Its tis Gd Gd Gal and its Juz ME ( And It Juz Never Ends )
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After all these years, you guys are still in the stage where no secrets are exchanged?!
Can't believe it, man!
It makes me feel that you guys are only on the superficial stage of "good friends" or "lovers"...
Time won't change anything if you guys continue this way...
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
She didn't left a false hope on you - in fact, she left a security blanket behind. Just in case when one day she decide to have a bf, the best candidate for the post would be you. But then again, being together doesn't mean anything - in the first place, where is the love?
the worry in my mind is that i may haf nv been cherished as a life partner b4..
if i were to stay and see her w a new BF wouldnt that be a greater setback for me??
maybe u`re right.. there could had been no love all the while..
Why people are so concern over the actual formation of the relationship when the real thing that they should be more concern about is the love involved and churning the relationship? Without the soul, the body is dead; without the right love, the relationship is empty.
i didn`t expect tings to turn out like this also..
all that i every wanted to see happen everytime i see her is to see her smile everytime i send her home and leave her house..
everytime i call her i wished only to hear her laughter.
is it i`m setting `too short targets` for myself that i nv really know wat i want at the end of the day???
The reason why you find it so hard to leave her clutches is because she hook you with a piece of rod and you consciously don't wished to leave as well. Nobody can make you leave if you can't find the reason to - if you want to end your emotional misery and learn to walk on your own, once firmly decided, even if she were to change the rod into an anchor, you will and can still leave.
Cheers
Yes. I consiously don want to leave her also..
cuz of the previous incidents that had detered me from leavin her.. wat happens if she meet a bad guys.. wat happens if she needs help .. wat happens if got ppl buly her..
my heart bleeds juz to see her suffer like tt..
when her mama ask her to do housework, it pains me too. i was like always on the worrying for her..
how can i ever leave her totally..
my mind`s too preoccupied w her and her safety -
To Parn,
I know love is all abt givin..
No doubt, i`ve felt that i`ve given my all..
but still feel it isnt enough..
Sometime i juz need to know of some affairmation
at least i wana know if she appreciated it..
On her i give her more than i can provide for myslef.
i`ve spent more time w her than i`ve haf w my best frens.. don talk abt money.. i`ve spent my last penny in my savings on her.. at least she was happy..
and i`ve nv regretted it..
i`ve done to her wat money and time cannot provide for.. i did all the shit work for her. Move house, gather manpower, bring her to places.even to take care of her and family when they r sick. buy tonics for her during exam periods
i felt i`ve given my all.. i`m really exhuasted, really..
but i stll feel that i could haf done better...
as for the SMS.. it`s already a norm... many reasons/excuses were given for not replyin/late reply.
but its fine w me.. -
To WuGuiDan,
Yes i know i`ve been tinkin too much.
but i really cant be helped in tt..
cant i realluy don be bothered by other mundane stuff??
i cannot only care for my own feelins only.. i need to take her feelings into consideration too...
As much as i wanna chase her, i wan to know wat`s stopin her from accepting me..
maybe u can say i`m too pessismistic abt my r/s w her.. i`m pushed into deep thoughts why it nv worked out as i`ve done my best already..
i juz wanna identify wat i`ve done wrong or haf not done
i know i cant love another person and takin her as a substitude.. i`ve one pt in my life tried to divert my attention away from her.. trying to accept other gals in my life.. i`ve tried and failed
everywhere i go, everything i say i`m bein reminded of her.. everything i do it`s juz her in my mind.. -
Not all women want men to provide for them. They want someone they can share their burden with. Not someone who only gives in material.Originally posted by BaByBoY:To WuGuiDan,
Yes i know i`ve been tinkin too much.
but i really cant be helped in tt..
cant i realluy don be bothered by other mundane stuff??
i cannot only care for my own feelins only.. i need to take her feelings into consideration too...
