Its tis Gd Gd Gal and its Juz ME ( And It Juz Never Ends )
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Hello everyone..
I`m goin to bring up a topic long lost in the midst for this forum..
As it was place in the wrong forum ( was in BAR )
i felt that it nv really attract the correct crowd
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=69026&page=4
its been so long and the shadows of the past still comes back to huant me..
i`m a wondering soul lookin for anyone to help me..
But u`ll haf to read through 6 pages of the thread b4 u say anything ok??
I`m thankful for your help..
SaD BaByBoY -
I'm think when there's 90 clicks on this thread and yet not a single reply for the past days is likely because the reading of 6 pages before they can give their views is a big turn off. Doubt anyone will do that. As for myself, I read at the first page of it, and stopped. Come'on manz, I mean if there's some comments needed, I would think that some summarizing of what was discuss will be a good idea for all of us here. It will be less of a torture for us, than having to read 120 replies to the thread.
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I read the 6 pages in the other forum and now in Aunt Agony. So my initial reaction is going to be much worse than the first, therefore I didn't post any comments here.
To simplify it, get over it man. You chose to back out on her in the first place and she was never yours.
To adjust your mentality right now, you must think that you do not need her in the first place. Then...you won't feel so concern and bad about her birthday and whatever event of hers. She like to SMS you right? SMS her back whenever she SMS you lor...if you feel like it.
Your problem right now is you really need to regain your confidence asap. Erase whatever thoughts in your mind right now that could ruin your confidence. Get a hold of yourself and your life first...so that you got ample time and a clear mind to see the entire picture clearer. Then you can decide what you want to do next.
Good Luck.
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Next time just tell us page 5 and 6 only lah.
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Since she is attached & treats u like a 'sister' no point continuing the relationship if it causes u pain. Everytime u SMS, u will be reminded of her. Try & move on. Socialise more & get to know other people. Next time u chat up a girl, find out whether she is seeing someone else. If u really like her, then got to take action fast
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Apologies too all who`ve read this thread...
And thx to all who`ve endured readin the whole of the past thread..
I`ll give u all a summary of my account soon...
allow me some time to make out my whole story -
As it begins,
The whole incident happened abt 6-7 yrs ago when I was still in my sec sch days.. I saw this wonderful lookin junior of mine.. I could haf called it love at 1st sight or wat..
I was immediately attracted to her.. i`ve lived as an observer for a very long time until my frens helped me make up a lame excuse to borrow notes from her. Thus a chance to make frens w her..
After knowin her officially, I begin to find out all the other gd aspects of her. Then this feelin of like became love.. the feelin grew stronger, and soon we became the bestest of frens.. we talked abt anything and could be on the fone for hours yet we still haf so much to talk abt..
The times spent w her were really fast.. soon i`ve take my o lvls and haf to leave the sch..
Afraid of losin her to other ppl I popped her the golden qn. Yes I was rejected, the reason she gave me was tt she was not really prepared for any relationship rite now.. so I wait for her to fin her o lvls the nxt yr. then I poped the same qn to her again.. again she said she`s still not ready.. okok.. I tink I shouldn`t force her if she`s not ready..
The real prob came when she entered JC.. I was in J2 and she was in J1.. dunno why but juz the same sch.. ok there was this guy in her class tt I know of.. I felt that healso haf some feelins ofr her.. that guy really knows how to make her laugh and I felt that she`ll be happy with that guy.. so i`ve decided to back out in her life.. I no longer call her and ask her to go out again.. u can say I `m actually avoidin her.. but do u know that i`m realy feelin damn low at that time.. i`m suffering form the same day ?nite syndrome.. any sad song from the radio would bring tears into my eyes.. i`ve no appitite for any food.. As time passed I tot i`ll forget her gradually
6 months passed, when one day her mama called me.. She asked me where was I for the passed few mths.. later she broke out a news that had made me regret leavin her..
the so called NICE guy tt I had perceived was actually ill treatin her and bullying her.. askin her to cary this and doin tt.. then she was very sad, and so was I.. how could I haf left her alone when she needed me most.. so I called her out again.. we talked abt the whole incident in a very mature way. Soon I found out that they were only normal frens, but the guy did in fact express his love to her. But her rejections had made him very angry. Her life was very miserable as the guy makes things diff for her.. since then we called each other more often and in no time, our relationship became wat it was a few mths ago.. theing were plain sailing til the time I had to go to the army?
