Originally posted by itroubled:I¡¯m currently doing a degree in UK. My wife is in spore. I¡¯ve been here for almost 9 months and about to return in another 3 weeks time. We¡¯ve been married for almost 4 years. Gone thru the ROM but not the customary dinner yet. we have been staying together in my parents¡¯ place ever since after our ROM. When I left for UK, she moved back to her parents¡¯ place¡ much nearer to her working place. Now when I¡¯m in preparation to go back to spore for anout 3-4 months.. she¡¯s telling me that she might not move back to stay with me when I return. Saying that the distance is too far from her work place. Thou, it has always been the case when she stayed with me before I came. Her claim was that no married (ROM) couple would stay together before they have their customary dinner. Did she had a changed of heart? Why didn¡¯t she said that during those times in my parent¡¯s place? To her, it is like we had done things wrong back then and we should not carry on staying together every night from now on.
I was so looking forward to be with her every night when I return. Now that she said that¡ I guess things have changed. I¡¯m so sad to hear that.. and that now I can¡¯t concentrate on my exams in days time. How can things be wrong when we have actually done it for almost 3 years! And it just turned wrong over 9 months!
What is wrong here?
Originally posted by JeweL81:overseas relationship...
tell me about it man...
Originally posted by M©+square:![]()
remember those sweet dayz when u guys were juz started dating? Re-enact those dayz lah....haf dinner together then part with good night kiss. hehehe.... then go to bed with sweet sweet memories...haf sweet sweet dreamz...Originally posted by itroubled:thank you all whom had given me really sound advise.
i would say... she doesn't have any problem while staying with my parents. thanks to my mom whom had not like given her the mother-in-law treatment. she did not "order" tell her to contribute to the housechores. i would say the main reason for not wanting to move back was the 45mins travelling distance from my place to her workplace comparing the 20mins from her own home.
anyway..i just thought that the 3months i'm going back, would be the best time for us to get together...to patch back what we have lost in 9 months. seems like the 3 months ain't gonna be a fruitful stay. imagine i'm all alone here everynight for 9months... and even after i return home... it would still be the same. lonely nights.![]()
No point worrying too much about it now... Try catching up and adjusting with her when you get back.. Especially in a more understanding manner so that she could more easily open herself up to you...Originally posted by itroubled:thank you all whom had given me really sound advise.
i would say... she doesn't have any problem while staying with my parents. thanks to my mom whom had not like given her the mother-in-law treatment. she did not "order" tell her to contribute to the housechores. i would say the main reason for not wanting to move back was the 45mins travelling distance from my place to her workplace comparing the 20mins from her own home.
anyway..i just thought that the 3months i'm going back, would be the best time for us to get together...to patch back what we have lost in 9 months. seems like the 3 months ain't gonna be a fruitful stay. imagine i'm all alone here everynight for 9months... and even after i return home... it would still be the same. lonely nights.![]()
LDR skills like...?Originally posted by Devil1976:No point worrying too much about it now... Try catching up and adjusting with her when you get back.. Especially in a more understanding manner so that she could more easily open herself up to you...
You might wanna work on your LDR skills at the same time if there should be future implications?
Non-physical presence... Like phone calls, mails, internet chats.. etc. 'Absence' can make the heart miss someone more... Can also drift 2 people apart... It's just how you handle it... Work on some of the 'skills' managed to be used as a 'survival tool'... If used appropriately, they can be even better than just being a 'survival tool'... Can really spice up your love life too...Originally posted by itroubled:LDR skills like...?
If nothing is wrong, then why don't you move it with her instead?Originally posted by itroubled:I¡¯m currently doing a degree in UK. My wife is in spore. I¡¯ve been here for almost 9 months and about to return in another 3 weeks time. We¡¯ve been married for almost 4 years. Gone thru the ROM but not the customary dinner yet. we have been staying together in my parents¡¯ place ever since after our ROM. When I left for UK, she moved back to her parents¡¯ place¡ much nearer to her working place. Now when I¡¯m in preparation to go back to spore for anout 3-4 months.. she¡¯s telling me that she might not move back to stay with me when I return. Saying that the distance is too far from her work place. Thou, it has always been the case when she stayed with me before I came. Her claim was that no married (ROM) couple would stay together before they have their customary dinner. Did she had a changed of heart? Why didn¡¯t she said that during those times in my parent¡¯s place? To her, it is like we had done things wrong back then and we should not carry on staying together every night from now on.
