Sex & Relationship
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You would think that after 4 years in a relationship that's focused mainly on sex, the sex would be great... because what else is there to keep them together ?Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Sex can only be an activity enjoyed when certain emotional level in a relationship has reached and secured to prevent instability of relationship. Note: it has to be mutual, or sex will never be fulfilling to either one party.
Routine lifestyle of sex is mono and to make things worst: because this emotional level sinks below the original marking, causing much disturbance and doubt in the relationship. You start to wonder if this relationship has any other meaning outside sexual enjoyment and wonders if it could ever last if one day you declare there won't be any sex for the next 6 months or something.
In relationship, there are three form of sex.
- Causal Sex
- Good Sex
- Great Sex
In very simple summary of all three: you probably experience a fair share of causal sex, which gradually turn you off emotionally.
I suggest to gradually shift your relationship on an emotional basis. Your physical sex lack substance
I) Avoid meeting so often, especially at each other's house
II) Find other things to do mutually, apart from sex.
III) Tell him about this issue - and listen to what he has to say. Try to work out certain solution as a couple.
IV) If sex is inevitable - increase foreplay, play games and everything else and channel focus on making love and not plain screwing.
Cheers -
Originally posted by theSquelch:You would think that after 4 years in a relationship that's focused mainly on sex, the sex would be great... because what else is there to keep them together ? You are wrong - sex don't move up the ladder from causal to good to great. It differs from session to session.
Let me explain a little:
Causal sex is also known as Maintenance Sex - used by a couple to ease their sexual urge. Usually anywhere less than 20 minutes and has low emotional value. Also known as quickie, quick fark, etc.
Good sex is usually a stage where sex is decent. This level has decent emotional value and everything else. From beginning of foreplay to end of session is reasonably taken care and noted of. Usually half an hour and more.
Great sex is a level higher than Good sex. All the enjoyment and everything else stays, but the environment and everything else make sex a much better experience. Say both parties travelled overseas, during Valentine's day, etc.
What else to keep relationship together? Sex cannot use to hold relationship together - Any relationship depended on sex will fail - without fundamental basis emotional connection with each other and love - sex has little power.
Cheers -
Talk more, sex less. You will feel more balance.
What is your horoscope? I heard leo people usually have more sex. -
V,
I guess your r/s is going OK, just that maybe everyone do need to evaluate.assess them from time to time.
Probably your r/s is more physical than emotional and at this point of time you may need to develop on the emotional side of your r/s?
I would see a problem if :
- everything you guys meet, talk, run out of topic, stare into each other eyes and 'let's have sex'.
- when theres' a misunderstanding and the way to go is to have sex.
- have a happy moment together and the next tihing you 2 want even better is to have sex.
In some instances, it OK but not all the time. -
I tends to see it in a different perspective. I don't believe in have sex in a relationship. Don't get me wrong. Not that I am deprive or what lor. But I believe more in 'Making Love' rather than having sex. There is a different coz having sex is just purely physical and making love is the sexual action caused by love. Do you enjoy making love with him? If you don't but think that he purely wants sex from you then maybe your love for him has subsided and that's probably why you are doubting and thinking that he only wants sex. I am not taking side but trying to analyse from various perspective lor. Goold luck anyway.
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Making love is a perfectionist's perception of having sex. After a quarrel, will you still have sex? Yes, you will. Was that consider 'making love' or 'having purely sex'? I suppose it is purely sex, my dear, the truth hurts. To have a strong relationship that sees through physical appearance, communication is required. Otherwise it is a superficial relationship that needs appearance to sustain. Once ages, relationship fades. Vampiress, do you always have communication breaks down wif your b/f, that's why you have the feeling of insecurity?
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many couples actually have this problem... but many dunno that the problem is actually a cycle they can end...
the initial period when they started having sex very frequently or everytime they meet up, both of them will enjoy it a lot and no one will complain...
as time pass, the sex continued but one or even both of them might feel that they're having too much sex... example they'll do it everytime the girl goes to the guy's house...
but then, both of them nv tell each other about it...
the girl feels that if she rejects the guy now, the guy might be angered by her sudden change and get suspicious...
the guy might feel that if he stop initiating sex like always, the girl will feel that his heart has changed or lost interest in her...
thus the cycle will go on and on... it might help if u dare to discuss it with ur partner... or simply dun go to his house too frequently... -
NICE...Originally posted by Magnus:V,
I guess your r/s is going OK, just that maybe everyone do need to evaluate.assess them from time to time.
Probably your r/s is more physical than emotional and at this point of time you may need to develop on the emotional side of your r/s?
