If you don't abide to the game rules, you got to pay the penalty.
Do i sound like i'm bursting your bubble?
Yea. This relationship won't last, unless she change(very low percentage).
Please don't habour the thought that all girls are like that. NO.
You just happen to fall for that category kind of girls.
like Devil1976 said, enjoy the presence and let go when it's time.
Cheers -
She wants to believe in you.....but she cannot believe herself.Originally posted by C_boliao:that time when we talk, she actually stop and hesistate and think abt what i said, telling her that i am serious and dun mind her past and all else..althought she keep telling not possible, but it's due to her hestation that's keeps mi beliving that there is a barrier in her, cos if it's a firm "NO" why she need to stop and lost in space... maybe i think too much and i'm wrong.. althought base on logic and on the surface she may seems not very worth for mi to waste time on, but i am serious abt her, that's why it's so hard for mi to convience myself to let go... I am be very naggy, sorry to all, pls forgive mi...
What you're doing is giving pressure.
Instead of doing tat, may i suggest that you make her believe herself again? Help her by doing it with her.
My take on this case is. You're there to guide her...to bring her back to her feet.
That's all.
2 months isn't long. Don't put all your eggs into one basket.
Cheers -
she asked you and she answered herself? funny...Originally posted by C_boliao:Some times she will ask,"Are we couple or friends". The ans from her will always be friends. -
I do enjoy her company.. that's why i never ask her abt us.. It's always her that always it up.. I also tell myself, enjoy while it last.. maybe it's human factor,"want more!"Originally posted by Devil1976:Ask yourself this question? "Are you satisfied with just enjoying your moments with her?"
If you do then question anymore... Just enjoy each other's company...
If you do have doubts... If you do think of a firm future... Then perhaps she could be partially right...? Probably because this she cannot promise you..... -
Pressure.. maybe i am giving it w/o realising..But till now i don't think i pressure her b4.never force her to belive or do anything.Originally posted by M?square:She wants to believe in you.....but she cannot believe herself.
What you're doing is giving pressure.
Instead of doing tat, may i suggest that you make her believe herself again? Help her by doing it with her.
My take on this case is. You're there to guide her...to bring her back to her feet.
That's all.
2 months isn't long. Don't put all your eggs into one basket.
To guide her what? show her that i am not like her other bfs?
the thing is she know i am very nice to her, she just keep saying that she will hurt mi, and sometimes not possible btw us.
Or maybe i should prove to her that i am indestructable, cos she keep saying that she will hurt mi..
Anyway are u all trying to say that there isn't a single chance that she likes mi, and it's only companion... I am willing to accpect any kind of commands, just want to hear more advice and options to how i can go through this or to win her over.. -
Your girlfriend used the dreaded "F" word<--- Friends!! and i feel that means that the diagnosis for this romance is terminated. When a woman is in love, she does not terminate intimate relations with her partner and tell him that she needs him to just be her friend! I have this experience before, i tot i still have some hope but in the end its all over... She juz wanna be ur friends. Full Stop.Originally posted by C_boliao:There is this gal call N.she is 26 and i am 23. Me and N behaves like couple(holdings hands while walking, good night kiss...) and yet offically not. Some times she will ask,"Are we couple or friends". The ans from her will always be friends. And she will always say things like she can't be with mi, cos she dun want to hurt mi.Maybe i treat her too good, and she feel that she is not good enough for mi due to her past and not really able to be faithful to mi..some of her friends says that i am too young for her, some her friends say that i am very nice guy.
Recently we talk abt us.same thing happen..the same old topic, and reply comes out from her mouth...she will say, it's not possible, dun wan to hurt mi, go look for better gals, she's not worth for mi...etc....Then she said maybe she should not get so close to mi..but the next day, when we go out, we are still holdings hands...