I was so looking forward to be with her every night when I return. Now that she said that¡ I guess things have changed. I¡¯m so sad to hear that.. and that now I can¡¯t concentrate on my exams in days time. How can things be wrong when we have actually done it for almost 3 years! And it just turned wrong over 9 months!
What is wrong here?
Actually... I sense it can mean 2 separate things...?Originally posted by itroubled:what does it mean when she said she loved me when we got married n years ago?
when i ask how abt the situation now.. she just said.. wait till i return to spore for a face-2-face discussion. I think I'm doomed. I've failed. can sense that it's coming to an end. and I'm really at a lost; total lost. this marriage meant everything to me. if it really ends it that way.. i think i'll bid goodbye as well.
Like i've mentioned previously, it's when you are apart from each other for sometime that you will be able to reflect better on your relationship. Since you've both identified the problem make a point to savage the situation when you go back. You admited that you've been really controlling, so I guess forcing her to shift back with you when you return will not change the situation. She has regain her independence while you were away and she will definately see things in a different light now. She will come on stronger when she make her decision whether you like it or not. So i guess it's time when you should also think in her shoes and it's not everything about you and your own happiness/desires in this relationship. I'm sure if you are willing to change for the better and woe her back, she will definately be touched. It's just sad that when someone is too nice in the relationship, the other party will always take advantage of it... and often it's just too late to make amends coz the damage was just too big to rectify. You best bets now are both of you are already married and you've got 10 years in this relationship... I'm sure she is aware of the stakes and the amount of time wasted/invested in this relationship. I'm sure she will be willing to try again if you are willing to try ..... Any sensible girl will unless you've already pushed thing way way too far ..... if you do come out of this "hurdle" together, it will only make the both of you stronger ... so work towards that goal.... best wishes in salvaging your marriage... !Originally posted by itroubled:like to clear up some issues here. this study trip wasn't in our plan during the time we got married. plan was to start building up our career and savings so that we can have our own family. unfortunately.. things don always go as planned.
i've sort out the true reason behind her behaviour. It was the way i treated her in the past. I was too possessive. overly possessive. i had always wanted her to do things 'MY' way.. i neglected her needs. at now that this period of separation had made her realised that she did not live her life the way she wanted. she felt that everything was too much.
But honestly, in those initial months i was here in uk alone. i thought abt a lots of things. how i acted in the past.. how much of 'control' i placed on her. I realised that now that I'm in uk. there's no way i can do that anymore. in fact, things did not turned out to be that bad after all. all those 'controlling' was unnecessary. I admit I'm wrong. I did my reflection. I had decided to change. Unfortunately, the volcano erupted.. before i had the chance to go back home to prove it.
we've been together for almost 10 years. i guess i changed my way towards her was after our marriage. i took things for granted, took her for granted. I realised my mistake.
Do i deserved a chance to repent and win her back? i really loved her. She grew inside of me. I can't lose this relationship. I'll do whatever it takes to win her back; cos I really cherish her. I'm sincere to change for good. I hated myself for what i did in the past; i'm remorseful.
Can a man whom realised his mistake given a chance and not sentence him to death without any trial?
FORGET about the 10 years... Try to start things ALL AFRESH... If it's not too late by now?Originally posted by itroubled:like to clear up some issues here. this study trip wasn't in our plan during the time we got married. plan was to start building up our career and savings so that we can have our own family. unfortunately.. things don always go as planned.
i've sort out the true reason behind her behaviour. It was the way i treated her in the past. I was too possessive. overly possessive. i had always wanted her to do things 'MY' way.. i neglected her needs. at now that this period of separation had made her realised that she did not live her life the way she wanted. she felt that everything was too much.
But honestly, in those initial months i was here in uk alone. i thought abt a lots of things. how i acted in the past.. how much of 'control' i placed on her. I realised that now that I'm in uk. there's no way i can do that anymore. in fact, things did not turned out to be that bad after all. all those 'controlling' was unnecessary. I admit I'm wrong. I did my reflection. I had decided to change. Unfortunately, the volcano erupted.. before i had the chance to go back home to prove it.
we've been together for almost 10 years. i guess i changed my way towards her was after our marriage. i took things for granted, took her for granted. I realised my mistake.
Do i deserved a chance to repent and win her back? i really loved her. She grew inside of me. I can't lose this relationship. I'll do whatever it takes to win her back; cos I really cherish her. I'm sincere to change for good. I hated myself for what i did in the past; i'm remorseful.
Can a man whom realised his mistake given a chance and not sentence him to death without any trial?