As enlistment date draws near, I was getting more nervous. I was afraid that the history will repeat itself. So I ask her the same old qn again.. this time she still give the same old reason.. she wanted to conc on the studies 1st.. and so it goes?i`ve failed again..
With a very broken heart I went to tekong for my BMT..
Time in the army was very busy.. I had very little time to talk to her.. and much less to go out shoppin together..
And so it ends?
My love come in a full circle of diff stages
Stage 1
I make frens w her..
Stage 2
I become good frens.. then the so called likin becomes love
Stage 3
She leaves me for some reason.. tt`s when our hearts breaks the most.
Stage 4
I missed her so much.. I decided to call her back and I go back to stage one
I`ve experienced this cycle for countless times w her.. then i`ve decided tt I need to break free of this torture.. I choose exile.. so far i`ve not seen her for abt a yr.. but tinks tt she`s still single.. -
wat u said was correct..Originally posted by parn:To simplify it, get over it man. You chose to back out on her in the first place and she was never yours.
she was nv mine..
and i choose to back out from her life..
tt`s cuz i cant bear the pain of seein her everyday and to ponder on how she feels abt me..
i`m really feelin terrible inside of me..
she blows hot and cold.. sometimes like my GF sometimes like a stranger...
`im really puzzled by her reaction to situations at times.. -
Sorry Double post
but i shall not waste this space too..
recently i went back to my old sch to look at my teacher w one of my frens... i wasn`t lookin forward to seein any unexpected ppl..
but when i was talkin to a teacher in the canteen,
someone w a familiar stature juz walked pass me.. to my surprise, its her, YES its really her..
i`ve been trying to forget her and go on w life for so long...
yet when i saw her again juz now, my heart pumped like it was racing..
is it tellin me i still cant forget her???
i told myself plz, plz i really wanna forget her.. now i`ve seen her, all the memories keep comin back to me.. i really dunno how she feels.. i talked to her for a while.. as thou nothin had happened b4.,,
i`d lost all mood to do things now..
her images keep on surfacin in my mind..
i really don wanna go back to the stage like last time... -
Sorry Double post
but i shall not waste this space too..
sometimes i tink my life is like a sad movie like tt.. cuz of her i`ve lost interest in other gals for so many yrs..
i did try to control myself real hard.. i nv call her..
juz it cuz takes a call to kill my will power.....
Any guyz.. her B day was juz last sat..
The present tt i bought for her is still w me...
and i really am lost for action..
i dont know wat to do... -
Originally posted by BaByBoY:As it begins,
The whole incident happened abt 6-7 yrs ago when I was still in my sec sch days.. I saw this wonderful lookin junior of mine.. I could haf called it love at 1st sight or wat..
I was immediately attracted to her.. i`ve lived as an observer for a very long time until my frens helped me make up a lame excuse to borrow notes from her. Thus a chance to make frens w her..
After knowin her officially, I begin to find out all the other gd aspects of her. Then this feelin of like became love.. the feelin grew stronger, and soon we became the bestest of frens.. we talked abt anything and could be on the fone for hours yet we still haf so much to talk abt..
The times spent w her were really fast.. soon i`ve take my o lvls and haf to leave the sch..
Afraid of losin her to other ppl I popped her the golden qn. Yes I was rejected, the reason she gave me was tt she was not really prepared for any relationship rite now.. so I wait for her to fin her o lvls the nxt yr. then I poped the same qn to her again.. again she said she`s still not ready.. okok.. I tink I shouldn`t force her if she`s not ready..
