Originally posted by xiao chui:
haiz.. share my own little wif u guys...
abt a yr agao i met a new collouegus ..
that time i was abot to get married..
personally speaking i dun really like my husband..
i was going steady wif hi for 4 yrs .. b4 i was wif him i love a guy for 8yrs... that guy left me wifout giving me a reason.. n thru out the 8 yrs i was always hving him in m y heart...n i was leading a terrible life.. then i gt to met my husband .. he came into my life when its was the the rock bottom...n becos of his care n love showered onto me.. i start to hv a relationship wif him... y i married him.. becos of a bo liao reason...
he brouht me to a condo showroom n out of a thorough thinking i agreed wif him to gt the flat.. n then from there our marriage plan grew...
the month b4 i gt married i was feeling very very lousy.. i wanted very much to b a run away bride but becos my timid character n my parents pressure... i keep the plan to myself...
my this new colloegues then came into the pic...
he was a very confident n cute guy.. he brought a lot of laughter to my life...but still i jus regards him as a good friend
the day b4 i gt married i was feeling soooooooo lousy ..
i dun wan this guy to b my husband..
i always hv a very beautiful pic of marriage life.. i thnk a lady should married to some1 she love but nw.. this guy im going to married to is not really the 1 i love...
i muster up enuf courage n went to look for the ex i truely love... i told him hw i feel..
i was wishing he would say he love me.. if he said that.. im willing to b a run away bribe.. even ni will b accuse to b a wanton woman ... but i dun care....
still b4 4 hrs of my marriage this guy still never say anything..
in the end i gave up...
i went home i told myself since the 1 i love most is nt going to married me . well then whom i going to married will never make any difference...
b4 i reach home.. that new collegues of mine.., A called me n comfort me.. i really appreciate his concern... but was too grieve to thanks him..
the next morning wif a num heart i carry out the wedding ...
after my husband put the ring into my finger i burst out in tears..........................................
A pat my shoulder.. n gave me a very concern look.. i tell him im ok..
but to my horror.. A utter the word " i love you " to my ear..
i was stunned..
i wrap up the whole wedding feeling confuse..
that nite my hubby was drunk... n cant do anything funny.. n phew i feel so relieve....

You married for the wrong reasons and because you made your first mistake - the following decisions were ran on wrong tracks.
In the past, your heart only had one person, until your ex-bf of 8 years left you. You panic and your emotional structure collapse violently, leaving you nothing but a piece of wasteland. Even if wasn't stated, I am pretty sure that this 8-years relationship was a very difficult one. By love itself, it wasn't substantial - many other factors shaped and affected your attitude towards love.
When you hit the lowest stage of your life; someone came and you immediately cling onto him to salvage whatever fatal damage done to you. From there, you pick yourself up and at the same time, gain a relationship.

Your outlook on love and relationship seriously need to revise and re-package if you wished to achieve fulfillment from it.
Parental pressure? Condo? These are crap reasons for you to accept marriage. Love doesn't run like a school - doesn't mean if you date for 4 years means you will be married eventually and everything else (in consideration of age, etc). You could be dating for 8 years and this man doesn't end up with you - So what's the big deal with 4 years? Nothing in fact.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT and end up trying to employ the same psychological method to get out of your mess - the clingy style, which saved you previously. Its real strange and ironic that
you are willing to contact your ex and be a runaway bride, than to stand like a rock and reject this marriage proposal, which is much easier. 

Your attitude towards love bends on making you suffer and adopt the destructive habit of avoidance.
Ah ha! Your colleague came into the picture and he is able to satisfy this emptiness cum dis-satisfaction in you. He is your 'savior' and the entire cycle repeats itself - you start to cling onto him and repeated your own history.
You think your colleague loves you? This is highly questionable and his character is getting dubious, considering he saw through your days of getting married and now accepting an affair with you. This affairs
WILL be a sexual one and now at the back of your head, you are wondering if he would be a good choice and not something like your current husband again.

You are playing with fire and would be burn to certain death eventually. I can see the root of problem lies with you and it will take more than just a post to let you understand or change your fate.
P.S: Are you a pisces? (Scorpio or Cancer?)

Cheers