I would see a problem if :
- everything you guys meet, talk, run out of topic, stare into each other eyes and 'let's have sex'.
- when theres' a misunderstanding and the way to go is to have sex.
- have a happy moment together and the next tihing you 2 want even better is to have sex.
In some instances, it OK but not all the time.
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Hi Vampiress..Originally posted by Vampiress:Everytime we meet up, we end up having sex.
It's becoming a routine-like lifestyle.
We have been together for four years.
I love him alot.
I am confused and I do not know what to type now actually...
Is too much sex no good? I think it makes me all the more confused and insecure...
I don't want to have a relationship based purely on sex alone.
What do I do now??
I am pretty much in the same situation as u, just tat my relationship with my bf is juz a few mths.
I duno if we are in a relationship cuz he wants/needs sex or he reali loved mi..wad i noe is tat i do loved him.
Same as ur bf, he told mi about his future plans wif mi. I could feel tat he is serious abt mi from the way he treats mi and wad he says to mi. But as u mentioned, it may juz be sweet nothings to bed mi.
He seems to have onli me in his life. I seldom see or hear him saying tat he is meeting his frens or such. Occasionally i feel tied up as i dun haf the time to catch up with my frens.
We just had an arguement as i sort of rejected having sex with him. I am confused about this relationship and how far it can reali go... -
You should both spend more time talking to each other and doing some common activities (other than sex) together...Originally posted by b|ink:Hi Vampiress..
I am pretty much in the same situation as u, just tat my relationship with my bf is juz a few mths.
I duno if we are in a relationship cuz he wants/needs sex or he reali loved mi..wad i noe is tat i do loved him.
Same as ur bf, he told mi about his future plans wif mi. I could feel tat he is serious abt mi from the way he treats mi and wad he says to mi. But as u mentioned, it may juz be sweet nothings to bed mi.
He seems to have onli me in his life. I seldom see or hear him saying tat he is meeting his frens or such. Occasionally i feel tied up as i dun haf the time to catch up with my frens.
We just had an arguement as i sort of rejected having sex with him. I am confused about this relationship and how far it can reali go... -
I have already told him on the phone how i felt about it.
I am hoping that everything would turn out fine.
Blink, have a talk with your partner too, I hope wish you all the best!!! -
From what i watched from Oprah show, there are couples who are married for 7 years and still have sex at least 2 times a day. They enjoy having sex outdoors, in the cinemas, in the trains, in the garden...
But there are cases of mis match sex drive. Which means, either the man has higher sex drive or vice versa. And it is normal that women have LOWER sex drive than Men. -
I do not know what kind of man you have hence I do not know if he's in this reln purely for the banging. But 4 yrs is a long time (with alot of actionOriginally posted by Vampiress:Everytime we meet up, we end up having sex.
It's becoming a routine-like lifestyle.
We have been together for four years.
I love him alot.
I am confused and I do not know what to type now actually...
Is too much sex no good? I think it makes me all the more confused and insecure...
I don't want to have a relationship based purely on sex alone.
What do I do now?? 
). So unless u've been in slumber all these while, u should know better. But what I do know is that if you're gonna take away the fun or lower the frequency, it's very likely that you're gonna leave your man disgruntled and unsatisfied. It's like taking away a fav toy from a boy.
In a reln, to be fair to him, u outta make decisions together. Afterall you do care abt his happiness dun u? And I'm sure u wan him to agree with u not becoz u have decided (and he had no choice abt it but to accept) but becoz he loves u and care abt ur feelings. -
Gals... body is yours.. you have to right to decide what you want to do with it.
If he really loves u... he will respect you.. including your body
Like what Yunhaier said -- Any relationship depended on sex will fail -
For the past few yrs the couple had been happily humping and thumping. One fine day, out of the blue, the girl says she doesn't wan to be treated like a comfort woman.Originally posted by X-men:Gals... body is yours.. you have to right to decide what you want to do with it.
If he really loves u... he will respect you.. including your body
Like what Yunhaier said -- Any relationship depended on sex will fail
Hey if u wan a reln without sex then keep it clean from the start. Dun wait until 4 yrs down the road then u decide to slap him with an ultimatum that u dun wan any more bonking sessions with him.
Now it's more than just the reason for sex that is in question. It reflects how the couple makes decisions, or rather imposes themselves on the other. The way I see it, there was not enuff trust in each other b4 the lovemaking started and that explained the issues that surfaced now. Taking away sex abruptly will not make things any better for either of them. It's obvious, they need to talk things out and share their feelings with the other and work out a mutually agreeable solution. And not be overly assertive but instead take little steps to change for the better. -
refrain from going to his or yr place. what else can this guy think about beside sex when the situation allows it. ask him what he is expecting from this relationship? can't he enjoy yr company more without sex?