The real prob came when she entered JC.. I was in J2 and she was in J1.. dunno why but juz the same sch.. ok there was this guy in her class tt I know of.. I felt that healso haf some feelins ofr her.. that guy really knows how to make her laugh and I felt that she`ll be happy with that guy.. so i`ve decided to back out in her life.. I no longer call her and ask her to go out again.. u can say I `m actually avoidin her.. but do u know that i`m realy feelin damn low at that time.. i`m suffering form the same day ?nite syndrome.. any sad song from the radio would bring tears into my eyes.. i`ve no appitite for any food.. As time passed I tot i`ll forget her gradually
6 months passed, when one day her mama called me.. She asked me where was I for the passed few mths.. later she broke out a news that had made me regret leavin her..
the so called NICE guy tt I had perceived was actually ill treatin her and bullying her.. askin her to cary this and doin tt.. then she was very sad, and so was I.. how could I haf left her alone when she needed me most.. so I called her out again.. we talked abt the whole incident in a very mature way. Soon I found out that they were only normal frens, but the guy did in fact express his love to her. But her rejections had made him very angry. Her life was very miserable as the guy makes things diff for her.. since then we called each other more often and in no time, our relationship became wat it was a few mths ago.. theing were plain sailing til the time I had to go to the army?
As enlistment date draws near, I was getting more nervous. I was afraid that the history will repeat itself. So I ask her the same old qn again.. this time she still give the same old reason.. she wanted to conc on the studies 1st.. and so it goes?i`ve failed again..
With a very broken heart I went to tekong for my BMT..
Time in the army was very busy.. I had very little time to talk to her.. and much less to go out shoppin together..
And so it ends?
My love come in a full circle of diff stages
Stage 1
I make frens w her..
Stage 2
I become good frens.. then the so called likin becomes love
Stage 3
She leaves me for some reason.. tt`s when our hearts breaks the most.
Stage 4
I missed her so much.. I decided to call her back and I go back to stage one
I`ve experienced this cycle for countless times w her.. then i`ve decided tt I need to break free of this torture.. I choose exile.. so far i`ve not seen her for abt a yr.. but tinks tt she`s still single..
Its not just her; its you as well.
You are probably very close to the line of victory, but somehow, the line always shift whenever the critical peak of expressing and everything else slips in. Let me tell you something about this vicious cycle that you never knew consciously:
Your history repeats torturously because your way of handling this issue never change since day one. You are a guy who knows how to pave your route, but have no knowledge on how to build further than what you had done.
Have anyone ever tell you that your psychological love behavior always instigate you to run away whenever you failed in your attempt to get her? You subconsciously CHOSE to leave whenever she rejected you and ironically, being a very good friend of her, avoiding shouldn't have take place at all because if you have respected space and freedom, you both should have reached to a stage where you are emotionally ease with yourself. Declaration of love wouldn't have affected this friendship at all - its you who decide to instill tension in the bonds. In summary, you repeated your own cycle with your own choice.
CloUdiSm remix III state: If you always love the way you always do, you always get what you always get.
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You have already chosen to leave - then leave without the intention of coming back. You can't be hanging in the air and hope for a miracle to happen - you will only hurt yourself. If she is not interested, in BGR sense, why live within your own emotional picture? Have you ever ask and know how she feel and her preception with regards to you? I mean you are rejected twice - there has to be better and more concrete reasons than studying.
Her emotional structure hasn't been constructed yet - IMO, her mindset on love may not be positively formed OR she is spolit for choices. Since you have successfully avoided and reduce much contacts, you should learn to walk your own path for now (away from her shadows). Of course if you want to get her, you can employ art of seduction to win the war for you. (IMO, you are on good grounds - but don't ask me how to do it. I can't explain on words here and even through explaination, it is highly unlikely you will do exact)
How the future is like, with/without her, doesn't matter - at least you had two good attempts. Many others didn't have such opportunity at all. At least she came into your life and taught you something.
Cheers -
Since u have been close to her for the past few years,
How well do u understand her?
Do u know what she wants in a relationship? Or wants a relationship at all?
As her friend, have u ever talk to her about her hopes, fears, expectations etc..?
She may not know what she wants.
Help her up as a friend first. -
Okie...s.h.i.t...you make me feel bad for you. I try my best for you okie?
Hmm...you sounds like you really like her alot, even until now. I can understand this feelings...it simply makes you difficult to sleep during the night and take up all your thoughts during the day.
