Do i still carry on>???
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What devil said is it a simplier version of what YUN said? Cos my understanding of english is not that strong...
Anyway. i think what u 2 said is quite right abt the bread part.. I will be going into NTU soon, and she is currently jobless and trying very hard to look for job. As u all know, gals.. getting marry let's say b4 the age of 30..
i think i will try to go through what both have said and try to understand them and see what i can do... Actually what Yun said has never cross my mind at all. it's actually a whole new kind of thoughts which all my friends never said abt it b4 too... It's like what i felt abt her too, she has somehow or rather a kind of barrier in her and i just can't figure it out what the wall is... -
sad to say it but u might be e reason y she is so hesitant to commit....u r young n ur future is bright..... she does not want to be a burden to u...besides...u will get to know more gals n she does not want to be hurt when u changed ur mind n go off with some sweet young thing.... she would rather let it be a no strings attached relationship so that in e end both of u will not be hurt that badly....sometimes we get hurted so much that we think of ways of preventing ways of beung hurt n it is very natural for her to do so,
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do u like her or what..if not why must hold hand lah ..since u 2 are friend..
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The older you are, you thought you can control your feelings and draw lines. Well the fact is, the older people get. The greyer and messier and much serious the situation is.Originally posted by SGpork:do u like her or what..if not why must hold hand lah ..since u 2 are friend..
Choice is the key to managing adulthood. -
familiar sia.....Originally posted by C_boliao:There is this gal call N.she is 26 and i am 23. Me and N behaves like couple(holdings hands while walking, good night kiss...) and yet offically not. Some times she will ask,"Are we couple or friends". The ans from her will always be friends. And she will always say things like she can't be with mi, cos she dun want to hurt mi.Maybe i treat her too good, and she feel that she is not good enough for mi due to her past and not really able to be faithful to mi..some of her friends says that i am too young for her, some her friends say that i am very nice guy.
Recently we talk abt us.same thing happen..the same old topic, and reply comes out from her mouth...she will say, it's not possible, dun wan to hurt mi, go look for better gals, she's not worth for mi...etc....Then she said maybe she should not get so close to mi..but the next day, when we go out, we are still holdings hands...
Is she really speaking things off her mind(dun like mi at all, just flirting) or is she just trying to get away from mi(afraid of being with mi and scared might hurt mi one day).I know i am being silly, but still i can't control my feeligns.. I am trying to forget abt her, but i just can't. i need advice... pls help mi.. God if u are presense pls give mi advice.. i am really at a total lost...
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of cos i like her.. if not why am i so trouble..., like i told u, we behave like couple but yet not..Originally posted by SGpork:do u like her or what..if not why must hold hand lah ..since u 2 are friend.. -
1st - what u mean by conquering her??Originally posted by Devil1976:26. Somehow like Yun has suggested, she could be in a 'drift stage'. Romance and bread.
Most women would love the 'romantic' kinda love which they probably so furiously engaged in at their much younger days...
She's somehow at a 'cross-over' age form mentality...
You can try Yun's suggestions of 'conquering' her, but chances are she've got an upperhand of the relationship. You can try... But it might or might not work, depending on her nature...
She's melted by your 'honey treatment', that's why she's with you.. The 'romance'. Partially like what Yun has suggested, she choose to remain in 'honeymoon' period... At least for now?
She probably have this 'Vision of Change'... An 'insight' that you would change one day... Much like other of her Ex did... She's enjoying the moments... But partially waiting for that day to come...
Like Yun and MC have suggested, she don't see the 'bread' side of you... And she thought it's quite unlikely that she'll be seeing it, and she should be quite right... Logically, you're like 'honey' - soft, sweet, caring... If you define the masculine factors, then her expecting of you to 'change' would have been realised... It could put her to much defence.
For a cross-over from a 'honeymoon' (temp?) relationship to a proper relationship, you'll need to establish to an extent the factors Yun have suggested... The 2 key factors would be... 1. How she can accept it (Her mentality?) 2. How you bring across that 'change'...