As much as i wanna chase her, i wan to know wat`s stopin her from accepting me..
maybe u can say i`m too pessismistic abt my r/s w her.. i`m pushed into deep thoughts why it nv worked out as i`ve done my best already..
i juz wanna identify wat i`ve done wrong or haf not done
i know i cant love another person and takin her as a substitude.. i`ve one pt in my life tried to divert my attention away from her.. trying to accept other gals in my life.. i`ve tried and failed
everywhere i go, everything i say i`m bein reminded of her.. everything i do it`s juz her in my mind..
I hope you understand that. It's not food on the table which you eat, it's the atmosphere when you eat together. -
quote]Originally posted by Nelstar:
If you're still thinking about her, that means you're not able to let go.
If you want to let go, it must come from your heart. It must come from your determination. As long one is determined, nothing can sway one from one's decision as long as one is focused.
If you really want to hear my advice? Give yourself another try. Don't start disappearing when someone rejects you. She might be hurt when you're suddenly hot and cold with her. If you think disappearing makes you forget about her, you're wrong. It's you that make the difference.
Anyway, last advice.
Do not follow the voices, follow your own heart.[/quote]
Thx.
I`ve tried many a times to leave her..
so far this haf been the longest time i`ve not been seein her..
its her b day recently tt made me miss her so much..
i`ve started to live the days of the zombies again..
losin appitite for food. losin mood to sleep.. and losin aim in life.. as much as i tried to follow my heart, my mind tells me its all gone.. maybe now that i haf more time..
maybe i`ll go for a last try b4 leavin her for gd..
thx u made my decision clear to me.. -
BaByBoy...what you have done for her is already more than what a normal friend should be doing. I am positive that she knows that you like her long ago...judging from the things that you have done for her.
There seems to be something missing in your relationship with her. Hmm...do you make her laugh? Is she comfortable when being with you? Is she happy when she is with you? Somehow I feel from your posting that she wasn't happy most of the time when out with you. But she did have some happy moments with you when you were dating her.
Think she didn't felt that you were actually loving her from your soul. Hmm...how should I put it? Love is not materialistic...it is actually a communication between 2 souls. So it has to be mutual...if your love to her is all about what you have done for her physically, then perhaps that is why she don't feel loved by you. In fact, maybe she feel that she owned you a lot of favours. And so she felt obliged to be with you? Say if she really did agree to be your gf, what is she going to love you for? For all the things that you have done for her and her family? For the money that you have spent on her? For the time you have spent with her instead of your friends? I think she was probably also as confused as you in a certain state previously.
Well...I think right now you should care for her soul. Not using any props(gifts...doing a favour for her...etc), use your soul and try to connect with her soul. That is love. Couples always say that they click with each other...but that is actually the connection between their soul. You can have many friends, but you don't click with all of them. Same goes for girls...you can go after and like a lot of girls, but you cannot say you love all of them.
Don't worry...she knows that you like and is interested in her long ago. But she probably needs to know what is it that you are really after. Girls will also feel insecure if you like them but you don't show them clearly what it is that you are really after. Worse still, if they think that you are trying to buy them by making them feel indebted to you with your generous efforts to please her and her family.
I think that should be what you are missing out in your relationship with her. As least that is what I figured.
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the prob is i can guess how she feel abt other things most of the time..
That's from your own perspective. Dun mean to be harsh but your life already revolves around her. You are madly, deeply smittened by her.
lookin at how she behaves i`m more or less sure how`s her condition..
but tt was nv to to the lovin aspect..
we shared very much the same thoughs.. and liked almost the same things..
wat she buys for me i know i`ll like.
wat i bought for her i know she`ll need..
but it was nv love that we exchanged..
What she likes, you will grow to like.
What she buys for you, you will grow to like as well.
Sharing the same thoughts? see the above 2 points.
Dun assume she knows how u feel and assumes she knows your thoughts.
You should be more verbal. Gather all your courage, DECLARE YOUR LOVE TO HER LIKE THERE'S NO TOMMORROW. MAKE HER HEART FLUTTERS, SKIP A BEAT OR TWO.
Many haf given me the same advice after they know of my story..