For me, I feel that if I really like the person, I will go after her. Regardless even when people says that she has high expectations of guys and I'm probably not on her list...which is...she probably ignores me and I'm a nobody to her.
The reason for doing such pathetic attempt? Hmm...well, have to be of course the fact that I like her so much that I want to try to fight for her love. I don't like to give up and declare that I'm a loser even before I try to go after her. But that's just me okie?
I would suggest to you to give her a call soon...don't wait for too long, you got no excuse not to call her anyway. Do not dwell on the past anymore. Don't mention the past...her past...your past...unless she is the one who mentioned it first. It means she wants to talk about the past...and you go ahead and talk about the past with her. Otherwise, talk about the things happening to you recently and your future events. Also ask her about her recent events and make sure she feel comfortable talking with you. Be nice to her again and care for her as true to your heart.
Sometimes going after a girl doesn't means she has to spend hours talking with you on the phone. Sometimes it just takes a short call out of the sudden to show some concern about her...show her that you still remember her and she is still a part of your thought. Make sure your actions let her know that you have include her into your life and don't try to overtake her life.
The next step after this will have to be solely depend on you already. One thing though, never look back on the things that you have already done for her...never stop and calculate your chances of success because there is no fixed rule/formula for success. Never self-sabotage yourself by thinking that she maybe don't like you or treat you as a friend/brother...because you will never know what she is thinking, feelings, fear, worries, hope and expectations. Instead, treat every chance every moment with her as an opportunity for you to create wonderful memories for her and enjoy the time spent together with her.
Don't worry if at the end of the road, you still end up losing her. But when you looked back at the time you had with her, you will realised that the love you feel in your heart and the pain you are feeling right now is no longer yours...she will also feel the same sadness and loved as you...things like this are mutual.
Of course I will not ask you to go and fight a losing battle lah...but sure got win and lose mah...just want you to be prepare for the lose part only lah.
Hmm...the winning part...well...it depends on the feelings shared by you and her lor. No need to actually wait and prepare a really romantic scenario to confess your love for her lah. You will know when you are really to let her know you like/love her. Trust me lah, you will know when the time comes.
Anyway, wish you all the best in winning her love. And treasure her feelings dearly when you succeed okie? -
Its a sad story
but i think she was never interested in tat sense, mayb shes jus tryin not 2 hurt u... -
To Yun,
Yes I`ve to admit.. its me as well
once i`ve reached a certain stage in my r/s w her then i`ll be loss for actions.
i know i shouldnt be avoidin her...
but i really feel hurt inside of me..
I`ve always respected her freedom
i nv interfered w wat she`s doin..
i`ve always tried to leave her..
but her shadows juz keeps comin back to huant me
everytime i close my eyes..
i`ll see her..
everynite i slp i`ll dream of her
i`ve asked her how she felt abt me..
she said to me..
we might haf a chance of bein together
and i`ve always felt hope in those word
i always felt tt her reason for not acceptin me is due to her mother
maybe she juz wanna spend more time w them
i dunno if she`s spoilt for choices.. but i`m sure she`s got no bf when i`m still in contact w her
i`m puzzled why she`s got so little ppl apparently wooin her also.. since she`s very pretty( at least in my eyes )
and i`m a failure at the art of seduction
i tink its hard for me to seduce her...
She`s left such a big impact in my life tt`s so deep it`s made a permanent scar im my my heart.. -
Originally posted by Magnus:
Since u have been close to her for the past few years,
How well do u understand her?
i cant say i understand her but i`ll know wat she wanted..
most of the times i`m correct.
and i can guess her choice for things 90% of the time..
i can see when she`s happy or sad by lookin into her eyes..
i can tell her mood by listening to her voice on the fone
however i cant comprehand how she tinks and feels at times..