Advice would be to bring it across at a slower pace. Much not to her immediate attention and awareness. It's also important for you to maintain your 'original qualities' (honey) as you bring about the additional changes... As she would probably be 'reviewing' them later...
If you can't do the cross-over from 'pure romance' to the 'bread' thing... You should just be enjoying your moments with her... (anyway, the above mentioned is really easier said than done...) She would probably go for another when...
1. She thinks that you've changed and failed her criteria.
2. Her mentality has switched over to 'bread' and you still haven't meet her 'bread' requirements.
3. A better option comes along. (This would depends on her nature and mentality again as to if she would opt for such.)
2nd - Abt the bread thing? does it means $$$.if it's so.. hard lo.. mi going to NTU soon..
3rd - what u mean by "define the masculine factors" don't really understand.. show her i can be there for her to all her problems...?
4th - what is your cross over thing?? -
C_Boliao,
If you really don't know.
We also don't know how to help you liao. -
At the same time, you might wanna refer back to my 1st reply portion to you in this post regarding 'dominance'....Originally posted by C_boliao:1st - what u mean by conquering her??
She's the dominating party in the relationship now... Meaning you more or less move along with her and her decision(s)... By 'conquering', I refer to being the more dominating party or at least strike an equal stand with her...
It's quite unlikely that she can see you as someone who can provide for her and take care of her when she's so much of a dominance... Though such cases may exist, but quite unlikely for this one...
2nd - Abt the bread thing? does it means $$$.if it's so.. hard lo.. mi going to NTU soon..
Yes.. It's about money... It's also in career-stability... As you've posted out yourself, usually women of around 30 or so would be slowly drifting for that...
There are cases where the male might be 'poor' but still look upon as a 'bread' winner... That is when he can assure the other party that he has quite a bright future to come... Or at least a standard which can meet up to the requirement of the female in a reasonable time frame to come... It's about like an 'investment'... (though 'investment' might not be everything about in a love relationship) Alot would depends on the mentality of individuals...
3rd - what u mean by "define the masculine factors" don't really understand.. show her i can be there for her to all her problems...?
Not exactly... Refer to this... Courtesy of Yunhaier...Originally posted by Yunhaier:
She is a perfect victim for counter-seduction for she display much sign of weaknesses. I can't teach you on how to do that - but you can start by trying to take over the masculine role from her and make her listen to you psychologically. Don't always appear to give in and get emotionally over this thingy; learn to grasp her current thoughts and feelings quickly and plan according to it.
4th - what is your cross over thing??
Age cross-over... Actually... Age can be quite 'transparent' at times for some individuals... So it's more of a 'mentality switch' of a female... Expecting different qualities from their partner at different points of their life...
In simple, it's just like how you like toys when you're young, then you start to make friends... And go for babes.... etc. -
currently, her exams will be over on this thursday. so meanwhile, most likely i will leave her alone to die studying, and maybe (if she is not that heartless), let her think abt it.. i think most proberly the situatuion will still be the same..
meanwhile, i will SMS her, to encourage her and stuff like that.. and also to keep myself away from her..
Anyway, she is starting to show signs to stop all these nonsense that we had b4...not sure if i am the one that's thinking too much or it's because she if having stress abt her exams thus causing such behaviour...
Anyway, what u guys sugguest i should do?? -
Suggest you be sincere, just treasure the moments... But don't hold too high an expectation of a far future...Originally posted by C_boliao:currently, her exams will be over on this thursday. so meanwhile, most likely i will leave her alone to die studying, and maybe (if she is not that heartless), let her think abt it.. i think most proberly the situatuion will still be the same..
meanwhile, i will SMS her, to encourage her and stuff like that.. and also to keep myself away from her..
Anyway, she is starting to show signs to stop all these nonsense that we had b4...not sure if i am the one that's thinking too much or it's because she if having stress abt her exams thus causing such behaviour...