When u think you are back to where you are now, read back the responses & suggestions from the good people here. We can only help u this far. The rest is truly up to u.
it was these encoragements that had made me go back to her..
w fresh hopes and inspiration, i`ll go back to her..
and i`ll be very happy for a season..
then i dont know why it will always bring me back to this stage where i`m now
Go forth, she's waiting for u. -
Woah...that's a sexy avatar you've got there!Originally posted by Nelstar:Not all women want men to provide for them. They want someone they can share their burden with. Not someone who only gives in material.
I hope you understand that. It's not food on the table which you eat, it's the atmosphere when you eat together.
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Originally posted by BabyBoy:
the worry in my mind is that i may haf nv been cherished as a life partner b4..
if i were to stay and see her w a new BF wouldnt that be a greater setback for me??
maybe u`re right.. there could had been no love all the while..
...i didn`t expect tings to turn out like this also..
all that i every wanted to see happen everytime i see her is to see her smile everytime i send her home and leave her house..
everytime i call her i wished only to hear her laughter.
is it i`m setting `too short targets` for myself that i nv really know wat i want at the end of the day???
...Yes. I consiously don want to leave her also..
cuz of the previous incidents that had detered me from leavin her.. wat happens if she meet a bad guys.. wat happens if she needs help .. wat happens if got ppl buly her..
my heart bleeds juz to see her suffer like tt..
when her mama ask her to do housework, it pains me too. i was like always on the worrying for her..
how can i ever leave her totally..
my mind`s too preoccupied w her and her safety That is an excuse for you continue your cycle. Seriously speaking, you can't protect her from her love cosmic karma even if you want to do anything about it. It took me so many fringing` many years to understand that logic. With the grace of time, you could only be a blanket to fall on - ultimately, she has to pick up herself.
If she has problem and finds you, you can be there for her. But she will go once she is ok, so be cool and continue to lead your life. Friends is about being there when needed - the minute you expected something out from it, you are walking into a bush of thorns - a definite scar from the brush with thorns.
Nobody can make you leave.
So I'll ask... but you stay for what? Because of the above reasons?
Do you think she needed you... or you actually needed her?
Cheers -
BabyBoy, I totally understand how u are feeling... i've been through all those moments. I'll tell u how i dealt with it, and maybe u would like to do the same.
After i knew she got attached, i too was living the life of a "Zombie", I fell into a state of depression. Then one day, I decided enuff was enuff. I can't go on like this any longer... what i did was ask her straight: "Will I stand a chance if you ever become single again?" She said: "She won't have the courage to go into another relationship if this one fails." And there, i got the answer i've always been looking for. After i got my answer, i felt so much better.
It isn't the best answer, but at least i was given an answer so that i can move on without any regrets. I wouldn't love a girl who can never love me back.
So here i am, living the 2nd lease of life. I dun love her anymore, but we still remain good frends. i've been too selfish during the period that i loved her...Its Time to give others a chance to love me.
And maybe it's time you get your answer from her, babyboy. -
To Parn,
Yes,i`m sure she knows that i liked her a long long time ago.. the funny thing is she nv showed me any negative signs.. like hiding from me.. and not answering my calls.. almost nv avoidin me.. my frens tried wooin gals and tt`s the kinda response they gave my frens...
I for sure do not know how she always feels when she`s w me..
but i see her smile and laugh at me at times..
saying silly things abt me..
and often i`ll be clown to her very young bro..
Maybe u`re rite..
All these things that i`ve done for her haf inevitably created some indebtness inside of her..
maybe she juz companied me or invited me becuz she feels bad abt me doin too much for her.. u tink it could really be the case???
really???
so wat do i really miss out doin or wat i shouldn`t haf done??
i`m really vexed now.... -
Hahaha...BaByBoy, me too. Not in a good mood right now.
But I guess helping you is also helping myself, I can feel much better after that.
Hmm...for your questions...I can only tell you what I think is right for your situation. The reason is because I do not know her well enough to make the most accurate assumptions. But I think I shouldn't be too far off the truth. If you think what I said is accurate, chances are it is. You know her more than anyone else, so you should know the truth if I'm right or not?