Do u know what she wants in a relationship? Or wants a relationship at all?
i`m so puzzled by wat she`s tinkin..
all her actions says that she`s takin me as someone special..
but her words do not speak of the same language..
eg.. she can invite me to her house for FAMILY reunions.. and allow her relatives to MISTAKE us..
and yet not to accept me as her BF
As her friend, have u ever talk to her about her hopes, fears, expectations etc..?
i tink sometimes i`ve failed to her as a gd fren
i`ve talked to her abt many things..
surprisingly.. we`ve almost nv shared any SECRETS
we can talk abt our marriage years
and future spouses and children..
but we were always very polite to each other..
i`ve nv qurreled w her b4
to me nv qurrel seems a bad sign to me
coz t mean i`m agreein to watever she says
thus no exchage of idea..
but i cant seriously find any fault w her..
am i blinded by love??
She may not know what she wants.
Help her up as a friend first.
I tried to be juz platonic frens w her..
really tried..
but the feelin juz grows everyday..
its for so long..
i`ve always had chance to be alone w her..
yet nothings comes put of us..
sometimes i also feel that it could be cuz she`s not identified wat she wanted out of me..
she once said to me
`i don wanna be ur GF, u see ard u.. all the couples don last.. after they break they won even be frens..
i cherish u.. tt`s why i wanna know u longer..
let`s be JUZ frens ok??` -
To Parn,
i`m really sorry for bringin stress and sadness into u..
i did as u felt..
i tried to woo her
even when i know i may haf nv been considered
into her `list`
even so.. i`ve tried..
i was so close to winnin her heart
and yet i was so far away
i tried to sms her to ask her out today..
however there`s no reply.. as usual..
dunno she forget to reply or don wanna reply also..
and i don dare to call her also.
don really want to disturb her..
and don dare to hear her voice also
scared i`ll call her again and yet again and again.....
and yes i`ve cherished every moment w her..
i choose to leave her w my good momories..
event to the pt where i go orchard i`ll tink of the times we spent there..
and the thoughts always comes back to haunt me..
tho wonderful times we spent together...
i was so much afraid the ghost of her will huant me even after i get married..
i won be able to let go of her..
sometime i`m really worried it`ll affect my future marriage.. -
Sigh..
Guess she does not have that special feeling for you yet.
She probably find you a decent but boring chap? Not exciting, or deep enough?
Probably u need to build up her trust to a higher level as well.
'Never quarrel, very polite to each other' indicates that barrier.
Maybe you can start by first sharing your thoughts, feelings etc..
Then, she may slowly let u in..
Dun be afriad of rejections.
But i think u do still stand a very good chance.The fact that her family & relatives know you helps.
Dun give up. Continue your caring ways. -
Originally posted by BaByBoY:To Yun,
Yes I`ve to admit.. its me as well
once i`ve reached a certain stage in my r/s w her then i`ll be loss for actions.
i know i shouldnt be avoidin her...
but i really feel hurt inside of me..
I`ve always respected her freedom
i nv interfered w wat she`s doin..
i`ve always tried to leave her..
but her shadows juz keeps comin back to huant me
everytime i close my eyes..
i`ll see her..
everynite i slp i`ll dream of her
i`ve asked her how she felt abt me..
she said to me..
we might haf a chance of bein together
and i`ve always felt hope in those word
i always felt tt her reason for not acceptin me is due to her mother
maybe she juz wanna spend more time w them
i dunno if she`s spoilt for choices.. but i`m sure she`s got no bf when i`m still in contact w her
i`m puzzled why she`s got so little ppl apparently wooin her also.. since she`s very pretty( at least in my eyes )
and i`m a failure at the art of seduction
i tink its hard for me to seduce her...
She`s left such a big impact in my life tt`s so deep it`s made a permanent scar im my my heart.. She didn't left a false hope on you - in fact, she left a security blanket behind. Just in case when one day she decide to have a bf, the best candidate for the post would be you. But then again, being together doesn't mean anything - in the first place, where is the love?
Why people are so concern over the actual formation of the relationship when the real thing that they should be more concern about is the love involved and churning the relationship? Without the soul, the body is dead; without the right love, the relationship is empty.
The reason why you find it so hard to leave her clutches is because she hook you with a piece of rod and you consciously don't wished to leave as well. Nobody can make you leave if you can't find the reason to - if you want to end your emotional misery and learn to walk on your own, once firmly decided, even if she were to change the rod into an anchor, you will and can still leave.