Anyway, what u guys sugguest i should do?? -
Guys... last night she tell mi she has bf liao.. and she's been so gulity.. be it to her bf or to mi... i think she is really confuse this time round.At the time when she tell mi, i was like so shock.. i spend 70% of the week with her and yet i am not the one...anyway her bf got no time for her...Maybe she doesn't like mi at all, just that she enjoys my care and concern which her bf couldn't give her...She said that she don't know what to do.. if possible she like to have both..
After her words, i start to talk things to her.. tell her that maybe in the end i am also treating her as a fling, as i not sure if i really like her or not...so tell her not to be gulity or sorry towards mi.. Also i mention some quotes from what u guys said.. exp YUN,"she is afraid that she will hurt herslf and not you".. thanks bro!! those thought and words that u guys gave mi really helps during our conversion...rally make her think differently of mi....
shortly, i tell myself that i will try to stop loving her.. treat her more like a no strings attachment, and if things allows, she change her mind and be my gf as a bouns.... I FEEL better... at least for now with these thoughts.. hope that my mind and heart is strong enough.... thanks a lots bros..
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could her NEW BF be juz a made up??
i mean it could be a test to see how she mean to u..
wat u said abt her BF bot havin time for her, is it really true??
u really tink a guy that haf NO TIME for her can make her Happy??
don tell me u`re givin up..
if i were u, i would give up until i see the so called BF givin her due time and love..
u love her, and u wan her to be happy..
if the other BF cannot give it to her, at least u know u can...
don be faltered by the BF excuse..
she also metions abt havin both of u----> hints that she`s considered u too..
try to understand the withdrawing factor..
could it really be the $$ thing??
haf u ever asked ur close frens for any suggestions..
no matter how well u`ve written here.. i`m sure that only u urself knows the situation best..
if ur mind dunno wat to do...
let ur heart guide u..
jia you my fren.. -
Originally posted by BaByBoY:
that's y i was so fed up... He got no time for her and yet she choose him... so i began to wonder.. is it true that i am really not her cup of tea??
could her NEW BF be juz a made up??
[b]i mean it could be a test to see how she mean to u..
wat u said abt her BF bot havin time for her, is it really true??
u really tink a guy that haf NO TIME for her can make her Happy??
don tell me u`re givin up..
if i were u, i would give up until i see the so called BF givin her due time and love..
u love her, and u wan her to be happy..
if the other BF cannot give it to her, at least u know u can...
don be faltered by the BF excuse..
she also metions abt havin both of u----> hints that she`s considered u too..
try to understand the withdrawing factor..
could it really be the $$ thing??
haf u ever asked ur close frens for any suggestions..
no matter how well u`ve written here.. i`m sure that only u urself knows the situation best..
if ur mind dunno wat to do...
let ur heart guide u..
jia you my fren..[/b]
Not to say that i am giving up, but just a change of mindset, from a "lover" to a "fling"... at least i will not hurt myself in the end if i still dun get to be with her.. Of cos i will still show her even more care and concern sinces i know she has double thoughts abt us.... try to break her and her bf up... 
If not any bright ideas?? -
When you said no more string attachments and no more of getting yourself hurt.
You're not actually expressing your truthfulness right?
There are many occasions when people say things hastily and ended up eating their own words. -
I mean maybe i rather to have a no strings attachment with her than commit myself... if commit, i will only get myself hurt..
Anyway, she call mi last night, around 4 am.. she was drunk...ask mi to meet her at her place..I was like very strange then, cos after so long, this is the fist time she call mi after her chiong.. and ask mi go meet her.. Guys.. is there something on her mind?
could she have a change of thoughts? But anyway, we were in the car for abt 10 mins, we didn't talk abt anything though... then i sent her upstairs back home..
When i was abt to go back, from a distance, she ask mi to go back to her house agin... holding her hands only... i wanted to kiss her. but in the end i didn't..asking her to back to sleep.. close the door then i go back home.. Maybe i should just give her a little peck, and get things romantic a bit