Like I have mentioned before...she should already knew long ago that you like her. By the way, if she is willing to come out just with you alone...you do stand a high chance with her. Most Girls will never go out alone with guys that they don't like...especially if they suspects that you are going after them. Some do though...especially if they are really really really bored or you ask them too many times already and they feel bad saying no to you all the time.
There is no right or wrong in going after a girl. And there is nothing you should have done or shouldn't done. You did what you thought was most appropriate for your situation at that time. I suggest you give her a call soon. You so long never see her already, don't tell me you got nothing to talk with her?
Listen to me...whatever happens in the past...let go and don't think about it anymore. There is nothing you can do about it and I do not want you to go and think about the past and make yourself feel like s.h.i.t everyday.
Don't talk about unhappy things or events, don't even start an unhappy topic with her...unless she is the one who brings it up first, then you can go ahead and talk about it with her.
Enjoy...hmm....see, I knew I will feel a bit better after this. -
Hahahahaha........I'm back!
My Mood fully restored!!! Felt so much better right now. 
Just felt like posting it here to remind myself. -
To Magnus,
I know that i need to let her feel towards me..
but i cant simply say how much i love her everytime i see her.. i don`t want to end up as a pest to her..
and in the end she might avoid my presence..
i also don wanna give her pressure into our r/s
i hope u see my side of the story... -
To Yun,
Maybe u`re right..
i`m not sure if she needed me or i need her...
but i tink i need her at times to listen to me..
i need her to show my affections
i need her so that i haf someone to care for.
i need her so that evrytime i`ll know there`s her that i can tink abt
i don really know wat`s happened to me..
were u trying to say i`m only a backup for her??
when she`s down she`ll find me??
and when she`s ok seh`ll leave??
is the prob not lies w me??? -
I did asked her abt how she feels..Originally posted by edwinSSM:BabyBoy, I totally understand how u are feeling... i've been through all those moments. I'll tell u how i dealt with it, and maybe u would like to do the same.
After i knew she got attached, i too was living the life of a "Zombie", I fell into a state of depression. Then one day, I decided enuff was enuff. I can't go on like this any longer... what i did was ask her straight: "Will I stand a chance if you ever become single again?" She said: "She won't have the courage to go into another relationship if this one fails." And there, i got the answer i've always been looking for. After i got my answer, i felt so much better.
It isn't the best answer, but at least i was given an answer so that i can move on without any regrets. I wouldn't love a girl who can never love me back.
So here i am, living the 2nd lease of life. I dun love her anymore, but we still remain good frends. i've been too selfish during the period that i loved her...Its Time to give others a chance to love me.
And maybe it's time you get your answer from her, babyboy.
she said that we MAY haf a chance to be together..
i really dunno wat`s up in her mind..
she nv directly rejected me b4..
the reasons that she gimme was juz to pull back time..
becoz of this pullin back.. it make my very headache..
she wans it or not??
it seems like a wan.. and seems like a don wan.. i don really haf a clear view of her opinions..
she juz say `got chance nxt time` -
BaByBoY,
Looks like you have done everything you could & should.
That leaves me with the following conclusions:
- She's keeping her options open.
- You are not who she wants.
- As such, you will always be the 'backup'
How old are both of you by the way?
Probably the only thing to do is to wait for her to realise & accept you. But it can take a short time, long time probably never.
Keep your options open too. Widen your social circle.Channel your energies elsewhere and Develop yourself.
Who knows, she will see you as a different person next time.. -
It's very selfish of her to give u a 50-50% answer... it's like she's keeping u as the last resort...Originally posted by BaByBoY:I did asked her abt how she feels..
she said that we MAY haf a chance to be together..
i really dunno wat`s up in her mind..
she nv directly rejected me b4..
the reasons that she gimme was juz to pull back time..
becoz of this pullin back.. it make my very headache..
she wans it or not??
it seems like a wan.. and seems like a don wan.. i don really haf a clear view of her opinions..
she juz say `got chance nxt time`
U mentioned that she nv directly reject u, it's quite normal for girls to twist here twist there to make the rejection sound less hurtful. I also nv receive a "DIRECT" answer like 'NO WAY'. But i can roughly "assume" the meaning behind those words. So sometimes you have to decipher the meaning of the words she said...