Cheers -
BaByBoy...love is about giving and more giving. You just go ahead and do what you want to win her love. No need for you to worry about whether she will appreciate it or not. She don't reply your SMS, then don't reply lor. It is just a SMS...stupid little text-based function that we have in our mobile phones.
You have lost your courage because you think and tried to analyse too much into her thoughts already. Girls are girls....they simply don't think similar to guys. There is no way you can know what she is thinking unless you go and ask her yourself. But then, even so...she also will not tell you lah. So...don't care whatever she is thinking, just go and do what you heart tells you to. You like her, you go after her. There is nothing wrong with it as long as you don't go and rip off her clothes and do those immoral stuffs.
Never...never self-sabotage yourself in whatever things you are doing. I think if you can just stop self-sabotaging yourself, you can do better in winning her love as you can be more confident about yourself and the things you are doing.
Okie...worst scenario ever...what could happened? She ask you to go and die and says she hate you for disturbing her and all those c.r.a.p right? Why you cannot go and ask her to f.u.c.k spiders? You also don't owned her any thing. She is afterall make up of flesh and blood and the two of you got history together. So do you really think she will say all those s.h.i.t to you? Pull yourself together man!
If you can just back out so easily just because she never reply your SMS, all I can say is that you don't love her enough to be able to win her love. Go and fight for her love if you really love her. Losers whine all the time, Winners goes home and f.u.c.k the prom-queen.
I know that if I were you, the most painful thing for me would be not being able to win her love...and definitely not because she ignored my SMS!
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To babyboy :
You are thinking too much. You are making things complicated for yourself.
Make things simple. If you like her, then like her. You can still chase her if you want. But don't interfere too much into her life.
For example: You can ask her where she is going, if she don't want to answer, don't be angry and insists on knowing where she is going.
Support her, care for her.
No one will force you to like another person. Don't force yourself to love another to forget the past. You love another person because you know and feel you truly love that person, so how would it affect your future marriage?
Make things simple. Think things simple. Do things simple. -
There are three types of disease that cannot be cured.
Forgetfulness
Stupidity
Love
If you're still thinking about her, that means you're not able to let go.
If you want to let go, it must come from your heart. It must come from your determination. As long one is determined, nothing can sway one from one's decision as long as one is focused.
If you really want to hear my advice? Give yourself another try. Don't start disappearing when someone rejects you. She might be hurt when you're suddenly hot and cold with her. If you think disappearing makes you forget about her, you're wrong. It's you that make the difference.
Anyway, last advice.
Do not follow the voices, follow your own heart. -
no wonder after all these years, croco still so stupid... stupidity cannot be cured... now mi know
-
Stupidity and Acting stupid are two different things.Originally posted by sgboy2004:no wonder after all these years, croco still so stupid... stupidity cannot be cured... now mi know
Stop cheating people!
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Originally posted by Magnus:
Sigh..
Guess she does not have that special feeling for you yet.
She probably find you a decent but boring chap? Not exciting, or deep enough?
Wat u say is right.. even i myself find me borin at times...
it used be only her in my life..
for me.. i`m the gong gong toot toot type...
i don go chiong and hardly wear nice clothes
but i`m very honest to her and i`ve nv don anything bad to her..
at times i will surprise her w special occasions..
eg bring her to places or buy her little gifts...
Probably u need to build up her trust to a higher level as well.
'Never quarrel, very polite to each other' indicates that barrier.
Maybe you can start by first sharing your thoughts, feelings etc..
Then, she may slowly let u in..
the prob is i can guess how she feel abt other things most of the time..
lookin at how she behaves i`m more or less sure how`s her condition..
but tt was nv to to the lovin aspect..
we shared very much the same thoughs.. and liked almost the same things..
wat she buys for me i know i`ll like.
wat i bought for her i know she`ll need..
but it was nv love that we exchanged..
Dun be afriad of rejections.
But i think u do still stand a very good chance.The fact that her family & relatives know you helps.
Dun give up. Continue your caring ways.
Many haf given me the same advice after they know of my story..
it was these encoragements that had made me go back to her..
w fresh hopes and inspiration, i`ll go back to her..
and i`ll be very happy for a season..
then i dont know why it will always bring me back to this stage where i`m now