Is she really speaking things off her mind(dun like mi at all, just flirting) or is she just trying to get away from mi(afraid of being with mi and scared might hurt mi one day).I know i am being silly, but still i can't control my feeligns.. I am trying to forget abt her, but i just can't. i need advice... pls help mi.. God if u are presense pls give mi advice.. i am really at a total lost... -
Originally posted by C_boliao:There is this gal call N.she is 26 and i am 23. Me and N behaves like couple(holdings hands while walking, good night kiss...) and yet offically not. Some times she will ask,"Are we couple or friends". The ans from her will always be friends. And she will always say things like she can't be with mi, cos she dun want to hurt mi.Maybe i treat her too good, and she feel that she is not good enough for mi due to her past and not really able to be faithful to mi..some of her friends says that i am too young for her, some her friends say that i am very nice guy.
Recently we talk abt us.same thing happen..the same old topic, and reply comes out from her mouth...she will say, it's not possible, dun wan to hurt mi, go look for better gals, she's not worth for mi...etc....Then she said maybe she should not get so close to mi..but the next day, when we go out, we are still holdings hands...
Is she really speaking things off her mind(dun like mi at all, just flirting) or is she just trying to get away from mi(afraid of being with mi and scared might hurt mi one day).I know i am being silly, but still i can't control my feeligns.. I am trying to forget abt her, but i just can't. i need advice... pls help mi.. God if u are presense pls give mi advice.. i am really at a total lost...
You thought it was strange - in fact, it wasn't and allow me to prove my point and make you see things clearer.
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This girl has two considerations in her mind. Because of the age gap between you two, she would have hestitated/questioned herself irregardless of how open her mental concept is. She, by now, may not have a concluding answer herself.
Second consideration comes from the fact that this woman is able to segment affection and love. Even if she cannot, she thought she could. She desire the positive, warmth and affectionate aspects of a relationship - holding hands, kisses, etc - but chose to leave out the risk that a proper relationship would bring on.
She tells you its not possible to be together, but her action speaks otherwise. This tells you how much she feared to get hurt and not the other way around as she claims to be thinking for your side. She is the kind of woman that wants the sweet natural honey, but detest the bees; so she prefer to shop in the supermarket, trying to delude herself that these artifically processed honey is the best choice. She has went beyond no risk no gain stage - she prefer to enjoy an everlasting artifical 'honeymoon stage' made from her own fantasy.
Can a relationship ever born from here? Try tackling the mindset and seek into the emotional facade she has been trying to shield you from realising. Only then, you will discover how fragile she is - like a glass.
She is a perfect victim for counter-seduction for she display much sign of weaknesses. I can't teach you on how to do that - but you can start by trying to take over the masculine role from her and make her listen to you psychologically. Don't always appear to give in and get emotionally over this thingy; learn to grasp her current thoughts and feelings quickly and plan according to it.
Don't let physical intimacy (hugs, holding hands, etc) - blind you emotionally. Though most men can't see through such things, I am telling you to start learning to see things beyond. If you plan to give up, forget about physical intimacy. (But seriously, by the look of it, I doubt you can succeed in giving her up. If I was her, I would have the power to retain you at least more than a year)
P.S: Is she a Libra?
Cheers -
hmm..urs seems to be a tough case...act lik steads but not in reality....mayb u try to treat her better & find some chance where u got the place, the atmospher,the timing to be al in ur favour,den pop in te qus..
if u really want to be wid her,make her feel wonderful 1st, let her "tao drunk" in it denshoot in te qus,make her think wat u wan her to think,or ask her qus that indirectly hv ans in favour to you,den counter her ans wid ur questions which u orginally wanted to ask ,provided te ans is in ur favour lah....den + psyco ,should be can, -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
M© note down and make case study. You thought it was strange - in fact, it wasn't and allow me to prove my point and make you see things clearer.
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This girl has two considerations in her mind. Because of the age gap between you two, she would have hestitated/questioned herself irregardless of how open her mental concept is. She, by now, may not have a concluding answer herself.
Second consideration comes from the fact that this woman is able to segment affection and love. Even if she cannot, she thought she could. She desire the positive, warmth and affectionate aspects of a relationship - holding hands, kisses, etc - but chose to leave out the risk that a proper relationship would bring on.