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Not totally true...Originally posted by X-men:Like what Yunhaier said -- Any relationship depended on sex will fail -
Originally posted by Devil1976:Not totally true...
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Well...isn't wanting to get into your panties an expression of love?Originally posted by Vampiress:yes, he dotes on me... and gives in to me but sometimes people say guys do this to get into your panties
Or maybe his sex drive is very high
... 
I think if I dun love that girl, I dun even bother to try to get into her panties...even tissue I also dun want to use hers.
If you are not a willing party in this sexual relationship, go ahead and sue him until he has to sell his underwear to pay off his court fees.
Hmm...if the guys don't dotes on you and gives in to you, do you think you will drop your panties automatically for him for no reason?
Whatever.... -
First, lets alay the myth of too much sex in a relationship is bad... I find sex will bring two people closer to each other. I believe the both of you must enjoy the love making session. I think this is a real plus point goes to show that your guy still loves doing it with you!
What are you getting at?
Vampire, do you want to settle down and wondering whether he is just in it for the banging? He could be yes... but you have to talk to him about it.
The best is to take a breather, some time off, if he really has true feelings for you, he will come back begging and hopefully start a timeline of when to get married...
However, since your notion that the both of you are young, take it easy... concentrate on your careers or studies and if it works out, it works but if it does'nt, the more worrying you do does'nt help!
Which brings us to full circle... what do you want? -
U have to sound your concerns to him.Originally posted by Vampiress:say straight in his face about marriage or
tell him you are feel insecure after all these sex and if he loves you its not bcos of sex. like wat the female member says
sex=wearing socks, will change someday. by giving yourself easily to him will make you lose your value U know? Guys treasure gers that are hard to get by!! he will just want more and more. futhermore I feel both of you must be young so I dun Think young Guys like your BF commit himself. Dun keep thinking if he will be angry if you refuse to give in. think of your FUTURE!
Hope that helps.
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Blink and Vamp,
Imagine when one day Sex dun seem to be interest your BF 1 day?
Better to ditch a Guy whos mind is all abt Sex when he sees you!!
No worth to be with this type of guy. A truthful, committed bf will talk abt future plans marriage. -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
very good observation. agree with u, except the last point. "sex has little power". sorry, sex is very powerful. can bring people who are not meant to be together, in the same bed. or people who do not fit at all, no common topics, but can be one in bed. You are wrong - sex don't move up the ladder from causal to good to great. It differs from session to session.
Let me explain a little:
Causal sex is also known as Maintenance Sex - used by a couple to ease their sexual urge. Usually anywhere less than 20 minutes and has low emotional value. Also known as quickie, quick fark, etc.
Good sex is usually a stage where sex is decent. This level has decent emotional value and everything else. From beginning of foreplay to end of session is reasonably taken care and noted of. Usually half an hour and more.
Great sex is a level higher than Good sex. All the enjoyment and everything else stays, but the environment and everything else make sex a much better experience. Say both parties travelled overseas, during Valentine's day, etc.
What else to keep relationship together? Sex cannot use to hold relationship together - [b]Any relationship depended on sex will fail - without fundamental basis emotional connection with each other and love - sex has little power.
Cheers [/b]
sex is very powerful. and u constantly need it, just like u need to eat. happy bonking. -
Originally posted by jaimeyeo:very good observation. agree with u, except the last point. "sex has little power". sorry, sex is very powerful. can bring people who are not meant to be together, in the same bed. or people who do not fit at all, no common topics, but can be one in bed.
sex is very powerful. and u constantly need it, just like u need to eat. happy bonking. Sex is powerful, but powerless without the elements to drive it to proper use. So what if it brings people who are not meant to be together in the same bed or people who do not have any common topic? You merely revert to what Mars energy wants you to do - to mate like a beast? Level one: Physical love.
Dao bu tong bu xiang wei mo.
Cheers -
Of course... What's a love relationship without love? But still... Sex alone can constitute to a relationship... Well... It's still a relationship like jamie had mentioned?Originally posted by Yunhaier: Sex is powerful, but powerless without the elements to drive it to proper use. So what if it brings people who are not meant to be together in the same bed or people who do not have any common topic? You merely revert to what Mars energy wants you to do - to mate like a beast? Level one: Physical love.
Dao bu tong bu xiang wei mo.
Cheers