But if u are really keen to get the answer once and for all, go direct to her and DEMAND a straight answer. Ask her to give u a "Yes or No" Answer. Maybe give her one day to think about it, cos if u rush her, she might panick... so ask slowly, softly and sincerely... All the best to u BabyBoy! -
Originally posted by BaByBoY:To Yun,
Maybe u`re right..
i`m not sure if she needed me or i need her...
but i tink i need her at times to listen to me..
i need her to show my affections
i need her so that i haf someone to care for.
i need her so that evrytime i`ll know there`s her that i can tink abt
i don really know wat`s happened to me..
were u trying to say i`m only a backup for her??
when she`s down she`ll find me??
and when she`s ok seh`ll leave??
is the prob not lies w me??? It's not about she wanting you as a back-up - its about you who needs her and not vice vista.
You employ excuses to prevent yourself from moving with your own life - you kept thinking that if she was hurt, you want to be there for her because you want to protect her at all cost. The problem is, does she wants that kind of shelter you provide?
You wanna love, but does she wanna receive them? Apparantly not forthcoming.
You wanna shower affection, but is she appreciating it? As a friend, probably yes. Anything further than that? Difficult to say.
You should have move on, but you CHOSE to stay. You don't need advice - you need a decision.
P.S: Are you a Taurus, Cancer, Scorpio or Pisces?
Cheers -
Hello Yunhaier...care to tell me more about Scorpio? Seems like you are quite an expert in Astrology...so just interested to know more about myself.
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Scorpio? I have good Scorpio friends and they do make very good loyal friends.Originally posted by parn:Hello Yunhaier...care to tell me more about Scorpio? Seems like you are quite an expert in Astrology...so just interested to know more about myself.
Scorpio are people who are usually reserved until they find someone who can click with them. In love, if the aspects in their chart shows strong magnetic attraction, Scorpio's attraction can be quite strong - especially for people who are attracted to quiet mystery. A true Scorpio have many levels in emotions - other people usually don't get in touch or know the deeper levels. They are the people who are what you call 'More than meets the eye'.
Scorpio usually hate and love with the same intensity. If Mars is strong, afflicted against Venus/Moon (plus bad placing) - the Scorpio can suffer alot from personality in love.
Cheers -
hmm... I'm a scorpio... and i'll say the following analysis is about 70% correct.Originally posted by Yunhaier:Scorpio? I have good Scorpio friends and they do make very good loyal friends.
Scorpio are people who are usually reserved until they find someone who can click with them. In love, if the aspects in their chart shows strong magnetic attraction, Scorpio's attraction can be quite strong - especially for people who are attracted to quiet mystery. A true Scorpio have many levels in emotions - other people usually don't get in touch or know the deeper levels. They are the people who are what you call 'More than meets the eye'.
Scorpio usually hate and love with the same intensity. If Mars is strong, afflicted against Venus/Moon (plus bad placing) - the Scorpio can suffer alot from personality in love.
Cheers -
True...but how about the bad part of a Scorpio?
Thank you Yunhaier. (Are you Leo?) -
Yesh I am a leo.Originally posted by parn:True...but how about the bad part of a Scorpio?
Thank you Yunhaier. (Are you Leo?) Bad part about Scorpio? An Aries bites directly, while a scorpio stings when it knows it can strike criticially. A scorpio lover would do well to avoid being possessive, jealous and clingy.
Hurt a Scorpio in love and he/she will remember it for life - probably the kind that would even out the pain to the other party. (Bf: Wah my gf can hold hands with guys somemore... Ok maybe I would try this with my female counterparts as well)
Because a Scorpio's love is intense - they could snuff out possible breathing space. Scorpio's direction in love is fixed - they are usually loyal to their love ones, more so, comparing to other signs. But because of that, this fixed nature make them very difficult to move on once love is gone. For a Scorpio, they need more time to re-adjust their mindset and emotional structure.
Cheers