She tells you its not possible to be together, but her action speaks otherwise. This tells you how much [b]she feared to get hurt and not the other way around as she claims to be thinking for your side. She is the kind of woman that wants the sweet natural honey, but detest the bees; so she prefer to shop in the supermarket, trying to delude herself that these artifically processed honey is the best choice. She has went beyond no risk no gain stage - she prefer to enjoy an everlasting artifical 'honeymoon stage' made from her own fantasy.
Can a relationship ever born from here? Try tackling the mindset and seek into the emotional facade she has been trying to shield you from realising. Only then, you will discover how fragile she is - like a glass.
She is a perfect victim for counter-seduction for she display much sign of weaknesses. I can't teach you on how to do that - but you can start by trying to take over the masculine role from her and make her listen to you psychologically. Don't always appear to give in and get emotionally over this thingy; learn to grasp her current thoughts and feelings quickly and plan according to it.
Don't let physical intimacy (hugs, holding hands, etc) - blind you emotionally. Though most men can't see through such things, I am telling you to start learning to see things beyond. If you plan to give up, forget about physical intimacy. (But seriously, by the look of it, I doubt you can succeed in giving her up. If I was her, I would have the power to retain you at least more than a year)
P.S: Is she a Libra?
Cheers [/b]
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End it fast..coz it will be more painful if you let it drag on. Maybe both of you enjoy being with each other, comfortable with each other, that's all.
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I doubt she sees him in a position to do that? Even if she does eventually, it might take a while before that could actually happen...Originally posted by M©+square:She wants to believe in you.....but she cannot believe herself.
What you're doing is giving pressure.
Instead of doing tat, may i suggest that you make her believe herself again? Help her by doing it with her.
My take on this case is. You're there to guide her...to bring her back to her feet.
That's all.
2 months isn't long. Don't put all your eggs into one basket.
Cheers -
Realise that like what MC has indirectly suggested, she's more of the 'determinating factor' now...Originally posted by C_boliao:I do enjoy her company.. that's why i never ask her abt us.. It's always her that always it up.. I also tell myself, enjoy while it last.. maybe it's human factor,"want more!"
If you try to make 'demands' and while she still pends you in a position not to be of so... The result could be ugly.... -
Originally posted by M©+square:M© note down and make case study.
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26. Somehow like Yun has suggested, she could be in a 'drift stage'. Romance and bread.Originally posted by C_boliao:Anyway are u all trying to say that there isn't a single chance that she likes mi, and it's only companion... I am willing to accpect any kind of commands, just want to hear more advice and options to how i can go through this or to win her over..
Most women would love the 'romantic' kinda love which they probably so furiously engaged in at their much younger days...
She's somehow at a 'cross-over' age form mentality...
You can try Yun's suggestions of 'conquering' her, but chances are she've got an upperhand of the relationship. You can try... But it might or might not work, depending on her nature...
She's melted by your 'honey treatment', that's why she's with you.. The 'romance'. Partially like what Yun has suggested, she choose to remain in 'honeymoon' period... At least for now?
She probably have this 'Vision of Change'... An 'insight' that you would change one day... Much like other of her Ex did... She's enjoying the moments... But partially waiting for that day to come...
Like Yun and MC have suggested, she don't see the 'bread' side of you... And she thought it's quite unlikely that she'll be seeing it, and she should be quite right... Logically, you're like 'honey' - soft, sweet, caring... If you define the masculine factors, then her expecting of you to 'change' would have been realised... It could put her to much defence.
For a cross-over from a 'honeymoon' (temp?) relationship to a proper relationship, you'll need to establish to an extent the factors Yun have suggested... The 2 key factors would be... 1. How she can accept it (Her mentality?) 2. How you bring across that 'change'...
Advice would be to bring it across at a slower pace. Much not to her immediate attention and awareness. It's also important for you to maintain your 'original qualities' (honey) as you bring about the additional changes... As she would probably be 'reviewing' them later...
If you can't do the cross-over from 'pure romance' to the 'bread' thing... You should just be enjoying your moments with her... (anyway, the above mentioned is really easier said than done...) She would probably go for another when...
1. She thinks that you've changed and failed her criteria.
2. Her mentality has switched over to 'bread' and you still haven't meet her 'bread' requirements.
3. A better option comes along. (This would depends on her nature and mentality again as to if she would opt for such.)